THE WEST WING
"H. CON - 172"
STORY BY: ELI ATTIE
TELEPLAY BY: AARON SORKIN
DIRECTED BY: VINCENT MISIANO
TEASER
FADE IN: INT. AN ELEGANT HALLWAY - NIGHT
A wonderful array of sculptures and portraits, as well as bright lights, give life to
this equally elegant and spacious hallway. As the camera pans, Leo and Jordan come out
of the elevator. We follow them, as they look straight ahead and walk to reach their
destination. They pass by us, but the camera stops to focus on a nice portrait of
President Andrew Jackson. From behind Jordan and Leo, we see where they're headed:
the only door at the end of the hall.
RAYBURN HOUSE OFFICE BUILDING
10:45 P.M.
Three POLICEMEN are guarding the door. Without saying a word, one of them opens the
door for Jordan and Leo.
CUT TO: INT. INSIDE THE ROOM - CONTINUOUS
Two men have been waiting for Jordan and Leo as they come in. One is Cliff. The other,
an unfamiliar counsel. The table in the middle of the room is set up for the four of
them. Jordan and Leo approach.
CLIFF
Good evening.
JORDAN
Good evening.
LEO
Good evening.
JORDAN
What are the police doing outside?
CLIFF
The door?
JORDAN
Yeah.
CLIFF
That's the Capitol Police.
JORDAN
I know. What are they doing out there?
CLIFF
Well, I didn't ask for them.
JORDAN
Who did?
CLIFF
Would you prefer they went away?
JORDAN
If you're gonna put a deal on the table, I'd prefer there not be armed guards outside
the door to intimidate him.
LEO
I'm not that easily intimidated.
JORDAN
I am.
CLIFF
The Chairman put them there to insure our privacy.
JORDAN
Tell them to wait at the end of the hall.
Cliff turns to the man beside him.
CLIFF
Counsel?
The counsel nods. Cliff heads for the door. The rest of them get settled in their chairs.
Cliff opens the door and talks to a policeman outside.
CLIFF
Excuse me...
After a moment, Cliff closes the door and comes back to the table.
CLIFF
They've stepped to the other side of the hall.
JORDAN
Cliff?
CLIFF
What? Do you want me to overpower them, Jordan?
LEO
I don't care if the police are out there. Can somebody speak?
CLIFF
Yeah. Mr. McGarry, this entire conversation's off the record. You'll see nobody's
taking it down.
LEO
You mean, what you're about to say or the five minutes we just did on the Capitol Police?
CLIFF
The whole thing.
LEO
Okay.
CLIFF
Congressman Gibson.
LEO
Yeah.
CLIFF
You know where his testimony was about to go?
LEO
Yes.
CLIFF
And where it'll pick up once the hearings convene again.
LEO
Yes.
CLIFF
We're willing to end the hearings right now.
JORDAN
And his testimony?
CLIFF
His testimony, the First Lady's, the balance of the witness list, the hearings.
We're willing to end them right now.
JORDAN
In exchange for?
CLIFF
A joint resolution. H.R. 172.
JORDAN
Censure.
CLIFF
Yeah. A resolution condemning the President for lying to...
LEO
He didn't lie.
JORDAN
Leo...
CLIFF
...condemning the President for lying to the American people.
LEO
Look, I'm not...
CLIFF
The White House can't object. In fact, it has to welcome the resolution, and let any
Democrat who wants to vote in favor of it.
LEO
You keep saying the White House, but you mean the President.
CLIFF
Yeah.
LEO
Why aren't you talking to the President?
CLIFF
We think if the suggestion comes from you, it'll carry more weight than if the suggestion
comes from the Chairman or the Speaker.
LEO
Yeah?
CLIFF
Yes, sir.
LEO
Okay. Well... I'll just call the President and suggest to him that he allow a huge
bipartisan vote on the floor of the U.S. House of Representatives calling him a liar,
and that he welcome the result. Then, I'm gonna flap my wings and fly to Neverland.
JORDAN
Leo...
LEO
You think I am so desperate to roll my ass, I'm gonna roll over on Jed Bartlet?
CLIFF
I don't think it's a matter of...
LEO
[firmly] I take a bullet for the President. He doesn't take one for me. [beat]
Is that all you got?
CLIFF
Yeah.
LEO
Good night.
Leo gets up, takes his coat, and walks out of the room.
JORDAN
[to Cliff] Can you give me some time?
CLIFF
[with index finger raised] One day.
CUT TO: OUTSIDE THE ROOM - CONTINUOUS
Leo walks past the two policemen on both sides of the hallway.
SMASH CUT TO: MAIN TITLES.
END TEASER
* * *
ACT ONE
FADE IN: INT. THE ROOSEVELT ROOM - DAY
SAM
All right, I've got copies.
JOSH
Have you read it?
SAM
Bits and pieces.
JOSH
How is it?
SAM
I'm going to set up a war room downstairs.
JOSH
It's serious?
SAM
Yeah.
JOSH
I'm up!
SAM
All right... this is "The Camera Doesn't Lie: What I Saw at the Bartlett White House"
by Ron Burkhalt.
C.J.
Have you read it?
SAM
Bits and pieces.
C.J.
How is it?
SAM
I'm setting up a war room downstairs.
C.J.
It's serious?
SAM
How many times do you think we're going to have to do this?
C.J.
