THE WEST WING
"ARCTIC RADAR"
TELEPLAY BY: AARON SORKIN
STORY BY: GENE SPERLING
DIRECTED BY: JOHN DAVID COLES
TEASER
FADE IN: EXT. THE WHITE HOUSE - DAY
C.J. is standing outside waiting for the presidential motorcade to arrive. Bartlet
steps out of the car.
C.J.
Good morning, sir.
BARTLET
What's up?
C.J.
You're going to hear a story.
BARTLET
Uh-huh. I am a character in this story?
They walk inside THE WEST WING.
C.J.
Well, I suppose that's up to you. A navy pilot, lieutenant commander Vickie Hilton
has been taken under arrest by the military police as being charged by the judge
advocate with having an affair with a married officer, an inferior, a lieutenant-jg.
BARTLET
I don't see being a character.
C.J.
Well, heads up anyway.
BARTLET
Thank you.
C.J. walks off. Leo meets Bartlet, and they walk.
LEO
Good morning, sir.
BARTLET
Hey.
LEO
How'd it go?
BARTLET
Could have gone better. I didn't think adultery was against the uniform code.
LEO
You're talking about Vickie Hilton?
BARTLET
Yeah. It's against military law?
LEO
No. They don't like fraternization, but her thing isn't the affair, it's failure
to follow an order.
BARTLET
They told her to stop?
LEO
Yeah.
BARTLET
What can she get?
LEO
She could go to jail for two years.
BARTLET
For failure to follow an order?
LEO
Sure.
BARTLET
We shold have that here.
Bartlet walks into the CABINET MEETING ROOM where the members of his Cabinet are
waiting for him. They stand and applaud him when he enters.
MAN
Good morning, Mr. President.
BARTLET
Good morning, Mr. Secretary, ladies and gentlemen and welcome to the final Cabinet
meeting of Bartlet one. I don't know if this is true, but a Presidential historian
told me that this was the most stable cabinet since Hoover's. Which is nice, but you
got to think, how many other jobs were really available? But here are facts. You
created over nine million new jobs, and the highest home-ownership rate on record.
More than 150 new trade agreements. You created the largest expansion of college aid
since the GI Bill. Cleaned up over 500 toxic waste dumps. And you did it all while
eliminating 16,000 pages of federal regulations. Not bad for government work. Thank you.
Bartlet leaves the room, and Leo motions Carol to show a reporter and cameraman out.
Leo and the cabinet take their seats.
LEO
I'll add my thanks, and I'll need your letters of resignation by 7:00.
SMASH CUT TO: MAIN TITLES.
END TEASER
* * *
ACT ONE
FADE IN: INT. THE PRESS BREIFING ROOM - DAY
REPORTER JOHN
C.J., there's been an acceleration of the Shehab missile tests. Is the White House
concerned?
C.J.
We are. I think all the Bahrain signatories are and we're expressing our concern
through the appropriate multilateral channels. John.
REPORTER JOHN
Can you give us a preview of the Presidents address at APEC?
C.J.
I can tell you that he's been working out some new material and that it has absolutely
been destroying on the campuses. Of course, Showtime will have their cameras at APEC
to record the whole thing for the President's one-hour special called Bartlet: In the
Thick of It.
REPORTER JOHN
So, no.
C.J.
No. I'll finish with a little housekeeping for those who don't know. In a two-term
Presidency, as a matter of courtesy, the President's cabinet resigns without being
asked, giving the President the option of hiring them or not, rather than firing
them or not. Those resignations will be submitted today. That's all. Thanks.
C.J. steps down from the podium as MITCH approaches.
REPORTER MITCH
C.J.?
C.J.
Yeah.
MITCH
Can we talk?
C.J.
Sure. About what?
MITCH
About what?
C.J.
What's wrong?
MITCH
The seats. What happened?
C.J.
Sorry, I forgot. I moved the news magazines to the fourth row.
MITCH
Yeah, I noticed. Why?
C.J.
It isn't a thing, Mitch. There are cameras in here now that are framing part of the
gallery and not just the podium and the news magazines aren't here everyday so the
camera's getting a couple of empty seats.
MITCH
We're in the front row.
C.J.
Yeah, but we're safe after row three, so I put you guys in four.
MITCH
You can't just do this. It's a slap in the face.
C.J.
Well, I certainly didn't mean it as one.
MITCH
It is.
C.J.
Mitch, I put you in the very first row I don't care about. Of the things I don't
care about, I put you right up front. I'll see you later.
CUT TO: INT. HALLWAY - CONTINUOUS
Toby meets C.J. as she walks out.
TOBY
You should amend that in a statement to say that the resignations are effective
whenever they are effective.
C.J.
I did.
TOBY
Okay.
C.J.
He's going to remember he doesn't say a word about labor without running it past of
the local AFL?
TOBY
Yeah.
C.J.
Is he?
TOBY
Yeah.
C.J.
And he's got to go door-to-door. He hasn't lived there since he was 18.
TOBY
He knows.
C.J.
Speaking of which, high school snapshots.
TOBY
He knows.
Toby walks into SAM'S OFFICE where Sam is packing his belongings.
TOBY
You're taking the Lakers banner?
SAM
Yeah.
TOBY
'Cause there's a shortage of them in Southern California? Leave it, and leave
the stapler.
SAM
It's a West Wing office. Someone's going to use it for 90 days.
TOBY
And they might need a stapler. It's ours.
SAM
Right.
TOBY
You've logged a lot of miles in the last couple of weeks.
