THE WEST WING
"THE LEADERSHIP BREAKFAST"
WRITTEN BY: PAUL REDFORD
DIRECTED BY: SCOTT WINANT
TEASER
DONNA [VO]
We don’t need some kind of permission for this?
JOSH [VO]
No.
DONNA [VO]
What about supervision, shouldn’t there be some official supervision?
FADE IN: INT. THE MURAL ROOM - NIGHT
Sam and Josh are bending over a fireplace. All three are bundled up in heavy coats, and
Donna is wearing a winter hat.
JOSH
We’re making a fire in a fireplace, what kind of supervision do you want?
DONNA
FEMA? The American Red Cross?
SAM
What kind of wood is this?
JOSH
[sighs] I don’t know.
DONNA
Josh...
JOSH
It’s freezing in here.
DONNA
I acknowledge that it’s cold.
JOSH
It’s like Ice Station Zebra.
DONNA
It also might bother someone.
JOSH
It’s half past midnight!
SAM
See, here’s the thing. This looks like spruce to me.
JOSH
Yeah?
SAM
And spruce is a softwood, softwood burns out quickly. You know what we need for a slow
burning fire?
JOSH
A hardwood?
SAM
That’s right.
JOSH
That’s interesting.
DONNA
Where did you get the wood?
JOSH
It was sitting in... the thing. [points across the room]
DONNA
I think that is mean to be decorative...
JOSH
It’s wood, we’re not burning Benjamin Harrison’s log cabin.
SAM
You know what?
JOSH
What?
SAM
We might be.
JOSH
Why?
SAM
It was made out of spruce.
JOSH
[to Donna] Where’s C.J.?
DONNA
She’s over in the Roosevelt Room.
JOSH
Is she doing the seating chart?
DONNA
Yeah.
JOSH
Jancowitz has a hearing aid that seldom works, he needs to be seated near the center.
Would you tell her that?
DONNA
Yeah. [beat] You’re not using lighter fluid or anything are you?
JOSH
No... no flammable liquids of any kind to start a fire, ever.
Donna starts to leave when Sam re-enters carrying a kerosene lamp.
SAM
Found it!
JOSH
What?
SAM
Kerosene.
DONNA
[whips around] Josh...
JOSH
Go.
CUT TO: INT. THE ROOSEVELT ROOM - NIGHT
C.J., Carol, Ed, Larry, and some other staffers are standing around a large seating chart
for the leadership breakfast. They are all in heavy coats and many are holding steaming
coffee, including C.J. who is wearing gloves. C.J. is walking around the board, placing
and pointing to stands, which hold handwritten cards.
C.J.
Speaker [places stand], House Majority [places stand], House Minority, Senate Majority,
Senate Minority, Whip, Whip, Deputy, Deputy.
CAROL
Right.
C.J.
Yes.
ED
Then...
C.J.
What?
ED
The committee chairs.
C.J.
Yes.
ED
Ways and Means goes here.
LARRY
Finance goes here, House Appropriations goes here.
ED
Senate Appropriations here, House Budget...
LARRY
Senate Budget
C.J.
Excellent.
ED
Which brings us to...
CAROL
White House staff.
ED
That’s right. So, we’ve got the Chief of Staff.
LARRY
Next to him will be the Deputy Chief of Staff. On the other side of Leo will be the
Congressional Liaison, and the Political Liaison.
ED
Next to them will be the Communications Director and the Deputy Communications Director.
C.J.
What about staff aides?
ED
The aides will stand around the wall.
C.J.
So we’re done?
ED
We’re set.
C.J.
Yes.
DONNA
[enters] C.J.?
C.J.
Don’t give me a thing.
DONNA
Josh says Jancowitz has to sit closer to the center.
C.J.
Why?
DONNA
He doesn’t hear well.
C.J.
He can’t sit closer to the center!
DONNA
His hearing aid malfunctions.
C.J.
Who cares? [beat] It’s a breakfast to trumpet a new spirit of bi-partisanship cooperation
and understanding in a new year, no ones going to be listening to each other anyways!
DONNA
I’m just a messenger but I think he’s saying we don’t snub Jancowitz...
C.J.
Because of the thing...
DONNA
Yeah.
C.J.
All right, we’re gonna have to move somebody. Would you ask him if it’s better to dis
the House Whip or the Senate Whip?
DONNA
Yeah.
CUT TO: INT. THE MURAL ROOM - NIGHT
Josh and Sam are still working in front of the fireplace.
JOSH
You want to stand them in a tripod right?
SAM
Yeah, standing 3 sticks on an end and slanting them to a common center.
JOSH
Isn’t that a tripod?
SAM
Yeah, but...
JOSH
You just thought you’d say more words.
SAM
Yeah.
DONNA
[enters] Josh...
JOSH
Hang on. [to Sam] You know what we need?
SAM
Dried leaves.
JOSH
We need dried leaves.
DONNA
To move Jancowitz, we’ve got to move either the House or Senate Whip.
JOSH and SAM
House.
DONNA
Why?
SAM
‘Cause life is tough in the big cruel world, and if he doesn’t like it, he can kiss me!
DONNA
So, the spirit of bi-partisanship begins!
SAM
Yeah.
JOSH
Could you possible get us some dried leaves?
DONNA
Yeah, I’ll just run out to the forest and be right back. [leaves]
SAM
You know what?
JOSH
You think she was being sarcastic?
SAM
Yeah, I don’t think she’s getting the leaves.
JOSH
You know what we could use?
SAM
Newspaper?
JOSH
See, this is what I’m talking about, this is teamwork!
SAM
It really is!
CUT TO: INT. THE ROOSEVELT ROOM - NIGHT
DONNA
[enters] House.
C.J.
House?
DONNA
Yes.
C.J.
So, we’ll move the House Whip to the left of Sam and move Jancowitz across from Leo and
we’re all set right?
CAROL
Yeah.
C.J.
Larry, Ed we’re set? [beat] Either one of you?
ED
Yeah.
LARRY
Yes.
C.J.
Thank you, you see, you guys thought it was going to take a long time and it only ended
up taking 7 and a half hours.
TOBY
[enters] Somebody working on the heat?
C.J.
Seating arrangement is set.
TOBY
That took some time.
C.J.
It was hard.
TOBY
You got to find a magic marker.
C.J.
Toby, when people are sitting with the President, there’s excruciating protocol involved.
TOBY
Uh-oh.
C.J.
What?!?
TOBY
Missed one...
C.J.
Who?
TOBY
Take a look.
C.J. and the others are bent over the table looking.
C.J.
I’m looking...
TOBY
It’ll happen.
C.J.
Okay, guys. You know what we did? We forgot the President.
TOBY
[holding up card holder off to side of the board] There it is!
GINGER
[enters] Does anybody smell smoke?
DONNA
Oh God! [leaves quickly]
CUT TO: INT. THE MURAL ROOM - NIGHT
Josh and Sam are backing away in a cloud of smoke. Josh coughs.
SAM
I think this might be because the wood is wet.
JOSH
Well, the fire ought to dry it pretty quick shouldn’t it?
SAM
You’d think.
DONNA
[rushes in] What’d you do?!
JOSH
It’s going pretty good now.
DONNA
There’s smoke in the hallways!
Toby and C.J. enter.