I'm up.
SAM
We're each taking a couple of chapters.This is just based on what, Ginger?
GINGER
Going through the index.
SAM
So, presumably the chapters you've been assigned are about you. If not, trade with
somebody. What we're doing is making note of anything big or small that's wrong.
Anything I can use to attack credibility.
ED
Okay, well right away I see one.
SAM
What?
LARRY
I'm Larry, he's Ed.
C.J.
I usually don't know that.
JOSH
Sam?
SAM
Yeah.
JOSH
Are we taking this a little too seriously?
SAM
No.
JOSH
He was a White House photographer. He was fired. My recollection is that he was a buffoon.
SAM
He was a buffoon, which has always stopped the American public, to say nothing of the
press, from taking something seriously.
JOSH
So what are you saying?
SAM
The book's in stores in three weeks. In a week, the press will have excerpts. That's
how much time I have to turn this guy into a punch line.
LARRY
"Bartlet was playing a round of golf with Toby Ziegler, the prickly, mumbling
Communications Director whose inner, bitter darkness spelled the breakup of the one
marriage we know about."
C.J.
It was miniature golf, wasn't it?
TOBY
Yeah. Sam, got anything else?
SAM
No. Thank you.
INT. HALLWAY - CONTINUOUS
JOSH
Toby?
TOBY
Yeah.
JOSH
Listen. You know Amy Gardner, right?
TOBY
Women's Leadership Coalition.
JOSH
Yeah.
TOBY
Yeah.
JOSH
I've know her for a while, actually. She went out with my roommate in college.
TOBY
Huh.
JOSH
I saw her a couple of weeks ago about some language in the Vienna Treaty.
TOBY
I remember.
JOSH
Mrs.Bartlet sent me there.
TOBY
Yeah.
JOSH
I don't know, she changed her hair or something. Something's going on.
TOBY
What do you need?
INT. TOBY'S OFFICE - CONTINUOUS
JOSH
Well, I'm a straight shooter. I think my record's pretty clear on that.
TOBY
Yeah.
JOSH
I'd like to see her again.
TOBY
Call her.
JOSH
And ask her out?
TOBY
Yeah.
JOSH
No, no. 'Cause there's a potential she says no and then I have to move someplace where
it'll never be spoken of again.
TOBY
Yeah.
JOSH
I need to come in under the cover of business.
TOBY
'Cause you're a straight shooter.
JOSH
Yeah. I need a point of friction. An issue where the feministas and the White House
disagree. That way, I can go to, her break the bad news, stand tough, smooth it over
and then, you know, I take it from there.
TOBY
How about the word "feministas"?
JOSH
Nah. Come on, you've been doing outreach to the women's groups on the State of the
Union-- where are we?
TOBY
They're happy.
JOSH
Very happy?
TOBY
Yeah.
JOSH
With the surplus projections changing?
TOBY
Women are getting a decent break.
JOSH
Damn-- where the hell are the pro-lifers when you need them?
TOBY
Sons of bitches, don't they know you're trying to get...
JOSH
Hey, this is not that. She's got... I really... I'm... bewitched. I'm ensorcelled.
There's got to be some way we're screwing them over.
TOBY
There's an anti-family planning amendment on Raleigh's foreign ops supplemental...
JOSH
We killed it in Committee.
TOBY
Pay Equity Act?
JOSH
They're the ones who want to wait.
TOBY
Breast cancer screenings through Medicare?
JOSH
Fully funded. Head Start's okay. What about paid family leave?
TOBY
They know it's a dream they don't want us to waste the capital.
JOSH
We can't just compromise like that.
TOBY
They want us to compromise, like that.
JOSH
They should be outraged.
TOBY
They're not, they just want a study
funded.
JOSH
How much we putting towards the study?
TOBY
Almost everything they asked for.
JOSH
Almost?
TOBY
They wanted $21 million, they're getting $20.5.
JOSH
Well, that's practically an insult.
TOBY
Yeah.
JOSH
Okay. Paid family leave, there it is.
TOBY
Yeah, I'd go with paid family leave.
JOSH
Paid family leave. There it is. Okay.
TOBY
Hey.
JOSH
Yeah.
INT. HALLWAY - CONTINUOUS
TOBY
Listen. Come here. You're inside, right?
JOSH
On what? Leo?
TOBY
You were nervous when he took the stand before the break. So was the President. Then
they called the recess. I don't know what was going on - that's okay, that's the way
somebody wants it. But you're inside, right?
JOSH
Yeah.
TOBY
Good. If it's something Communications is going to have to work with...
JOSH
The lawyers are talking about it.
TOBY
When I have to know I will.
JOSH
Yeah.
TOBY
Okay. Paid family leave.
INT. OVAL OFFICE ANTEROOM - DAY
BARTLET
Charlie.
CHARLIE
Good morning.
BARTLET
How was your weekend?
CHARLIE
It was good, sir.
BARTLET
What'd you do?
CHARLIE
I was here most of the time with you, sir.
BARTLET
Time well spent.
CHARLIE
Yeah
BARTLET
Weren't you going to a flea market?
CHARLIE
Yeah, I picked something up for you.
BARTLET
You didn't have to do that.
CHARLIE
Yeah? It's a map of the Holy Land that was drawn in 1709. It's titled "Canaan, Palestine,
or the Holy Land."
BARTLET
Nice sucking up.
