THE WEST WING
"THE BLACK VERA WANG"
WRITTEN BY: AARON SORKIN
DIRECTED BY: CHRISTOPHER MISIANO
TEASER
FADE IN: EXT. THE WHITE HOUSE - NIGHT
The motorcade is pulling up outside the White House. Sam gets out and goes inside.
CUT TO: INT. COMMUNICATIONS OFFICE - CONTINUOUS
Sam walks in.
BONNIE
Welcome back.
SAM
We are back.
GINGER
And it was a success.
SAM
It was.
GINGER
Whad'ya bring me?
SAM
I brought you a collector's plate of a moose racing through the woods.
GINGER
I love moose.
SAM
I know how you do. Bonnie? You get a hat with a moose on it.
BONNIE
You like a good hotel gift shop, don't you?
SAM
I do.
GINGER
What do they eat in Helsinki?
SAM
They eat moose.
GINGER
You ate a moose?
SAM
No, I don't like eating things where the cartoon character can talk, and you know,
hatch a plan.
GINGER
Yeah
SAM
I'm gonna go to bed. I just came back for mail and messages.
GINGER
Yeah, Crane from UPI needs a call back tonight about Segal for Ways and Means.
Mrs. Bartlet would like you to go over her remarks to the IBEW and the Whip's
office called about one-minutes on the floor tomorrow.
SAM
[holding up an envelope] What's this?
GINGER
I don't know. It's marked "personal."
SAM
You don't know who sent it?
GINGER
There's no return address.
SAM
Think it's porn?
GINGER
I don't know.
SAM
Cause I'm pretty tired, but if it's porn, I mean, really good porn... By the way,
if my innocent joking's making you uncomfortable in any way...
GINGER
No, I'm hoping it's porn.
CUT TO: INT. OUTSIDE C.J.'S OFFICE - NIGHT
C.J. and Simon walk inside.
C.J.
NO! You understand? I'm driving myself home. You want to follow me in a chase car,
that's fine. But you have been annoying me for six days. You annoyed me here for three
days then you annoyed me in Finland. You're quiet, you're polite, and you're, you're
there. You're always there, I can't shake you. You followed me to Scandinavia and back.
SIMON
Well, that's-
C.J.
Don't give me the "aw shucks" answer, "Well that's my job, ma'am." And don't call me
"ma'am," don't call me "ma'am," don't call me "Ms. Cregg." This isn't a western.
SIMON
I'm required to call you "ma'am" or "Ms. Cregg." There are rules and regulations.
C.J.
Okay, okay, secret agent man, here's my rules and regulations. I'm getting in my baby
blue '65 Mustang convertible and I'm gonna feel the wind in my hair and any place else
I want. You can look at my taillights.
SIMON
I think I'm not allowed to do that either.
C.J.
I will see you at home!
SIMON
Okay.
C.J. leaves, but Simon just stands there. C.J. turns around and goes back inside.
C.J.
There's no way you're letting me walk out the door, so what is it we're doing?
SIMON
I'm sorry?
C.J.
What's your plan for me?
SIMON
I don't have a plan.
C.J.
Are you gonna let me drive myself home?
SIMON
No. [holding up something] I've got your spark plug. Is that what you meant?
C.J.
You've got my spark plug?
SIMON
And your battery. Fuel pump, starter relay, timing belt, the ignition fuse. And well
also the engine, I guess.
C.J.
Did you leave me anything?
SIMON
Wiper fluid. You can clean your windshield. No, actually, you need the battery.
C.J.
Yeah.
Sam appears in front of C.J.'s office.
SAM
C.J., listen...
C.J.
Yeah?
SAM
[holding up a video] This just came in the mail. It's an opposition spot.
C.J.
What are you talking about?
Sam walks into her office and plays the tape. At first, we see a blank screen.
VOICEOVER
Honor, morality, truth. Values we deserve in America's house.
A picture of a piece of paper rips in half, showing Bartlet's face.
VOICEOVER
Throwing mud to cover up his failure, refusing to sign a clean campaign pledge so he
won't have to defend his broken promises. Jed Bartlet - what's he hiding now?
C.J.
Who sent you this?
SAM
That's the thing.
C.J.
What?
SAM
I don't know.
SMASH CUT TO: MAIN TITLES
END TEASER
* * *
ACT ONE
FADE IN: INT. HALLWAY - DAY
Donna is walking through the hallway. Josh catches up with her.
JOSH
Good morning.
DONNA
My man!
JOSH
Yes.
DONNA
You came back to me.
JOSH
Just like I promised.
DONNA
I missed you.
JOSH
When did you find you missed me the most?
DONNA
The nights.
JOSH
Of course.
DONNA
Did you bring me anything?
JOSH
I did.
DONNA
Where is it?
JOSH
It should be in my office.
Donna sees a big crate sitting in JOSH'S OFFICE.
DONNA
Wow!
JOSH
Open it.
DONNA
I'm just happy it's not moose. What is it?
JOSH
Moose. It's sauna-soaked moose meat. Nicely packaged in a burnt pine box. The hinges
are made from hand-woven Lapland ribbons.
DONNA
I missed you so much.
JOSH
Where am I supposed to be right now?
DONNA
The basement, office C.
Josh leaves. Donna looks confused, staring at the box. She turns around and leaves.
CUT TO: INT. BASEMENT ROOM - DAY
The senior staff is watching the opposition ad.
VOICEOVER
Throwing mud to cover up his failure, refusing to sign a clean campaign pledge so he
won't have to defend his broken promises. Jed Bartlet - what's he hiding from us now?
