THE WEST WING
"WE KILLED YAMAMOTO"
WRITTEN BY: AARON SORKIN
DIRECTED BY: THOMAS SCHLAMME
TEASER
SUNDAY MORNING
MAN [VO]
First, the money trail. Under interrogation from the FBI, we’ve been able to follow up on
where Yossi received his materials and financing. An account in Yossi’s name received a
$105,000 wire transfer on the first of last month at Seaside Trust in San Mateo, California.
FADE IN: INT. THE SITUATION ROOM - DAY
Bartlet and Leo are inside with Fitzwallace and the joint chiefs.
MAN
Two. Sir, the NSA echelon shows the money originating from an account at the Bank of
Commercial Finance in Geneva. The account balance totals a little over 18 million, and
we’ve been able to determine that the account was opened with a transfer from Star of
the Levant International. Star of the Levant International is a dummy corporation for
Bank Al-Hassan. That’s where Colonel Lee takes over.
COLONEL LEE
The controlling partner at Bank Al-Hassan is Abdul Lebin Shareef, minister of Defense
of the Sultanate of Qumar.
LEO
He’s got to put everything in a blind trust when he’s elected. The Qumari Defense Minister
gets to own a bank?
MAN
Leo, I think you’re going to find that in a number of ways the Minister of Defense is
simply Mr. Shareef’s day job.
COLONEL LEE
Massive transfers of funds within one to two weeks of the terrorists’ attacks; all the
recipients being Bai operatives. $97000 to the King’s Bank of Tunisia before the Embassy.
$65000 to the Merchant’s Bank in Saudi one week before the bombings of the Marine barracks
in Port Al Alzoud.
LEO
It was Shareef who had three suspects arrested in that case?
COLONEL LEE
Yes, sir. He identified them as three top-ranking intelligence officers and had them
summarily executed.
LEO
So we couldn’t question them?
FITZWALLACE
There it is. The bombs in Tunisia and Port Al Alzoud were made by the same source. We’ve
identified the bomb signatures. Ammonium nitrate and fuel oil with the dynamite trigger.
Bartlet looks at photographs.
FITZWALLACE
There’s the witness of the Chechnyan the Russians have in custody. There’s Abdul Razi,
Shareef’s son in law. And there’s the money trail.
BARTLET
[sighs] You haven’t got it.
Bartlet stands. Everyone follows.
FITZWALLACE
Sir...
BARTLET
We want to ask the Justice Department to indict Qumari Minister of Defense. We’re saying
he’s a terror kingpin. We’re saying he’s killed I don’t know how many civilians and how
many of Tommy’s Marines. We’re saying he’s compromised I don’t know how many agents
throughout the world and we’re saying he’s done it in the clothing of an ally. This isn’t
a cave dweller. This is Capone. You haven’t got it.
SMASH CUT TO: MAIN TITLES.
END TEASER
* * *
ACT ONE
FADE IN: INT. AMY'S APARTMENT - DAY
Van Morrison is on the radio as Amy feeds her basset hound and dances around, drinking coffee.
Josh is in the bedroom talking on the phone.
JOSH
[into phone] I don’t know, it’s confusing. There’s Van Morrison. She’s doing a scene from
“Flashdance.”
DONNA [vo]
All right, don’t be frightened.
JOSH
You sure?
DONNA
Yeah.
JOSH
Listen, I’m sending you to Bismarck, okay? You got to go tomorrow and sit in on a DNC
platform meeting where they’re discussing whether or not...
CUT TO: INT. JOSH'S BULLPEN AREA - DAY
DONNA
Hang on... I’m sorry, hang on a second. Did you just say you were sending me to Bismarck?
JOSH
Yeah.
DONNA
North Dakota?
JOSH
It’s just overnight.
DONNA
Am I being punished?
JOSH [VO]
Just the opposite, my friend.
DONNA
I’m being promoted?
JOSH
[comes into kitchen] I wouldn’t go that far, you’re speaking for the White House.
The DNC’s having a platform meeting and North Dakota wants to have a plank eliminating
the word ‘north’ from their name. We take no state for granted; we want to show North
Dakota we care and so the White House is going to be represented...
DONNA
You want to show North Dakota you care and so you’re sending me?
JOSH
[pours himself coffee] It’s really the very most we’re willing to do. I’ll write a
statement and you’ll read it.
DONNA
Okay.
JOSH [VO]
What are you doing at the office?
DONNA
I’ve got to put your stuff together for Congressman Pamento.
JOSH
Pintero?
DONNA
Yes.
JOSH
I forgot I had that meeting.
DONNA
How does a person get to Bismarck?
JOSH
The Iditarod, Donna. They have an airport; it’s the capital.
DONNA
Are you coming here?
JOSH
As soon as I get dressed.
DONNA
Good bye. [hangs up]
Josh walks over to Amy, who is sitting on the counter eating toast, singing and tossing
her hair.
JOSH
Buttercup? You getting enough iron in your diet? You getting too much?
AMY
Exactly the right amount. Sunday with my man.
JOSH
Quite a bit of Sunday with your man.
AMY
What happened?
JOSH
I have to meet with Rick Pintero. We set it up yesterday. It’s about reauthorization
of the Welfare Reform Bill. [hugs her]
AMY
You’re going to miss the Werner Fassbinder Festival.
JOSH
And I’m pretty broken up about that. But this is right in your wheelhouse. Poor women
are counting on me.
AMY
All women count on you, Josh. We find you godlike.
JOSH
I bought your birthday present already. [kisses her]
AMY
Why have I been dancing?