SAM
Well, I had to go get nominated and then set up the office and then meet every member
of the California Democratic Party. Listen, there is no way I'm going to be able to
help with this, which is worse for me then it is for you, but there's never going to
be the time.
TOBY
Wasn't counting on it.
SAM
Are you going to use Michael?
TOBY
From the staff?
SAM
Yeah.
TOBY
Michael's who you use when you need brief remarks to whoever wrote the check we
couldn't turn down.
SAM
What about Jerry?
TOBY
Jerry's who you use when you can't get Michael. there's no one on the speech writing
staff who could do this. It's okay.
SAM
That's a pretty big job to do by yourself.
TOBY
You're going to remember the local AFL?
SAM
Yeah.
TOBY
You got to go door-to-door.
SAM
I know.
TOBY
You were 18 when you lived there.
SAM
You want a hug?
TOBY
Put the banner back. See you next week.
He exits. Sam grabs the banner and stuffs it in the box.
CUT TO: JOSH'S BULLPEN AREA - DAY
Josh and Donna pass by.
JOSH
There are some new people.
DONNA
Cabinet Affairs installed some temps so you'd have extra staff during the vetting period.
They enter JOSH'S OFFICE.
JOSH
Which is good.
DONNA
But?
JOSH
I'm not one to give fashion advice...
DONNA
No, you're not.
JOSH
But one of them...
DONNA
Sorry.
JOSH
...one of them is wearing a... a, uh... a Star Trek pin. Is today a special Star Trek
holiday or something?
DONNA
How the hell would I know?
JOSH
Okay, well, then would you find out? And is it's not, you know people walk through
here and it's not the most confidence-inspiring sight to see in a White House employee,
so if you could ask her to...
DONNA
It's a her?
JOSH
Yeah. Can I have my briefing memo?
Donna hands him the memo.
JOSH
Thank you.
They walk back out to JOSH'S BULLPEN AREA.
DONNA
Hang on. I'm doing you a favor, now you have to do me one.
JOSH
You're... almost there, but you're not quite getting it. When it's something you're
paid to do, that's not a favor. What do you got?
DONNA
Nancy McNally has a new military aid named Jack Reese and we've talked a few times,
and I want you to ask him if he likes me.
JOSH
Wow, I'm definately not going to do that.
DONNA
How many girls have I gotten for you?
JOSH
Aren't those basically women who've come up to you and said "Is that Josh Lyman?"
DONNA
Yes.
JOSH
And you said...?
DONNA
Yes every time.
JOSH
Well, I'll properly I.D. you for him, no problem.
DONNA
Just a little bit. All you have to do is introduce yourself and remind him in some way
that I work for you and see if he says anything.
JOSH
I can't, Potsie. Ralph and I are double-dating the Dubrusky twins.
DONNA
I am asking for something very little and you know, you know how lame I am with this.
JOSH
That's true.
DONNA
That was for the fashion.
JOSH
Yes.
They reach the NORTHWEST LOBBY, where Amy is signing in.
DONNA
You'll do it?
JOSH
[to Amy] Hey, what are you doing here?
DONNA
Hey. She's got an appointment with you right after senior staff. [to Amy] We're
running about 15 minutes behind.
AMY
At 10:00. That's, like, half hour ahead.
DONNA
I know, we're very proud.
JOSH
[to Amy] What's the meeting about?
DONNA
You'll do it?
JOSH
Yes.
Donna walks away.
JOSH
[to Amy] I know what the meeting's about.
AMY
It's about Vicky Hilton. And I'm here in no official capacity and I'm wielding nothing,
but the League of Professional Women is going to represent her, and they've asked me
if I could help get them time with the President.
They walk to the HALLWAY.
JOSH
There's no way the White House is going to get involved in it. It's a military thing.
AMY
Civilians run the military. Not only is it okay for you to get involved, you're
supposed to. It's the law.
JOSH
And the Commander-in-Chief chooses not to overrule his commanders.
AMY
He chooses to do that without hearing informed argument?
JOSH
Yes, 'cause then when he says no, I got a problem with women.
AMY
Except that my friends and I can give you a problem with women right now.
JOSH
What happened to "I came wielding nothing"?
AMY
I forgot that women just got him re-elected. Evidently, you did too.
JOSH
[mimicking] "Evidently, you did, too."
A short pause as they look at each other.
AMY
I met her last night. This is a special girl. I want to speak up for her.
JOSH
All right, we'll talk in 15 minutes.
AMY
[mimicking] "All right, we'll talk in 15 minutes."
JOSH
Shut up.
AMY
You shut up.
LEO
[storming past them] Oh, God help me somedays.
FADE OUT.
END ACT ONE
* * *
ACT TWO
FADE IN: INT. SAM'S CAMPAIGN HEADQUARTERS - DAY
Sam walks into the building and everyone stands up and applauds him.
SAM
You really don't have to do that anymore.
Will, dress in a Hawaiian shirt, walks by.
WILL
Hey.
SAM
Hey, where you going? Where'd you finally settle on?
WILL
Nice.
SAM
Excellent! I like to stay at the Hotel Beau Rivage but I think that's going to be
a little pricey for you.
WILL
Actually, I'm going to stay at the Villa Ephrussi de Rothschild at Sait-Jean-Cap-Ferrat.
It's not a hotel, I guess, quite so much as it's... well, a castle.
SAM
Yeah. This is a family connection?
WILL
Yeah.
SAM
All of Europe's a family connection for you, isn't it?
WILL
Parts of Asia.
SAM
When's the plane leave?
