THE WEST WING 06

THE WEST WING
“MR. WILLIS OF OHIO”
WRITTEN BY: AARON SORKIN
DIRECTED BY: CHRISTOPHER MISIANO


TEASER

FADE IN: INT. THE WHITE HOUSE - LEO’S OFFICE - NIGHT

Bartlet and his staff are gathered around a table, playing poker. C.J. is dealing 
the cards.

C.J.
Nine, no help. Jack, no help. Eight, possible flush. King, possible flush. Ace, no 
help. Six, possible straight. Dave of love for the dealer. Ace bets.

MANDY
Check.

SAM
Check.

C.J.
Check.

LEO
Check.

JOSH
Check.

TOBY
[pause] Check.

There’s a long silence.

C.J.
Mr. President?

BARTLET
There is one fruit...

The President’s staff groans.

TOBY
Oh please...

BARTLET
There is one fruit...

TOBY
Mr. President, check or bet sir. Those are your choices.

BARTLET
There is one fruit...

JOSH
Or you should feel free to give us a quiz on inane trivia.

BARTLET
There is one fruit whose seeds are on the outside. Name it please.

C.J.
Is it the kumquat?

BARTLET
No.

Everyone laughs.

TOBY
Check or bet sir?

BARTLET
I bet five.

MANDY
Call.

SAM
See it.

C.J.
Fold.

LEO
See it.

JOSH
Call.

TOBY
I see it. And I raise you five.

EVERYONE
Oooh...

LEO
Trouble...

C.J.
Mr. President?

BARTLET
It’s the strawberry.

EVERYONE
Ah.

MANDY
Oh right.

TOBY
Well, thank you sir. I just raised your bet.

BARTLET
Yes you did Toby, and I thought it was a bold move when you consider that Leo’s 
holding the six you’re looking for.

TOBY
Do you call the raise sir?

BARTLET
That depends...

JOSH
Depends on what?

BARTLET
There are fourteen punctuation marks in Standard English grammar. Can anyone name 
them please?

C.J.
Period.

JOSH
Comma.

MANDY
Colon

SAM
Semi-colon.

JOSH
Dash.

SAM
Hyphen.

LEO
Ah... apostrophe.

BARTLET
That’s only seven. There are seven more.

TOBY
Question mark, exclamation point, quotation marks, brackets, parentheses, braces 
and ellipses.

C.J.
Ooh.

JOSH
Wow!

TOBY
Do you call the raise sir?

BARTLET
There are three words, and three words only in the English language that begin with 
the letters DW.

JOSH
This is a pretty good illustration of why we get nothing done.

All laugh.

BARTLET
Can anyone name them for me please?

SAM
Three words that begin with DW?

BARTLET
Yes.

SAM
Dwindle.

BARTLET
Yes.

TOBY
Dwarf.

BARTLET
Yes.

Everyone mumbles out different words.

TOBY
[to Sam] C’mon Princeton. We’ve got dwindle, we’ve got dwarf. 

BARTLET
I see you five and raise you five by the way.

TOBY
Dwarf... dwindle.

LEO
Fold.

JOSH
Fold.

C.J.
Last card down.

BARTLET
“Witches brew a magic spell, in an enchanted forest where fairies...”

TOBY
Dwell! Dwell, dwell! Dwindle, dwarf and dwell!

BARTLET
Well, the answer’s correct but let’s check with our judges and -- oh no, I’m sorry, 
time’s expired.

TOBY
What? What time?

BARTLET
My time.

JOSH
You have your own time?

Everyone laughs.

TOBY
I call.

BARTLET
Trip nines.

EVERYONE
Ooh...

TOBY
Take your money sir. You’d dwell to report that to the I.R.S., report you as I will.

LEO
All right, I’m done. I’m gonna head home.

BARTLET
Kiss Jenny for me.

LEO
Yeah, I will.

The staff begins to leave.

JOSH
Sam, I’m going back to the office, they’ve got the commerce report ready for me. 
What are you doing?

SAM
I was gonna go home.

JOSH
Sam, I’m going back to the office, they’ve got the commerce report ready for me. 
What are you doing?

SAM
I’m going to go back to your office with you and make sure you understand the 
commerce report.

JOSH
Thank you.

SAM
When I get through with you you’re gonna know everything there is to know about 
standard data versus sampling data in the census.

Bartlet and Leo walk into THE OVAL OFFICE. Charlie is seated on the couch.

BARTLET
Charlie, I’m headed over to the residence, you’re done for the night.

CHARLIE
Thank you sir. I’m gonna stay a bit to do some paperwork.

BARTLET
Don’t stay up too late son.

C.J.
[to Mandy as they walk in] How’d you do?

MANDY
84 bucks.

C.J.
Most of that’s mine.

A door closes somewhere...

MANDY
What’s that?

Suddenly several Secret Service Agents burst into THE OVAL OFFICE.

AGENT
Excuse me Mr. President. I’m sorry the building’s not secure. Would everyone stay 
in the room please?

Sam and Josh are let in by another agent. 

JOSH
This is happening way too often.

LEO
It’s pledge week at the fraternities. The kids hop the fence.

AGENT
Would you mind stepping away from the doors and windows please?

JOSH
This whole room is doors and windows.

LEO
Josh.

JOSH
I’m cooperating. I’m cooperating.

AGENT
This will be under control in just a minute, Mr. President.

BARTLET
All right. [long pause] What body of water in South America is formed by the 
confluence...?

TOBY
Excuse me Wink Martindale? Do you really think this is the time?

BARTLET
Not quite up on your South American geography are you my friend?

AGENT
We’re clear.

BARTLET
Saved by the bell.

MANDY
This is exactly the kind of thing that didn’t used to happen at my old job.

SMASH CUT TO: MAIN TITLES.
END TEASER
* * *

ACT ONE

FADE IN: INT. THE WHITE HOUSE COMMUNICATIONS OFFICE - DAY
Toby walks in. Cathy and Bonnie are in their desks.

TOBY
Cathy, I need a copy of Article 1, Section 2.

CATHY
Article 1, Section 2 of what?

TOBY
The Constitution.

CATHY
Is that something I’m supposed to have at my desk? 

TOBY
Does anybody have a copy of the Constitution? [No one responds.] This is discouraging.

CATHY
Bonnie, would you get Toby a copy of the Constitution?

BONNIE
Is it still in print?

TOBY
Oh for crying out loud! Try Amazon.COM. If they don’t have it then just bust into 
the glass display case at the National Archives!

C.J.
[comes up from behind] You shouldn’t yell.

TOBY
Is it still in print, is what my staff would like to know.

C.J.
I’m here to see Sam.

TOBY
Go ahead.