CHARLIE
Thank you, sir.
BARTLET
Look at these topographical details. Seriously, I'm going to have this framed, this is great.
CHARLIE
If you leave it here, I'll send it out.
BARTLET
No, I'm going to play with it some more.
LEO
Good morning.
BARTLET
Look at this map. 1709. The Dead Sea, Jordan River, Mount Sinai.
LEO
That's beautiful.
BARTLET
You want to come inside?
LEO
Yeah.
BARTLET
Thanks again, Charlie.
INT. OVAL OFFICE - CONTINUOUS
BARTLET
How'd it go?
LEO
Last night?
BARTLET
Yeah.
LEO
It was nothing.
BARTLET
What did they offer?
LEO
Nothing.
BARTLET
They didn't offer nothing.
LEO
It was a non-starter, don't worry about it.
BARTLET
Censure?
LEO
Yeah. Anyway, I'm going to go to a budget meeting where the OMB and treasury are going
to recommend we drop the child poverty fund from the State of the Union.
BARTLET
Well, I get it but see what you can do about it, okay?
LEO
Yeah, anything else?
BARTLET
No, I've got a security briefing downstairs.
LEO
Thank you, Mr. President.
INT. LEO'S OFFICE - CONTINUOUS
JORDAN
Hi. Remember me?
LEO
Margaret!
JORDAN
I was the one with you last night when you went to the meeting.
LEO
Yes.
JORDAN
When you left the meeting I was not with you.
MARGARET
Yes?
LEO
Is it just an open house in here?
MARGARET
The whole system's gotten out of hand.
LEO
Yeah.
JORDAN
You left without me.
LEO
Well, if you're going to make a strong exit, you really can't wait for someone to get
their purse together.
JORDAN
How long does it take to get a purse together?
LEO
A question I've been asking my entire adult life.
JORDAN
It's a non-binding resolution. Do you know what that means?
LEO
No, could you tell me, 'cause I've really started to take an interest in government lately.
JORDAN
Do you know how much force and effect it has?
LEO
Jordan...
JORDAN
None. No force and effect. The following is a sampling of non-binding joint resolutions
from the 106th Congress.
LEO
I have a meeting.
JORDAN
A resolution in support of Ohio's state motto. A resolution fostering friendship and
cooperation with the people of Mongolia.
LEO
I have a meeting.
JORDAN
A resolution recognizing the contributions of Bristol, Tennese, to the development of
country music.
LEO
I'm sorry, I have a budget meeting.
JORDAN
A resolution in support of Little League baseball.
LEO
Jordan...
JORDAN
A resolution recogniz...
LEO
This isn't that! This is 535 Congressmen and Senators standing up and saying the
President lied and should be ashamed of himself. And this is us standing up and saying
you're right. This would be the first time in history a President has been censured.
Congress isn't talk radio. It's the seat of democracy, their opinion matters and their
condemnation doesn't have to come with handcuffs to be devastating to this President.
That is the force and effect and it's not going to happen because of me. I have a
budget meeting, Jordan.
INT. WHITE HOUSE MESS - DAY
SAM
Hey.
TOBY
Hey.
SAM
Listen.
TOBY
eah.
SAM
How's it going with the thing?
TOBY
My chapters?
SAM
Yeah.
TOBY
I'm done.
SAM
And?
TOBY
I'm fine with it.
SAM
What do you mean?
TOBY
I'm fine with it.
SAM
You're saying it's all true?
TOBY
No. Hardly any of it's true.
SAM
Then it's not true.
TOBY
Well, my name is Toby Ziegler and I'm the Communications Director though there's a typo
in "communications" at one point. Perhaps...
SAM
Perhaps...
TOBY
Perhaps I mumble from time to time but prickly? I do not think so. Nonetheless, I'm fine
with it.
SAM
Toby, no kidding, I need a fact/fiction paper.
TOBY
I'd really rather not have one over my signature.
SAM
There's a ticking clock. It has to get discredited before it's real.
TOBY
I remember this guy as a not very talented not very pleasant malcontent who wasn't here
very long. Am I remembering the right guy?
SAM
Yeah.
TOBY
Yeah, well, I don't want him to know I remember him at all.
SAM
That's nice. Now if we can only get 200 million other people to think that way.
TOBY
Yeah, I...
SAM
Conventional wisdom in Washington is like concrete-- it hardens. There's nothing you can
do about it. So, let's...
TOBY
Is there anything in particular?
SAM
In your chapters?
TOBY
Yeah.
SAM
It says you and I were sent out of the Oval Office to write an introduction for a Teacher
of the Year ceremony while others stayed for a serious discussion on Latin America.
We weren't sent out of the room. We left voluntarily to work on a major education address
instead of waiting another ten minutes while White House operators kept trying to connect
the President with the President of Equador who was only calling to complain one more
time about how we resolved the banana crisis. We weren't sent out of the room. Will you
put that down in a memo?
TOBY
Yeah.
INT. OVAL OFFICE ANTEROOM - DAY
CHARLIE
He's going to be ready for you in just a minute.
TOBY
Okay. On Carol's birthday, did you happen to attend a seance where they tried to contact
Margaret's grandmother? No, right?
The phone rings.
CHARLIE
Yes, sir. You can go on in.
TOBY
Thanks.
BARTLET
Hey.
BARTLET
Good afternoon, Mr. President.