TOBY
What the hell is going on?
JOSH
The wood’s drying out.
C.J.
Are you burning a dining room table?!
JOSH
Spruce is a slow drying wood.
TOBY
Do you have any idea whet you’re talking about?
JOSH
No.
SAM
Hang on. [reads a small plaque on the wall next to the fireplace]
C.J.
Are those instructions?
SAM
It says this fireplace was a favor to President Andrew Johnson and he would sip whiskey
from a charcoal keg while reading by its light.
JOSH
That doesn’t help.
SAM
The flue’s been welded shut since 1896.
JOSH
Well that’s probably it then.
CHARLIE
[enters] What are you doing?!
JOSH
Somebody started a fire in this fireplace, Charlie.
CHARLIE
If the smoke alarms go off, they’re going to make me wake up the President!
SAM
The President’s a thousand yards over and two flights up.
CHARLIE
It’s Secret Service procedure.
JOSH
Well, let’s get a fire extinguisher and put it out before the smoke alar...
Smoke alarms begin to blare. All the staffers look at each other, and C.J. covers her ears.
CUT TO: INT. HALLWAY OUTSIDE THE PRESIDENTIAL BEDROOM - NIGHT
The door flies open to reveal a very unhappy Bartlet.
BARTLET
What?!
CHARLIE
Mr. President, you know how you told me not to wake you up unless the building was on fire?
SMASH CUT TO: MAIN TITLES.
END TEASER
* * *
ACT ONE
FADE IN: INT. THE OVAL OFFICE - DAY
TOBY
These are the rules.
LEO
They're the guidelines.
TOBY
The meeting will last 90 minutes.
LEO
Yes.
TOBY
And the rules.
LEO
The guidelines.
TOBY
We can't talk about the Patient's Bill of Rights?
LEO
We can talk about the Patient's Bill of Rights. We just can't talk about dropping the
provision that would allow for litigation.
TOBY
Why not?
LEO
Because that's not what the breakfast is for.
TOBY
What's it for?
LEO
Symbolize the spirit of cooperation as the new session begins and to eat pancakes.
TOBY
So with regard to the Patient's Bill of Rights we'll just be debating the things we
agree on?
LEO
Yeah.
TOBY
And raising the minimum wage?
LEO
We won't be talking about that at all.
TOBY
No, we shouldn't because there's a chance it could lead to something.
SAM
We can't talk about the patient's bill of rights?
TOBY
We can talk about it. We just can't talk about dropping the no litigation clause.
SAM
Leo, what's the point of having rights if you can't sue for them in court?
LEO
That's a fine argument.
TOBY
We won't be making it.
LEO
Not at this breakfast.
SAM
And the minimum wage?
LEO
Not so much.
JOSH
I see won't be talking about the 993 tax cut.
LEO
We won't be. But we've agreed to call it tax relief instead of a tax cut.
JOSH
We're calling it tax relief.
LEO
Yeah.
JOSH
But we won't be talking about it.
LEO
No.
JOSH
Leo, the Patient's Bill of Rights.
LEO
Which we'll be referring to as the Comprehensive Access and Responsibility Act.
SAM
What's the Comprehensive Access and Responsibility Act?
LEO
It's the Patient's Bill of Rights, but the CARA was introduced in 1999. It's fundamentally
the same thing and the Republicans have agreed to discuss changing the name back.
JOSH
In exchange for calling tax breaks tax relief.
LEO
Or income enhancement.
TOBY
I'm in a musical.
LEO
Getting it renamed for the old bill is a hell of a concession.
TOBY
Leo, I'm gonna check in with you for a second, OK?
LEO
Sure.
TOBY
Sick people...
LEO
Yeah.
TOBY
Not getting proper medical care...
LEO
Right.
TOBY
Because they can't afford it...
LEO
Yes.
TOBY
Probably don't care that we've agreed to change the name of the bill.
LEO
We've agreed to discuss changing the name of the bill.
Bartlet and Charlie enter THE OVAL OFFICE. Sam, Leo, Josh, and Toby are lined up at
the desk.
BARTLET
What's after that?
CHARLIE
Security briefing.
BARTLET
After that?
CHARLIE
Agriculture.
BARTLET
Who was the idiot who set off the smoke detector?
JOSH
Well it sounds a lot like you are talking about Sam, Mr. President.
SAM
What, were you inconvenienced, Sir?
BARTLET
They had me on the Truman balcony for 6 minutes in my underwear.
SAM
Was it cold?
BARTLET
In January? No. Why do you ask?
TOBY
Mr. President I'd like to talk about those rules in that memo you’re reading.
LEO
It's a breakfast. Toby, it's a pancake breakfast. There's nothing in that memo that's
important.
BARTLET
We're having Vermont maple syrup?
TOBY
Mr. President, if you read item 4 you'll see that time at this breakfast will be
spent discussing calling the Patient's Bill of Rights the Comprehensive Access and
Responsibility Act.
BARTLET
I don't give a damn if they call it the Monroe doctrine. What the hell are we doing
serving Vermont maple syrup?
TOBY
On the minimum wage, if we all turn our attention to item 5 of the Rules of Bipartisan
Breakfast.
LEO
They're guidelines. You keep calling them rules.
TOBY
Margaret, what does it say at the top of the memo?
MARGARET
Rules for Bipartisan Breakfast.
LEO
[to Margaret] I keep meaning to fire you.
MARGARET
Yeah.
BARTLET
New Hampshire syrup is what we serve in this White House.
SAM
Sir.
BARTLET
It's a breakfast. We eat. We pose for pictures. You do a post-game conference. Everybody
gets the hell out of here and I don't have to be so Officer Crupky.
LEO
Anything else?
SAM
An ONB efficiency expert has said we could free up much need office space by moving the
Press Room across the street.
LEO
What else?
No response.
LEO
Thank you, Mr. President.
BARTLET
Thank you.
Everyone leaves. Leo motions for Josh to enter his OFFICE.
LEO
Josh.
JOSH
Yeah.
LEO
You feeling all right?
JOSH
Yeah.
LEO
You're sure?
JOSH
Yeah.
LEO
You don't mind me asking?
JOSH
Nah.
LEO
Because I'm gonna ask you once a day, okay?
JOSH
Okay, but you just asked me four times in the last ten seconds.
LEO
I want you to go to Ben and Sally's for dinner tonight.
JOSH
Are you going?
LEO
No.
JOSH
Was I invited?
LEO
No.
JOSH
Are Ben and Sally asking for me?
LEO
No, they'd rather you didn't come, but they'll do me a favor and I need you to do me one too.
JOSH
What's at Ben and Sally's?
LEO
Karen Cahill.
JOSH
And what stupid-ass Irish thing did you say to Karen Cahill that you now need me to apologize
at Ben and Sally 's like a little girl?
Leo glares at Josh rather sternly.
JOSH
Let me tell you what was surprising about that moment just then. I said that only 12 hours
after you were very cool about my almost accidentally setting the building on fire.
LEO
I made a joke about her shoes.
JOSH
I'm sorry?
LEO
I made a remark about her shoes.
JOSH
You're the second most powerful man in the country...
LEO
And she relates a column for the New York Times and who knows what kind of special
relationship women have with their shoes!
JOSH
What could you possibly have said...?