WILL
Three hours. So, I'm out of here. You're going to remember you still have to put the
County Clerk in the boat. You're going to remember Nina Mercer and you're going to
remember light rail.
SAM
Yeah, listen, I wouldn't ask you to postpone your vacation if it wasn't important.
WILL
When did you ask me to postpone my vacation?
SAM
Well, I'm obviously about to right now.
WILL
Okay, well, then, your shoelaces are untied and I'm hauling ass!
SAM
Toby Ziegler needs your help on a speech he's writing for the President.
WILL
You have an OEOB full of speechwriters.
SAM
Not everybody does this kind of speechwriting. And at this particular moment, not
anybody over there does this kind of speechwriting.
WILL
You're kidding.
SAM
No.
WILL
Maybe you want to do something about that.
SAM
I would, Will, but I don't work there at the moment.
WILL
I won. I'm sorry. How many times do I have to say I'm sorry?
SAM
We'll you're not done yet.
WILL
Look, it would be a privelege to help write for the President, it would be the thrill
of a lifetime but I'm just too tired to do it well. This was a really hard campaign.
A guy died from it. This campaign had fatalities. When is the President giving his
speech?
SAM
January 20th.
WILL
The President is giving two speeches on January 20th?
SAM
No, just the Inauguration.
WILL
Sure. And Toby wants me?
SAM
Yeah, 'cause of the Tillman speech. You're flying in that direction anyway, thought
you could meet in Washington and meet with Toby.
WILL
Yeah.
SAM
I'll set up the appointment.
WILL
I'll change my flight.
SAM
[handing him a note] Give this to Toby Ziegler when you get there, okay?
WILL
Yeah.
FADE TO BLACK.
TUESDAY
FADE IN: INT. PRESS BRIEFING ROOM - DAY
REPORTER
The latest talks, would you say they signal a shift by the White House away from
cantaining the greenhouse gases?
C.J.
No, I definately wouldn't. The President's fully commited to Kyoto and thinks it's
time we began adopting to the impact of greenhouse gases is all. Mark?
REPORTER MARK
Commander Vickie Hilton is quoted...
C.J.
I'm just going to stop you right there direct you to the Pentagon. Mitch.
REPORTER MITCH
C.J., I wanted to ask you about your reshuffling of the seats.
C.J.
Well, we already discussed that but if you want to talk to me more in my office...
REPORTER MITCH
You made a unilateral decision.
C.J.
Well, it's my house, Mitch. But, as a matter of fact, I consulted with the White House
Correspondent's Association.
REPORTER MITCH
I think you changed the seating because you don't like our coverage.
C.J.
Or you attitude. But that's not why I changed the seating. Thank you.
REPORTERS
Thank you, C.J.
CUT TO: INT. JOSH'S BULLPEN AREA - DAY
JOSH
[to Donna] Okay, I'm going to see Fitzwallace.
DONNA
Yeah.
JOSH
Hey, I see she's not wearing the pin anymore. Thanks.
DONNA
She's kind of worked up about it.
JOSH
Why?
DONNA
I don't know.
JOSH
All right. Hang on.
Josh walks over to where JANICE TRUMBULL is working.
JOSH
Hi. I'm Josh Lyman.
JANICE TRUMBULL
Janice Trumbull.
JOSH
Yeah, the reason why I wanted you to take off the pin is just around the White House,
you understand...
JANICE
I'm appealing your request to Stacy.
JOSH
I'm sorry?
JANICE
My supervisor is Stacy.
JOSH
Right, except Stacy works for me.
JANICE
Okay, well, you got the cards but Star Trek and the entire Starfleet series is about
honor and loyalty and civic duty and the fact that you don't think that those are
characteristics that should be displayed inside the White House is sad. But I wouldn't
expect you to understand those kinds of things. Anything else?
JOSH
No.
Josh walks away from Janice. He walks with Donna.
DONNA
See what I mean?
JOSH
Shhh, shhh, shhh.
DONNA
What?
JOSH
She is... well, one of the special people.
DONNA
Yeah.
JOSH
She's taken off the pin. We're going to let it be.
DONNA
I'm assuming you haven't talked to him yet?
JOSH
That's right. What do you think about this Vickie Hilton problem?
DONNA
I think you know what I think.
JOSH
No, I mean about whether it's right for the White House to be involved.
DONNA
That's a harder question. I've been thinking about it and...
JOSH
You've got to go faster next time. I'm here already.
DONNA
Yeah.
Josh walks into THE MURAL ROOM. Admiral Fitzwallace is reading the newspaper.
JOSH
Mr. Chairman, thank you. Hope you haven't been waiting.
FITZWALLACE
No, I never get to read the sports section anymore. I think I know what this is about.
JOSH
Yeah, there's going to be pressure from women for the President to intercede, and
I was hoping we could find a way to intercede without involving the President.
FITZWALLACE
These things are handled at the Commander's level in the Navy, and I wouldn't step in
unless it's the President's pleasure to order me.
JOSH
I understand. I guess also, the thing is she isn't just any pilot. She's like Jackie
Robinson. She's busted a lot of barriers. She's the first woman at Miramar, first
woman to fly the F-14 Tomcat, she teaches on an F-14. I guess at this point I don't
have to give you her résumé.
FITZWALLACE
No. But could you tell me more about Jackie Robinson and breaking barriers?
JOSH
Just out of curiosity, if you could step in, would you save her?
FITZWALLACE
No. I'd discharge her, dishonorably, and I'm sure that's what's going to happen.
Fitzwallace stands to leave.