C.J.
It’s not a big deal, I’m just, you know, here to see him about something.

TOBY
What do I care?

C.J.
Absolutely no reason that you should.

TOBY
Okay.

Toby walks into his office as C.J. walks into SAM'S OFFICE. Sam is busy talking 
on the phone.

SAM
[into phone] ...And the President’s committed to vetoing any Commerce Bill that 
prohibits sampling data as a legitimate component of the 2000 Census, and I’m not 
saber rattling Jill, I’m just giving you a preview of what you’re gonna get later 
with Toby. Yeah. I’ll see you then. [hangs up and sees C.J.] Hey.

C.J.
Hey. That was all great... what you just said there. 

SAM
What’d I just say?

C.J.
Not so much what you said, but the way you said it. 

SAM
The census has to be taken seriously.

C.J.
Tell me about it.

SAM
You know... It’s not glamorous, but you know.

C.J.
Sure.

SAM
You need something?

C.J.
Did you get a haircut?

SAM
No.

C.J.
You look good today.

SAM
Thank you. You too.

C.J.
New suit?

SAM
No.

C.J.
You look good.

SAM
What do you need C.J.?

The two start walking from the office to the HALLWAY. 

C.J.
A tutor.

SAM
A tutor?

C.J.
Yes.

SAM
What for?

C.J.
Sam, I read my briefing book last night on the commerce bill regarding the census 
and there are certain parts of it I don’t understand.

SAM
I can help you out. Which parts?

C.J.
Well... all of it.

SAM
All of it?

C.J.
Yes.

SAM
You don’t understand the census?

C.J.
I don’t understand certain nuances.

SAM
Like what?

C.J.
Like, the census.

SAM
C.J., we’ve been working on this commerce bill for three weeks, I hear you talk 
about the census all the time.

C.J.
Yeah. Yeah.

SAM
Well...I don’t understand. How could you-?

C.J.
I’ve been faking it.

SAM
You’ve been faking it?

C.J.
I’ve been playing it fast and loose there’s no doubt about it, but sitting in on 
some of the meetings we’ve been having, and reading the briefing book last night, 
I have to say that the census is starting to sound to me like it’s, well, important.

SAM
Ah-ha.

C.J.
And, I’ve come to the realization that if I’m gonna be talking about it all week, 
it’s probably best that I understand what I’m saying.

SAM
When?

C.J.
When what?

SAM
When did you come to this realization?

C.J.
About an hour ago.

SAM
Okay. Let’s... I tell you what, let’s forget the fact that you’re coming a little 
late to the party and embrace the fact that you showed up at all.

C.J.
That’s what I say.

SAM
Let’s try it at lunch.

C.J.
Thank you.

SAM
You’ve been faking it?

C.J.
Yes.

SAM
To the President?

C.J.
I know. I probably shouldn’t do that.

SAM
You think?

C.J.
I’ll see you at lunch.

CUT TO: INT. JOSH’S BULLPEN AREA - DAY
Josh is standing at a file cabinet. Donna comes up from behind him.

DONNA
Hi.

JOSH
Hi. [starts walking, Donna following]

DONNA
Can I ask you a question?

JOSH
About what?

DONNA
The budget surplus.

JOSH
Go ahead.

DONNA
There’s a 30 billion dollar budget surplus.

JOSH
It’ll actually shake out to about 32 billion.

DONNA
Whatever.

JOSH
Well, you know what they say?

DONNA
What do they say?

JOSH
A billion dollars here, a billion dollars there. Sooner or later it starts to add 
up to real money.

DONNA
That’s a nifty saying Josh.

JOSH
I didn’t coin it or anything.

DONNA
We have a 32 billion dollar surplus for the first time in three decades.

JOSH
Yes.

DONNA
Republicans in Congress want to use this money for tax relief right?

JOSH
Yes.

DONNA
Essentially what they’re saying is, they wanna give back the money.

JOSH
Yes.

DONNA
Why don’t we wanna give back the money?

JOSH
‘Cause we’re Democrats.

DONNA
But it’s not the government’s money!

JOSH
Sure it is. It’s right there in our bank account. 

DONNA
That’s only because we collected more money than we ended up needing.

JOSH
Isn’t it great?

DONNA
I want my money back.

JOSH
Sorry.

DONNA
We’re not done with this.

JOSH
I didn’t think so.

Josh and Donna enter LEO’S OFFICE. Toby, Cathy, Mandy, Sam and Leo are gathered 
there. They are reading the Appropriations Bill. 

LEO
Twelve million dollars to establish an Appalachian transportation institute. 1.5 
million to study parking facilities at commercial truck stops. Three million dollars 
to produce a documentary on highway infrastructure. These are just some of today’s 
additions to the Appropriations Bill. And that’s just in the area of transportation.

MANDY
Two million dollars for a volcano monitor in Alaska to warn passing airplanes about ash?

LEO
By the way, the FAA doesn’t know what that is!

TOBY
550,000 dollars for New York State to restore the home of Susan B. Anthony.

JOSH
While we’re at it, the tile in my shower could use re-grouting.

MANDY
Could somebody please remind me what’s in this for us?

TOBY
Power zones, US rail, and Federal funding for 100,000 new public school teachers.

MANDY
Thank you.

LEO
How’s this working?

MANDY
We have a meeting with Gladman and Skinner, and they represent two of the three swing 
votes on the Commerce Committee. 

LEO
Swing votes in terms of the census?

MANDY
Yes. And if they agree to drop the sampling prohibition, the Appropriations Bill 
could pass without a problem.

LEO
Who’s the third?

MANDY
The third?

LEO
You said three swing votes... Gladman, Skinner...

TOBY
Janice Willis’ husband.

LEO
Right.

TOBY
Presumably he’s gonna do what he’s told.

MANDY
We’re fine.

LEO
You sure?

TOBY
Tomorrow’s the start of a three-day weekend and 435 congressmen want to make their 
flights home in the morning.

LEO
You think that’ll do it?

TOBY
Oh, I know that’ll do it.

LEO
What time’s the meeting?

TOBY
11 o’clock.

LEO
Just don’t do anything to screw up or in any way embarrass me okay?

JOSH
Leo. Knute Rockne. Sometimes I get them mixed up. 

LEO
Go.

CUT TO: INT. THE OVAL OFFICE - DAY
Bartlet and the head of the Secret Service, RON BUTTERFIELD, are seated on the couch.

RON BUTTERFIELD
If they hop the fence, they’re going to jail. What they do once we get to them is 
what’s gonna determine for how long.

BARTLET
What tripped the alarm?

RON
Well, there are alarms in the ground. [pointing to a map on the coffee table]
Here, here, here here, here, here, and here. She tripped it here.