C.J.
No "paid for by" tagline.
TOBY
We've looked at it three times now.
BRUNO
If I wanted to sink the Bartlet campaign, this is exactly the ad I'd run.
TOBY
In May?
BRUNO
No. But I would show it to the other side to let them know what happens if they hit
me first. Every campaign has one in the drawer.
C.J.
We didn't.
GUYS
Yes, we did.
BRUNO
Honor, truth, morality - it's an ad about MS.
TOBY
Do we make up a counter or do we keep it in a drawer?
BRUNO
I'll take care of it.
SAM
That's fine, but what about-
BRUNO
[to Josh, who just walked in] Did you see this?
JOSH
I saw it last night. I'm gonna talk to Counsel's office.
BRUNO
You think it goes to the FBI?
JOSH
If this was stolen I don't want Sam to end up like the girlfriend of an indicted Senator.
C.J.
Do you have any reason to believe it was stolen?
SAM
No.
C.J.
How can he be an accomplice to a crime he had no reason to believe occurred?
JOSH
You wanna find out?
C.J.
No.
SAM
We shouldn't go to the FBI yet.
TOBY
More than likely it's multi-jurisdictional, the thing probably crossed state lines.
SAM
No, I'm saying we shouldn't go into law enforcement. It's gonna seem like we're trying
to suck the FBI into investigating Ritchie, and the FBI works for us.
C.J.
He's got a point.
SAM
Plus we're all tainted.
BRUNO
Just stick it in a drawer and forget it.
SAM
No.
JOSH
What are you suggesting?
SAM
I sit down with Kevin Kahn.
JOSH
No.
TOBY
No.
SAM
Bruno?
BRUNO
I'm sorry?
SAM
What do you think I sit down with Kevin Kahn?
BRUNO
Oh. No.
C.J.
Sam...
SAM
He's a friend of mine.
BRUNO
I don't care if he did your bris. I don't trust Kevin Kahn and I don't know what this is yet.
SAM
What is the danger? What is the danger, where is the danger in my sitting down with Kevin
and saying someone sent this to us? If it's you, we've got our own in a drawer. If it's
someone, you've got a mole and we don't want anything to do with it. How do we lose,
in court, in public, in the voting booth?
BRUNO
There are only two things here. Either someone's trying to hurt us, or somebody's trying
to help us. Just so you know.
SAM
Would you talk to Leo?
BRUNO
Yeah.
TOBY
I have a meeting.
BRUNO
Apologize for the skyboxes.
TOBY
They weren't that bad.
BRUNO
I was there. [to C.J.] How was Helsinki?
C.J.
Good. Good. I accidentally ate a moose.
BRUNO
[staring at her for a second] Let me look at this again, okay?
CUT TO: INT. THE ROOSEVELT ROOM - DAY
Toby walks down a hallway then into the Roosevelt Room where media directors are waiting.
TOBY
Morning.
MEDIA DIRECTORS
Good morning.
TOBY
Listen, I've got an idea for a new kind of awards show, you should tell your entertainment
divisions about this. At the moment the winner's name is called the four nominees who
didn't win drop through a trap door right under their seats. Am I crazy, or is that not
pretty good television?
They all chuckle.
MAN
Speaking of good television...
TOBY
Yes, I've been asked by Bruno Gianelli to apologize for the skyboxes in Miami. We'll do
better at the Garden.
MAN
Well what about spinners? Last time you were all staffing the president and there was no
one to speak to during the big speeches.
TOBY
We've got a better surrogate program this time. Governors, some of the big mayors,
some of us will be available to you, and some of us still have to staff the president.
WOMAN
We directly come to you if we need more floor passes?
TOBY
Absolutely.
MAN
We really should be talking about programming.
TOBY
We have to?
MAN
Yes.
TOBY
And we have to call it programming?
MAN
Call it what you like, we call it programming.
TOBY
The panels were a little dry last time.
MAN
Two panels on deficit reduction.
TOBY
Monday night we've got real people. The president's met across the country reading
planks from the platform. Scott O'Leary's doing the keynote. The Harlem Boys' Choir
is singing the National Anthem. Tuesday is Mrs. Bartlet and Rev. Lydell. We've got a
panel with women senators on biomedical research, breast cancer breakthroughs, medical
privacy issues... Look, uh, a Dean Martin roast it ain't, but...
MAN
We're thinking about cutting back on our coverage.
TOBY
You only covered two hours a night last time. How much more can you...?
MAN
We're talking about an hour.
TOBY
[laughing] You can't do an hour a night, that's just...
MAN
See you don't understand. We're talking about an hour for each convention. We cover the
acceptance speeches, that's it.
TOBY
One of these times you guys are going to come in here and say that and it's going to be true.
The media directors look at him seriously.
CUT TO: INT. HALLWAY - DAY
Leo and the President are walking down the hallway.
LEO
How long is it?
BARTLET
Four or five hours, maybe, you'll be fine.
LEO
They do all the Henrys?
BARTLET
They take all the Henrys. They do a thing, they call it War of the Roses. I'm told by
those who saw it in London it's spectacular. Catholic charities bought out a Broadway
theater. We're gonna go, we're gonna make some money.
LEO
Everything was fine except the part where we go.
BARTLET
You know why? Cause the Royal National Company's got all the King Henrys up there and
I'm still number one at the box office.
LEO
I love my job when you're like this.They have walked to the door of the Situation Room.
BARTLET
Let me as you something, which Plantagenet do I most remind you of?
LEO
You want to, please?
He motions to walk into THE SITUATION ROOM.