LEO
It doesn't matter. It was perfectly benign to anyone who doesn't take shoes that seriously.
Just tell her that I love her and that I'm sorry and I'll take her shoe shopping.
JOSH
Why don't you tell her?
LEO
If someone else tells her it seems like I was thoughtful enough to mention it. If I tell her
it just makes me seem feminine.
JOSH
You don't think the shoe shopping's gonna take care of that?
LEO
Let's call the insurance company and see how much water damage was done in the mural room.
JOSH
You don't need to wave a stick, Leo. I am totally there for you.
LEO
Thank you.
JOSH
Can I get Sam to do it?
LEO
Fine.
JOSH
Anything else?
LEO
Nope.
CUT TO: INT. THE ROOSEVELT ROOM - DAY
C.J. and Carol are meeting with ANN STARK and three of her staffers.
CAROL
This isn't about what they say after the meeting so let's decide what they're gonna say.
STAFFER 1
It'll be simple enough.
CAROL
Like what?
STAFFER 2
We appreciate the President's invitation and welcome him to the cause of bipartisanship.
C.J.
[while eating breakfast] And I'll end the press conference.
STAFFER 1
C.J..
C.J.
You're gonna walk him into the cause of bipartisanship?
STAFFER 1
What's the problem?
ANN STARK
I think C.J.'s objecting to the implication that we got there first.
C.J.
Yes.
ANN
How about ‘we all agree on a need for renewed spirit of bipartisanship.’
C.J.
The meeting was positive.
ANN
Yes.
C.J.
Friendly, frank, and productive
ANN
Yes.
CAROL
And we're certain our goals can be met under the President's leadership.
STAFFER 1
No way.
CAROL
What's the problem?
ANN
I think what my aide is objecting to is the implication it's the President's leadership
under which our goals will be met.
C.J.
Meeting was positive, friendly, frank and productive.
ANN
With a spicy bouquet that suggests a fine Merlot.
Her staffers smile.
CAROL
[looking over her notes] The President will be at the northwest entrance. Assuming we're done
at 1030, the Majority Leader will speak and take questions, the Minority Leader, then C.J.
will answer questions 20 minutes later in the Briefing Room.
C.J.
If all goes well we should...
ANN
[cuts her off] I got to stop you. Why in the Briefing Room?
C.J.
That's where I brief.
ANN
The Majority Leader is briefing first and outside. You're doing it last in back of a podium
and in front of a blue curtain with a big picture of the White House.
C.J.
And the Majority Leader'll be doing it in front of the actual White House.
ANN
No, he'll be doing it on the Capitol steps.
C.J.
Traditionally, these kinds of things are done in front of the White House.
ANN
Traditionally, the person in my job has cared what's traditional.
C.J.
The President's not gonna want to end a bipartisan breakfast with the Republicans speaking
from one place and the Democrats...
ANN
And the Majority Leader's not gonna stand at a cardboard podium in your front yard while you
stand in White House Press briefing room and with good reason.
C.J.
Which is?
ANN
I don't think they're on equal footing.
C.J.
My boss and your boss?
ANN
Yes.
C.J.
I don't think they are either.
ANN
C.J..
C.J.
And, the Majority Leader is gonna brief outside. If the majority leader wants to skip
breakfast there'll be more pancakes for the rest of us. My press room can write about why.
ANN
[shrugs] Well, you can't blame a girl for trying.
Toby enters.
C.J.
You need me?
TOBY
[points to Ann] Can I borrow her for a moment?
C.J.
We'll wait.
Toby and Ann step out to the HALLWAY.
TOBY
These rules are crap.
ANN
The guidelines. We're working with C.J. right now.
TOBY
I could care less who says what in what order. I'm talking about what we say when we sit down.
ANN
You've got concerns.
TOBY
Yes, I do.
ANN
Name one.
TOBY
The president prefers maple syrup from New Hampshire. [Ann laughs.] I'm not kidding.
ANN
Then we'd better meet on this.
TOBY
Breakfast tomorrow.
ANN
What should I wear?
TOBY
I don't give a damn. [opens the door for her]
ANN
I've heard different.
Ann returns to her meeting in THE ROOSEVELT ROOM.
CAROL
945. So we got that straight. Where were we?
ANN
You were giving me and my staff an ultimatum.
CUT TO: INT. SAM'S OFFICE - DAY
Donna walks in.
DONNA
Sam.
SAM
Did you know there's a swimming pool underneath the press Briefing Room?
DONNA
I didn't.
SAM
There's a swimming pool underneath there. And I'll tell you what else. According to the OMB
efficiency auditor, there are more people working in the West Wing of the White House than
in any point in history.
DONNA
You wanna free up office space by kicking out the press corps.
SAM
Yeah.
DONNA
And putting in a swimming pool...
SAM
I realize that there are some flaws in my logic.
DONNA
Yeah. Leo needs a favor.
SAM
What?
DONNA
He needs you to go to dinner at Ben and Sally's and apologize to Karen Cahill for making fun
of her shoes.
SAM
I didn't make fun of her shoes.
DONNA
He did.
SAM
I don't have any problem with her shoes.
DONNA
Leo did.
SAM
What was his problem with her shoes?
DONNA
Doesn't matter. Just do what you usually do.
SAM
Here's the thing.
Sam stands up nervously and walks out of his office. Donna follows.
DONNA
What?
SAM
I don't do well with Karen.
DONNA
Why?
SAM
I get nervous.
DONNA
What happens?
SAM
I become unimpressive.
DONNA
In what way?
SAM
In many ways.
DONNA
You don't fall down, do you?
SAM
Once.
DONNA
You'll be fine.
SAM
You think?
DONNA
You'll be impressive.
SAM
I never have been before, but that's no reason to think I'm not gonna do it.
DONNA
Right.
SAM
You know why?
DONNA
Doesn't really matter.
SAM
Perseverance. You get right back on the horse. I'm gonna sit there and she's gonna go home
saying, "that Sam Seaborn's impressive." I'm gonna say nice things about her.
DONNA
Reach for the stars, Sam!
SAM
I will!
DONNA
Good.
They part.
CUT TO: INT. LEO'S OFFICE - DAY
Toby enters.
LEO
Yeah.
TOBY
I'm gonna have breakfast with Ann Stark tomorrow.
LEO
Leave it alone.
TOBY
I think we should be able to discuss the minimum wage and-
LEO
Toby. It's a brand new year.
TOBY
Let's not faf around!
LEO
It's breakfast.
TOBY
I know. It's breakfast. We're not gonna come up with solutions in 90 minutes. But we have
the principles in a room and no cameras. The-[utters a small laugh] the leaders of the land.
And not to talk about how we're gonna approach the minimum wage, the Patient's Bill of Rights,
Tax relief, and education in the legislative session that's about to begin is a criminally
negligent and cowardly refusal to do... what we were all sent her to do. [beat] This is what
my ex-wife and I did for years. We had these rules. We could talk about anything but why we
couldn't live with each other. I could've been two years younger right now.
LEO
There was a freshman democrat who came to Congress 50 years ago. He turned to a senior
Democrat and said, "Where are the Republicans? I want to meet the enemy. The senior Democrat
said, "The Republicans aren't the enemy. They're the opposition. The Senate is the enemy."
Those days are over. Toby, in this climate...