BARTLET
She?

RON
Yes sir.

BARTLET
It wasn’t a fraternity stunt?

RON
No sir. It was a mentally unbalanced woman in her forties.

BARTLET
Well, you know, just trying to kill me isn’t necessarily evidence of being mentally 
unbalanced!

RON
Sir, it appears from her statement...you weren’t the target.

BARTLET
I wasn’t?

RON
No sir.

BARTLET
Who was?

RON
Your daughter.

BARTLET
Zoey?

RON
Yes sir.

BARTLET
Leo.

LEO
[enters] Good morning Mr. President.

BARTLET
You know Ron Butterfield?

LEO
Sure.

BARTLET
He says it was a woman!

LEO
We spoke last night.

RON
We’re still reviewing the frame-by-frame, Leo. 

LEO
I’ll get a report first thing?

RON
Yes sir. Mr. President, if I could excuse myself to the outer office I could make 
a call and see...

BARTLET
Of course. [to Leo] This woman was after Zoey?

Ron leaves.

LEO
There were eight security checks between where the woman was and Zoey’s bedroom.

BARTLET
There’s no need for Zoey to know about this right? 

LEO
No.

BARTLET
What do you need?

LEO
This may be the wrong time Mr. President, but I wanted to speak to you about...
As the game was breaking up last night, you mentioned I should say hello to Jenny.

Ron Butterfield walks back into the room.

BARTLET
Hang on a second. What’ve you got Ron?

RON
You’ll be happy to know our security system worked exactly the way our security 
system’s supposed to work.

BARTLET
Well, I guess that’s something.

RON
Yes sir.

LEO
You’ll send the full report?

RON
About two hours.

BARTLET
[to Leo] You were saying?

LEO
It can wait.

BARTLET
You sure?

LEO
Yeah. Good seeing you Ron.

RON
Thank you.

LEO
I’ll see you in an hour sir.

BARTLET
[to Leo] All right, thanks. [to Butterfield] I guess we’re done too.

Leo leaves.

RON
I wouldn’t lose a lot of sleep over it sir. 

BARTLET
No, no.

RON
Good seeing you Mr. President.

BARTLET
You too. [pause] Ron?

RON
Yes sir?

BARTLET
Did she have a gun?

RON
Yes sir.

BARTLET
Okay. Thank you.

Ron Butterfield leaves.

CUT TO: INT. THE ROOSEVELT ROOM - DAY
Mandy and Josh are seated inside pouring coffee. Congressmen GLADMAN, SKINNER and 
JOE WILLIS walk in.

GLADMAN
Josh, good to see you.

JOSH
Congressman.

SKINNER
Morning.

JOSH
Morning.

GLADMAN
Mandy, if I’d known you were going to be here I would have brought my sword and shield.

MANDY
Champagne and flowers would’ve done the trick.

GLADMAN
Have you met Joe Willis?

JOSH
No, we haven’t.

WILLIS
My wife was Janice Willis.

JOSH
I know.

WILLIS
She passed away last month, so I’ve taken over her seat in Congress.

MANDY
Yes sir, we know. We’re so sorry for your loss.

WILLIS
The White House sent flowers and the President wrote a very beautiful note. I wonder 
if you could pass along my thanks. 

JOSH
We sure will, congressman.

WILLIS
Please, no, I’m not a congressman. I teach 8th grade social studies. This is only 
temporary so...

Toby enters with entourage. Cathy and two other staffers are with him. They have 
with them a bunch of copies of the Appropriations Bill.

TOBY
Morning. Everyone got fruit. Everyone got bagels. Good, good. Christopher, Anthony, 
would you mind putting my copy of the Appropriations Bill on the table please. 
Thank you Christopher, thank you Anthony, and thank you Cathy. Gentlemen, why don’t 
we take our seats? Congressman Skinner, welcome. Congressman Gladman, always good 
to have you here, sir. Congressman Willis, I was a great fan of your late wife.

WILLIS
Thank you.

TOBY
This represents the latest draft of the House Appropriations Bill. It is 7,000 pages 
long, and weighs over 55 pounds. It includes 1.2 million dollars for a lettuce 
geneticist in Salinas, California and 1.7 million dollars for manure handling in 
Starkville, Mississippi.

GLADMAN
Toby, you know that’s what happens.

TOBY
Eight states will divide 5 million dollars to research the uses of wood.

SKINNER
Yeah we saw that one!

TOBY
I’m thinking of some uses for it right now.

GLADMAN
I thought we were here to talk about the census? 

JOSH
We are. The White House just wanted to take this opportunity to point out that you’re 
criminals and despots.

GLADMAN
Thank you.

JOSH
No problem.

GLADMAN
But that’s not going to stop the President from signing the bill into law?

JOSH
No, sadly it won’t. What will stop the President from signing the bill is the amendment 
your committee is offering on the census.

MANDY
The three of you represent the swing vote on the Commerce Committee. You drop the 
census amendment and the Appropriations Bill goes through without a hitch. Insist on 
the law prohibiting sampling and you can count on a long floor fight followed by an 
almost certain veto.

TOBY
I would like to emphasize the long floor fight of it all, and remind you that I have 
absolutely no conscience when it comes to exploiting the fact that you have non-
refundable airline tickets for the weekend. With that in mind...

WILLIS
Ah excuse me.

TOBY
Yes sir?

WILLIS
I’m not leaving town.

TOBY
I’m sorry?

WILLIS
I’m not leaving town this weekend. I was gonna stay and see some of Janice’s friends. 
So, there’s no need to rush on my account. You can take as much time as you like.

TOBY
[long pause] Good, then. Let’s talk.

CUT TO: INT. HALLWAY - DAY
C.J. and Sam are walking towards her office.

C.J.
And you’re gonna go slowly right?

SAM
Yes.

C.J.
Pretend for the purposes of this conversation that I’m dumb.

SAM
Let me try to conjure an image of you as a stupid person.

C.J.
You’re cracking wise. I’m coming to you exposed and vulnerable.

SAM
This is your office. I’m coming to you.

C.J.
I meant symbolically.

SAM
Ah.

They enter C.J.’S OFFICE and both sit.

C.J.
I’m a person saying there’s something I do not know, will you teach me. It’s hard 
to admit you don’t know something. That makes me submissive.

SAM
What is it exactly that you’re asking me to do?

C.J.
I’m admitting to you that there are things I do not know.

SAM
And I’m telling you that I don’t think anybody would have any trouble imagining that 
there are things you do not know.

C.J.
Explain it to me.

SAM
The Constitution mandates that every ten years we count everybody.

C.J.
Why?