JOSH
Nobody really knows. [leaves]
CUT TO: INT. COMMUNICATIONS OFFICE - DAY
Sam walks inside, where two women are waiting for him.
SAM
Hey.
JANE
Hey, Sam, thanks for doing this on Sunday.
SAM
Yeah.
MURIEL
How’s it going?
SAM
Fine.
JANE
She meant since the thing.
SAM
I screwed up; I moved on.
They enter SAM'S OFFICE.
JANE
Good, ‘cause we’ve got something we want you to take to Bruno.
MURIEL
And Leo, too, it’s legislative.
SAM
What?
MURIEL
What’s the biggest single thing a president can do for the environment?
SAM
Save the Everglades.
MURIEL
Largest subtropical wilderness in the low 48.
JANE
And they’re obviously in serious trouble.
SAM
What’s the plan?
JANE
The President announces an $8 billion, 20-year plan to restore the water flows and bolster
the wildlife population.
SAM
Eight billion?
JANE
Yeah.
SAM
No sweat.
JANE
No, we know where the money comes from.
SAM
Where?
MURIEL
Same place the pollution does.
JANE
The sugar industry. We end sugar subsidies in the federal budget, which adds up to eight
billion. It’s great for us, terrible for Ritchie, and suddenly Florida’s in play.
MURIEL
And even if we don’t win it, now he’s gotta spend time, he’s gotta spend money campaigning
in his own state.
SAM
Yeah. No. I’m not taking it to Bruno, but thanks for coming in.
MURIEL
Why?
SAM
[walks out of the office] I’m sorry?
JANE
Why aren’t you taking it to Bruno?
SAM
[stops in doorway] Because I like my job.
MURIEL
Sam, it’s...
SAM
Sugar growers are Ritchie’s biggest supporters. It’ll look like we’re taxing our enemies.
It’ll backfire. [leaves]
MURIEL
Technically, it’s not a tax!
SAM [VO]
Thanks, guys!
CUT TO: INT. THE WHITE HOUSE LOBBY - DAY
Josh runs in, panting. CONGRESSMAN PINTERO is sitting in a chair.
JOSH
Congressman!
PINTERO
Hey.
He gets up, and they shake hands.
JOSH
I’m sorry, I had in my head that we were doing this in your office.
PINTERO
No, we said here.
JOSH
My assistant set me straight. Come on back.
They enter the YELLOW HALLWAY as Donna walks out in her coat and with a bag.
DONNA
Good afternoon, Congressman.
PINTERO
Good afternoon.
DONNA
I’m off to buy prairie gear.
JOSH
It’s a city. You’ve been there.
DONNA
I’ll call later! [leaves]
We follow Josh and Pintero to JOSH'S BULLPEN AREA.
PINTERO
You seem a little frazzled.
JOSH
Ah... I just... we’ve been scheduled for a while to go to a Catholic charity’s fundraiser
in New York next week. It’s the Royal National Company...
PINTERO
“Wars of the Roses?” Cathy and I saw it in London. It’s...It’s fantastic. It’s like no
Shakespeare you’ve ever seen, there’s music, they sing...
JOSH
[pours coffee] And it’s great, but I’ve just been told Governor Ritchie is coming as well,
so now it becomes a different thing, and...
PINTERO
So now you’ve got to tell Toby Ziegler.
JOSH
[laughs] Yeah. But what do you got?
PINTERO
The twenty-five votes you need to move the Working Toward Independence Act out of committee.
JOSH
How?
PINTERO
The President has to agree to a compromise.
They stop in the doorway to JOSH'S OFFICE.
JOSH
We can’t cave on childcare.
PINTERO
You’re getting a billion more on childcare.
JOSH
A billion?
PINTERO
For a trade.
JOSH
What?
PINTERO
We put in three hundred million more for marriage incentives, and we raise the work
requirements to 38 hours a week.
JOSH
[comes out of his office] Well, the work requirement aside, the marriage incentives...
PINTERO
It’s the only way.
JOSH
Marriage incentives are terrible!
PINTERO
It’s the only way.
JOSH
[beat] All right, let me talk about it around here.
PINTERO
[starts to leave] Hey, you’re gonna love that show.
JOSH
Yeah, I’m really looking forward to it. Thanks.
He walks into his office and slams the door.
CUT TO: EXT. ARLINGTON CEMETERY - DAY
A motorcade is cruising around. Leo is leaning on a limo, talking on the phone and writing
in his notepad.
LEO
“I will do it again.” Thanks.
He hangs up and walks towards Bartlet, who is standing holding flowers, together with
Charlie, next to Mrs. Landingham’s grave.
BARTLET
[to the grave] I’ve been seeing a shrink, by the way. I had trouble sleeping and Leo
brought in a guy. I feel ridiculous talking out loud like this, but he said... Doesn’t
matter. I just can’t believe it’s been a year. Anyway.
Bartlet puts the flowers down, and walks towards Leo.
BARTLET
What is it?
LEO
It can wait until we get back.
BARTLET
What is it?
LEO
This isn’t the place.
BARTLET
Leo.
They walk towards the motorcade.
LEO
Shareef had a meeting with two Muslim clerics in Bechar. We picked up the meeting by
aiming and IR laser beam at the windows from 400 feet. Three different Arabic experts
worked on the translation. [opens notepad]
BARTLET
[reads]“The enemy imagines he is secure. The bridge did not fall. He looks down from
his high-- or elevated place or places-- but our great victory is still assured.
There will be other moments.
LEO
Meaning times, places, or opportunities.
BARTLET
“I have brought him low, and I will do it again.” [takes off glasses] All right.
Bartlet gets into the limousine and the motorcade begins moving.