TOBY
This climate is exactly what real bipartisan debate should look like.
LEO
This woman's had this job two weeks. I don't like dealing with people who are trying to
impress me.
TOBY
I know her a little.
LEO
Have breakfast with her.
TOBY
Thank you.
LEO
Toby.
TOBY
Yeah.
LEO
Jenny and I wouldn't talk about it either. You know why?
TOBY
Why?
LEO
Because we loved each other and it was awful and we knew it was never gonna change. Ever.
Toby leaves.
FADE OUT.
END ACT ONE
* * *
ACT TWO
FADE IN: EXT. THE WHITE HOUSE - DAY
TUESDAY
TOBY [VO]
I want them to talk about the minimum wage and I want them to talk about the Patient’s Bill
of Rights.
CUT TO: INT. WHITE HOUSE MESS - DAY
Toby and Ann Stark are having breakfast.
ANN
I believe you might be talking about the Comprehensive Access and Responsibility Act there,
Toby.
TOBY
Yeah, well...
ANN
[pulls out a bag] I brought you a present.
TOBY
What is it?
ANN
Guess.
TOBY
Really?
ANN
Sure.
TOBY
Why?
ANN
I would think it’d be fun.
TOBY
You don’t think it’d be a colossal waste of time?
ANN
You’ve lost your sense of humor.
TOBY
It’s a bottle of New Hampshire maple syrup.
ANN
It’s a CAN of New Hampshire maple syrup [unwraps the can with a red bow on it] and you just
ruined what I think could have been a nice moment.
Ann slides over the can, and Toby fingers it on the table.
TOBY
Ann.
ANN
You know, tax breaks are tax relief now and we’re changing South Carolina to Italy.
TOBY
The minimum wage.
ANN
You cannot muster up the behavior to say thank you?
TOBY
For the syrup?
ANN
Yeah.
TOBY
Thank you.
ANN
[smiles] You’re welcome!
TOBY
And congratulations.
ANN
Thank you.
TOBY
You are now the Chief of Staff to the most powerful Republican in the country. Obviously,
a great deal of confidence has been placed into you...
ANN
Where’s my present?
TOBY
For being promoted?
ANN
Yeah.
TOBY
[clapping his pockets] Uh... I don’t have one.
A waiter approaches their table.
ANN
Then give me my syrup back. [takes the syrup back]
WAITER
Are you ready to order?
ANN
He’s going to need syrup; I have syrup here but he doesn’t have any.
TOBY
Scrambled eggs, wheat toast and coffee, please.
CUT TO: INT. C.J.’S OFFICE - DAY
C.J. is reflected in the glass in front of Carol.
C.J.
Carol, did the President say that the stats were even more staggering right here,
in Washington, D.C.?
Carol walks inside.
CAROL
Yeah.
C.J.
Would you remind me to clarify that?
CAROL
Why?
C.J.
He was in Louisville, Kentucky, when he said it.
Carol nods and exits the office. Sam walks in.
SAM
Hey!
C.J.
Hey.
SAM
You got my note?
C.J.
About moving the Press Room to the OEOB...
SAM
Yeah.
C.J.
[in a sweetly patronizing tone] I did.
She walks past him outside her office. Sam follows.
SAM
And?
C.J.
Don’t let anyone ever know that you wrote it and don’t ever mention it again under any
circumstances!
SAM
Moving the Press Room?
C.J.
See what you did?
SAM
C.J....
C.J.
You mentioned it.
SAM
Look, if...
C.J.
You did it again.
SAM
No, I didn’t.
C.J.
You were about to.
SAM
Just to OEOB, just across the street.
C.J.
We’re not getting a swimming pool, Sam.
SAM
I know we’re not getting a swimming pool, but we can get the much-needed office space.
And we can put a little physical distance between the press and the President. And we can
put them just across the street in a state-of-the-art facility.
C.J.
[constantly in motion, while Sam follows] By ‘state-of-the-art,’ you mean...
SAM
A room with... electricity.
C.J.
The press doesn’t want physical distance from the President, and the American people would
prefer it the President didn’t have physical distance from the press!
SAM
C.J.!
C.J.
We can’t exile the press!
SAM
The room I’m talking about is one hundred yards from where we’re standing!
C.J.
It sends a signal we’re trying to hide things from them.
SAM
We are trying to hide things from them. But I don’t think we’re going to be any better at it
if they’re across the street.
C.J.
[stops, very articulately] NO!
SAM
I’ll get some more information for you.
C.J.
[walking away from him] I don’t need more information.
SAM
So that you can ruminate on it.
C.J.
I don’t need to ruminate!
SAM
Excellent!
Donna walks by him.
SAM
Josh!
DONNA
How did it go?
SAM
Hang on a second.
Sam follows Josh into JOSH'S OFFICE.
JOSH
[walking into his office with coffee] What do you need?
SAM
Did the monthly DNC go out yet?
JOSH
It’s going out now.
SAM
Is there time to tack on a question?
JOSH
Yeah. Donna, get me the polling center at Global Strategies Group!
DONNA [OS]
Yep.
JOSH
What’s the question?
SAM
C.J. thinks if we move the press out of the West Wing, the American people will object.
JOSH
She’s crazy.
SAM
So I want to show her numbers.
DONNA [OS]
Mike at Global Strategies.
JOSH
[picks up the phone] I want to tack on a question, okay? "Would you object?.." "Would you
have?.." "Yes or no would you have an objection if..." [to Sam, closing the mouthpiece]
What should the question be?
SAM
"If the White House would move the Press Corps to Trenton, New Jersey, would you give a
flying...?"
JOSH
Okay. [into the phone] "Would you object to the White House moving the Press Room out of the
West Wing and into a facility across the street?" Read it back.
Donna comes and stands at the threshold.
DONNA
[to Sam] How’d it go?
SAM
It went great. [to Josh] I had to talk to Karen Cahill last night.
DONNA
Did you fall down at all?
SAM
I did not. In fact, we were talking about the stability of former Soviet Republics and their
fear of Islamic extremism and I have to say that I made some very scholarly points regarding
the remains of nuclear weapons in Kyrgyzstan, and I have to believe...
JOSH
[behind him, reading a paper at his desk] Kazakhstan.
SAM
[turning to him] Hmmm?
JOSH
The nuclear weapons are in Kazakhstan.
SAM
I said Kyrgyzstan?
JOSH
Yeah.
SAM
Yeah, well, Kyrgyzstan has no nuclear weapons.
JOSH
No.
SAM
Kazakhstan is a country four times the size of Texas and has a sizable number of former
Russian missile silos.
JOSH
Yeah.
SAM
Kyrgyzstan is on the side of a hill near China and has mostly nomads and sheep.
DONNA
I’m sure you got it right last night.
SAM
Yes. I’m sure. Okay. [leaves as in complete panic]
CUT TO: INT. HALLWAY - DAY
Toby and Ann are walking back to TOBY'S OFFICE.
ANN
It’s a photo-op, Toby. Let them talk about the Redskins and their kids.
TOBY
And why not talk about the minimum wage?
ANN
Because, you’ll say you want it raised two dollars in 50-cent increments over two years and
we’ll say three years.
TOBY
Ann, do you know what a full-time worker, employed at five dollars and fifteen cents an hour,
makes in a year?