SAM
Because representation at the various levels of the government, federal, state and 
municipal, is based on population. The only way to find out how many congressmen 
California gets is to count the people in California. Got it?

C.J.
Can I just say that if the briefing book had been written that clearly, I would have 
easily understood?

SAM
We’re not through yet.

C.J.
Okay.

SAM
The decennial census has always been done by a door-to-door head count. Some 950,000 
professionals are hired. The process costs approximately 6.9 billion dollars. The 
process is also very inaccurate. It tends to be significantly disadvantageous to 
inner city populations, recent immigrant populations, and of course the homeless.

C.J.
You are a very good teacher, Sam. I want you to know that in this...

SAM
Your time of vulnerability?

C.J.
Yes. I appreciate it.

SAM
We’re not done yet.

C.J.
Okay.

CUT TO: INT. LEO’S OFFICE - DAY
Leo walks in to find Mallory there.

LEO
Oh! Hey, baby!

MALLORY
Hi, Daddy. [embraces him]

LEO
Can you stay long?

MALLORY
No. I just wanted to bring you some stuff from home.

LEO
Oh, you didn’t have to do that.

MALLORY
I wanted you to have some stuff that you like. 

LEO
I’m really fine Mal.

MALLORY
You’re okay at the hotel?

LEO
I wanted Mom to have the house.

MALLORY
But you’re gonna look for a place right? I can help you out on the weekends.

LEO
Mallory, this thing with your mother and me... it’ll blow over.

MALLORY
No, it won’t Dad. You understand that right?

CUT TO: INT. THE ROOSEVELT ROOM - DAY
Toby, Josh, Mandy, and the three congressmen are still discussing the census.

MANDY
This is a one-time experiment.

GLADMAN
This is a purely partisan issue Mandy. The Democrats want to win back the house!

MANDY
I’m not gonna deny that there’s something for us to gain.

Donna comes in and whispers something to Josh.

SKINNER
No, no, no. It’s like you lost the battle but now you want to win. 

Skinner’s voice fades out as Donna and Josh leave the room to the HALLWAY. Donna 
and Josh begin another walk and talk.

JOSH
Did he say what it was about?

DONNA
No. What’s wrong with me getting my money back?

JOSH
You won’t spend it right.

DONNA
What do you mean?

JOSH
Let’s say your cut of the surplus is $700. I want to take your money, combine it 
with everyone else’s money and use it to pay down the debt and further endow social 
security. What do you want to do with it?

DONNA
Buy a DVD player.

JOSH
See?

DONNA
But my $700 is helping to employ the people who manufacture and sell DVD players, 
not to mention the people who manufacture and sell DVDs. It’s the natural evolution 
of the market economy.

JOSH
The problem is, the DVD player you buy might be made in Japan.

DONNA
I’ll buy an American one.

JOSH
We don’t trust you.

DONNA
Why not?

JOSH
We’re Democrats.

DONNA
I want my money back!

JOSH
You shouldn’t have voted for us.

Donna walks away, and Josh walks inside the OUTER OVAL OFFICE. He sees Charlie and
Mrs. Landingham.

JOSH
Hey Charlie.

CHARLIE
What’s up Josh?

JOSH
Mrs. Landingham, I got a message he needed to see me? 

MRS. LANDINGHAM
Yeah, go on in.

Josh walks into THE OVAL OFFICE. Several people are in the room. 
Bartlet is on the phone. 

BARTLET
[to the phone] Yes. Yes. Of course. [to Josh] I’m on a conference call with the 
postmaster general.

JOSH
What’s it about?

BARTLET
I honestly couldn’t tell you.

JOSH
Ah.

BARTLET
Look, I want you to do me a favor.

JOSH
Of course.

BARTLET
Take Charlie out for a beer tonight.

JOSH
Take him out for a beer?

BARTLET
Yeah. The kid has no life. You’re the only guy around here he knows at all. Take him 
out for a couple of beers, you guys come back, we’ll all watch the vote in Leo’s office.

JOSH
Sure.

BARTLET
Good, thanks. Let me give you some cash.

JOSH
No sir, I don’t need-

BARTLET
[puts hand in pocket] Don’t be silly.

JOSH
I have money Mr. President. I’m fine.

BARTLET
You sure?

JOSH
Yes sir.

BARTLET
Truth be known, I don’t have any cash on me.

JOSH
It’s fine.

BARTLET
I don’t carry cash anymore. I don’t carry keys either.

JOSH
Well, I wouldn’t think you’d need them sir.

BARTLET
How’s it going in there?

JOSH
We’ll see.

BARTLET
I appreciate it.

JOSH
Yes sir. [walks back out to the OUTER OVAL OFFICE and turns to Charlie] Charlie?

CHARLIE
Yes?

JOSH
You got plans tonight?

CHARLIE
No.

JOSH
You don’t have to sit with your sister?

CHARLIE
She’s having a sleepover at a girlfriend’s. What do you want me to do?

JOSH
Have a beer with me.

CHARLIE
What do you mean?

JOSH
Tonight. We’ll go to a bar in Georgetown. We’ll speak as men do.

CHARLIE
We will?

JOSH
Yeah.

CHARLIE
Um... What kind of bar is this Josh?

JOSH
No... It’s fine.

CHARLIE
Okay.

JOSH
Great.

MRS. LANDINGHAM
Josh, aren’t you a little old to be leering at college coeds?

JOSH
I’m a Fulbright scholar Mrs. Landingham. I don’t leer. Also, there’ll be plenty of 
grad students there.

MRS. LANDINGHAM
Oh well. Good then.

JOSH
So I’ll come get you?

CHARLIE
Okay.

JOSH
Great.

Josh walks out into the HALLWAY. Mallory and Zoey come up from behind.

ZOEY
Josh!

JOSH
Hey.

MALLORY
Hey.

ZOEY
Take us with you.

JOSH
Where?

MALLORY
Out tonight.

ZOEY
Your plans with Charlie.

JOSH
How do you know I’m going out with Charlie?

ZOEY
My Dad just told us.

MALLORY
He said you should take us with you.

JOSH
The man is like a camp counselor.

MALLORY
Take us with you, Josh. Take us with you.

JOSH
Nope.

ZOEY
Why?

JOSH
These are plans among men.

MALLORY
We don’t care if you flirt with the coeds.

JOSH
There’s gonna be grad students there, can we keep that in mind?

ZOEY
Sounded kinda like an order Josh?

JOSH
Fine.

MALLORY
Bring Sam Seaborn.

JOSH
Sam’s got enough going on in his life right now without you making a booty call.

MALLORY
I’m not making a booty call. We had an interesting conversation that got interrupted, 
and I’d like to finish it with him.