FADE OUT.
END ACT ONE
* * *
ACT TWO
FADE IN: INT. THE ROOSEVELT ROOM - DAY
MONDAY
Toby, C.J., Josh, Sam, Ed, Larry and several other staffers are having a meeting.
TOBY
They can't be in the same room. It elevates him, it diminishes us.
C.J.
Yes.
TOBY
Now he's one of two guys tossing a job application.
C.J.
And it gives him access to a massive press corps.
JOSH
How do we get out? We'll look impolite, and we'll look chicken.
LARRY
We could ask Ritchie not to go.
ED
How does that work?
LARRY
We'll ask politely.
JOSH
We'll tell him the shows not very good, we don't think he's going to like it.
C.J.
Yes, yes, that's what we do.
JOSH
We don't go, we pull out. Better to look chicken, then to get broasted, my mother always says.
SAM
What's broasted?
JOSH
I've never really known but it's what they do to chickens.
TOBY
What do you think?
SAM
I don't know.
TOBY
You think we don't go, right?
SAM
Yeah.
TOBY
All right, we don't go. The President's going to have to call the Archbishop.
C.J.
I was looking forward to it.
TOBY
What?
C.J.
The show.
JOSH
It's five hours of King Henry's with musical interludes and a dinner break.
C.J.
I think you should come to my house and perform it for me.
TOBY
We're done.
Toby and Sam get up and walk into the HALLWAY.
TOBY
Sam...
SAM
Yeah?
TOBY
I talked to Jane and Muriel this morning and they said they came to you yesterday with
something about the Everglades and you shut the door.
SAM
Yeah.
TOBY
They seemed pretty excited about it. You sure you don't want it?
SAM
You can look it over.
TOBY
No, if you say so.
SAM
Okay.
CUT TO: INT. THE SITUATION ROOM - DAY
BARTLET
This is ridiculous. He's coming here. He's coming here! Why the hell can't we arrest him
when he steps off the plane?
MAN 1
It's a breach of diplomatic immunity.
DAVID
It's our own Diplomatic Relations Act-- 22 U.S.C. 254.
MAN 1
No foreign government...
MAN 2
He doesn't need the citation...
FITZWALLACE
At what point do you forfeit diplomatic status?
BARTLET
Fitz makes a reasonable point. Doesn't it pretty much go without saying that I revoked
it after he tried to blow up the Golden Gate Bridge?
MAN 1
It doesn't go without saying Mr. President. Now, immunity can be set aside. It's possible,
but it means making our case to the Sultan.
LEO
We can't do that.
DAVID
We have no extradition treaty with Qumar.
BARTLET
Why the hell do we need...? He's coming here on his own. He's delivering himself on
a Lear jet.
DAVID
It still means setting aside diplomatic immunity, which stills means a conversation with
the Sultan.
LEO
We can't talk to the Sultan David, Shareef is a member of the royal family. The Sultan's
his brother. We want to lock him up. I don't think he's going to warm to it. Plus we're
never going to see Shareef again.
MAN 1
There are things we could explore working under treaties we signed with Great Britain
when Qumar was a protectorate. Now, Qumar has historically rejected this interpretation
of international law...
LEO
That's fine. It doesn't matter what they historically rejected. Shareef is coming here.
Have an answer for us by tomorrow, okay?
BARTLET
Fellas, this guy is going to stand trial in a US court and if we have to stick heroin on
his plane to get him there, that's what we're going to do.
CUT TO: INT. C.J.'s OFFICE - DAY
Simon is standing in the doorway of C.J.'s empty office, when C.J. comes walking down
the hall and spots him.
C.J.
Agent 99.
SIMON
Morning.
C.J.
I want you to tell me right now, this second, what are you people doing to catch this guy?
SIMON
We're doing all the things that we do.
C.J.
You know, I haven't been happy with any of your answers to any of my questions.
SIMON
Well, you've done a pretty good job concealing your dissatisfaction so far.
C.J.
Simon...
SIMON
The OPR, after examining you hard drive, has determined that he or she attached a virus to
the e-mails that were sent to you. It's called a Trojan horse application and once installed,
allows the perpetrator to record all of your inputs.
C.J.
He's been reading my e-mail?
SIMON
You traded e-mails with Hogan.
C.J.
He knew I was shopping?
SIMON
He was there.
C.J.
How do you know?
SIMON
He thought you looked good in the black Vera Wang.
C.J.
I don't want to know about this.
SIMON
That's why I don't tell you.
C.J.
You just did.
SIMON
You asked me.
C.J.
So the one time you answer a question of mine...
SIMON
Are you going to your gym tonight?
C.J.
What?
SIMON
Are you working out?
C.J.
I thought you said you want to have "gin" tonight.
SIMON
No.
C.J.
I can't go to my gym tonight. My gym's flooded.
SIMON
How about the White House gym?
C.J.
It closes at 7:00.
SIMON
You could use ours. It's just a couple of blocks.
C.J.
Is it a good gym?
SIMON
Yes, it's a... We run alongside moving cars.
C.J.
You don't have to get snobby about it.
SIMON
Would you like to use our gym?
C.J.
Yes, thank you.
SIMON
Good morning.
CUT TO: INT. BASEMENT HALLWAY - DAY
Bartlet and Leo walk.
BARTLET
It should be a showcase. He should have the best lawyers in the world.
LEO
We got to make sure he lands at Dulles and not BWI.
BARTLET
Why?
LEO
'Cause that's the court that'll have jurisdiction.
BARTLET
The law cracks me up.
LEO
I know.
BARTLET
What else?
LEO
Josh met with Rick Pintero yesterday on the Working Toward Independence Act.