BARTLET
There seems to be a growing consensus that no one's going to believe I'm serious about
paying down a trillion dollars of the debt when I'm willing to spend $200 billion on
the child poverty fund.
TOBY
I agree with the growing consensus.
BARTLET
I'm not saying we're not going to do it. We're just going to find a different way of
saying we're going to do it.
TOBY
We're on it.
BARTLET
Anything else?
ALL
Thank you, Mr. President.
BARTLET
Thank you. What's going on?
TOBY
Well, I guess you should know we have galleys of a book that's coming out in a few weeks.
A kiss-and-tell by a photographer who worked for me for about a half hour.
BARTLET
Fiction or nonfiction?
TOBY
Science fiction, really.
BARTLET
What else?
TOBY
Everything else is the State of the Union.
BARTLET
All right. Hey, you want to see something? Charlie gave this to me. It's a map of the
Holy Land, drawn in 1709. He got at a flea market. It's hand-colored, copper engraved.
I was going to put it in the outer office.
TOBY
This outer office?
BARTLET
Yeah.
TOBY
No.
BARTLET
Why?
TOBY
Why?
BARTLET
Yeah.
TOBY
'Cause some people are going to find it offensive.
BARTLET
Why?
TOBY
It doesn't recognize Israel.
BARTLET
It was drawn in 1709.
TOBY
Yeah.
BARTLET
There was no Israel.
TOBY
Right.
BARTLET
Israel wouldn't happen for another 250 years.
TOBY
Yeah.
BARTLET
So, what's the problem with the map?
TOBY
Some people are going to find it offensive.
BARTLET
Why?
TOBY
It doesn't recognize Israel.
BARTLET
Take lunch, would you?
TOBY
Hey, your favorite movie was on TV last night.
BARTLET
"By God, I'm 50, alive, and the King all at the same time."
TOBY
I turned it on just as they got to the scene when Richard, Geoffrey and John were
locked in the dungeon and Henry was coming down to execute them. Richard tells his
brothers not to cower but to take it like men. And Geoffrey says, "You fool! "As if
it matters how a man falls down." And Richard says...
BOTH
"When the fall is all that's left...
BARTLET
...it matters a great deal."
TOBY
It matters a great deal.
BARTLET
Are you trying to tell me something?
TOBY
No, Mr. President, of course not.
BARTLET
Okay.
TOBY
Thank you, sir.
INT. JOSH'S BULLPEN, NIGHT
DONNA
Josh Lyman's office. Hi, Amy, it's Donna Moss.
JOSH
I'll take it. I'll take it. That's for me.
DONNA
Yeah, I'm not sure if he's in, Amy. Let me check.
JOSH
[whispering ] Press hold, and I will pick up the phone in my office.
DONNA
I'm sorry, how does a telephone work again?
There is a loud thud.
DONNA
Hang on just a second, Amy.
INT. JOSH'S OFFICE - CONTINUOUS
JOSH
Amy.
AMY
[breathlessly] Hey, J.
JOSH
How you doing?
AMY
Good. And you?
JOSH
Good.
AMY
My office said you called.
JOSH
Are you wrestling with someone right now? You in the middle of a match or something?
AMY
I'm at the gym.
JOSH
You spend a lot of time at the gym.
AMY
Compared to whom?
JOSH
[chuckling ] Compared to me.
AMY
Ah!
JOSH
Listen, uh, we need to talk about something.
AMY
What's that? Josh?
JOSH
Paid family leave. Sorry, there was a dog in here for a second.
AMY
A dog?
JOSH
A nice one. It was... uhkay.
AMY
So, what about paid family leave?
JOSH
Well, I-I'd like to talk about this in person. Any chance we could get together?
AMY
Sure.
JOSH
Can you have a late dinner tonight?
AMY
Yes.
JOSH
As late as you like.
AMY
Great. I have a date but I should be able to meet you by 11:00.
JOSH
Well, I don't want to bust up your date or anything.
AMY
No. We're going to the ballet. I can meet you at 11:00. How's the Ritz-Carlton?
JOSH
Uh, 11:00.
AMY
See you then.
INT. MARGARET'S OFFICE - DAY
LEO
Anything?
MARGARET
Phone messages.
LEO
Thank you.
MARGARET
I'm moving the 4:00 with Treasury.
LEO
Okay.
MARGARET
They upped the prediction to 18 inches by morning. And Jordan Kendall's still in your
office.
INT. LEO'S OFFICE - CONTINUOUS
JORDAN
A resolution recognizing the important contributions of Americans of Austrian descent.
LEO
Margaret?
JORDAN
I'm sorry. Was our meeting over?
MARGARET [walks in]
Yes?
LEO
Close the door. [Margaret leaves and closes door behind herself]
JORDAN
A resolution remembering the life of George Washington 'cause there was a chance we
were going to forget who he was.
LEO
Look...
JORDAN
"What's that tall thing at the end of the mall?" "I don't know. A monument to somebody."
Where are we again?
LEO
Jordan... No. The opinion of Congress matters? Yes. And they're rattling it off every
day on television.
LEO
It's not the opinion..
JORDAN
Your reputation is saved...
LEO
My reputation isn't...
JORDAN
He put... he put you on the hot seat.
LEO
This is not your thing. It is my thing and I'm sorry, but I can't allow you to talk
like that in here.