BARTLET
Good morning.
JOINT CHIEFS OF STAFF
Good morning, sir.
FITZWALLACE
Mr. President, we have reason to believe there will be an attack on a US military
installation sometime in the next 48 hours. We have a credible threat.
BARTLET
We just got done with Helsinki and the reactor.
FITZWALLACE
Yes, sir
BARTLET
How do we know?
FITZWALLACE
The NSA's been monitoring web sites of the Bahji cell operating out of Syria. They've
been looking for pictures codes and they intercepted cellular calls.
MAN
Sir, that tracks with what our advisors in Kazakhstan gave us earlier this morning.
And the Russians are holding a prisoner in Chechnya who verified it will be military.
LEO
Which are the most vulnerable?
MAN
The Navy's fifth fleet in Bahrain, Jaber Air Base, Kuwait, Prince Sultan Air Base,
Incirlik, Seeb North Air Base.
BARTLET
General?
GENERAL
I'd like to order Force Protection Delta for all bases. Keep nonessentials off and
limit troop movement. And Admiral?
ADMIRAL
Yeah, sir, I'd like all carriers and destroyers into harbor, where we can give them
water security.
BARTLET
So order it. I don't care if we know anything new or not, I need updates every half
hour for the next 48 hours.
JOINT CHIEFS OF STAFF
Yes sir.
Bartlet rises to leave and they all stand.
JOINT CHIEFS OF STAFF
Thank you, Mr. President.
FADE OUT.
END ACT ONE
* * *
ACT TWO
FADE IN: INT. THE ROOSEVELT ROOM - DAY
Toby is still with the media directors.
TOBY
Look this is obviously a--do not eat the fruit--this is obviously a, a negotiating
position for you, so what is it you need? You want us to vote a member of the Rules
Committee out of the convention every night or something? The secretary should eat
a jellyfish?
MAN
You know what sir, don't talk to me like I'm other people. The four of us are news
directors and there isn't a day that one of us isn't begging the person we work for to
let us for the love of Jesus Christ do the news. Is the Republican nominee Rob Ritchie?
Yes. Is his running mate Jeff Hesten? Yes. And that question, as impossible as it may
be to believe becomes even less suspenseful when talking about the Democratic ticket.
And will there be anything of any force or consequence in the platform? No. Will there
be a floor fight over it? What does it matter? And you're getting huffed because the
four of us are questioning the wisdom of presenting a four-day infomercial, in primetime,
under network news, simulcast? We'll show the acceptance speeches. And the balloons.
The balloons aren't news but it's nice television.
CUT TO: INT. OUTSIDE C.J.'S OFFICE - DAY
TUESDAY
C.J. enters reading a newspaper, followed by Jamie, the off-going Secret Service agent.
Simon is standing by the doorway to Carol's office.
C.J.
Morning.
SIMON
Morning. [into a phone] This is Donovan, 7:02, I've got Flamingo.
C.J.
That code name's not going anywhere is it?
SIMON
Thank you Jamie. Sleep well.
JAMIE
Thank you. [leaves]
C.J.
I'm going shopping at lunch.
SIMON
Sure. Where you going?
C.J.
Does it matter?
SIMON
I like to let the manager know I'll be carrying a gun.
C.J.
I'm taking my niece Hogan shopping for a dress for her Junior Prom.
SIMON
Okay.
C.J.
You're not gonna say that Hogan's a strange name for a girl?
SIMON
For a boy too I guess.
C.J.
My older brothers are golf crazies.
SIMON
Okay. Well, it's our first time out, this is exciting. We're not under the umbrella of
the president's protection so there's a couple things I wanna tell you. In a populated
place, a department store, I always walk ahead of you. I don't like more than five feet
between us so if you ditch me cause my back is to you, that would be too much. Also it
would give me no choice but to surround you with department store security before you
made it to Men's Accessories. You're a very recognizable woman, if you're surrounded by
security, frankly, people are gonna point and stare.
C.J.
Anything else, Agent Sunshine?
SIMON
It's Special Agent Sunshine, but that couldn't matter less. At the risk of being
ungentlemanly I can't carry bags, my hands always have to be free.
C.J.
Plus you're not my valet.
SIMON
Yeah but I'm still growing and I got my eyes on the prize.
C.J.
Bernie's on Connecticut at 12:30.
SIMON
I'm optimistic. The stats of people being hurt while buying a prom dress are very encouraging.
C.J.
It's a Junior Prom.
SIMON
Then you're fine.
C.J.
Okay.
SIMON
I'll be around. [leaves]
CAROL
Good morning.
C.J.
Hey.
CAROL
Can I tell you about some early wires? There's a buzz in the UAW that there's gonna be...
C.J.
That was I strange thing I just did. I was telling him that I was taking Hogan shopping
for a Junior Prom dress, a few moments later he referred to the Prom and I made a point
of correcting him. Why would I do that, I felt so unnatural while I was saying it.
CAROL
You were uncomfortable with the image he had in his head of someone who was old enough to
be the aunt of someone going to the prom and you didn't wanna be charged for the extra year.
C.J.
[reflects] I'd say that was ridiculous but I also referred to my older brothers.
CAROL
Yeah.
C.J.
Yeah but isn't that the kind of thing you do when you meet a guy and you're...
Carol smiles.
C.J.
Never mind, it was obviously some kind of left-brain hip check, I'll take care of it.
CAROL
Okay. The United Auto Workers.
C.J.
Yes, talk to me about them.
CUT TO: INT. LOBBY - DAY
Josh enters and walks toward the door to his BULLPEN AREA.