BARTLET
You suppose that could be any more patronizingly named?
LEO
I think when we're talking welfare, that ships pretty much sailed.
BARTLET
What do they want me to eat?
LEO
300 million for marriage incentives.
BARTLET
Ah, the marriage incentives. What a bunch of horse manure.
LEO
I agree.
BARTLET
Is marriage really something that should be incentivised? And where the hell are all
the small government conservatives when we're talking about Washington getting into the
yenta business?
LEO
Yes.
BARTLET
You think we should do it?
LEO
Let's swallow the pill. Our own caucus won't discuss it and it does more good then harm.
BARTLET
Marriage incentives. Used to be all you had to have was a decent dental practice.
LEO
I don't understand. You didn't grow up in the Catskills, yet...
BARTLET
I'm erudite.
LEO
Yes.
BARTLET
Lets do it.
LEO
Thank you, Mr. President.
Leo walks off as Bartlet goes into the OUTER OVAL OFFICE.
BARTLET
Charlie.
CHARLIE
Yes, sir.
BARTLET
I appreciated you coming out to the cemetery with me yesterday.
CHARLIE
Yes sir.
BARTLET
So it's been a year. Why don't you organize the search, you know for a new Executive Secretary.
CHARLIE
Yes, sir. Absolutely.
BARTLET
I may not like the first couple of candidates. It may take a while.
CHARLIE
No, I don't imagine you're going to hire somebody, sir, but this is a step in the right direction.
BARTLET
Thank you.
CHARLIE
Thank you, Mr. President.
CUT TO: INT. CONFERENCE ROOM, BISMARCK, NORTH DAKOTA - DAY
Donna is meeting with local government.
DONNA
"Eliminating the term "north" from North Dakota is an important state issue and the
President feels it should be resolved on a state level. While the President is sympathetic
towards the cause and understands the large economics ramifications of this name change,
he feels the issue is not yet ripe for national attention. The President wishes you well
on your endeavors and thanks you for your support."
MAN
Uh, Miss Moss? Are you aware that studies clearly show the word 'north' leaves the impression
that this state is cold, snowy and flat, significantly depressing tourism and business startup.
DONNA
With due respect, sir, your average temperature is 7 degrees. Your average snowfall:
42 inches, and a name change isn't going to take care of that.
WOMAN
We enjoy roughly the same climate as South Dakota. We took in 73.7 million in tourism
revenue last year. They took in 1.2 billion. They have the word "south."
DONNA
Also Mount Rushmore.
MAN
Miss, is the White House behind this or not?
DONNA
Please, let me be clear again. I have very narrow parameters in terms of representing
the position of the White House. I'm an a assistant to Josh Lyman, and I was sent here
to read a statement.
CUT TO: INT. AMY'S APARTMENT - DAY
Van Morrison is playing in the background and a pot of stew is brewing on the stove.
Amy is at a desk reading through papers and typing on her computer there is a knock
on the door. Amy gets up and answers the door.
JOSH
Hey. [kisses Amy] Something smells great.
AMY
There's going to be stew.
JOSH
It's ready? We can eat it?
AMY
I'm cooking it for the fourth time.
JOSH
The beef is well done?
AMY
Burnt.
JOSH
The peas?
AMY
Baby peas.
JOSH
Carrots?
AMY
Soft.
JOSH
Potatoes?
AMY
Cubed.
JOSH
Gravy?
AMY
Well spiced, much like myself.
JOSH
Oh, this is going to be a good night. My woman, a fine stew, and a Mets game on national TV.
You see how I slipped that last one in?
AMY
I saw.
JOSH
You listening to Van Morrison again?
AMY
It's the radio. You never said how the meeting with Pintero went.
JOSH
Well... uh, good.
AMY
They're going to vote it out of committee?
JOSH
Yeah, in fact we're getting another billion for childcare.
AMY
What do you have to give Republicans for a billion dollars.
JOSH
300 million for marriage incentives.
AMY
You mean like subscriptions to "Bride and Groom Magazine"?
JOSH
No, the marriage incentives are a serious...
AMY
I know what the marriage incentives are.
JOSH
Let's not do this now.
AMY
Cash bonuses to moms on welfare who marry the child’s father-- canceling out child support
debt if the parents...
JOSH
You know what? Every single study, every one shows that kids do better in two-parent houses.
AMY
Kids are better off if they're raised by parents who love them. Your solution is loveless.
JOSH
It's not my solution.
AMY
Does my government really believe that the law can create a family? Do these old fat-ass
men really believe that if they just pay people to act like "Leave it to Beaver",
everything'll be fine? Did you really think the person in my job is going to sit?
This is about collecting votes from white men.
JOSH
Amy, if we don't get elected, I promise you, President Ritchie is going to have a lot
less sympathy for your agenda.
AMY
This bill isn't going to pass.
JOSH
Yes it is. It's locked up. I have the American Children’s Alliance behind it.
AMY
Not for long. [gets on the phone] It's me Scott. Everyone who's in the office should stay
there. I need Legislative Affairs to put together a meeting with Regina King.
JOSH
And we're back to work.
Josh reaches for his cellphone, but Amy grabs it before he does and throws it in the stew.
AMY
And I want to start shooting calls tonight to the Congressional Women's Caucus... the CRA
and all of Matty's people. The marriage incentives are in the welfare reauthorization and
it's committee.
Josh has walked across the room and picked up Amy's house phone.
AMY
Hold on.
She rifles through a drawer and pulls out scissors.
AMY
Can you call Robison?
Amy walks towards Josh.
JOSH
Yeah, it's Josh. The Secretary of Labor is in Chicago...