ANN
Ten thousand seven hundred and twelve dollars.
TOBY
Which is 26 hundred dollars below the poverty line. Why have a minimum wage?
ANN
Now you’re talking!
TOBY
Ann, I was just...
ANN
Do you really think raising the minimum wage is gonna put a dent in the poverty rate?
TOBY
I’m saying it could at least keep up with inflation! In the last thirty years, the purchasing
power of the minimum wage has gone down 30%, while you know how much the stock market has
gone up?
ANN
A hundred and fifteen percent. Toby, small businesses will fold or produce less because they
can’t afford to pay a federally mandated wage! The unemployed will, in turn, face higher
prices while receiving no wage.
TOBY
Fine, so let’s talk about it at breakfast!
ANN
No!
TOBY
Why?
ANN
Because, 20 senators will call me and say, ‘What the hell are you doing, starting the ball
rolling without us?’
TOBY
No, they will call and say, ‘What the hell are you doing, rolling the ball at all?’ You’re
gonna sandbag the thing in committee. You’ve shown us your whole hand. You’re playing a game
and not that well.
ANN
I just got here!
TOBY
Your predecessor didn’t play it well.
ANN
Maybe that’s why they gave me her job.
TOBY
Ann, we’re not going to get screwed around on the wage hike.
ANN
No?
TOBY
We have the votes and you know it.
ANN
Well, having the votes doesn’t matter that much if the leader decides there isn’t going to be
a vote.
TOBY
There is going to be a vote, straight up or down, and if there isn’t, we’ll offer the wage
hike as an amendment on everything that moves!
ANN
Say that again?
TOBY
You heard me the first time.
ANN
Do you not remember that I am the same person who bought you a can of syrup?
TOBY
[smiles] Ann...
ANN
Toby, what have I done to make you think I’m scared of you? [beat] The Patient’s Bill of
Rights.
TOBY
We can talk about it?
ANN
We can spend fifteen minutes on dropping the litigation field.
TOBY
In exchange for what?
ANN
Some flowers wouldn’t be out of line.
TOBY
In exchange for what?
ANN
The spirit of bipartisanship?
TOBY
In. Exchange. For what?
ANN
I want the press conference at the Hill. Our guys are tired of looking like the President’s
stupid cousin.
TOBY
That’s all?
ANN
Yeah.
TOBY
You want the press conference at the Hill?
ANN
Yeah.
TOBY
Done.
ANN
C.J. Cregg says no.
TOBY
C.J. works for me.
ANN
[laughs, stands up as Toby walks her out] Thank you for breakfast.
TOBY
You’re welcome.
Ann leaves.
CUT TO: INT. THE OVAL OFFICE - DAY
Bartlet is reading in a chair as Charlie walks in. Bartlet, not seeing him, yells.
BARTLET
Charlie!
CHARLIE
[quietly] Yes, sir.
BARTLET
Who’s the next meeting?
CHARLIE
Kim Woo of Singapore. You want the cheat sheet?
BARTLET
I don’t need a cheat sheet. [takes his glasses off] Kim Woo, he won a bronze medial for
fencing, he’s a Buddhist, and he enjoys European History. You see Charles’s even thought
it’s a handshake, I’m able to make him feel like a friend and that’s a little thing they
call ‘people skills.’
CHARLIE
Kim Woo’s a woman, sir.
BARTLET
The man’s an Olympic athlete, Charlie. I wouldn’t say that to his face.
CHARLIE
Sir?
BARTLET
What else?
CHARLIE
[gives Bartlet a file] Sam wanted me to show you some remarks he jotted down for your toast
at the breakfast tomorrow.
BARTLET
on glasses, reads] Ladies and Gentleman. [beat] That’s funny. [pause, while he reads] Yeah,
that’s funny. [laughs, to Charlie] She’s a woman?
CHARLIE
Yes.
BARTLET
Did you mark that down?
CHARLIE
Yes, sir.
BARTLET
[reads the speech] "We spend so much time demonizing the other side, treating our opponents
as if they were strangers with which we share nothing in common that we’ve lost sight perhaps
of the greater truths." [beat, to Charlie] Did you know it’s bad luck to toast with water?
CHARLIE
I didn’t.
BARTLET
Yeah, you don’t want to make a toast with water.
CHARLIE
Should we go, sir? [about to leave]
BARTLET
From Greek mythology, I’m almost sure. You lose your spirit. [reads again]
CHARLIE
To what?
BARTLET
[continues reading] Hmm?
CHARLIE
To what do you loose your spirit?
BARTLET
That’s a great question, Charlie, and I could tell you, but I think it’s better if you look
it up on your own.
CHARLIE
I’ll hit the library as soon as I get off work tonight at 1:00 AM. [gathers his coat]
BARTLET
[reads] "That we lost sight of the greater truths. There’s a lot more that unites Americans
than divides them." That’s good. "There’s a lot more that unites Americans than divides them."
[stands up] Remind me to tell Sam that’s good.
CHARLIE
Yes, sir.
BARTLET
And remind me not to make a toast with water.
CHARLIE
[helping him put his jacket on] Yes, sir.
BARTLET
Ah. Let’s go...
As they leave, Bartlet puts on his jacket.
FADE OUT.
END ACT TWO
* * *
ACT THREE
FADE IN: INT. JOSH'S BULLPEN AREA - DAY
Donna is at her desk. Sam stands in the doorway behind her.
SAM
I said the wrong one.
DONNA
Maybe not.
SAM
I'm fairly certain.
DONNA
You had a 50/50 chance.
SAM
It was Karen Cahill. There was a 99 of a 100 chance of saying the right one. I said the
wrong one.
DONNA
[walking over to a filing cabinet] Why do you guys get worked into a lather over Karen Cahill?
SAM
[following her] She's a very influential woman.
DONNA
You're a very influential man.
SAM
She's a columnist, she gets the last word.
DONNA
You talk to lots of columnists.
SAM
She has some kind of special powers.
DONNA
You think?
SAM
Yeah.
DONNA
Well, maybe you didn't get it wrong.
SAM
I got it wrong.
DONNA
No, maybe there really are remaining nuclear weapons in Kyrgizstan.
SAM
There are barely pots and pans in Kyrgizstan.
DONNA
You think the New York Times is going to make fun of you?
SAM
I do.
DONNA
Well you're kind of used to that by now, right?
She begins walking down the hallway.
SAM
Yeah. [again following her] Here's what we're gonna do.
DONNA
We're gonna do something?
SAM
You're gonna talk to her.
DONNA
[stopping] I don't even know her.
SAM
You've met.
DONNA
Ohhuh we've been introduced.
SAM
And you said you felt the two of you made a connection.
DONNA
That's true. [starts walking again]
SAM
Here's what you're gonna do.
DONNA
[placing files on a desk] I connect with people, Sam.
SAM
Yes.
DONNA
I'm a people person.
SAM
That's great. You're going to the Southstreet Exhibit tonight.
DONNA
How did you know?
SAM
You told me. She's going too.
DONNA
How do you know?
SAM
She told me.
DONNA
So there's quite a bit of reconnaissance that went into this thing.