JORDAN
I wasn't seeking your permission.
LEO
You need to get... You need to get that I am the White House Chief of Staff.
JORDAN
And how much longer do you think you're going to be able to keep that job if you tell
the story they're going to make you tell?! Play the tape through to the end, Leo.
LEO
It's not my decision.
JORDAN
I think it is. In fact, I know it.And you know it, too. I have a meeting.
INT. DONNA'S DESK - NIGHT
DONNA
What are you still doing here?
CAROL
C.J.'s here.
DONNA
The book?
CAROL
Yeah.
DONNA
You know if it started snowing yet?
CAROL
It hasn't.
DONNA
How is it supposed to be 18 inches by the morning if it hasn't started yet?
CAROL
Accumulates by a magnitude, does a thing, I don't know.
DONNA
Okay. Josh?
JOSH
Yeah?
DONNA
You wanted me to tell you when it's 10:45.
JOSH
See ya.
DONNA
I'll get home fine.
JOSH
What's the problem?
DONNA
It's not fit for man nor beast out there.
JOSH
Has it started snowing yet?
DONNA
It accumulates by a magnitude.
The phone rings.
JOSH
See you.
DONNA
You want this?
JOSH
No.
DONNA
Josh Lyman's office.
CLIFF [filtered]
Donna?
DONNA
Yeah.
CLIFF [filtered]
It's Cliff.
DONNA
Yeah.
CLIFF
I need to meet with you for a minute and I need for nobody else to know it's happening.
Can you meet me right now?
DONNA [filtered]
Why?
CLIFF
Look, it's not social.
DONNA
No way. I can't.
CLIFF
There's nothing wrong with it. It's not against the law.
DONNA
How do I know?
CLIFF [filtered]
I'm a lawyer.
DONNA
You're not my lawyer.
CLIFF
Look, I'm going to be at the Georgetown Law Library in 20 minutes. I'll be in the
Federal Case Law section.
DONNA
Cliff, I'm a senior assistant. This is way over my head, and it doesn't feel right.
I can't go Deep Throating in the middle... Cliff? Are you there?
INT. OVAL OFFICE - NIGHT
CHARLIE
Sir?
BARTLET
Yeah?
CHARLIE
C.J.
BARTLET
Thanks.
C.J.
Good evening, Mr. President.
BARTLET
Hey, C.J.
C.J.
You're working late.
BARTLET
You, too. What's up?
C.J.
Well, this might sound ridiculous.
BARTLET
Let's lay odds.
C.J.
You know we're trying to vett this book.
BARTLET
I've heard about the book.
C.J.
So...
BARTLET
Yes?
C.J.
"It is well known in the Bartlet White House that after having two daughters Jed
Bartlet wanted a son and sought advice from the book 'How to Choose the Sex of Your
Baby' by Dr. Landrum B. Shettles. The book recommends that the father-to-be avoid
jockey shorts, jock straps and other tight-fitting clothes."
BARTLET
Yeah?
C.J.
So, I can put you down for a "no?"
BARTLET
When you're going to be a father you're rooting for ten fingers and ten toes, and
that's it.
C.J.
Thank you, Mr. President.
BARTLET
Wait. I want to show you this great map Charlie found.
C.J.
Sir, I know about it. You can't put it up in the West Wing.
BARTLET
C.J.?!
C.J.
It doesn't recognize Israel.
BARTLET
There was no Israel in 1709.
C.J.
That's right.
BARTLET
So, it's not on the map.
C.J.
Which is what some people are going to find offensive.
BARTLET
That's ridiculous.
C.J.
You know what would be great?
BARTLET
If I put it someplace else?
C.J.
Yes.
BARTLET
Leo has--in what used to be his house when he was married--a map of the United States.
The first third of it is the 13 original colonies. The second third of it is the French
territory of Louisiana. And the third third is Mexico. In this map of the United States,
there is not a single state. That's because when this map was made there was no United
States.
CHARLIE knocks and enters.
BARTLET
I am the President of the United States and I'm not offended by it.
C.J.
Well, you're bigger than ten men, sir. What do you say we put it out of the way?
BARTLET
I'm having it enlarged and bolting it to the hood of my limo. They don't want us to
put up our map, Charlie. They're philistines in the fight for freedom but that doesn't
bother us, does it?
CHARLIE
Huh?
BARTLET
Never mind.
C.J.
It's not like I'm agreeing with the people who are going to be offended. It's just
that you're asking for a whole lot of pain, in exchange for which you get nothing
but an old map.
BARTLET
That's the key. An old map. An old map. Spin that.
C.J.
See, now you got me out there spinning things.
BARTLET
Anything else?
C.J.
You didn't have special underwear, right?
BARTLET
Thank you.
C.J.
Thank you, Mr. President.
INT. GEORGETOWN LAW LIBRARY - NIGHT
CLIFF
Donna.
DONNA
What's going on?
CLIFF
Thanks for coming.
DONNA
What's going on?
CLIFF
I need you to set up a meeting for me and Josh. A phone conversation will be fine,
but I need it to happen right away.
DONNA
Is this why your office has been calling all day?
CLIFF
We wouldn't be here right now if you'd returned the call.
DONNA
I return the calls Josh tells me to.
CLIFF
I need the conversation.
DONNA
Why?
CLIFF
I can't say why.
DONNA
I can't. I can't tell Josh I spoke to
you.