Amy cuts the phone cord.
AMY
Tell him I'm calling in the I.O.U. on prenatal healthcare. Hold on. I'm sorry, honey, that
was an accident. There's a payphone on the corner. Although its been out of order for a
little while. Lets get Kate Feldon with the Society of Business Women. She's spinning right
now, so keep trying. I'm on my way. Let's get to work. Put Janeane on the phone. I'll hold.
Janeane, it's me. Let's suit up.
FADE OUT.
END ACT TWO
* * *
ACT THREE
FADE IN: INT. CONFERENCE ROOM, BISMARCK, NORTH DAKOTA - DAY
Donna continues her conference.
MAN
Right now, we have an unique opportunity to reexamine our economy and mindsets and develop
strategies to maximize our state's strengths and resources to generate new business.
The key strategy being to remove the negative image the state by establishing a more
inviting state name-- Dakota.
HARRY CONROY (CHAIRMAN IN NORTH DAKOTA)
Okay, we'll adjourn for the night, and pick this up tomorrow morning at 8:00 AM.
Thank you, everyone. [to Donna] You did very well.
DONNA
Oh, thank you. I just read what I was given.
HARRY
No, you answered the questions with a lot of poise.
DONNA
Well, thank you.
HARRY
Speaking of questions. How's my friend Sam Seaborn doing?
DONNA
Fine. I'll let him know you asked.
HARRY
I meant since the videotape.
DONNA
Fine.
HARRY
So I shouldn't be reading anything into the fact that they sent you and not him?
DONNA
Oh, god no. Mr. Chairman...
HARRY
Harry.
DONNA
I'm sorry if this sounds insulting, but...
HARRY
It's not on Seaborn's radar screen.
DONNA
I'm a senior assistant. He's a senior counselor. The difference between me and Sam,
is the difference between me and the starting second baseman for the Yankees. He just
took one in the teeth, that's all.
HARRY
Tell him Harry Conroy says get up off the dirt.
DONNA
Yes, sir.
CUT TO: INT. SECRET SERVICE GYM, SHOOTING RANGE - NIGHT
C.J., just after working out, approaches Simon by the shooting range.
C.J.
You guys have a shooting range here?
SIMON
Yeah. How was the workout?
C.J.
Good.
SIMON
Home?
C.J.
[pointing at his gun] Let me try one of those.
SIMON
A what?
C.J.
A gun.
SIMON
Shooting?
C.J.
Yeah, let me see what all the fuss is about.
SIMON
Have you ever shot a gun before?
C.J.
Yeah.
SIMON
What kind?
C.J.
Well, I haven't shot one as much as I've seen others shot one in the movies.
C.J.
You guys use bull's-eyes?
SIMON
Yeah.
C.J.
I thought you'd use those little outlines of people.
SIMON
We have those too.
C.J.
'Cause I'm thinking if someone's coming or you they probably don't have a bulls-eye on them.
SIMON
They do if I'm guarding you.
C.J.
Tough talk. I like that. Give me your gun.
SIMON
Let me get you a 25 caliber.
C.J.
What's wrong with yours?
SIMON
It's a .357 magnum.
C.J.
I've heard of that. That's a good brand.
SIMON
Yes.
C.J.
Let's go. I'm feeling twitchy.
SIMON
That's good news for me. Don't come close to pointing it at me.
C.J.
This is cool.
SIMON
I'm going to stand behind you and hold your shoulders.
C.J.
I don't need training wheels.
SIMON
Okay.
Simon backs away from C.J. as she cocks the gun and fires. The recoil from gun knocks
C.J. to the floor.
SIMON
Be careful. That .357's got a bit of a kick.
C.J.
That thing practically broke my arm. I've been wrong about guns. Just hand these out
to the criminals.
Simon helps C.J. get up off the ground.
SIMON
Want to go home now?
C.J.
What do you got?
SIMON
I'm sorry?
C.J.
Marksmanship-wise?
SIMON
Well, I can fire a gun without falling down, if that's what you mean.
C.J.
Show me what you've got. I'll tell you what. I'll make it interesting for you. Get five
bullets. If you can't land any in the middle, then I get to drive my car.
SIMON
Well, I think that makes it interesting for you.
C.J.
Come on. One dead center, I never bother you about it again.
SIMON
Okay.
C.J.
Okay.
SIMON
Plus...
C.J.
What?
SIMON
You have to say something nice to me.
C.J.
Something nice to you?
SIMON
Yeah.
C.J.
Okay.
SIMON
All right.
C.J.
Wait. That was a trick. You must know you can do it. Put three in the middle.
SIMON
Three?
C.J.
Three out of five. You want to back out?
SIMON
No, I'm just worried about what I'm going to do with the other two. I'll be working
against muscle memory.
C.J.
Look, if you want to back out...
Simon begins shooting the gun making C.J. recoil and cover her ears from the loudness
of the shots. Simon puts down his and presses the button to bring the bulls-eye in to
view. There are three holes right next to each other on the bull's-eye.
C.J.
Wow. That's what I call dead center. What happen to the other two bullets?
SIMON
What do you mean?
C.J.
There were five bullets, and I don't believe it.
SIMON
Three dead center.
C.J.
How do you shoot like that?
SIMON
They give us lessons.
C.J.
I don't believe it.
SIMON
Well?
C.J.
Yes. Yes. I like that you're tall.
SIMON
You do?
C.J.
It makes me feel more feminine. I'm going to go change.
Simon shoves the gun in his pants waist with a movie-like gesture and pulls it out in a second.
SIMON
Hot, hot, hot!