MARTHA
Josh!
JOSH
Hey Martha.
MARTHA
I'm sorry to bother you; I know you have like a million other things to do.
JOSH
It's no problem.
MARTHA
We have a record of your receiving a gift from the Finish office of protocol, some
sonacured meat.
JOSH
Moose meat.
MARTHA
Yeah, it showed up on E-Bay.
JOSH
What're you talking about?
MARTHA
Well you know that's a no-no right?
JOSH
I- yeah, I gave it to- [pause]
MARTHA
Who?
JOSH
Nobody. Sorry, Martha, I'll, I'll take care of it.
MARTHA
Thank you. You can get back to your real job.
CUT TO: INT. COMMUNICATIONS OFFICE - DAY
Margaret and Donna are presiding over a meeting of White House assistants.
MARGARET
The Washington Times tomorrow is printing their annual list of assistant salaries.
MALE ASSISTANT
Where do they get the information?
DONNA
The White House has to submit it to a postal and treasury subcommittee and it
traditionally gets leaked by the opposition party.
MARGARET
And a lot of us were thinking that instead of giving the press a reason to write a story
we'd hold off on the bitching about how little we're paid for like a month so that we can
deal with it the way it should be dealt with, which is with our bosses.
Everyone claps.
DONNA
Okay, so no matter what it says tomorrow, it's a privilege to serve our country.
Try not to everybody use those exact words.
FEMALE ASSISTANT
I wasn't here last year, the press really cares what the assistants have to say?
DONNA
We're not assistants in this kind of story we're White House staffers or prominent
Democrats with close ties to the President.
FEMALE ASSISTANT
Got it.
MARGARET
Thank you.
DONNA
Thanks.
She begins walking toward the door where Josh is standing. They both walk.
JOSH
Jojo.
DONNA
Good morning.
JOSH
Did you try the moose meat?
DONNA
I didn't and I'll tell you why. I'm saving it for a special occasion.
JOSH
It's up to $180 on E-bay.
DONNA
E-bay? Huh. Look...
JOSH
I... I... I don't understand; I don't need to tell you that you can't sell...
DONNA
I gave it to an intern.
JOSH
You did?
DONNA
I'm sorry, I appreciated you giving it to me, but if I'm gonna eat moose meat there's
gonna have to be some kind of a prize at the end of it.
JOSH
Who's the intern?
DONNA
Well, how bout if I'd rather not say?
JOSH
Donna.
DONNA
Come on, I'll take care of it.
JOSH
Fire the intern.
He walks through the LOBBY toward his office. Donna remains frozen at the doors as Sam
walks through reading his newspaper.
SAM
Hey.
DONNA
Hey.
We follow Sam back to the COMMUNICATIONS OFFICE.
GINGER
You want phone messages?
SAM
Yeah.
GINGER
Daniel Harris, the deputy whip's office, Kevin Kahn, your father...
SAM
Kevin?
GINGER
Yeah.
SAM
He just called?
GINGER
Yeah.
SAM
Get him back.
GINGER
I have Sam Seaborn returning for Mr. Kahn. [to Sam] Line 4.
Sam enters his office, closes the door and picks up the phone.
SAM
Kevin.
KAHN
How you doing, Sam?
SAM
Fine.
KAHN
I hadn't talked to you in about a month I wanted to check in.
SAM
You're just calling?
KAHN
Yeah I wanted to see if you wanted to get lunch or something.
SAM
You couldn't have called at a better time. One o'clock at Old Ebbitts?
KAHN
Make it Charlie's at one.
SAM
Ginger?
GINGER
Yeah?
SAM
I have a lunch.
CUT TO: INT. THE SITUATION ROOM - DAY
Leo is walking inside. He sees Fitzwallace at the end of the room standing before a
CG map of the US.
FITZWALLACE
We're expanding the potential target list.
LEO
To include what?
Fitzwallace indicates the map on the wall.
LEO
Holy Hell.
FITZWALLACE
Dover Air Force Base and Fort Myer.
LEO
How could they possibly have the capability to strike a US base?
MAN
We're not sure, but we've processed calls through a VR program. They identified
Mohammad Sabeh, a Bahji Cell leader.
PHIL
Leo, he doesn't have a history of empty rhetoric.
LEO
What would they be striking with?
FITZWALLACE
The calls refer to weaponry that was smuggled in. We don't know what kind, or what
level of force.
LEO
Why would they pick those two? There are a couple dozen bases on the seaboard that are
bigger than Dover and Fort Myer, why not in the Carolinas?
FITZWALLACE
That has us concerned. The only thing those two bases have in common is their proximity
to another military headquarters.
"The White House" appears on the map on the wall.
CUT TO: INT. OUTER OVAL OFFICE - DAY
Charlie and the President are walking through from the patio to THE OVAL OFFICE.
BARTLET
It's Henry V, three Henry VI, and Henry VIII.
CHARLIE
You understand this is nontraditional Shakespeare.
BARTLET
What does that mean? It sounds modern.
CHARLIE
The director uses music and song and other theatrical devices along the way.
BARTLET
Well, that doesn't sound bad.
CHARLIE
No.
BARTLET
Let me ask you something.
CHARLIE
Yes.
BARTLET
If Shakespeare wrote a play about me, how many parts do you think it would be?
Charlie stares dubiously as Bartlet signs papers on the desk. Leo enters from his office.
LEO
Sir.
BARTLET
Think about it.
CHARLIE
Yes sir. [exits]
LEO
NSA has new cellular intercepts. The list of possible targets now includes Dover in
Delaware and Fort Myer in Maryland. And they're close to putting the White House on the list.