CLIFF
There's no jeopardy here.
DONNA
I'd be going behind the backs of the Counsel's Office, Legislative Affairs...
CLIFF
I'm trying to help Leo McGarry.
DONNA
Since when are you in the business of helping Leo McGarry? You're the one who had the
recess called. Before the Christmas break. You're the reason they adjourned.
CLIFF
I'm not.
DONNA
You had the recess called.
CLIFF
It was the Chairman.
DONNA
You got him to do it. Something was about to happen, and a recess was called and Josh
was relieved. What was about to happen?
CLIFF
I can't tell you that.
DONNA
It was you.
CLIFF
I need to talk to Josh.
DONNA
I'm leaving now. Wait by your phone.
INT. RITZ-CARLTON BAR - NIGHT
JOSH
[to WOMAN as he passes] Hey, Kim. How are you? [to AMY] Hello.
AMY
Hi.
JOSH
How was the ballet?
AMY
It was wonderful.
JOSH
Which one was it?
AMY
Do you know ballet?
JOSH
I know The Nutcracker although I've never been.
AMY
There are others.
JOSH
But I should start with The Nutcracker, right?
AMY
You don't like the ballet.
JOSH
No.
AMY
And you've reached that conclusion without ever having been to one.
JOSH
Well, I've never been to Bosnia either, Amy, and I don't think I'm going to go.
AMY
You don't mind sending Marines though, do you?
JOSH
Not a bit.
WAITRESS
Hey, can I get you something?
JOSH
Uh, Absolut martini on the rocks. Two olives, please.
AMY
What do you want, J?
JOSH
I'm sorry?
AMY
What did you want to talk to me about?
JOSH
Paid family leave.
AMY
What about it?
JOSH
It's not going to happen.
AMY
I know.
JOSH
At least not this year.
AMY
I know.
JOSH
I mean, we can't even go for it.
AMY
We asked you not to go for it.
JOSH
We can't.
AMY
osh, our lobbyists sat with Legislative Affairs and everybody decided it would cost
too much in political capital.
JOSH
Who was the date?
AMY
Excuse me?
JOSH
At the ballet?
AMY
A guy I've been seeing.
JOSH
And he likes the ballet?
AMY
He likes me.
JOSH
I think he likes the ballet.
AMY
What the hell is that supposed to mean?
JOSH
Thank you. Thank you for the extra olive.
WAITRESS
Sure.
AMY
"Sure." That's your type, isn't it?
JOSH
Won't catch her at the ballet.
AMY
Or in a library either.
JOSH
She seemed smart to me.
AMY
What do you want?
JOSH
How can you be blase about this?
AMY
About what?
JOSH
The United States is one of only six other countries out of 152 that has no national
policy regarding paid maternal leave.
AMY
Neither does Papua New Guinea, so we're fine.
JOSH
Really?
AMY
What are you talking to me for? Get it for us.
JOSH
Can't do it.
AMY
I know.
JOSH
But money has been put aside for a study.
AMY
And that's great.
JOSH
The thing is...and here's the bad news.
AMY
Yeah?
JOSH
You guys wanted $21 million?
AMY
Yeah?
JOSH
It's going to be $20 million 500,000. You want to take my head off, go ahead.
AMY
What the hell's going on?
JOSH
Things are tight all over.
AMY
Is it possible that you are so addled that you've constructed some nonsense problem so
that you'd have an excuse to see me?
JOSH
I mean, i-is it possible? I suppose you can say...
AMY
I don't believe you.
JOSH
Hey, you threw a water balloon at me.
AMY
And?
JOSH
I don't know, I was just throwing that out there.
AMY
Look...
JOSH
Like there's not a reason you're here right now?
AMY
I'm here because I thought there was a problem.
JOSH
All I know is you're here, I'm here and Nijinsky's home watching Leno.
AMY
Oh, by all means, make fun of my boyfriend seeing as how you've never met him.
JOSH
Your boyfriend?
AMY
Why can't you pick up a phone and say, "Would you like to go out sometime?" Why?
Look... I'll tell you why.
JOSH
Do you need me in this conversation or are you okay by yourself?
AMY
Because this is what you like, this. Not anything else. This is the fun part.
JOSH
That's not true.
AMY
Yes, it is. We're not in the dorm anymore. I get paid a lot of money to do an important
job and I'm not into getting diddled around by guys like you.
JOSH
Okay, that's like the fifth time you've said "guys like you."
AMY
It is not.
JOSH
It's the second time.
AMY
Fine.
JOSH
What's with guys like me?
AMY
If this thing went five minutes longer than you wanted it to go you'd run for the hills.
You're "Hit-and-Run Josh."
JOSH
That's not true. [phone ringing] Excuse me. Hello. Donna, I'm kind of in the middle of
something. What were you doing talking to...? Okay, tell him yeah. I have to go.
AMY
Yes, indeed.
JOSH
I'm sorry. I-I can't explain. [clears throat] I have to go.
INT. OVAL OFFICE - NIGHT
CHARLIE
Mr. President? Can you see Sam?
BARTLET
Sure.
SAM
Good evening, sir.
BARTLET
Everybody's working late.
SAM
I live here in January.
BARTLET
How's it going?
SAM
It's going well, I think. But I don't know. Who knows at this point?
BARTLET
The early drafts look good.