CUT TO: INT. SAM'S OFFICE - DAY
TUESDAY
Charlie shows up at Sam's door.
SAM
Come in.
CHARLIE
Excuse me.
SAM
Hi.
CHARLIE
Got a minute?
SAM
What do you need?
CHARLIE
The President's ready to hire a lead secretary.
SAM
That's good.
CHARLIE
He asked me to start putting together a search. I thought about Elizabeth Etcheberry but the
German accent. And then Beverly Casey's been secretary to two ambassadors. Sue Po, who worked
for the head of the OPM. Jerry Walters-- but I don't think he'll be comfortable with a man.
SAM
You'll find somebody.
CHARLIE
How've you been?
SAM
Fine.
CHARLIE
Okay. If you think of anybody in the middle of the night.
SAM
Yeah.
CUT TO: INT: LEO'S OFFICE - DAY
Josh and Toby come in with Leo.
JOSH
Hey.
LEO
We spent millions of dollars developing a pen for the astronauts that would work in zero
gravity. Know what the Russians did?
TOBY
Used a pencil?
LEO
They used a pencil. What do you need?
JOSH
We're actually here separately. This is a coincidence.
LEO
Okay.
JOSH
We have to move faster on the welfare bill.
LEO
Yesterday you told me we were fine.
JOSH
We are fine, but the women's groups will have their day in the sun.
LEO
Women's groups?
JOSH
One particular women's group for sure.
LEO
Josh is there nothing you can do to tame that woman?
JOSH
Hey...
LEO
How scared should I be?
JOSH
Not at all. I'm just saying...
LEO
It's going to be fine?
JOSH
Yeah.
LEO
'Cause it's a body blow if we lose the floor vote.
JOSH
We're not going to lose the floor vote.
LEO
You?
TOBY
The President needs to call the Archbishop and tell him we can't be at the fund-raiser.
LEO
I know.
TOBY
He needs a reason.
LEO
We can use the same thing we were going to use with Chigorin to get out of Helsinki.
JOSH
That's exactly what we do. No, it takes care... We get the leadership to schedule the
welfare vote for next week on the day we're supposed to be in New York. We can't go
'cause we got to work the vote and the early vote gives Amy no time to mobilize.
LEO
Done.
JOSH
This is good.
LEO
Toby, an encouraging word from you to Sam wouldn't be totally out of line.
TOBY
Sam doesn't need to be patronized. He'll shake it off.
LEO
It'd make him feel better.
TOBY
I don't want him feeling better. I want him feeling mad. Is there anyone you'd rather have
as a blood enemy less then Sam? That's how I want him.
LEO
[smiling fondly] You know, it was a screw up, but I got to say I love the way he did it--
full speed, bam. Like there's a Sam Seaborn-shaped hole in the wall.
BARTLET
[comes in] They've got something for us.
LEO
Excuse me.
CUT TO: INT: THE SITUATION ROOM - DAY
Bartlet and Leo are already inside.
BARTLET
Did we solve immunity?
MAN 1
Sir...
BARTLET
Did we solve it?
MAN 1
Yes, sir.
DAVID
But it doesn't matter.
BARTLET
Why?
DAVID
The judge would throw out the case. The entire chain of evidence leading us to Shareef
originates with the testimony of a Chechnyan prisoner.
BARTLET
Yeah.
MAN 1
His testimony was reached after prolonged physical abuse by Russian soldiers.
BARTLET
He was tortured?
MAN 1
Yes, sir.
BARTLET
Well, I'm no lawyer, but I'm pretty sure that's inadmissible.
MAN 1
Yes, sir.
BARTLET
We'll come up with a less aggressive way of... We'll cancel his trip here obviously,
but we'll come up with something. That's the ball game.
FADE OUT.
END ACT THREE
* * *
ACT FOUR
FADE IN: INT. THE SITUATION ROOM - DAY
Leo and Fitzwallace are sitting across from each other.
LEO
This is always when you say something.
FITZWALLACE
Nah. Have you changed shampoo? You have, I can tell.
LEO
I like to look good for you.
FITZWALLACE
Well, I appreciate it. Can you tell when its peacetime and wartime anymore?
LEO
No.
FITZWALLCE
I don't know who the world's leading expert on welfare is, but any list of the top has
got to include me and I can't tell when it's peacetime and wartime anymore.
LEO
Look, international law has always recognized certain protected person's who you couldn't
attack. It's been this way since the Romans.
FITZWALLACE
In peacetime.
LEO
Yes.
FITZWALLACE
The battle of Agincourt this was the French fighting against the British archers, this
was like a polo match. The battles were observed by heralds and they picked the winners.
And if a soldier laid down his arm he was treated humanely.
LEO
Yeah.
FITZWALLACE
And the international laws that you're talking about, this is where a lot of them were
written. At a time in a place where a person could tell between peacetime and wartime.
The idea of targeting one person was ridiculous. It wouldn't have occurred to the French
to try to kill William Pitt. That all changed after Pearl Harbor.
LEO
I don't like where this conversation's going.
FITZWALLACE
Leo.
LEO
In the Situation Room, Fitz?
FITZWALLACE
We killed Yamamoto. We shot down his plane.
LEO
We declared war.
FITZWALLACE
If Dietrich Bonhoeffer had been successful...
LEO
And the plot to kill Hitler was an internal rebellion.
FITZWALLACE
...there would've been statues built of an assassin. We'd have to explain that to our kids.
LEO
I'm going to get back to the office.