JOSH
Whatever.

ZOEY
This is gonna be fun.

Mallory and Zoey leave when Josh reaches his office.

JOSH
The President’s daughter, Chief of Staff’s daughter, a Georgetown bar and Sam. 
What could possibly go wrong? [walks in]

FADE OUT.
END ACT TWO
* * *

ACT THREE

FADE IN: INT. BRIEFING ROOM - DAY

C.J. and Sam are alone in the press briefing room.

C.J.
What’s the problem with a straight head count?

SAM
Head counts have proven staggeringly inaccurate.

C.J.
Why?

SAM
How’re you gonna count the homeless? There’s a large and growing population of 
people who don’t speak English. And there are plenty of people, particularly in 
the inner city, who don’t want to answer questions when you knock on their door. 
Plus it’s always been hard. Sampling, statisticians have told us, is a much more 
effective way of getting a good census.

C.J.
And what’s the legal argument?

SAM
The legal argument is it’s unconstitutional. The legal argument is it’s law.

C.J.
But if sampling’s really against the law, why would congress be trying to pass 
legislation saying sampling’s against the law?

SAM
You see how good it feels to understand what you’re talking about?

C.J.
And you see I’m able to do it without being patronizing?

SAM
What happened to “You look good today?”

C.J.
I got over it.

JOSH
[comes in] Sam?

SAM
Yeah.

JOSH
I’m taking Charlie for a beer tonight before the vote. Zoey and Mallory are coming.

SAM
Sounds good.

C.J.
I like beer.

JOSH
If you want to come... I guess that’d be okay.

C.J.
Why, Josh, you’ve swept me off my feet.

JOSH
Whatever. I’ll see you later. [leaves]

CUT TO: INT. THE ROOSEVELT ROOM - DAY
Toby, Mandy, Gladman, Skinner and Willis are still discussing the amendment.

MANDY
In the last census, 8 million people, mostly black, weren’t counted. And in the 
same census, 4 million people, mostly white, were counted twice.

TOBY
Sampling will give a count that bears a much greater relationship to reality and 
will do it to the tune of 4 billion dollars less than a door-to-door head count.

MANDY
Sampling will cost 2.7 billion. And an inaccurate head count will cost 6.9.

TOBY
Every single expert, including the census bureau itself, which is a bipartisan 
commission, has said sampling is better. 

GLADMAN
We’ve heard these arguments many times, but in this country we have a constitution.

TOBY
We are aware of that.

SKINNER
The Constitution’s very clear on this.

TOBY
I don’t think it is.

SKINNER
Until a court rules that sampling is Constitutional-

TOBY
The article is arcane.

SKINNER
Come on, Toby. The article is not arcane.

TOBY
Let’s take a look at it.

SKINNER
No. No. We don’t have time-

TOBY
Let’s take a look at it!

GLADMAN
Toby! None of us is a Constitutional scholar. And we honestly don’t-

MANDY
It’s not gonna take long!

TOBY
My staff managed to unearth a copy.

SKINNER
Toby, come on, we’ve been here for six-

TOBY
Mandy, would you read please from Article 1 Section 2?

GLADMAN
This is silly!

TOBY
Still, in all it is the owner’s manual and we should read what it has to say!

MANDY
[reading] “Representatives and direct taxes shall be apportioned among the several 
states, which may be included within this union according to their respective numbers. 
Which shall be determined by adding the whole number of persons including those bound 
to service for a term of years.”

SKINNER
Well you said it right there. It says which shall be determined by the whole number 
of persons. The whole number of persons! Not the end of an equation that some 
statistician got off a computer. It says so right there!

TOBY
Actually that’s not what it says.

SKINNER
What do you mean?

TOBY
Mandy left out a few words. Didn’t she Mr. Willis? 

WILLIS
Yes.

TOBY
Mr. Willis teaches 8th grade social studies, and Mr. Willis knows very well what the 
article says. It says which shall be determined by adding the whole number of free 
persons. And three fifths of all other persons. Three fifths of all other persons. 
They meant you Mr. Willis. Didn’t they?

WILLIS
Yes.

TOBY
Mr. Willis, you are asking to enact a law, which will limit the ability of those 
people who need to be counted the most, to be counted as people at all. And they’re 
only refuge is the argument that Article 1, Section 2 is not arcane.

GLADMAN
Well, I think we’re through here. I can report back to the Chairman of my committee, 
but I really don’t think either he or the leadership is going to allow any one of us 
to change our vote.

TOBY
Congressman, you are talking about tying up an Appropriations Bill-

SKINNER
We don’t need you to tell us what we’re talking about, Toby. And waiting until the 
11th hour to call this...

MANDY
Excuse me! What is this, the 4th time we’ve arranged this meeting? And by the way 
it’s not...

WILLIS
I will.

TOBY
What sir?

WILLIS
I think we should drop it.

GLADMAN
Joe?

WILLIS
That’s my choice right?

SKINNER
Joe, Joe...The chairman of our committee recommends that we-

WILLIS
No. I saw what he recommended, and I appreciate his help. But it’s still my choice,
right?

TOBY
Absolutely sir. It is your choice.

WILLIS
Well, then I change my mind. I think we should drop the census amendment and let the 
Appropriations Bill go through as is.

GLADMAN
Joe...

WILLIS
Until a court rules on whether sampling is constitutional.

MANDY
Well... then... excellent.

SKINNER
Well, looks like you snuck one in the back door eh, Toby?

TOBY
It got through whatever door was open to me.

GLADMAN
Well, we’re gonna have to revisit this.

MANDY
Yes.

GLADMAN
Mr. Willis, do you need any help to find your way out?

WILLIS
No thank you. I think I can manage.

TOBY
Thank you gentlemen. Have a good weekend.

Gladman and Skinner leave.

MANDY
[to Willis] Thank you.

TOBY
[to Mandy] Go tell Leo. 

Mandy leaves.

TOBY
Mr. Willis?

WILLIS
You can call me Joe.

TOBY
If you don’t mind me asking sir, what changed your mind?

WILLIS
What do you mean?

TOBY
Well, I know it wasn’t expediency sir. I was wondering what changed your mind?

WILLIS
You did. I thought you made a very strong argument. 

TOBY
Well thank you. [laughs] I’m smiling because, well, around here the merits of a 
particular argument generally take a back seat to political tactics.

WILLIS
I can imagine.

TOBY
Yeah.

WILLIS
It worked on me.

TOBY
I was taking advantage of you sir.

WILLIS
I know.

TOBY
There are some things I did not mention. First of all, it is partisan. Second of all, 
I’m not wild about the precedent. 

WILLIS
You mean?