BARTLET
What are we doing?
LEO
Combat Air Patrols over DC and we've vectored aircraft away from the district.
Mr. President? I want you to start getting yourself into a mental place where you can
order an unidentified plane shot down. We're sealing a one-mile perimeter. Fitz is
about to call you and ask you to put the Coast Guard on alert for the Atlantic.
BARTLET
We're leaning on Arab Intelligence sources?
LEO
They're not what they used to be.
BARTLET
We're leaning on them?
LEO
Yes sir. We have to talk about the bunker.
BARTLET
I'm not going to the bunker.
LEO
Sir...
BARTLET
I'm not going to the bunker. It sends a terrible sign. I'm sitting in this room.
LEO
Ron and I have been through this.
BARTLET
You haven't been through it with me.
LEO
I'm trying to tell you if the time comes they're not going to give you a choice.
BARTLET
You're telling me that the Secret Service, you're telling me my own bodyguards are
gonna escort me to the bunker?
LEO
Your feet may touch the ground a couple of times along the way but I doubt it.
Bartlet sits pondering.
FADE OUT.
END ACT TWO
* * *
ACT THREE
FADE IN: INT. BARNEY'S - DAY
Simon stands guard in the ladies department in Barney's. C.J. and her niece, HOGAN,
are searching for gowns.
C.J.
I know you said you didn't want taffeta, but what do you think?
HOGAN
I think it's great except for the taffeta. Do you like this?
C.J.
It's a little pink.
HOGAN
Aunt C.J., stop looking at the Vera Wang's.
C.J.
Why?
HOGAN
'Cause they cost almost a months salary.
C.J.
But I'm the cool aunt, this is what I do. Look at this. [holds out a gown] Good gracious.
Black silk couture gown.
HOGAN
I'd have to be five eleven to look good in that.
C.J.
As luck would have it that's my height exactly.
HOGAN
[laughing] Go ahead.
C.J.
Thank you. I'm just going to take this one too. [grabs another gown]
Simon follows C.J. towards the dressing rooms. Simon stops outside when C.J. goes in.
HOGAN
What is it that you look for exactly?
SIMON
You know it when you see it.
HOGAN
What do you mean?
Simon leads Hogan to a more open area.
SIMON
Look this way. Now look this way. Now look this way. Now look this way. Now look at me.
What did you see?
HOGAN
Uh... over here there was a mother with two kids. Over here there was a man in a coat,
and I can't remember what else. And over here was the check out counter and there were
some people over there and I can't remember what else.
SIMON
Anything bother you?
HOGAN
No.
SIMON
What about the guy in the coat?
HOGAN
What about him?
SIMON
It's May. Why is he wearing a coat?
HOGAN
I don't know.
SIMON
I don't know either. But until one of us leaves this store I'm always going to know where he is.
HOGAN
So you're always looking.
SIMON
Yeah. We're actually not supposed to talk that much.
HOGAN
Sorry.
They separate. Simon wanders back to the dressing rooms where we can see parts of C.J.
as she changes into the gown.
HOGAN
So what would it take for you to brandish your weapon?
SIMON
What? I mean, excuse me?
HOGAN
What would it take right now for you to just reach in and brandish your weapon?
SIMON
It would have to be something pretty extraordinary.
HOGAN
How long have you been with the Secret Service?
SIMON
Well, I went to college basically on an army scholarship which means that after you get
out you have to serve a certain number of years. Then I was with the Chicago Police
Department for a few years and I've been with the Secret Service for the last nine.
HOGAN
Have you ever brandished your weapon?
SIMON
Yes.
HOGAN
Have you ever fired it?
SIMON
Yes.
Hogan looks puzzled.
SIMON
What?
HOGAN
I'm just trying to think of when in the last nine years an agent would have had to fire
his gun, unless you... You were at Rosslyn. [beat] Well, you're a good guy.
Hogan tries to pat him on the shoulder. He recoils.
HOGAN
I'm sorry am I not allowed to touch you?
SIMON
No, it's okay.
C.J. comes out of the dressing room in a full-length black gown.
HOGAN
Aunt C.J., you're not going to believe this...
C.J.
What?
SIMON
Hogan, were going to tell her another time, okay?
HOGAN
Okay.
C.J.
Is Simon bothering you?
HOGAN
No.
C.J.
If he is, if he ever does, I want you to shriek at the top of your lungs, okay?
HOGAN
Okay.
C.J. twirls around in her dress, as we...
CUT TO: INT. OUTSIDE LEO'S OFFICE - DAY
Bruno walks to Leo's reception area
BRUNO
Hey, Stacey.
MARGARET
Margaret.
BRUNO
I thought Margaret was the girl who worked here before.
MARGARET
I'm the girl who worked here before. I'm Margaret.
BRUNO
You changed your hair.
MARGARET
No.
LEO
Come on in.
Leo enters his office. Bruno hands Margaret a small box.
BRUNO
Someone asked me to give this to you.
He goes inside LEO'S OFFICE.
BRUNO
The CEQ is waiting for me down the hall. Two precinct captains from Iowa want jobs in Commerce.
LEO
What do you think?
BRUNO
I don't care but Andrew Jackson said if there's a job that can't be done by a Democrat
let's abolish the job.
LEO
Okay.
BRUNO
C.J. says that AP asked for his transcript and he said no. Why?
LEO
He took a semester of tap.
BRUNO
Seriously.
LEO
I don't know. I'll ask him.
BRUNO
Thanks. And, uh, about the Iowa thing...