SAM
Thank you, but, actually, I didn't come in to talk about the State of the Union.
There's going to be a book coming out in about three weeks.
BARTLET
I heard. Look, I'm really not going to talk to you about my underwear.
SAM
That's... disappointing, Mr. President. But I wanted to ask you... the guy claims
that while you don't poll on matters of foreign policy that at the first formal
meeting of the Joint Chiefs you upbraided them for bloated Pentagon spending and
told them 73% of the public was with you on it. I don't remember any such poll being
done, do you?
BARTLET
No, but I guess that doesn't mean it wasn't.
SAM
Do you remember saying that at the first meeting with the Joint Chiefs?
BARTLET
I don't.
SAM
Could you have said anything like it?
BARTLET
I don't even remember the meeting.
SAM
Okay. Thank you, sir.
BARTLET
Why does it matter?
SAM
Excuse me?
BARTLET
I said, "Why does it matter?"
SAM
Well, 'cause I don't think it's such a good idea to be casual about the truth.
BARTLET
Neither do I.
SAM
Thank you, sir.
INT. WHITE HOUSE MESS - NIGHT
JOSH
Leo?
LEO
Yeah.
JOSH
What are you doing down here?
LEO
Change of scenery. What are you doing?
JOSH
Well, I'd like to talk to you about the deal they're offering.
LEO
Please, keep your voice down.
JOSH
There's nobody here, and my voice is down.
LEO
Who have you been talking to?
JOSH
Cliff Calley.
LEO
How did you get hooked up with Calley?
JOSH
Doesn't matter.
LEO
It does matter.
JOSH
I'm not pushing you, okay? I just want to hear your reasons.
LEO
What are your reasons?
JOSH
Gets it over and done instead of dragging it through the primary season. Moreover,
you don't take the stand on Monday.
LEO
It's ridiculous to think that this would end it. All it means is that we go down in
history.
JOSH
It's a press release.
LEO
When the British Ambassador told the German Foreign Minister that they were going to
war over Belgium's violation of the neutrality treaty the German Foreign Minister
said "You're going to war over a piece of paper?"
JOSH
Leo...
LEO
It is an historical judgment. Andrew Jackson knew that.
JOSH
Jackson was censured?
LEO
Over the Bank of the U.S.
JOSH
Guess what. I didn't know that.
LEO
What's your point?
JOSH
History forgets these things.
LEO
Presidents don't. They never get over it. This one won't. He'd act like it's fine,
but...he'd never get over it. So... that's my reason.
JOSH
All right.
LEO
You're going home?
JOSH
Yeah. Sure.
LEO
Have a good night.
JOSH
You, too.
INT. C.J.'S OFFICE - NIGHT
TOBY
McDeere shot 1 for 23 from the field last night. Missed his first 18 attempts. Wouldn't
you think after the first 17 misses the coach would say, "Mickey, this isn't your night"?
C.J.
You don't have work to do?
TOBY
I have a lot of work to do.
C.J.
And?
TOBY
Can't rush these things.
C.J.
No.
TOBY
1 for 23. That's exactly one better than my mother would have done. She's been dead
12 years.
SAM
[knocking] Excuse me.
C.J.
Hi.
SAM
I asked the President about that first meeting.
TOBY
Which meeting?
SAM
With the Joint Chiefs.
TOBY
What'd he say?
SAM
He didn't remember whether or not we did a poll.
TOBY
Yeah, I don't either.
SAM
Toby...
TOBY
How long ago was it?
SAM
It was... I don't know. It was, like... I don't know. It was two years ago.
TOBY
How many polls ago?
SAM
We can't sit on... I'm sorry. We can't sit on the sidelines and ignore this crap.
I'm not going to. Why am I the only one taking this seriously?
TOBY
That's a reasonable question and we should explore that for a minute.
SAM
It's not the reason you think.
TOBY
You hired the guy.
SAM
Yes, I hired the guy, but that's not... Legitimate news organizations are going to cover
this to say nothing of the people who hate us who are going to run it over, over, over,
over, over...This guy was here for three minutes and he was fired. He is not credible.
I'm a lawyer, I'm telling you. That has to be made clear. Every time he makes a factual
mistake we got to come out with a press release. Every time he misquotes or misidentifies
anyone we need to have an affidavit swearing to the truth. If there's a comma in the
wrong place he needs to be killed until he is dead and he needs to be killed again or
he is going to keep biting at our ankles and I mean all through the campaign. He needs
to be a joke, or we're going to be.
C.J.
[snapping fingers rhythmically] Boy, boy, crazy boy. Keep cool, boy...
SAM
I'm not screwing around.
C.J.
Me neither. Sit down.
SAM
I'm not going to be a victim of this.
C.J.
Let me tell you something I've learned in my years. There are victims of fires. There
are victims of car accidents. This kind of thing, there are no victims--just volunteers.
Of course we'll get in the game. I'll talk to the editors of the major papers but we're
not going to publicly refute every bogus charge. First of all, there are too many of them.
Second of all, I'm not going to give this guy and his book the weight of the White House.
As far as the press is concerned I've read the book because I had to. You have a vague
recollection of the guy but he wasn't here long enough to make a lasting impression.
Have you read the book? Of course not. You're too busy doing a job.
SAM
While you're convincing the Post and the Times that it's ridiculous...
C.J.