SAM
Yes. Here's what you're gonna do. You're gonna go up to her 'Hi I'm Donna Moss, I don't
know if you remember me, I'm Josh Lyman's assistant.' You just had to come up to her cause
you knew she'd get a kick out of this. Sam Seaborn's being so cute, he was talking to you
and he thinks he may have said Kyrgizstan when he obviously meant Kazakhstan.
DONNA
Sam Seaborn's being so cute?
SAM
It 'd kill you?
DONNA
No.
SAM
Thank you.
CUT TO: INT. C.J.'S OFFICE - DAY
C.J. is leaning over her table when Toby knocks on the open door.
C.J.
Yeah?
TOBY
Yeah. I just had breakfast with Ann Stark.
C.J.
Minimum wage?
TOBY
No.
C.J.
It's for the best. [moves to her desk]
TOBY
Why?
C.J.
Cause they'll be a fight.
TOBY
Yes.
C.J.
Toby...
TOBY
There should be a fight. We disagree on something important and immediate.
C.J.
Which means there should be a compromise.
TOBY
Which isn't going to happen by posing for a picture.
C.J.
It isn't gonna happen eating pancakes either, Toby, so let 'em tell dirty jokes for
90 minutes, shake hands, and start the year.
TOBY
Not when it's the taxpayers’ pancakes.
C.J.
The taxpayers will be happy to know that the Democrats are trying to tighten heir belts
where they can.
TOBY
They're willing to put a provision of the patients’ bill up for discussion.
C.J.
Well, that's a little something you can all disagree on.
TOBY
Fifteen minutes.
C.J.
You can do a lot of disagreeing in fifteen minutes.
TOBY
In exchange she wants the press conference on the hill.
C.J.
Now she wants the whole thing on the hill?!
TOBY
Yeah, listen-
C.J.
I said ‘no’ yesterday to the split conference what makes her think...
TOBY
Because I'm asking you to.
C.J.
What!?
TOBY
That's what they get in exchange.
C.J.
Are you kidding me?!
TOBY
Look...
C.J.
Toby, are you kidding me?!
TOBY
Who cares whether...?
C.J.
First of all, I don't even know where to start...
TOBY
C.J.
C.J.
But first of all, if they say anything that needs a response I need twenty minutes with
staff. I can't stand around there and huddle in front of the White House and Congressional
Press Corps.
TOBY
There's not gonna be a surprise, you've already decided what you're gonna say, which is not
much of anything at all!
C.J.
[steps in front of him] We don't speak for the President on the steps of the capital,
we don't need to be offered their microphone it makes us look like less than what we are,
in fact, it makes us look small!
TOBY
We're calling tax breaks tax reliefs, refusing to discuss raising the salary of those living
in poverty, arguing the seating arrangement and you think that's going to make us look small?
C.J.
Toby.
TOBY
We're talking about the no litigation clause for fifteen minutes. I don't care if the damn
press conference is outside the rotary club.
She's clearly not happy, as she turns back to her desk.
C.J.
It shouldn't be me then.
TOBY
Fine.
C.J.
It should be the deputy.
TOBY
I'll tell Ann it's not going to be you.
C.J.
I think this is a bad idea. I think the first visual we get is that Congress is the seat of
power and the President is irrelevant. Not only that, but you just took my legs out from
under me with Ann! Are you ordering me to move it to the hill?
TOBY
I don't like doing that.
C.J.
You're gonna have to.
TOBY
[beat] Do it.
FADE TO BLACK.
WEDNESDAY
FADE IN: EXT. OUTSIDE CAPITOL HILL - DAY
This next part cuts back and forth between Toby's office, C.J.'s office, in front of the
Capitol Building, and the room where Ann is watching the press conference. The speakers
voices at the press conference fade in and out. Cuts will be marked by ~.
Reporters and Congressman getting ready for the press conference.
CUT TO: INT. C.J.'S OFFICE - CONTINUOUS
Steve, the reporter, is waiting for C.J., as she walks in.
C.J.
It's about to start.
STEVE
C.J.
C.J.
Hey Steve, you should be up on the hill.
STEVE
I'm gonna watch it on TV. I wanted to ask you, are you guys thinking about moving the press
room across he street?
C.J.
No.
STEVE
I heard you were discussing it.
C.J.
From who?
STEVE
Chris.
C.J.
It's starting.
STEVE
She seemed pretty sure you were discussing it.
C.J.
Why?
STEVE
She got called by a pollster who asked her how she felt...
C.J.
She got called by a pollster.
STEVE
Yeah.
C.J.
She herself got called.
STEVE
Anyway.
CAROL
It's starting.
C.J.
Let me get into it.
STEVE
Thanks.
He leaves, as Carol comes in. A Congressman is speaking through the television.
FIRST CONGRESSMAN [on T.V.]
Good morning. We're joined to day by Congressman Dade, Congressman Shallot, Senator Hammond
and Senator Ford. Unfortunately the Senate Majority Leader has a sore throat and is unable
to join us here, he's gone back to his office. We've just concluded a very frank and
productive...
C.J.
When did he get a sore throat?
CAROL
I-I don't...
C.J.
She took the Majority Leader off the board.
CUT TO: EXT. OUTSIDE CAPITOL HILL - CONTINUOUS
FIRST CONGRESSMAN
...we all feel is an important moment of bipartisanship as we face the coming legislative
session. We thought we'd answer some questions for a few moments this morning. Yes?
FIRST REPORTER
Was the Patients Bill of Rights discussed?
FIRST CONGRESSMAN
The Comprehensive Access and Responsibility Act, yes it was discussed.
CUT TO: INT. C.J.'S OFFICE - CONTINUOUS
C.J.
She took him off the board.
A pause. C.J. appears to be thinking out loud.
C.J.
Was it a balance thing? No, she didn't want balance she wanted power.
CAROL
Maybe...
C.J.
Why would she take her boss off the board?
FIRST CONGRESSMAN [on T.V.]
We discussed the litigation clause but again I don't want to get into the specifics of... Yes?
C.J.
We're about to get hit.
CUT TO: EXT. OUTSIDE CAPITOL HILL - CONTINUOUS
SECOND REPORTER
What about minimum wage hike?
FIRST CONGRESSMAN
The wage hike was not discussed.
SECOND REPORTER
Well, are you considering a two-dollar increase over two years?
FIRST CONGRESSMAN
Well, we want the same thing over three years, certainly...
CUT TO: INT. ANN STARK'S OFFICE - CONTINUOUS
Ann watches the conference from a monitor.
ANN
C'mon, Simon.
FIRST CONGRESSMAN
Greg?
ANN
Call on Simon.
GREG
Is it fair to say it's the Majority Leader whose holding this up and not the majority?
FIRST CONGRESSMAN
Well I don't think it's fair to say either. Yeah, in the back, Simon?
SIMON
Congressman, I'm quoting a Senior White House Aid who says they have the votes. The aid said
that unless they get a straight vote up or down from the leader, and this is the quote, we're
gonna attach it as an amendment on everything that moves.
Ann smiles, like a coach whose player just hit a home run.
CUT TO: INT. TOBY'S OFFICE - CONTINUOUS
Toby is starting to pay more attention, and he looks worried.
FIRST CONGRESSMAN [on T.V.]
Could you say that again please?
SIMON [on T.V.]
The Senior Aide-
FIRST CONGRESSMAN [on T.V.]