FITZWALLACE
We measure the success of a mission by two things: Was it successful and how few civilians
did we hurt. They measure success by how many. Pregnant women are delivering bombs. You're
talking to me about international laws? The laws of nature don't even apply here. I've been
a soldier for 38 years. And I found an enemy I can kill. He can't cancel Shareef's trip, Leo.
You've got to tell him he can't cancel it.
CUT TO: INT. JOSH'S BULLPEN AREA - NIGHT
Donna walks up to Josh.
DONNA
Hey. Excuse me, I'm looking for Josh Lyman. Do you happen to know...?
JOSH
They're getting telegrams two to one against. I just met with two Congressmen. Amy got in
going in 24 hours.
DONNA
Two to one against?
JOSH
Yeah. I'm not talking about just a couple either.
DONNA
It'll be already.
Sam walks by.
DONNA
Excuse me, Sam.
SAM
Hey. You just got back from someplace, right?
DONNA
Bismarck. DNC platform hearings on dropping North.
SAM
Just from the state, right?
DONNA
Not the compass.
SAM
Yeah.
DONNA
The Chairman was a guy named Harry Conroy.
SAM
Yes.
DONNA
He said, "Tell Sam Harry Conroy said get up off the dirt."
SAM
I am up off the dirt.
DONNA
Okay.
SAM
I am.
CHARLIE
Hey.
DONNA
How you doing?
CHARLIE
[to Sam] You got a second?
SAM
Actually, I'm crashing a deadline.
CHARLIE
I was going to pick your spirits up.
SAM
My spirits are up.
CHARLIE
'Cause I can do magic.
SAM
really?
TOBY
Excuse me.
DONNA
Hey.
TOBY
Can I get the room for a minute?
CHARLIE
Come see me about that magic.
SAM
Will do.
TOBY
The first election I ever worked, you know was Bronx Borough President. There was some
questions about my guys tax returns, so we called a press conference. It was 104 degrees
that day on Bronx Boulevard. And I thought with a tax thing, the shorter the better, so
I turned off the air-conditioning.
SAM
Did the press end it fast?
TOBY
Not the press so much as the candidate fainted.
SAM
Well, you changed the story.
TOBY
Yeah. I don't even think I ended up voting for him. Now, you screw up was worse and on a
much bigger stage.
SAM
I'm fine.
TOBY
Yeah. 'Cause this is no time for the starters to be on the bench.
SAM
Yeah.
TOBY
All right.
Toby begins to walk out of the room but stops and turns around.
TOBY
I read the Everglades pitch from Muriel and Jane. You're right, it's probably a pass.
SAM
No, that's the memo I'm writing now; I don't think so.
TOBY
I think anything tactical makes us look bad.
SAM
Well, we should get used to it. We go on TV, we do a better job at selling it then the
other guy. And we win the bigger argument which is Ritchie is with Florida's special
interests. And we do it right, we've forced him into defending polluters. I think Jane
and Muriel are right. I also think it's the right thing to do. Ginger?
GINGER
Yeah.
SAM
I'm printing this now. You'll get it out?
GINGER
Yeah.
TOBY
All right.
SAM
Thanks, though.
TOBY
Sam?
SAM
Yeah?
TOBY
You're still mad, right?
CUT TO: INT. OUTER OVAL OFFICE - NIGHT
Josh is on his way to the Oval Office.
CHARLIE
Well, she needs good skills. 110 ten words a minute. And discretion, obviously.
A willingness to put this first no matter what. But there's an X-factor, right?
JOSH
Yes.
CHARLIE
What is it?
JOSH
It's unknown. That's why it's called an X-factor.
CHARLIE
Yes.
JOSH
An intangible...
CHARLIE
I've got the lady.
JOSH
Hmm?
CHARLIE
I've got the lady. I know who's the lady going to be. I've got the lady.
Josh walks into THE OVAL OFFICE.
BARTLET
Josh, what the hell did you do to this welfare vote?
JOSH
Well, we scheduled it for Wednesday night.
BARTLET
Why?
JOSH
Two reasons, sir. The first was to get you out of the Catholic Charities event in New York.
BARTLET
I'm going to that.
JOSH
Governor Ritchie's accepted an invitation.
BARTLET
I know.
LARRY
Sir, none of thought it was a very good idea...
BARTLET
The fund-raiser was my idea. I've known the Archbishop for 20 years and I'm not playing
politics with the church. Did anyone want to ask me abut this? You've got me running the
vote from the mezzanine floor of a Broadway theatre. Where are we in the vote?
JOSH
Well, to be honest, we're slipping a little bit.
BARTLET
We are?
JOSH
Yes, sir.
BARTLET
Why?
JOSH
The women's groups are raising...
BARTLET
[angrily] True or false, Josh: My life would be better right now if you and your
girlfriend swapped jobs? Why is it for every good thing you do around here, we've got
to endure three screwiest.
JOSH
Well, I'm sorry about the...
BARTLET
Sorry doesn't get me 218. It doesn't get back the ad that slipped through your office
any more then it gets back tobacco which you gave away for lunch money. And why the hell
don't you know what Ritchie's commitments are before you get anywhere near my schedule?
I've got the Presidential Box at a cattle call. Win the damn vote.
JOSH
Yes, sir.
BARTLET
I've got a G-8 briefing.
JOSH
Thank you, Mr. President.
CUT TO: EXT. WASHINGTON, D.C. - NIGHT
C.J. and Simon walking to her house.
C.J.
That was a fun party. I'd wish you'd come inside.
SIMON
I'd wish you'd let me use the car.
C.J.
It's two blocks.
SIMON
That's not the point.
C.J.
You're not big on fun, are you?
SIMON
Me?
C.J.
Yeah.
SIMON
I'm nothing but fun. What are you doing wrong right now?