TOBY
What’s to stop us from saying we don’t need elections, we’ll just use polling data. 
1150 people with the sampling error of plus or minus three will decide who runs the 
country.

WILLIS
I thought about that.

TOBY
And?

WILLIS
It’s okay by me. As long as it’s not the same people who decide what’s on television. 
Toby, I’m not nearly as smart as my wife was. I went to night school cause I went to 
work pretty young. And I tried to understand the things Janice brought home from the 
office, but I wasn’t in her league. I never understood what she wanted with a dummy 
like me. [pause] I think the problems that we’re going to face in the new century 
are far beyond the Wisdom of Solomon, let alone me. But I think the right place to 
start is to say - fair is fair. This is who we are. These are our numbers.

TOBY
I’m sorry I never got to know your wife sir.

WILLIS
She would have liked you.

TOBY
Thank you. Thank you.

WILLIS
I’ve got a roll call.

TOBY
Nothing to it. They call your name, you vote yea. 

WILLIS
Well, this is my first, and likely my only vote in the House of Representatives.

TOBY
Well good luck congressman.

WILLIS
Thank you.

CUT TO: INT. THE OVAL OFFICE - NIGHT
Bartlet is getting ready to leave for the residence. Mrs. Landingham and Nancy are 
helping him.

MRS. LANDINGHAM
You wanted to read these with dinner. 

BARTLET
Thanks.

NANCY
Would you like the Tokyo Exchange sent to your bedroom?

BARTLET
Yeah. Sure.

MRS. LANDINGHAM
And the call from the secretary?

BARTLET
Yes?

MRS. LANDINGHAM
Would you like it during the dining room? 

BARTLET
I’ll take the call wherever I am when he calls, I guess.

MRS. LANDINGHAM
There’s no need to adopt a tone Mr. President.

BARTLET
I’m not adopting a tone. I’m just trying to get out of here.

MRS. LANDINGHAM
Would there be anything else sir?

BARTLET
I’m saying no. I just want to go home.

MRS. LANDINGHAM
And there’s that tone again.

LEO
[walks in] Mr. President?

MRS. LANDINGHAM
Goodnight, sir. [exits]

BARTLET
Goodnight Mrs. Landingham. [to Leo] I heard it’s done?

LEO
Yeah. Commerce will leave the census amendment in committee. Appropriations will 
pass, no problem.

BARTLET
Good. I’m headed over to the residence.

LEO
I needed to speak to you about something.

BARTLET
Sure.

LEO
I should have told you earlier but... I moved out of the house. Jenny’s asking me 
for a divorce.

BARTLET
You’re kidding me?

LEO
No.

BARTLET
Leo, you’re kidding me?!

LEO
No!

BARTLET
What happened?

LEO
Nothing happened, Mr. President. It’s just one of those...

BARTLET
Don’t tell me nothing happened, Leo. I know you. I know Jenny. Married couples 
like you don’t just get divorced. Not cause nothing happened!

LEO
Nothing happened! It’s not like that.

BARTLET
I want to talk to Jenny.

LEO
Feel free.

BARTLET
I don’t understand how this happened Leo. You and Jenny were happy!

LEO
Jenny was not happy.

BARTLET
Because you weren’t spending enough time with her? 

LEO
Yes, but that’s not the...

BARTLET
Marriage needs attention Leo. It can’t run on autopilot. Come on. It’s not your 
prom date we’re talking about here. We’re talking about your family!

LEO
Well, Mr. President thank you for pointing that out. I tried to squeeze in as much 
time as I could between my wine-tasting club and running your White House.

BARTLET
You can’t blame this on me.

LEO
I’m not blaming you for it sir. I’m not blaming anyone for it. It just happened, 
these things happen.

BARTLET
When did it happen?

LEO
Two weeks ago.

BARTLET
And you’re just now telling me?

LEO
Honestly, I know how you feel about Jenny. I thought you’d think that somehow you 
were responsible for it, and you’d turn that guilt into an inappropriate anger 
toward me, which frankly, I can live without right now. [under his breath]
I can’t imagine what made me think all that...

BARTLET
[walks over to the door] Fix this, Leo.

LEO
It’s not as simple as that.

BARTLET
It IS as simple as that. You’re the man. Fix it. 

LEO
Mr. President...

BARTLET
Fix it.

LEO
[angrily] Goodnight sir.

BARTLET
Goodnight Leo.

Bartlet opens the door and heads toward the residence. Leo just stares at him and 
stands still.

FADE OUT.
END ACT THREE
* * *

ACT FOUR

FADE IN: INT. GEORGETOWN BAR - NIGHT
C.J., Sam, Josh, Zoey, Charlie and Mallory are gathered around a table at a bar. 
There’s a lot of people around.

MALLORY
[to Sam] So, your friend couldn’t come tonight? 

SAM
My friend, of course you’re talking about...?

MALLORY
Your special friend.

JOSH
Sam does she know...?

SAM
My special friend.

C.J.
What special friend?

JOSH
[to C.J.] His special friend that Zoey can’t know about. 

ZOEY
The hooker!

SAM
[pause] Okay...She’s not a hooker. She’s a call girl. And how do you know about this?

ZOEY
Mallory told me.

C.J.
How does Mallory know about that?

SAM
I told her.

C.J.
You told our boss’ daughter that you slept with a call girl?

SAM
I didn’t know she was Leo’s daughter at the time. I thought she was a schoolteacher 
who came in with her class.

JOSH
So you thought you were telling a complete stranger that you slept with a call girl?

SAM
[quickly] Accidentally slept with a call girl. Mallory, does your father know?

MALLORY
No.

SAM
Zoey, does your father know?

ZOEY
Not yet.

SAM
So this is gonna be a thing!

MALLORY
Zoey and I have decided that it’s time we start collecting IOU’s.

SAM
Ah...

The waitress places some drinks on the table.

C.J.
She didn’t bring my grasshopper.

JOSH
She didn’t?

C.J.
No.

JOSH
Maybe she just felt really stupid ordering it.

C.J.
The grasshopper is a perfectly respectable...

ZOEY
[standing] I’ll get it.

C.J.
I’ll get it.

ZOEY
[quickly] I want to see them make it. [to Josh] Could you hold these?

JOSH
What?

ZOEY
Just lipstick and stuff. My panic button. Ruins the line of my outfit.

JOSH
Got it.

ZOEY
It’s called a grasshopper?

C.J.
Straight up.

JOSH
Make sure they make it extra thick and green.

Zoey walks to the bar.

CHARLIE
What is a panic button?

MALLORY
Oh, you don’t want to know. I’ve seen it in action.

C.J.
The President is a very protective father.

JOSH
[to Charlie] So, you having a good time tonight?