JOSH
I have to tell you it just doesn't seem right to me.
FITZWALLACE
I know it doesn't.
JOSH
Admiral, you know I have all the respect in the world for you, right?
FITZWALLACE
Yes.
JOSH
And if I didn't, I'd respect the unifrom, the rank and the position anyway?
FITZWALLACE
What is it, son?
JOSH
I feel like I have to go to Leo.
FITZWALLACE
Good. That's the way it's supposed to work.
He leaves Josh in the room and closes the door.
CUT TO: INT. TOBY'S OFFICE - DAY
Toby is sitting down writing on a legal pad. He rips off the sheet of paper, lights it
on fire and throws it in the trash can. There is a knock on the door.
TOBY
Yeah.
WILL
Excuse me. They told me to knock on the door. I'm Will Bailey.
TOBY
Oh, we have an appointment, right?
WILL
Yeah.
TOBY
Come on in. Sit down.
WILL
Thanks.
TOBY
Will Bailey.
WILL
Yes.
TOBY
So, you want a job on the speechwriting staff?
WILL
I'm sorry?
TOBY
You want a job on the speechwriting staff.
WILL
No.
TOBY
I'm sorry?
WILL
I don't want a job on the speechwriting staff.
TOBY
You're Will Bailey.
WILL
Yes.
TOBY
Sam told me you wanted to see me about a job on the speech writing staff.
WILL
Well, he told me that you wanted help with the Inauguration.
TOBY
He did?
WILL
Yeah.
TOBY
Sam's doing a little matchmaking. I'm fine doing this by myself.
WILL
That's it?
TOBY
Yeah.
WILL
Okay. You're garbage can is on fire.
TOBY
[stands] Yeah, it's not personal a speech like this. Obviously it takes a certain
amount of experience and, uh...
He calmly sprays the trashcan with water from a seltzer bottle.
TOBY
...and uh, a certain something.
WILL
Just out of curiosity, how do you know I don't have the something?
TOBY
'Cause you don't have the experience.
WILL
Okay. Well, it was nice meeting you.
TOBY
You too.
At the door, Will turns around.
WILL
For the record... I was President of Cambridge Union on a Marshall Scholarship and
I've written for three Congressional races and a governor.
TOBY
I read the Stanford Club speech. I thought it was good. Not as good as other people
thought it was.
WILL
Yeah?
TOBY
Call and response isn't going to work in front of a Joint Session. You're alliteration
happy: "guardians of gridlock," "protectors of privilege." I needed an avalanche of
Advil. And when you use pop-culture references, your speech has a shelf life of twelve
minutes. You don't mind constructive criticism, do you?
WILL
No, sir.
TOBY
Anyway, thanks for coming in. I told Sam I can do this by myself.
WILL
Well, maybe he thought that your speeches were obscurantist policy tracts lost in a
cul-de-sac of their own internal self-righteousness and groaning from the weight of
statistics. I'm just speculating. I can't say for sure.
TOBY
A 500-word stanza on American leadership in a globally interdependent age that moves
beyond triumphalism by this time tomorrow. If it's 501, don't show it to me.
Toby hands Will a pad of paper. Will takes the pad and leaves. Toby sits down at his
desk, folds up another piece of paper with writing on it and lights it on fire.
FADE OUT.
END ACT TWO
* * *
ACT THREE
FADE IN: INT. HALLWAY - DAY
Charlie meets Leo walking by.
CHARLIE
You wanted to see me?
LEO
I need a favor: the President's gonna be getting a phone call and I don't want him to
take it, and I don't want him to know why.
CHARLIE
The first part is okay the second part gets ethically tricky.
They walk to LEO'S OFFICE.
LEO
The U.N. has had a decades-old conflict with New York City. Foreign diplomats will
park anywhere they want, and they get tickets.
CHARLIE
And?
LEO
Don't pay them. And that's where are action begins 'cause every once in a while the
city goes on a jihad and starts towing all their cars and that's just happened.
CHARLIE
So someone's complaining to the President?
LEO
Yes.
CHARLIE
Who?
LEO
The Secretary-General.
CHARLIE
You want me to have the President dodge a call from the UN Secretary-General and
not know why?
LEO
Yeah, could you swing that?
CHARLIE
If I could, that would be troubling, wouldn't it?
LEO
I gotta keep the knucklehead stuff off his desk, and this is worse. This is actually
hot-button knucklehead. This could be a thing. If he knows why the Secretary's calling,
he's going to lose it and he's going to be in it.
CHARLIE
Yes, sir.
LEO
What do you think about Vickie Hilton?
CHARLIE
I don't think you can reasonably ask someone to control who they fall in love with.
LEO
Thank you.
CHARLIE
Thank you.
TOBY
Hey.
CHARLIE
Hey.
Charlie exits. Toby walks by as Leo leaves his office. They walk by the HALLWAY.
TOBY
[to Leo] You wanted to see me.
LEO
I did. Because I read a set of brief remarks for the Better Housing Conferences.
TOBY
Is that something you usually read?
LEO
No.
TOBY
Why were you reading it?
LEO
Because it's not something I usually read. I noticed that the writing has a quality
that you don't usually find in remarks of this nature. Usually it's written by one
of the guys in the shop.
TOBY
We're a little shorthanded over there. I did it myself.
LEO
Well, instead of FHA insured home loans, you wrote FEMA insured home loans.
TOBY
I meant FHA.
LEO
Yeah, 'cause FEMA doesn't insure home loans. They don't insure anything. They're the
people who come in after a tornado.