C.J.
Walking on the wrong side of you.
SIMON
Yes.
C.J.
[switches sides] We couldn't just be two people who are walking home at the end of the night?
SIMON
We are.
C.J.
You know you told me a few days ago that you were at Rosslyn and I never said anything.
I should have said something.
SIMON
Nah.
C.J.
What was your, um, what was your job right then?
SIMON
To take the shooters down.
C.J.
I guess I figured.
SIMON
I had a pretty good angle on the left. Which was Ray Beckwith.
C.J.
Which one was Beckwith? I get them mixed up.
SIMON
The 15-year old.
C.J.
Did you hit him?
SIMON
A lot of people shooting at him. Yeah I hit him. I know I did. I killed him. See?
And you said I can't be fun.
C.J.
I just like your smile is all. I wouldn't mind seeing it more.
They lean in to kiss each other but stop.
SIMON
I can't.
C.J.
No, yeah, no...
SIMON
You know I can't.
C.J.
I was just, you're right, 'cause walking in these heels...
SIMON
Yeah.
C.J.
Aren't you supposed to be walking in front of me?
SIMON
In a crowded place, but...
C.J.
We feel free to take chances.
SIMON
I'll walk in front.
C.J.
Forget it, I'm home.
SIMON
Look...
C.J.
Can we drop it?
SIMON
Sure. I'd just like to say...
C.J.
I say can we drop it, you say sure and then we don't drop it.
SIMON
Okay.
PAM THAYER
This is Thayer, four past midnight. I've got Flamingo from Donavon.
SIMON
All right, take it easy Pam.
PAM
Goodnight, boss. [to C.J.] Ready?
C.J.
Yes.
CUT TO: INT. WLC BUILDING - NIGHT
Josh is waiting downstairs as Amy and a few colleagues walk down.
JOSH
It's got to costing you an awful lot of PAC money.
AMY
You didn't want to come up?
JOSH
It's after midnight; they wouldn't let me up.
AMY
We were working late.
JOSH
Yes, you are. You know for every vote on the left you grab, I got to get one on the right.
You know what that does to the bill?
AMY
Yeah, so we've been phone-banking the Bible Belt telling them how weak the abstinence
provisions are.
JOSH
I've seen you level hotel ballrooms screaming about how ridiculous abstinence is.
AMY
I don't want to sleep with these guys, I just want there vote.
JOSH
Amy, when these things are over and we win, you know who's job it is to pay a visit to
the people who weren't with us?
AMY
What happened?
JOSH
Nothing.
AMY
You just threatened me, honey. What happened?
JOSH
I'm saying that just 'cause you have Sherry Lansing's platinum card doesn't mean you
go toe-to toe with the people...
AMY
Josh.
JOSH
...who are writing the federal budget when they need you.
AMY
You going to put the women's movement out of business?
JOSH
There's a bigger picture. There's an election in November and you are a player in a
political party.
AMY
If you win by selling out the party who cares who wins? "Jed Bartlet: Not quite as
mean-spirited as the other guy." Doesn't really send me running to my polling place.
JOSH
All right.
AMY
Are you coming over?
JOSH
I have to go back to the office. [starts to leave]
AMY
[louder, after him] We ought to be able to talk about this.
JOSH
Yeah.
CUT TO: INT. THE OVAL OFFICE - NIGHT
Leo walks in.
LEO
Mr. President.
BARTLET
What are you doing here? It's 1:00 in the morning.
LEO
I called over to the residence. They said you were in the office.
BARTLET
You were home?
LEO
Yeah. By the way, I signed off on canceling the trip. I signed off on setting their vote.
BARTLET
You came over here to stand in front of Josh?
LEO
No. It's almost 8:00 AM in Qumar. You shouldn't cancel the trip. You should tell me to call
the State Department.
BARTLET
Why?
LEO
What are the alternatives?
BARTLET
What are you...
LEO
What are the alternatives? Are we going to attack Qumar?
BARTLET
Maybe.
LEO
Now? We could kill all the armed teenagers we want, we still won't have Shareef. Let's
get some more intelligence, let's some more counsel.
BARTLET
More counsel is going to help me violate international law.
LEO
It's pretty easy to say this is a war scenario.
BARTLET
It's pretty easy to say anything is a war scenario.
LEO
This is...
BARTLET
The war on poverty. It's a slippery slope.
LEO
Stop it.
BARTLET
What?
LEO
Just stop it already. This is the most horrifying part of your liberalism. You think
there are moral absolutes.
BARTLET
There are moral absolutes.
LEO
Apparently not. He's killed innocent people. He'll kill more, so we have to end him.
The village idiot comes to that conclusion before the Nobel Laureate.
BARTLET
Il Principe has justified every act of oppression...
LEO
This is justified. This is required.
BARTLET
Says who?
LEO
Says me, Mr. President. You want to go ask some more people, they'll say so, too.
BARTLET
Well, a mob mentality is just...
LEO
Not a mob. Just you. Right now. This decision. Which by the way is one of self-defense.
Let Shareef come here and we have options. Cancel the trip and we have none. That's all
we're talking about right now.
BARTLET
There are moral absolutes. Make the call.
LEO
Thank you, Mr. President.
DISSOLVE TO: END TITLES.
FADE TO BLACK.
THE END
* * *
The West Wing and all its characters are a property of Aaron Sorkin, John Wells
Production, Warner Brothers Television and NBC. No copyright infringement is intended.
Episode 3.20 -- "We Killed Yamamoto"
Original Airdate: May 15, 2002, 9:00 PM EST
Transcript by: Irene and the Vault
October 8, 2002