CHARLIE
Yeah. I appreciate it.

JOSH
Seems like you’re not really having a good time.

C.J.
He’s having a good time!

JOSH
Well...

CHARLIE
Do you think they know I don’t go to college?

MALLORY
Who?

CHARLIE
All these people.

C.J.
Charlie, you’re twice as smart as anyone in the room. 

CHARLIE
Yeah, but I don’t go to college.

JOSH
Relax!

C.J.
See, you keep telling him to relax with this sense of urgency...

JOSH
I just want to make sure he’s having a good time tonight.

C.J.
He’s having a good time! You relax!

JOSH
I’m not being urgent.

Meanwhile... Zoey is at the bar when three guys come up behind her, basically 
surrounding her.

GUY 1
Hey.

ZOEY
Hey.

GUY 1
Hi. Um...What’s your name?

ZOEY
What?

GUY 1
I said what’s your name?

ZOEY
You’re kidding right?

GUY 3
Hey, he’s just asking for your name.

ZOEY
I’m...

GUY 1
Wait. Wait. Why don’t we guess your name? All right? 

ZOEY
Sure.

GUY 2
All right, all right. Cause I bet we can guess it.

Back at the table...

JOSH
I wouldn’t say that there was urgency in my voice. I was simply asking if he was 
having a good time, and suggesting that if he relaxed...

C.J.
Well, maybe if you stopped pestering him like you were his great Aunt Ida...

CHARLIE
Excuse me one second. [stands and walks to the bar]

C.J.
Do you see what I’m saying?

Back at the bar...

ZOEY
It’s Cassandra!

GUYS
Cassandra! We were gonna guess. You ruined it.

CHARLIE
[coming up] Is everything all right, Zoey?

GUY 2
Hey. He just called her Zoey.

CHARLIE
Come on, let’s go back to the table.

GUY 1
Whoa. Whoa. Whoa. What’s up Sammy?

CHARLIE
Zoey?

Zoey moves towards Charlie and the guys block her.

GUY 1
Excuse me. Excuse me. We’re just trying to buy the girl a drink man.

CHARLIE
She’s 19 years old man. You’d have to take her to Maryland.

GUY 3
Check out super fly.

ZOEY
Hey!

CHARLIE
Let’s go.

GUY 1
No. Why don’t you go? Alright?

CHARLIE
Look guys. You don’t know who this is. You don’t want any trouble. Just be cool 
alright?

GUY 1
Be cool.

CHARLIE
Yeah. I’m just saying, I’m looking out for you. 

GUY 1
I understand what you’re saying. You just want me to be cool alright?

CHARLIE
Can I buy you guys a round?

GUY 3
Like LL Cool J man, like Ice Tea.

GUY 2
Ice cube, Ice tray man.

Back at the table...

JOSH
Why must you mock a perfectly natural brotherly instinct...?

C.J.
I’m not mocking it Josh, I’m saying maybe if you left the young man alone...

Sam has been watching the bar and suddenly heads for it. 

C.J.
[standing] Josh?

JOSH
[standing] I know. [picks up the panic button and heads towards the bar]

GUY 1
Why don’t you do some of that hip-hop for us G-Funk? 

GUY 2
Dr. Huffy Puffy dread man, Dr Dolittle Man?

CHARLIE
Would you let us by please?

GUY 1
No. What are you doing here with this girl? Huh? Huh? Cause you know what, to me 
you look to be Dr. Faggot!

SAM
[coming up from behind] Hey! What the hell is going on around here?

GUY 1
Who the hell are you?

SAM
Kiss my ass. Zoey?

ZOEY
I’m fine.

GUY 1
Kiss your what fairy poppins?

SAM
Charlie?

CHARLIE
Everything’s fine.

GUY 1
Hey, you want to go?

SAM
What?

GUY 1
You want to go? Let’s do it. Right now. Come on.

JOSH
[coming up from behind Charlie] How’s everybody doin’?

GUY 1
Oh good, more fairy boys.

JOSH
Excuse me?

GUY 1
I said, more fairy boys.

JOSH
Oh, this is too good to be true.

Mallory and C.J. come up behind Josh and Sam.

GUY 2
[indicating Josh] Hey, I recognize this guy. 
[indicating Zoey] And she looks familiar too.

JOSH
Yeah. You guys don’t realize it, but you’re having a pretty bad night.

GUY 1
Oh really, and who’s gonna give it to us huh?

AGENT
Federal Agents!

As Secret Service Agents pour through the door, Josh and Sam raise their arms and 
point at the three guys near the bar.

SAM and JOSH
Right here!

The agents push the three guys against the bar as another agent ushers Zoey out.

AGENT
Shut up! I swear to God I’ll blow your head off. Everybody stand back.

GUY 1
[to Charlie] Hey, I ain’t done with you Sammy.

CHARLIE
My name is Charlie Young, jackass. And if that bulge in your pocket’s an 8-ball, 
you’ll blow your splendid Spring Break in a Federal Prison.

The agents take the guys out of the bar.

CHARLIE
[to Josh] NOW I’m having a good time.

JOSH
[tossing the panic button in the air] Well, my work here is done.

CUT TO: INT. THE MURAL ROOM - NIGHT
Zoey is sitting on a couch in the White House. Bartlet is standing.

BARTLET
What happened?

ZOEY
They told you what happened.

BARTLET
Did you do anything at all to provoke these guys? 

ZOEY
Like what?

BARTLET
Were you flirting with them?

ZOEY
Dad!

BARTLET
Zoey, you flirt with guys.

ZOEY
Yes Dad, I am 19 years old. I was not flirting with these guys. And even if I was 
it certainly wasn’t justification for their behavior.

BARTLET
So what were you doing?

ZOEY
I went to the bar to get a drink.

BARTLET
What the hell were you doing drinking?

ZOEY
I was getting a drink for C.J.!

BARTLET
I’m gonna up your protection.

ZOEY
No.

BARTLET
Yes.

ZOEY
Dad?!

BARTLET
Starting tomorrow.

ZOEY
I’m starting college in a month!

BARTLET
Well you’ll have plenty of friends to walk you to class.

ZOEY
I don’t want this Dad.

BARTLET
Zoey!

ZOEY
We talked about this. I’m entitled to this part of my life.

BARTLET
You’re getting this part of your life.

ZOEY
I’m entitled to a normal...

BARTLET
Oh please.

ZOEY
Don’t “oh please” me.

BARTLET
Look, the Secret Service...

ZOEY
The Secret Service should worry about you getting shot.