TOBY
I know that.
LEO
What do you want to do with Sam gone for three months?
TOBY
We talked about this.
LEO
As long as you still know what you're doing.
TOBY
The adjustment period with me, for a new person...
LEO
You adjusted to Sam.
TOBY
Maybe, and if I did, it was like, a week ago.
LEO
Still, you could try to...
TOBY
Who? Who would you get?
LEO
There are people out there.
TOBY
There are not people who... You're like the guys who say, "Are you telling me you
could only find one African-American speechwriter good enough to work at the White
House?" I'm amazed I found that many. "Good enough to work at the White House" is a
pretty small population to begin with. And guys who can write entire sections of a
State of the Union? I'd be as surprised if there were as many as nine of us. Sam was
one of them.
LEO
Okay. What do you think about Vickie Hilton?
TOBY
I think we invested time and money teaching her how to fly a warplane which turns out
she does very well and there aren't that many who do. So I'm going to go ahead and
pick national security over caring who she sleeps with.
LEO
Josh talked to me today.
TOBY
It can't go in the Oval Office.
LEO
No, it can't.
TOBY
It can't.
LEO
Except I have a woman problem.
TOBY
Is Jordan pestering you? 'Cause I'm getting it from Andy on this day and night.
LEO
No, Toby, I meant a woman's issue. The constiteuncy of women.
TOBY
Yeah.
LEO
Though Jordy hasn't shut up about Vickie Hilton.
TOBY
This is what I'm saying.
LEO
All right.
TOBY
Thank you.
LEO
Thanks.
FADE TO BLACK.
WEDNESDAY
FADE IN: INT. THE OVAL OFFICE - DAY
Bartlet is ending a meeting with C.J., Josh and other staffers.
BARTLET
Okay, thank you. [to C.J.] What the hell is going on with the seats in the briefing room?
C.J.
I wouldn't worry about it, Mr. President.
BARTLET
I'm not worried about it, but I just read about it.
C.J.
The news magazines aren't here every day and the empty seats don't look good on camera,
so I moved them to the fourth row. I think you shouldn't comment on it.
BARTLET
I'll comment on it. I'll say sit your ass where you're told and get back to work.
C.J.
Yeah, and I don't think you should do that.
NANCY
[entering] Mr. President?
BARTLET
Yeah.
NANCY
The Secretary-General.
BARTLET
Thanks.
CHARLIE
No.
BARTLET
I'm sorry?
CHARLIE
Yes, sir, you can't take that call yet.
Bartlet looks confused.
CHARLIE
I'm sorry. Toby wanted you to see a new memo on Rwanda before you spoke to the
Secretary-General and I forgot to tell the switchboard.
BARTLET
Okay. [to Nancy] We'll have to return.
NANCY
Thank you, sir. [exits]
BARTLET
[to C.J.] Anyway, you're going to take care of it?
C.J.
I'm going to have a camera positioned moved.
BARTLET
Well, I'm sorry to hear you caving, but whatever.
C.J.
Yeah, I'm not caving, sir.
BARTLET
Well, okay, but still, whatever.
Commander Jack Reese enters.
JACK
Excuse me, Mr. President.
BARTLET
Come on in.
JACK
You'd asked for the CEC breifing.
BARTLET
Thanks. [to C.J. and Josh] This is Jack Reese. He's working for Nancy. This is Josh
Lyman and C.J. Cregg.
C.J.
Commander.
JOSH
How are you?
BARTLET
They're talking about a force level data-fusion network.
JACK
Yes, sir.
BARTLET
Nancy thinks France will come around after the North Sea exercise.
JACK
She does, sir, yes.
BARTLET
You agree?
JACK
I do, sir.
BARTLET
Okay. Thanks very much everybody.
ALL
Thank you, Mr. President.
Charlie hands Bartlet a memo.
BARTLET
Thank you.
CUT TO: INT. OUTER OVAL OFFICE - CONTINUOUS
JOSH
Commander?
JACK
Yeah.
JOSH
Hi, I'm Josh Lyman. We just met in there.
JACK
Yeah.
They walk to the HALLWAY.
JOSH
This conversation you and I are having right now, it was not my idea to have it.
This must be distinctly understood.
JACK
Is anything wrong?
JOSH
You've meet my assistant Donna.
JACK
Yeah, she was standing outside when I went to vote. She wanted to trade with a Ritchie
voter 'cause she filled out her ballot wrong. I thought it was... kind of cool.
JOSH
Well, if you like that, she nearly got arrested once when she got her arm stuck in a
mailbox trying to retrieve a letter she wrote to Ilie Nastase. She once left her
underpants at an art opening and, after a summit in Belarus, she tried to smuggle
11 scented Minsk candles into an overnnight bag. They evecuated the terminal.
JACK
Really?
JOSH
Yeah.
JACK
Okay. Was there something I can do for you?
JOSH
No.
JACK
Okay, good meeting you.
JOSH
You, too.
Josh pats Jack on the back as they part ways. Josh continues to the NORTHWEST LOBBY,
where he sees Donna.
DONNA
Josh.
JOSH
Perfect timing.
DONNA
Why?
JOSH
I just talked to him.
DONNA
Jack?
JOSH
Yeah.
DONNA
And?
JOSH
I think I did well. I think I fanned the flame.
DONNA
Does he want to go out?
JOSH
I think he does.
They walk to JOSH'S OFFICE.
DONNA
What did he say?
JOSH
He said he thought it was cool that you were looking for someone to trade votes.
DONNA
And what did you say?