LEO
You may not get an answer today, okay? I don't want to give him too much knucklehead stuff.
BRUNO
Every time you say something like that, I buy canned goods.
LEO
What's with this tape?
BRUNO
You don't want to see it on television.
LEO
What?
BRUNO
I said you don't want to see it on TV. See you later.
Bruno walks balk outside.
MARGARET
[softly] Mr. Gianelli...
BRUNO
[smiling] You can call me Bruno.
Margaret places the box on her desk. Inside we see a gold necklace with Margaret's name on it.
CUT TO: INT. RESTAURANT - DAY
Sam and KEVIN KAHN are having lunch.
KAHN
You sounded funny on the phone.
SAM
No, I was just surprised you called.
KAHN
Why?
SAM
I don't know.
KAHN
What do you think of the two of us having lunch or coffee once a month? We can be
emissaries. We can maybe help keep things under control if it gets bad.
SAM
I think it's a good idea.
KAHN
What do you think about having your candidate to sign the Clean Campaign pledge?
SAM
My candidate's the President.
KAHN
Yes he is. I apologize. When was the last time we saw a genuine dialogue?
SAM
McKinley vs. Brian.
KAHN
So what if instead of the Cross of Gold speech-
SAM
I'm sorry about the thing.
KAHN
What thing?
SAM
The open mike.
KAHN
I'm not talking about that.
SAM
I think you are.
KAHN
Sam, it was not that big a deal. Most of us laughed about it.
SAM
Really?
KAHN
Yeah.
SAM
Look, something's happened, and I want to tell you about it.
KAHN
What?
SAM
Somebody made an attack ad and sent me a copy.
KAHN
Which one's getting attacked?
SAM
The President.
KAHN
They sent it to you?
SAM
Yeah.
KAHN
This is "Morality, Truth,..."
SAM
[passing the tape to Kahn] Yeah.
KAHN
We've seen it.
SAM
You've got a mole. We don't need it, we don't want it.
KAHN
Thank you. I'll get to the bottom of this.
CUT TO: INT. JOSH'S OFFICE - DAY
WEDNESDAY
Josh is in his office reading and making notes on a legal pad. Donna enters.
DONNA
Hello.
JOSH
Hello.
DONNA
It's wrong of you to make me fire the intern.
JOSH
I'll fire him.
DONNA
No.
JOSH
Why.
DONNA
First of all it was moose sausage not the prints to Los Alamos.
JOSH
And this is the White House not Williams-Sonoma.
DONNA
He's an intern, he makes nothing and he has to pay rent.
JOSH
He can't do it this way.
DONNA
And I'll make that clear to him but he shouldn't be fired. And you know why? 'Cause 20
years ago 75% of the people who graduated from the Kennedy School of Government took
jobs in public service. Last year it was a third. We need these people.
JOSH
All right.
DONNA
When Martha... was it Martha?
JOSH
Yes.
DONNA
When Martha came to you and thought it was me you wouldn't give her my name right?
JOSH
Yes.
DONNA
So let me just...
JOSH
I said all right like five minutes ago.
DONNA
I was just underlining my point.
JOSH
Nicely done.
DONNA
Okay, I'm through.
JOSH
Excellent.
CUT TO: INT. TOBY'S OFFICE - DAY
Toby is having a discussion with Bruno.
BRUNO
We could guarantee them a floor fight.
TOBY
Really?
BRUNO
A good one.
TOBY
For four nights?
BRUNO
Whatever.
TOBY
Okay.
BRUNO
You got a better idea?
TOBY
How about corporate sponsorship?
BRUNO
You think?
TOBY
Why are people footing the bill for this anyway?
BRUNO
The Nabisco Democratic National Convention?
TOBY
It's better than four nights of professional wrestling.
BRUNO
How much better?
TOBY
I don't know.
BRUNO
I wouldn't mind hitting some of the people. I can make it look real.
TOBY
This is ridiculous.
BRUNO
I'm telling you, they are not really...
TOBY
I was in the room.
BRUNO
They are not serious.
TOBY
I was in the room.
BRUNO
Any talks, and he wants to get these things off his chest, but in the end if we had
Tiny Tim and Miss What's-her-name doing the roll call they would cover it like that.
So, let's give them a little bit of--
TOBY
There's--
BRUNO
A little bit of what they want.
TOBY
Like what?
BRUNO
Me? I like animals that can do math.
TOBY
You want to help?
BRUNO
I'm not that worried.
TOBY
[yelling at the end] I was in the room.
BRUNO
And I don't think it's possible that these four people got together and decided anything.
TOBY
Wait a second. How is it possible that these four people got together and decided something?
I mean how is it possible that they got together and agreed?
BRUNO
The penny drops.
TOBY
Bonnie?
BRUNO
I still think it was about the skyboxes.
Bonnie enters.
BONNIE
Yeah?
TOBY
Get me David Wolczek at the Justice Department.
CUT TO: INT. PORTICO - THE OVAL OFFICE - DAY
Bartlet walks along the portico to his office, where Leo, Fitzwallace and military
advisors are waiting.
BARTLET
Yeah.
LEO
The FBI says a Bahji communication was traced to Khaled Madani. Which is one of 11 AKA's
used by Abdul Al-Yossi.
BARTLET
This doesn't mean anything to me.
ADVISOR 1
INS says that Khaled Madani is still in this country on an expired visa.
BARTLET
Where?
LEO
Bethesda.
ADVISOR 1
About a half hour ago agents raided a duplex rented under his name. There was no one there
but they found drawings and digital tape of the National Archives and Supreme Court building.