Sam! Once again, we don't know what's going on in the Oval Office. Obviously, there's
a problem. When it's our turn to worry about it they won't be shy about telling us.
Let's not fixate on the nuckleheaded stuff we think we can fix in the meantime. And
it feels a lot like...that's what you're doing.
SAM
Are you inside?
TOBY
Josh is. But let me ask you this. A guy shoots 1 for 23 from the field.
SAM
McDeere?
TOBY
Yeah. But he goes 8 for 8 from the foul line. My question is, why are you fouling this
guy at all? I'd just get out of the way and point him toward the basket.
SAM
Yeah.
C.J.
So we're done talking about this now.
SAM
Is there any beer?
C.J.
You two have offices.
TOBY
It's out in the refrigerator.
SAM
Hey.
C.J.
What?
SAM
It started snowing.
EXT. JOSH'S FRONT STOOP, NIGHT
AMY
You owe me a half a million dollars and a drink.
JOSH
I paid for the drinks.
AMY
All right, then 500 grand.
JOSH
What are you doing here?
AMY
I'm just hanging out. Why? Do you live here?
JOSH
I do. I'm sorry I had to leave quickly before. I still can't tell you why.
AMY
Was it a matter of national security?
JOSH
No.
AMY
Would you tell me if it was a matter of national security?
JOSH
No.
AMY
Okay. You didn't talk to me much at school.
JOSH
You were having quite a bit of sex with Chris.
AMY
There were times I wasn't.
JOSH
I studied a lot in school. I studied hard in high school and at Harvard and in law
school. My IQ doesn't break the bank, and I wanted to do this so I studied all the
time. And I missed something or it's like I skipped a year 'cause I never learned
what you do after you think you like somebody-- what you do next. And every-everybody
did learn. A lot of other people, anyway. I didn't walk out tonight. When my phone
rings at 11:00, it's important. Not important to me. Important. And I'm not puffing
myself so-so that you're...
AMY
You know what? Maybe not so much for you with the talking. [they kiss] Thanks for
the drink.
INT. OVAL OFFICE - NIGHT
BARTLET
Excuse me.
LEO
Good evening, Mr. President.
BARTLET
You want to step in for a second?
LEO
Are you up reading?
BARTLET
Yeah. No. A little bit. Mostly, I've been talking with Babish and some of the deputies.
The Chairman, Trent, the Speaker, the Minority Leader.
LEO
No.
BARTLET
Yeah, I'm going to do it.
LEO
Sir...
BARTLET
Yeah.
LEO
It doesn't get Abbey off the hook. She's still going to have to deal with the AMA.
BARTLET
Yeah.
LEO
It doesn't clear us up for the campaign. It's just a different looking stage weight
around our ankle and now it comes with the Congressional Seal. It doesn't give us any
room to argue the point. We've got two, maybe as many as three dozen House Democrats
in tight races, and you've still got MS. Doing this to save me the embarrassment I've
got coming to me is about the dumbest reason I can think...
BARTLET
There's another reason.
LEO
What?
BARTLET
I was wrong. I was. I was just...I was wrong. Come on, you know that. Lots of times we
don't know what right or wrong is but lots of times we do and come on, this is one.
I may not have had sinister intent at the outset but there were plenty of opportunities
for me to make it right. No one in government takes responsibility for anything anymore.
We foster, we obfuscate, we rationalize. "Everybody does it." That's what we say. So we
come to occupy a moral safe house where everyone's to blame so no one's guilty. I'm to
blame. I was wrong.
LEO
You're ready for a Joint Resolution.
BARTLET
As a matter of fact, it's not a Joint Resolution. The President still has to sign a
Joint Resolution so, technically, it's a Concurrent Resolution. House Concurrent
Resolution 172. The lawyers will haggle over the wording in the next few days. So,
at least I'll make history, huh?
LEO
No. I thought so, too, until I was talking to Josh. Andrew Jackson, 1834.
BARTLET
He was censured in '34. He got it expunged in '36.
LEO
Good point. It's not that cold out.
BARTLET
No. Let me ask you something. You may be the last sane voice around here.
LEO
Hang on, before I forget. That map that Charlie gave you. Make sure you don't put it
where people can see it.
BARTLET
I don't believe this.
LEO
Recognizing Israel's a pretty hot button, wouldn't you say?
BARTLET
In Lebanon. Not here. It's not like I'm thinking "God, I was going to recognize Israel,
but now that I've seen this map..." You know what? Let's just sit here quietly.
LEO
Yes, sir.
SPEAKER OF THE HOUSE [O.S.]
Would the Secretary read House Concurrent Resolution 172?
HOUSE SECRETARY [O.S.]
"Whereas, in his conduct of the Office of the President of the United States Josiah
Bartlet has engaged in a course of deceitful and dishonest conduct designed to impede
and deny the disclosure of vital matters of public concern, the United States Congress
hereby condemns him for acting in a manner contrary to his trust as President to the
great prejudice of the cause of justice and to the manifest injury of the American people."
DISSOLVE TO: END TITLES.
FADE TO BLACK.
THE END
* * *
The West Wing and all its characters are a property of Aaron Sorkin, John Wells
Production, Warner Brothers Television and NBC. No copyright infringement is intended.
Episode 3.10 -- "H. Con-172"
Original Airdate: January 9, 2002, 9:00 PM EST
Transcript by: The Vault
July 22, 2003