JOSH
I told him there are plenty more where that came from.
They are now in JOSH'S BULLPEN AREA.
DONNA
What do you mean?
JOSH
I told him about Ilie Nastase.
DONNA
Why?
JOSH
What do you mean?
DONNA
Why did you tell him that?
JOSH
I thought it went with the vote swapping theme.
DONNA
No, it goes with the crazy theme. What else did you tell him?
JOSH
The scented Minsk candles.
DONNA
Josh...
JOSH
These are endearing stories.
DONNA
If you know me, if you know me well, if you already like me, these are not stories
for instance, I would have told you when I was trying to get the job.
JOSH
When you were trying to get the job, you were pretending that you'd already gotten
the job, so it's not like your underwear at an art gallery was going to change my mind.
DONNA
You told him about the underwear?!
JOSH
Again, endearing.
DONNA
Karen Cahill had me flummoxed. Did you tell him I was flummoxed?
JOSH
I think the underwear on the floor speaks for itself.
DONNA
You have to go back.
JOSH
Why?
DONNA
'Cause he going to think I'm flaky.
JOSH
Maybe, but he's not going to care.
DONNA
Why?
JOSH
Guys will go out with anybody.
DONNA
That hasn't been my experience. go back.
They're back in JOSH'S OFFICE.
JOSH
I'm not gonna...
DONNA
I have done many humiliating things for you.
JOSH
Okay, but I'm going to work for a while on making people's lives better.
DONNA
How long's that going to...
Josh closes the door in her face.
DONNA
...take?
Donna turns around and walks off.
CUT TO: EXT. PORTICO - DAY
Bartlet, smoking a cigarette, walks along with Leo.
BARTLET
You're going to talk to Berryhill?
LEO
Yes, sir.
BARTLET
He wants to feel loved.
LEO
Yes.
BARTLET
You'll make him feel loved? I want him in the Cabinet.
LEO
Yeah, he's going to feel all kinds of love.
BARTLET
Thank you.
LEO
Josh saw me yesterday about Vickie Hilton.
BARTLET
You think we should get involved?
LEO
No, but you're gonna have problems with the women.
BARTLET
Abbey and the girls?
LEO
No.
BARTLET
Women?
LEO
Yes.
BARTLET
'Cause I got to tell you, I've been hearing it from Abbey and the girls.
LEO
I'm sure.
BARTLET
What do you think?
LEO
It stays out of the Oval Office.
BARTLET
No, I meant about Vickie Hilton.
They walk inside THE OVAL OFFICE.
LEO
She disobeyed an order. You can't do that.
BARTLET
Sure. Yes, but isn't there some question as to whether it's practical to give that order
in the first place?
LEO
You want pilots overruling their superiors with regard to what's practical and what's not?
BARTLET
No, I'm just saying there are few side to this.
LEO
That's for sure, and you just heard mine.
BARTLET
But we'll hear no others because we don't want it in the Oval Office.
LEO
Right.
BARTLET
Okay. Anything else?
LEO
Thank you, Mr. President.
Leo goes to his office. Bartlet looks in that direction before reading a file he
picked up from his desk.
FADE OUT.
END ACT THREE
* * *
ACT FOUR
FADE IN: INT. PRESS BRIEFING ROOM - DAY
Mitch is the room alone reading a newspaper when C.J. enters.
C.J.
Mitch...
MITCH
Good morning.
C.J.
I hope you weren't waiting.
MITCH
Oh, just a minute.
C.J.
Well, you win, I lose. I don't want this to be a story. I want the President to be
able to function. I'm moving the news magazines back up front and I apologize.
MITCH
I appreciate that.
C.J.
When you're not here, there'll be a sign on your chair with you name and the name of
your publication. I've given C-SPAN permission for a second camera position that's on
your seat so the braodcast director can go there at his or her discretion.
MITCH
Are you kidding about this?
C.J.
No. If you're not here, you better get a seat filler and they better be prepared
'cause they are going to be called on for the honor of the first question. This
should be about other people, don't you think?
MITCH
As a matter of fact, I do.
C.J.
I know. Happy Thanksgiving, Mitch.
MITCH
Happy Thanksgiving.
C.J.
By the way, Danny Concannon won a Pulitzer prize from the fourth row.
MITCH
Danny's more talented than I am.
C.J.
See you, Mitch.
CUT TO: INT. BASEMENT HALLWAY - DAY
Josh is walking in the hallway and knocks on a door.
JACK
Come in.
He enters JACK'S OFFICE.
JACK
Hey, Josh.
JOSH
I'm really sorry to bother you.
JACK
No. I'm just working.
JOSH
What are you working on?
JACK
A memo for the C.O. at a radar station in the Arctc Circle.
JOSH
You ever been there?
JACK
Yeah.
JOSH
What's it like?
JACK
Well, small-town feel. Nicest people you'll ever meet and a terrific symphony, if you
like classical music with a pops orchestra on Sunday nights.
JOSH
Really? [beat] No. There's no symphony or... people.
JACK
Right. On the other hand, Sunday night does last six months.
JOSH
Listen, it occurs to me that, uh... you know, I mentioned Donna before and it occurs
to me that I told you that I named some things that tickled me. I... I don't know.
I certainly wouldn't want to leave you with the impression that she was... you know...
Anyway, if you wanted to ask her out, she'd probably say yes.
JACK
Hey, Josh, uh... I'm new and I want to do well and, uh, I don't want to get in between
anything.
JOSH
"In between anything"?