FITZWALLACE
These were detailed drawings with exterior air vents and detailed notations about the
number of guards posted.
BARTLET
Are we able to take a guess at where and when now?
FITZWALLACE
No sir.
BARTLET
[sighs] What about Abdul Shareef? Isn't Shareef supposed to be helping us with intelligence
out of Qumar?
ADVISOR 1
He's not.
LEO
We should put the President on Marine One.
FITZWALLACE
It's not my call but I don't think we should. They've doubled the counter assault on the
surrounding buildings. If it's me, I say the President's grounded until we know where Madani is.
BARTLET
Thank you.
FITZWALLACE
Thank you, Mr. President.
Fitzwallace and the military advisors exit, leaving Leo alone with Bartlet.
BARTLET
I'm not going to the bunker. There are going to be people who aren't going to the bunker,
and when I get out I'm not going to be able to tell them what to do anymore and I like
doing that. Let's get Abby to New Hampshire but I'm not going to the bunker. And if you
say I have to I'm walking across the alley with the Chief Justice and I'm handing John
Hoynes my resignation. And as soon as he's sworn in I'm telling him to appoint me his
Vice President because I'm not going to the bunker. If the agent's come, the agents come
but tell Ron he'd better bring more than a couple of guys.
FADE OUT.
END ACT THREE
* * *
ACT FOUR
FADE IN: INT. THE WHITE HOUSE MESS - DAY
Donna walks through.
DONNA
Bruce?
BRUCE
Hey Donna.
Donna makes a 'come here' signal. BRUCE, the intern follow her to a more private corner.
DONNA
You put that thing on eBay?
BRUCE
Yeah, someone bought it.
DONNA
I can't believe you did that.
BRUCE
What?
DONNA
You put something from the White House on eBay. Do you know how embarrassing that is?
BRUCE
For who?
DONNA
For me, for Josh, for the President. For everybody who works here. For you.
BRUCE
I don't work here. Or more accurately, I don't get paid to work here.
DONNA
I don't care.
BRUCE
My landlord does. I file, copy, deliver, get coffee, get pizza, and I do it for free.
DONNA
That's exactly what you signed up for. In fact you had to jump through fourteen hoops
to get the gig. Did anybody lie to you?
BRUCE
That doesn't matter.
DONNA
That's all that matters. You're like a college athlete justifying... [sighs] This is what
you signed up for. Now you're not going to be fired but you are going to be transferred
out of the west wing and you're going to have to give me $210.
BRUCE
Why?
DONNA
Because I'm the one who got the thing off eBay.
BRUCE
It's covering a check I wrote already.
DONNA
I'm out $210 for free moose meat I didn't want in the first place?
BRUCE
Sorry.
DONNA
[sighs] Go back to work.
CUT TO: INT. C.J.'S OFFICE - DAY
Bruno walks in to talk to C.J.
BRUNO
What?
C.J.
This. Sam's encouraging the President to sign the Clean Campaign pledge.
BRUNO
What the hell?
C.J.
And they talk about the tape.
BRUNO
Is this all of them?
C.J.
Yeah.
BRUNO
Excuse me.
An angry Bruno walks off.
CUT TO: INT. THE ROOSEVELT ROOM - DAY
Toby walks back in to the meeting with the media directors.
MEDIA DIRECTOR 1
We understand you have a counter offer.
TOBY
Yeah. You broadcast all four nights of the convention.
MEDIA DIRECTOR 2
Why?
TOBY
'Cause the public owns the airwaves not you, and you have a legal obligation to the public.
MEDIA DIRECTOR 3
The public could care less about the nominating conventions. So why?
TOBY
You have an FCC public obligation.
MEDIA DIRECTOR 3
Show me a station that's lost its licence for not showing enough public interest programming.
TOBY
I can't.
MEDIA DIRECTOR 3
So why?
TOBY
'Cause if you don't the Justice Department is going to investigate you for anti-trust violation.
MEDIA DIRECTOR 4
Anti-trust violation?
TOBY
A joint decision not to compete for the best convention programming.
MEDIA DIRECTOR 2
You're accusing us of conspiring not to show money losing programming?
TOBY
Not me so much as the Justice Department. 15 U.S.C. section 1. "Every contract combination
or conspiracy in restraint of trade or commerce is declared to be illegal. Every person who
shall engage in any combination..."
MEDIA DIRECTOR 3
All right, we get it. We all have lawyers that we'll have to talk to.
TOBY
Yes, no. There isn't going to be a horse race to cover, either in New York or San Diego,
but we gave you the air waves for free 70 years ago and 357 days a year you can say who's
up and who's down, who won the West and who lost the South but what's wrong with 8 days,
not every year but every 4 years, showing our leaders talking to us. Not a fraction of
what they said but what they said. And then th-the balloons.
MEDIA DIRECTOR 3
Like I said.
TOBY
You have to talk to the lawyers.
MEDIA DIRECTOR 3
Yes.
TOBY
Talk to the lawyers.
CUT TO: INT. SAM'S OFFICE - DAY
Bruno enters.
BRUNO
What'd I tell you?
SAM
About what?
BRUNO
About not meeting with Kevin Kahn.
SAM
He called me. It was out of the blue.
BRUNO
It was?
SAM
We're good friends, he wanted to keep things civil.
BRUNO
He leaked it to the press.
SAM
What?
BRUNO
Your lunch.
SAM
You're wrong.
BRUNO
He leaked it to the press. He's got you in favour of the pledge and you gave him the tape.
SAM
I didn't...