Listen, I don't want to comment on this
CUT TO: INT. C.J.'S OFFICE - CONTINUOUS
C.J. is watching the television intently.
FIRST CONGRESSMAN [on T.V.]
I think I'd like to get back to the breakfast meeting.
SECOND CONGRESSMAN [on T.V.]
Excuse me, but uh, my friend from Michigan is far too polite to comment on this. I am not
burned with any such sense of etiquette.
THIRD REPORTER [on T.V.]
Congressman...
SECOND CONGRESSMAN [on T.V.]
This is disgraceful. I think the record should show that a spit ball contest was begun behind
our back through the press and before the 107th Congress was even gaveled into session.
C.J.'s phone rings.
SECOND CONGRESSMAN [on T.V.]
Want some quotes? Open your notepads.
CAROL
It's Toby.
SECOND CONGRESSMAN [on T.V.]
It's sadly not atypical of this White House... ~
TOBY
I'm the Senior Aide.
C.J.
No kidding. [to Carol] Get me Henry.
SECOND CONGRESSMAN [on T.V.]
We came her in an honest effort to find common ground...
CAROL
[holding the cell] Henry.
C.J.
I've got Henry. What do you want?
CUT TO: INT. TOBY'S OFFICE - CONTINUOUS
Toby is silent.
SECOND CONGRESSMAN
...in this legislative session. If the White House insists on saying one thing to our face
and another...
CUT TO: INT. ANN STARK'S OFFICE - CONTINUOUS
Ann is satisfied with the result.
SECOND CONGRESSMAN
...to us through the media. If the White House insists on ambushing us with ultimatums in
the press...
CUT TO: INT. C.J.'S OFFICE - CONTINUOUS
C.J.
What do you want me to do, Toby?
TOBY
[pause] Don't let him take the podium. You'll take questions in the briefing room in
20 minutes.
C.J. hangs up, and speaks through the cell phone.
C.J.
Henry, get home.
CUT TO: INT. TOBY'S OFFICE - CONTINUOUS
Toby slams the phone down. He's been played and he's not happy.
FADE OUT.
END ACT THREE
* * *
ACT FOUR
FADE IN: INT. OUTSIDE LEO'S OFFICE - DAY
Toby, C.J., Sam, and Josh are waiting outside Leo’s office. No one wants to speak.
Leo enters and conversation moves into LEO'S OFFICE.
LEO
Hey, what the hell happened?
TOBY
That was me. [sighs] I gave Ann Stark the quote and she fed it to a reporter.
LEO
Why’d you give her the quote?
TOBY
It wasn’t a quote when I gave it to her.
LEO
What the hell was it?
TOBY
I was letting her know we have the votes...
LEO
She knows we have the votes.
TOBY
I wasn’t...
LEO
She was just promoted to Chief of Staff of the Senate Majority Leader. You don’t think she
knows we have the votes?
TOBY
[sighing] I misunderstood my relationship with Ann Stark.
LEO
Yes, you did. And now it looks like we went to the press and went for his knees.
SAM
Excuse me but Toby’s not the one who gave it to the press!
LEO
You think the Majority Leader’s going to believe that?
TOBY
No.
LEO
It was a breakfast. It was a damn photo opportunity. The year is one week old. The legislative
session hasn’t begun and we can’t put a forkful of waffles in our mouth without coughing up
the ball. You got beat.
TOBY
Yes.
C.J.
I have press in ten minutes...
LEO
Figure it out. Tell me what you’re going to do.
They all exit and begin walking down the HALLWAY.
JOSH
We can take the high road and say we don’t want it to disintegrate into a war of words.
SAM
We don’t want to disrupt the fragile peace...
C.J.
The fragile peace has been disrupted. We’ve been accused of ambushing the Majority Leader
in the press.
JOSH
Also Labour’s going to want to know if we stand by the minimum wage.
SAM
Why don’t we pass it off to Labour? Have the Labour Secretary make a statement "We support
the two dollar minimum wage."
JOSH
Yeah, let’s emphasize the close we are on this.
SAM
"We support the minimum wage hike over two years. The Republicans want it over three years.
We’re close to an agreement..."
C.J.
Sounds like we’re close to agreeing on 30 months which we’re not, and no one’s going to
want to cover a statement from the Labour Secretary which is good, ‘cause if they did it’d
look like we’re ducking.
SAM
No, I don’t think...
TOBY
She’s right. We can’t be passive and the high road doesn’t go where we need it to.
[All sigh.] Be cool, be funny, smack them down hard.
SAM
The Majority Leader is tragically out of touch with the needs of real people.
JOSH
And why wasn’t he at the podium? A sore throat? We know how tough that can be. Thank goodness
he had health insurance.
SAM
There it is!
C.J.
That’s the sound bite.
JOSH
And that’s the new story.
C.J.
Toby?
TOBY
Do it.
C.J.
Carol, I need voting stats on health care. [walks off]
CAROL [OS]
Five minutes!
JOSH
How’s this for a phrase "You can lay down in front of the train or you can get on board?"
SAM
That’s a really bad phrase.
JOSH
Is it better if it’s "You can get on board the train or you can lay down in front of it?"
SAM
No it’s really bad either way.
Donna walks in from the bullpen.
DONNA
Josh, this was delivered by messenger.
JOSH
What is it?
Donna lifts the yellow envelope to her eyes.
DONNA
It’s... wait... wait... no. Damn, my x-ray vision is failing me today.
JOSH
Give me that.
Josh wanders off. Sam and Donna move into JOSH'S BULLPEN AREA.
SAM
How’d it go?
DONNA
Last night?
SAM
Did you talk to her?
DONNA
Yes, I did and I explained you might have said "Kyrgyzstan" when of course you meant
"Kazakhstan."
SAM
Did you say it was cute the way I worried about it?
DONNA
I did.
SAM
Did it turn out I got it wrong?
DONNA
She said she wasn’t really listening while you were talking.
SAM
Okay...
DONNA
I, on the other hand, had a most stimulating conversation with her. It was pithy, it was
erudite, and most importantly it required no next day follow up explanation.
JOSH [OS]
Donna?
Josh wanders back in.
DONNA
What was in the envelope?
JOSH
Your underwear.
Donna's face falls.
DONNA
What?
JOSH
I’m holding... your underwear... in my hand... right now. And the way I know it’s your
underwear is that your name sewn in the back, which is obviously something we’ll spend
some time talking about at a later date.
DONNA
How did you get my underwear?
SAM
Donna, did you by any chance where the same pair of pants two days in a row this week?
DONNA
No.
JOSH
Donna?
DONNA
[reluctantly] Yes.
JOSH
Okay, when you get dressed on day two did you check the pant leg for the previous day’s
underwear?
DONNA
I don’t need to check the pant leg for...
JOSH
Donna.
DONNA
[sighs] They fell out of my pants?
JOSH
It would appear that way.
DONNA
Where?
JOSH
The South Street exhibit.
DONNA
Where?
JOSH
On the floor in front of Karen Cahill.
DONNA
Please tell me she’s not the one...
JOSH
She sent a note.
Donna gasps.
C.J.
[walks by] Fred and Ethel, would you follow me please?
JOSH
She’s talking about us.
Josh tosses Donna her underwear and exits with Sam. She stuffs them in a desk drawer.
C.J.
Did a question get tacked on to the monthly DNC tracking poll about moving the press room?