BARTLET
They are worried about me getting shot. I’m worried about me getting shot. But that 
is nothing compared to how terrified we are of you. You scare the hell out of the 
Secret Service Zoey, and you scare the hell out of me too. My getting killed would 
be bad enough, but that is not the nightmare scenario. The nightmare scenario, 
sweetheart, is YOU getting kidnapped. You go out to a bar or a party in some club, 
and you get up to go to the restroom, somebody comes up from behind, puts their 
hand across your mouth, and whisks you out the back door. You’re so petrified, you 
don’t even notice the bodies of two secret service agents lying on the ground with 
bullet holes in their heads. Then you’re whisked away in a car. It’s a big party 
with lots of noise, and lots of people coming and going. And It’s a half hour 
before someone says, “Hey where’s Zoey?” Another 15 minutes before the first phone 
call. Another hour and a half before anyone even THINKS to shut down all the 
airports. Now we’re off to the races. You’re tied to a chair in a cargo shack, 
somewhere in the middle of Uganda. And I’m told that I have 72 hours to get Israel 
to free 460 terrorist prisoners. So I’m on the phone pleading with Benjamin and 
he’s saying, “I’m sorry Mr. President, but Israel simply does not negotiate with 
terrorists, period. It’s the only way we can survive.” So now we’ve got a new 
problem, because this country no longer has a commander in chief, it has a father 
who’s out of his mind because his little girl is in a shack somewhere in Uganda 
with a gun to her head. DO YOU GET IT?!

ZOEY
Yes.

BARTLET
[long pause] I’m sorry I yelled sweetheart. Forgive me. Honey, I want you to have 
your freedom and your youth. I want you to have common everyday experiences with 
girls your own age. But don’t ever forget - this is a privilege, and it is an 
experience that must be cherished beyond measure. And proper protection and 
security, though at times I admit, it’s a drag, is never too high a price to pay.

ZOEY
You’re right, I’m sorry.

BARTLET
It’s alright sweetheart. It’s alright.

They embrace. Bartlet kisses Zoey’s forehead.

ZOEY
Goodnight.

BARTLET
Goodnight, sweetheart. I love you.

ZOEY
I love you too.

CUT TO: INT. LEO’S OFFICE - NIGHT
Leo is sitting on the couch in his office when Bartlet enters.

BARTLET
Don’t get up!

LEO
Good evening Mr. President.

BARTLET
Hi. Before, when I was being an idiot, there was something I forgot to say.

LEO
What?

BARTLET
I’m sorry.

LEO
Thank you.

BARTLET
I would like unanimous consent to revise and extend my remarks.

LEO
Without objection.

BARTLET
I don’t know what the hell was the matter with me, Leo. If there’s anything I can 
do to help, anything?

LEO
Thanks.

CUT TO: INT. THE ROOSEVELT ROOM - NIGHT
Josh, Charlie, and Sam are sitting around the table.

JOSH
Let me tell you something, I could have taken the two guys on the left.

SAM
Those were my guys.

JOSH
Which guys?

SAM
The guys on the left.

JOSH
The guys on the left as you’re facing the bar?

SAM
Yeah. No. No. So you’re me, and facing toward the bar? 

JOSH
Right.

DONNA
[enters with a box] Sandwiches.

JOSH
Thank you, Donna. Defending virtue is hungry work.

DONNA
I’ll be at my desk.

JOSH
Ah, Donna?

DONNA
Yes?

JOSH
How much were the sandwiches?

DONNA
$12.95.

JOSH
I gave you a twenty!

DONNA
Yes. As it turns out you actually gave me more money than I needed to buy what 
you asked for. However, knowing you as I do, I’m afraid I can’t trust you to spend 
the change wisely. I’ve decided to invest it for you.

JOSH
That was nice. That was a little parable.

DONNA
I want my money back. [leaves]

SAM
Yeah, so those were my guys.

JOSH
Okay, there’s the one guy with the blonde hair?

SAM
Facing away from the bar?

CHARLIE
There were no two guys that either one of you could have taken.

Josh and Sam look at Charlie. Bartlet opens a door and calls.

BARTLET
Josh?

JOSH
Yes sir.

Josh stands and goes into LEO’S OFFICE.

BARTLET
What were you doing taking my daughter out to a bar? 

JOSH
[pause] You told me to sir.

BARTLET
I told you to take Charlie. When Zoey said she was going I just assumed you were 
gonna go have malteds or something.

JOSH
Malteds, sir?

BARTLET
Yes.

JOSH
What is this? 'Our Town'?

BARTLET
Well anyway. Thank you for doing whatever it was you did.

JOSH
As a matter of fact, I didn’t do anything. But for what it’s worth I should tell 
you that Charlie didn’t blink before he put his body between danger and Zoey.

BARTLET
[opens the door] Charlie? Sam, you come too please.

BARTLET
[to Josh] You know, I once played the stage manager in a production of Our Town.

Charlie and Sam enter the office.

BARTLET
Charlie, you a good poker player?

CHARLIE
No sir.

BARTLET
Excellent, get your money out and take a seat.

C.J.
[enters] Is Josh being punished?

BARTLET
Punished? No.

C.J.
May I ask why not?

BARTLET
Because I said so.

Mandy and Toby enter.

BARTLET
Good evening.

TOBY and MANDY
Good evening, sir.

BARTLET
Good work both of you. You bought us some time.

MANDY
Thank you, sir.

TOBY
I understand you all had a very interesting evening. 

JOSH
Yes.

TOBY
So did I.

JOSH
What happened?

TOBY
I met an unusual man.

BARTLET
C.J., deal the cards.

TOBY
He didn’t walk into the room with a political agenda. He didn’t walk in with his 
mind made up. He genuinely wanted to do what he thought was best. He didn’t mind 
saying the words I don’t know.

C.J.
I said I don’t know to Sam just this morning and I’d like to say I’m a better person 
for it. By the way, I now know everything there is to know about the census. Go ahead,
you can ask me anything.

BARTLET
How many people live in the United States?

C.J. could not respond.

SAM
There’s some material we haven’t covered yet.

Everyone is now seated at the table except Toby, who is watching the T.V. in the 
corner of the office.

JOSH
Come on, Toby. Sit down.

TOBY
I just want to watch this.

LEO
We won it 40 votes ago.

TOBY
I just want to hear this one.

ROLL CALL [on T.V.]
Mr. Widen. Mr. Widen of Pennsylvania votes yea... Mr. Wilder. Mr. Wilder of South 
Carolina votes yea... Mr. Willis. Mr. Willis of Ohio votes yea.
 
Toby lets out a sigh of relief as the roll call continues.

ROLL CALL [cont.]
Mr. Zantowski. Mr. Zantowski of....

DISSOLVE TO: END CREDITS.
FADE TO BLACK.
THE END
* * *