JACK
I have an aide, who in my life, I haven't talked about as much as you've talked
about Donna in our entire relationship, yours and mine, which is a cummulative
total of seven minutes old.
JOSH
No, no, no.
JACK
You sure?
JOSH
Sure. Tell me your aide's name. I'll ask her out. We'll double.
JACK
Chief Petty Officer Harold Wendell.
JOSH
I got the fuzzy end of that lolipop.
JACK
I don't know. Wendell's not "cute" cute but he's so funny.
JOSH
So, that's it. We're done talking about Donna. Whose full name is Donnatella, by
the way. Mom's Italian... Dad's Irish. Okay. Thanks.
CUT TO: INT. THE OVAL OFFICE - DAY
Charlie and Bartlet are standing at the desk. Bartlet is signing papers.
BARTLET
He's wrong. Leo's wrong. Are we to live with the assumption that there are no men
in the services who've commited adultery? I don't know what's worse: being stupid
or pretending to be stupid. Tell him that.
CHARLIE
Yes, sir.
BARTLET
No, I'm going to do it.
Bartlet storms into LEO'S OFFICE where he disrupts a meeting.
BARTLET
Eisenhower and Kay Summersby, a subordinate. Hammond with the wives of two junior
officers. So, G.I. Jane gets a court-martial? G.I. Joe gets a short film on hygeine?
That is all I have to say to you. [points]
Bartlet walks back to his desk in THE OVAL OFFICE.
CHARLIE
Feel better, sir?
BARTLET
I forgot to tell him something else.
Bartlet begins to walk to Leo's office, but Leo comes into the Oval Office carrying
a book.
LEO
The Uniform Code of Military Justice, Article 134 which exist to ensure that soldiers
will risk their lives for each other. I think you'll agree that, without that there
isn't much point in having Articles 1 through 133. Nobody ordered Eisenhower to stop
seeing Summersby.
BARTLET
That's right. Because men don't give that order to other men.
LEO
Excuse me, but did you not fire our Ambassador to somewhere in South America-- I can't
remember-- 'cause he was messing around with...
BARTLET
The daughter of the president of Brazil, which presented a politcal prblem for me.
Also, I didn't fire him, I asked him to resign. And I set him up in the private sector.
And if you think the differnce is semantics, look up dishonorable discharge in there.
Look up Fort Leavenworth.
NANCY
[entering] Sir, it's the Secretary-General again.
BARTLET
Yeah.
CHARLIE
No, you can't take that, sir.
BARTLET
I read the memo on Rwanda. Average rainfall nine inches. That's the memo Toby wanted
me to read?
CHARLIE
On short notice? Yes, sir.
LEO
I told him to pass-block on the call.
BARTLET
Why?
LEO
Parking tickets.
Bartlet storms to his desk, to answer the phone.
LEO
Now please, don't leap into it. Don't...
Bartlet pushes the speaker button and starts yelling.
BARTLET
[screaming] There are big signs! You can't park there! They should get towed! I hope
they get towed to Queens and the Triboro is closed and there's a big craft show at Shea,
a flea market or a tractor show!
He hangs up.
CHARLIE
Well, that was probably his secretary.
BARTLET
Damn it.
CHARLIE
You can bet she'll be parking it in a garage, though.
BARTLET
Do you really think that Vicky Hilton is unable to distinguish between this order
and a combat order?
LEO
This was combat order. They're all combat orders! When you order a guy to go fight,
the guy can't think it's 'cause you're sleeping with his wife.
BARTLET
You're right.
Leo does a double take.
LEO
That's... an unusual phrase for you, sir. Did you just learn it?
BARTLET
Well, you didn't let me finish.
LEO
I had a hunch.
BARTLET
I may also be right. We get five more people in here, I think we're going to have
eight opinions.
LEO
That's right.
BARTLET
So let's.
LEO
It's Pentagon.
BARTLET
And two elections in a row, people said they wanted me to run that.
LEO
There are issues of chain of command and command influence.
BARTLET
Right now, I'm not talking about overruling anyone or pardoning anyone. Right now,
I'm just talking about having people over and asking questions. I like basketball,
but I can't play. I don't know why. I played in prep school and I liked being on
the team, but I didn't want the ball and the coach said, "Jed, winners always want
the ball." I said, "Coach, winners are also better then I am." He said, "Son, to
be a winner, you've got to think like a winner." I said, "Coach, to be a winner,
you've also got to be better than I am." Anyway, he was right. Winners want the ball.
I don't think I ever want to hear it's too sticky for the Oval Office. [at phone,
yelling] Except for parking tickets you cheap-ass diplomats! [to Charlie] Read that
whole memo on Rwanda, by the way. [to Leo] What are you smiling at?
LEO
Nothing.
BARTLET
Are we together on this? Do we have resolve? We've got four years, no election and a
Republican Congress that hates me and actually hates you more. You ready to saddle up?
LEO
Well, I serve at the President's pleasure... and it's kind of nice for me to.
BARTLET
All right. Good then. Happy Thanksgiving.
CUT TO: INT. JOSH'S BULLPEN AREA - NIGHT
Donna's at her desk when Josh walks out of his office.
JOSH
Hey. I think he's going to call you.
DONNA
He already did. Thank you, thank you. He asked me to have a drink tonight and I'd
really love to go home and shower and change. [putting on her coat and scarf] The two
CBO reports are right on your desk, as is the East Asia paper. Your call sheet is clear.
If there's anything else, I'm happy to come in early tomorrow. Do you think I could go?
JOSH
What time is it?
DONNA
Quarter to eight.
JOSH
Sure.