BRUNO
This is three, four-I don't know a dozen news cycles--where we're playing politics and
losing. Let me be clear the pledge is their idea. Any move we make on it we lose, any
move they make they win.
SAM
I agree this is bad... and I take full responsibility.
BRUNO
This isn't bad Sam. Let me show you bad.
Bruno walks out to the BULLPEN. Sam follows. All the televisions are tuned to different
stations.
NEWSCASTER 1
...his failure refusing to sign a Clean Campaign pledge so he won't have to defend his
broken promises.
NEWSCASTER 2
...it was for internal use only. The Ritchie campaign reports that it did not have any
involvement in the production of the ad and it has no idea how the Bartlet camp might
have obtained it. The ad, alluding to President Bartlet's...
The voices of several newscasters begin to overlap.
SAM
Oh, God.
BRUNO
It's on free media... everywhere, all day, all night, for free. You got played, Sam,
and you forgot that all warfare is based on deception. One of these times, you guys are
going to listen. Or you're going to find out what the crappy end of Inauguration Day
feels like.
CUT TO: EXT. DUPONT TOWERS - NIGHT
THURSDAY
Sam sitting in his car in the rain. He sees Kahn come out of the Dupont Towers. Sam gets
out of his car into the pouring rain.
SAM
I can't believe you did that. [shoves him] I can't believe you did that!
KAHN
Go to hell.
SAM
What happened to...?
KAHN
What happened with the open mic?
SAM
It was a mistake!
KAHN
Crap.
SAM
You said you laughed!
KAHN
You think I laughed?
SAM
You said...
KAHN
You think I laughed?!!
SAM
So that's what this is about? The open... that's what this is about!
KAHN
That was my candidate you made a punch line out of. Is it going to happen again?
I think it will.
SAM
Yeah?
KAHN
Yeah.
SAM
I think it will too.
Kevin Kahn walks away.
CUT TO: INT. THE OVAL OFFICE - NIGHT
Bartlet sits at his desk. Charlie enters.
CHARLIE
Sir?
BARTLET
You can send him in.
Fitzwallace and Leo enter. Charlie exits.
LEO
They arrested him.
BARTLET
Oakland, California.
FITZWALLACE
The Coast Guard boarded and seized a 50 foot boat about 200 yards off the port of Oakland.
BARTLET
What did they find on board?
FITZWALLACE
5000 keys of ammonium nitrate and a gallon of diesel fuel.
BARTLET
What was the target?
LEO
Fort Point.
BARTLET
That wasn't on the list.
FITZWALLACE
Well, it's military, which is consistent, but decommissioned which wasn't. It's not a
very valuable asset.
BARTLET
So why'd they want it.
LEO
Because of what's above it.
BARTLET
The Golden Gate Bridge.
FITZWALLACE
The fort fronts the anchorage and the tie downs of the suspension cables.
BARTLET
This was on the west coast and we didn't know anything.
LEO
We knew enough.
BARTLET
I'm going to ask this again. Where the hell was Shareef?
FITZWALLACE
We're not entirely ready to answer that sir.
BARTLET
What do you mean?
FITZWALLACE
Well, you know we've been getting a great deal of help from the Russians since Helsinki.
BARTLET
Yeah.
FITZWALLACE
And that they've continued to interrogate the Chechnyan who gave us a target alert in
the first place.
BARTLET
Yeah.
FITZWALLACE
The prisoner says he worked with a Bahji operative in Grozny who reported...
BARTLET
To who ?
FITZWALLACE
Abdul Shareef.
BARTLET
Are you telling me the Qumari defence minister may have ordered an attack on the
Golden Gate Bridge?
FITZWALLACE
We're not ready to say.
BARTLET
We have a diplomatic relationship with this country.
FITZWALLACE
Yes sir.
BARTLET
He's coming here. Shareef is coming here, in like, ten days, isn't he?
FITZWALLACE
Yes sir.
BARTLET
Get ready to say.
FITZWALLACE
Yes sir.
BARTLET
Thank you.
FITZWALLACE
Thank you, Mr. President.
Admiral Fitzwallace exits.
CUT TO: INT. C.J.'S OFFICE - NIGHT
C.J. and Simon are walking towards her office. Jamie waits by the door.
JAMIE
[into the phone] This is Dawson, 8:09. I've got Flamingo.
C.J.
Hey Jamie. Could you give us just a second?
JAMIE
Yes ma'am.
C.J.
[to Simon] Come here.
They walk into her office.
C.J.
What were you and Hogan talking about that you would tell me later?
SIMON
I was on Eagle's protection detail in Rosslyn.
C.J.
Oh. I didn't know that.
SIMON
No, it's just...
C.J.
Thank you.
SIMON
I'm sorry?
C.J.
I just said "thank you".
SIMON
Okay.
C.J.
Well, I should get going.
SIMON
Have a good night.
C.J.
Good night.
C.J. leaves. Simon sits down on C.J.'s chair to check her email. He eyes one with the
subject "Vera Wang". After clicking on it, we see what it reads:
"The Vera Wang looked great on you. I'm glad you bought it. You should wear
it in the next couple of days because you're going to be dead soon."
Simon reads it before he violently slams his hand on the desk.
DISSOLVE TO: END TITLES.
FADE TO BLACK.
THE END
* * *
The West Wing and all its characters are a property of Aaron Sorkin, John Wells
Production, Warner Brothers Television and NBC. No copyright infringement is intended.
Episode 3.19 -- "The Black Vera Wang"
Original Airdate: May 8, 2002, 9:00 PM EST
Transcript by: Lisa, Amy and Corrine
September 9, 2002