SAM
Yes, it did. Because I at least wanted to shoot down the argument that the public...
C.J.
The public gets their news from the press, and the press gets their news...
SAM
It’s a private poll. The press doesn’t have access to it.
C.J.
So they don’t know what questions we’re asking?
SAM
Yeah.
C.J.
Are you sure?
SAM
The only way they’d know what questions were being asked is if they were actually called
by one of the pollsters and... Oh my god!
C.J.
Yes.
SAM
A reporter got called by one of the pollsters?
C.J.
Yes, indeed.
JOSH
Wow. What are the chances of that?
SAM
The chances of that are astronomical.
C.J.
Guys...
JOSH
We can calculate it. They sample 800 respondents...
C.J.
Would the two of you stop being amazed by the mathematics!
SAM
All right, I’d pass it off. Just say some poor schnook in the management office got the
idea and wanted to kick it around.
C.J.
Sam.
SAM
It’s going to be me, right?
C.J.
Yeah.
SAM
Ok.
JOSH
You ready?
C.J.
Yeah.
JOSH
You had a lot of opportunities today to say ‘I told you so’ and score some points with Leo.
You’re a class act.
C.J.
Why were you holding women’s underwear before?
JOSH
Never really needed a reason. Eat ‘em up.
C.J. enters THE BRIEFING ROOM.
REPORTERS
C.J.! C.J.! C.J.!
CUT TO: EXT. SHOT OF THE CAPITOL BUILDING - NIGHT
11:05 P.M.
NEWCASTER [VO]
White House Press Secretary C.J. Cregg characterized the Republican response as bizarre...
CUT TO: INT. ANN STARK'S OFFICE - CONTINUOUS
Ann is watching C.J. on TV.
C.J. [on T.V.]
There was no intent to ‘ambush’ the Republican Party with an issue that’s been on the table
for over a year.
NEWCASTER
Ann Stark, recently installed Chief of Staff in the Majority Leader’s office, said that she
was surprised by the White House’s information...
Knocking on the door and Toby enters.
TOBY
And shocked. Shocked, I say, to discover that there is gambling going on in this establishment.
ANN
Maybe if you’d gotten me a gift of some kind...
TOBY
You think this is funny?
ANN
You used to have a sense of humor, Toby.
Toby grunts.
ANN
Nah, you never used to have a sense of humor, Toby.
TOBY
Ann...
ANN
I think you’re going to have to start getting next to the idea that your party isn’t in the
majority.
TOBY
My party’s in the White House.
ANN
A building with which the Constitution does not endow sovereign power.
TOBY
You think I’m going to sit around while you reduce the President to Prime Minister?
ANN
Stand or sit, we’re in the majority and things are going to have to look it. And by the way,
don’t ever walk into my office without an appointment!
TOBY
You think this could wait until an election year?
ANN
When is it not an election year?
TOBY
Because ten years ago we used to be able to sit down, we’d order a couple of bourbons,
we’d talk about health care, we’d talk about the minimum wage. [chuckles softly] He didn’t
have a sore throat.
ANN
No.
TOBY
You kept him off the board so he could come back on and fix it.
ANN
Yeah.
TOBY
When are you going to announce?
ANN
Announce what?
TOBY
That he’s running for President.
ANN
I’m pretty sure we just did.
Toby exits.
CUT TO: INT. OUTER OVAL OFFICE - NIGHT
Bartlet and Charlie are watching C.J. on Mrs. Landingham’s T.V.
C.J.
Good morning. I’m going to read a short statement in response to the rather bizarre take
on what was otherwise an unremarkable...
BARTLET
I think the whole damn thing is bizarre.
They walk into THE OVAL OFFICE.
CHARLIE
Mr. President, I don’t know if this is the right moment...
BARTLET
The right moment for what?
CHARLIE
Donna Moss needs a favor. While talking last night to Karen Cahill, she accidentally dropped
her underwear. She feels that there’s a chance Karen Cahill may have misinterpreted that and
Donna asked me to ask you if you would call Karen Cahill and make it clear she wasn’t making
a sexual advance.
BARTLET
Well, I’m not sure there is a right moment for you to ask me that, Charlie.
CHARLIE
So I should tell her no?
BARTLET
Yeah.
LEO
[enters] Good evening, Mr. President
BARTLET
Donna wants me to call Karen Cahill and make it clear she wasn’t hitting on her when she gave
her her underwear.
LEO
Yeah, that’s ‘cause I made fun of her shoes and Sam said there were nuclear weapons in
Kyrgyzstan and Donna went to clear up the mix up and accidentally left her underwear.
BARTLET
There can’t possibly be nuclear weapons in Kyrgyzstan.
LEO
Mr. President, please don’t wade hip deep into this story.
CHARLIE
Sir?
BARTLET
Okay. Yeah.
CHARLIE
Toby.
BARTLET
[shaking his head] I’m going to bed. If anybody thinks of new ways for us to make friends
don’t hesitate to wake me. Or, you know, just feel free to start a fire.
LEO
Thank you, Mr. President.
BARTLET
Good night.
Bartlet exits along the outside corridor, passes all the windows, which Toby can see.
Charlie exits the Oval Office.
CHARLIE
Toby.
Toby enters the Oval Office.
TOBY
He didn’t want to see me.
LEO
He’ll be all right in the morning.
TOBY
Yeah.
LEO
You’re the Communications Director. It was a TV show.
TOBY
It was a blunder from top to bottom. You should know it could have been avoided at several
points along the way if I’d listened to C.J.
LEO
Or me.
TOBY
Yeah.
LEO
Alexander Hamilton didn’t think we should have political parties. Neither did John Adams.
He thought political parties led to divisiveness.
TOBY
They do. They should. We have honest disagreements. Arguments are good.
LEO
Only if they lead to statesmanship. Or it’s just theatre. And statesmanship is compromise.
TOBY
What about persuasion? They’re coming for us, Leo.
LEO
I know.
TOBY
I mean they’re coming for us now.
LEO
Toby, if you knew what it was like getting him to run the first time...
TOBY
I know.
LEO
Like pushing molasses up a sandy hill. If I go and tell him it’s time to run again he’s
going to get crazy... and frustrated. He’s going to sink into his head and he’s going to
say he’s not running.
TOBY
Yeah.
LEO
Yeah.
TOBY
So we’ve got to do it for him. We’ll keep it away from this office but we’ve got to get real
now. Leo, Ann Stark’s a war time consigliere. That’s why she was bumped up.
LEO
I’m a wartime consigliere too, Toby. I was just hoping it’d be peace time a little longer.
TOBY
Yeah.
LEO
Son of a bitch!
TOBY
Yeah.
LEO
Shake my hand.
Toby does.
LEO
We just formed it.
TOBY
Formed what?
LEO
The Committee to Reelect the President.
DISSOLVE TO: END TITLES.
FADE TO BLACK.
THE END
* * *
The West Wing and all its characters are properties of Aaron Sorkin, John Wells
Production, Warner Brothers Television, and NBC. No copyright infringement is intended.
Episode 2.11 -- "The Leadership Breakfast"
Original Airdate: January 10, 2001, 9:00 PM EST
Transcribed by: OutcastHippo, Leelee, Irene, AmyBecca, and BumbleLion