DONNA
Thanks. I really like him.
JOSH
Have a good time. Those are good stories about you, though. Those stories would make
me like you.
DONNA
You like everybody.
JOSH
Tomorrow's Thanksgiving.
DONNA
Yeah.
JOSH
I meant, you won't be coming in early tomorrow. You won't be coming in at all.
DONNA
Is there anything you need?
JOSH
No, I'm just saying...
DONNA
Okay. Happy Thanksgiving!
JOSH
You too.
Donna leaves and Josh watches her as she departs. He begins to walk through his
bullpen when Janice speaks to him from her desk.
JANICE
I'm not obsessed, you know.
JOSH
I'm sorry?
JANICE
I'm not obsessed. I'm just a fan, and I care.
JOSH
What's your name again?
JANICE
Janice.
JOSH
I'm a fan. I'm a sports fan, I'm a music fan and I'm a Star Trek fan. All of them.
But here's what I don't do. Tell me if any of this sounds familiar: "Let's list our
ten favorite episodes. Let's list our least favorite episodes. Let's list our favorite
galaxies. Let's make a chart to see how often our favorite galaxies appear in our
favorite episodes. What Romulan would you most like to see coupled with a Cardassian
and why? Let's spend a weekend talking about Romulans falling in love with Cardassians
and then let's do it again." That's not being a fan. That's having a fetish. And I don't
have a problem with that, except you can't bring your hobbies in to work, okay?
JANICE
Got it.
JOSH
Except on Star Trek holidays. [exits]
JANICE
There's no such thing as a Star Trek holiday.
JOSH
Well, work hard around here. We'll make one.
Josh walks off, and Janice smiles.
CUT TO: INT. THE WHITE HOUSE MESS - NIGHT
Toby is sitting in the Mess alone. He's trying to write a speech, but is having trouble.
TOBY
...not just a chance, but a mission unique in all of human... To prove that liberty is...
To prove that... Freedom unlocks... a higher fraction of the human potential... than...
than any...
Will walks up and tosses the pad in front of Toby.
WILL
498. But with my name, it's 500.
TOBY
This is mine.
Toby hands Will the speech he's working on. They both start to read each other's speech
silently.
TOBY
Stop reading mine.
WILL
Actually it's...
TOBY
Stop reading it, please.
Will puts down Toby's speech, while Toby continues to read Will's.
TOBY
We can't offer you any money. We could put you in a hotel.
WILL
I work with someone. She's my stepsister, actually.
TOBY
Fine, but she's on your payroll.
Toby continues to read Will's speech.
TOBY
This is incredibly good, Will. "Never shrinking from the world's..." "...a fierce
belief in what we can achieve together." I used to write like this. It was ten months
ago. I don't understand what's going on. I really don't. I've had slumps before.
Everybody does, but this is different. I'm sorry, we don't know each other, but there
aren't that many people I can talk to about it. I don't understand what's happening.
There's no blood going to it. I never had to locate it before. I don't even know where
to look. I'm the President's voice and I don't want it to sound like this. And there's
an incredible history to second inaugurals. "Fear itself," Lincoln... I really thought
I was on my way to being one of those guys. I thought I was close. Now I'm just writing
for my life and you can't serve the President that way. But if I didn't write... I can't
serve him at all.
WILL
Yeah. Can I tell you three things? You are more in need of a night in Atlantic City,
than any man I've ever met. Number two is, the last thing you need to worry about is
no blood going there. You've got blood going there, about thirteen ways. And some of
it isn't good. Once again, I say, "Atlantic City." I'd say sit down at a table, go for
dinner, see a show, take a walk on the boardwalk and smell the salt air... but if you're
anything like me, nothing after "sit down at a table" is going to happen.
TOBY
What's the third thing?
WILL
You are one of those guys. This is an inning of good relief pitching from a fresh arm.
TOBY
All right. All right. Chances are you have certain qualities that are gonna annoy me.
I don't know what they are yet, but you have a certain quality about you that says that
even though you're a capitalist, you've been schooled in Eastern philosophies.
WILL
I told you to go to Atlantic City.
TOBY
You didn't deny you've been schooled in Eastern philosophy.
WILL
Well-schooled. You want me to locate your chakra?
TOBY
Look...
WILL
I'm a lawyer.
TOBY
Good, 'cause they're never annoying.
WILL
Okay. I'm glad you liked what I wrote. I'm prety tired. I've been tired for a plenty
long time and you've been tired even longer. I'm getting on a plane tonight and going
to a place in Nice and I'm going to stay there for a few weeks. When I get back, it'd
be a privelege to give you all the help you ask for.
TOBY
Well, I appreciate that.
WILL
[stands] Oh. man, I forgot. Sam wanted me to give you this.
Will hands Toby the note from Sam.
TOBY
You didn't give it to me yesterday?
WILL
Yeah, you know what? Not your FedEx guy. Happy Thanksgiving.
TOBY
Happy Thanksgiving.
Will leaves. Toby reads the note which says:
Toby-
He's one of us.
-Sam
After a moment, Will comes back inside the Mess.
WILL
Unless you want to start now.
TOBY
Yeah.
DISSOLVE TO: END TITLES.
FADE TO BLACK.
THE END
* * *
The West Wing and all its characters are a property of Aaron Sorkin, John Wells
Production, Warner Brothers Television and NBC. No copyright infringement is intended.
Episode 4.10 -- "Arctic Radar"
Original Air Date: November 27, 2002, 9:00 PM EST
Transcribed by: ck1czar
December 16, 2002