THE WEST WING
"ELECTION NIGHT"
TELEPLAY BY: AARON SORKIN
STORY BY: DAVID GERKEN & DAVID HANDELMAN
DIRECTED BY: LESLI LINKA GLATTER
TEASER
FADE IN: INT. POLLING PLACE - DAY
PRECINCT FOUR POLLING PLACE WEST END PUBLIC LIBRARY 24TH & L
7:17 A.M.
Josh walks out of the polling booth after placing his votes. A lady puts a sticker on his jacket.
JOSH
Thank you.
MAN
You're Josh Lyman, aren't you?
JOSH
Yeah.
MAN
Yeah. I've seen you're picture a lot. Can I ask you something?
JOSH
Sure.
MAN
Bartlet's on the ballot for the Democratic Party and for the Statehood Party. It's okay that
I voted for him in both columns, right?
JOSH
No, you can't vote for him in two columns.
MAN
I already did.
JOSH
You're ballots going to be invalidated.
MAN
What the hell for?
JOSH
You're only allowed to vote once.
MAN
He's on the ballot twice.
JOSH
He's on the ballot more than that. He's on the ballot as the Liberal Party nominee...
MAN
I'm saying I'm for statehood.
JOSH
Me, too, and I'm saying yours is a vote we didn't get.
BLACK MAN
I'm so sorry to interrupt. Did I hear you say that you're supposed to vote for the President
in both columns?
JOSH
No. No, uh, you can vote for the President in whatever column you want, but you can only vote once.
BEGGERLY WOMAN
He's right.
JOSH
Yes, I'm... Yes.
BEGGERLY WOMAN
And I'll tell you a secret for a shortcut: If you just, say, vote for one Democrat and
leave all the rest of the boxes blank, then you voted for the Democrats.
JOSH
Yes. No. It doesn't... You can't vote for a party. You have to vote for a person.
BEGGERLY WOMAN
No, I think you're wrong.
JOSH
I'm not.
BEGGERLY WOMAN
I left all but one box blank.
JOSH
Well, then you voted for none but one candidate.
BEGGERLY WOMAN
Nuts.
JOSH
Did you vote for the President? Was the Presidnet the one box?
BEGGERLY WOMAN
Ah, who remembers?
JOSH
It was a minute and a half ago.
BEGGERLY WOMAN
Don't be rude.
JOSH
I'm sorry. Thank you for voting.
Josh walks away.
WOMAN IN RED COAT
Excuse me.
JOSH
[frustrated] Yes. What?
He turns around to see a pretty brunette, and he mellows out.
JOSH
Yes, hello.
WOMAN IN RED COAT
You're who I think you are, right?
JOSH
I can be who you want.
WOMAN IN RED COAT
That's funny.
JOSH
Thank you.
WOMAN IN RED COAT
Um, I saw you getting run over by those people.
JOSH
Just part of the job ma'am.
They get on an escalator.
WOMAN IN RED COAT
Mm. I guess you hear some pretty silly questions.
JOSH
Well, I'm just worried 'cause they all tried to vote for Bartlet, and if this keeps up, we're
headed towards biggest electoral upset in history and nobody's going to be able to figure out why.
WOMAN IN RED COAT
Right, well, it's the same thing with my parents. I tell them to just rank the candidates
in order of preference.
JOSH
Right. No!
ASIAN LADY
Mr. Lyman, I voted for your boy in all three boxes.
JOSH
No. Listen to me. Your ballot is invalid. [to woman in red coat] So is yours. Punch the box
next to the candidate you prefer once-- nothing else.
WOMAN IN RED COAT
I'm sorry, one more thing.
JOSH
Yes.
WOMAN IN RED COAT
I have a message from Toby Ziegler.
JOSH
What?
WOMAN IN RED COAT
I have a message from Toby Ziegler.
JOSH
You know Toby?
WOMAN IN RED COAT
He says... ten dollars.
Josh looks up to see every one he was talking to standing in the background laughing.
JOSH
I see. You guys are a little troupe. A little acting troupe with a "U".
MAN
Yes sir, we are. Can I give you a card?
JOSH
No.
MAN
Mr. Ziegler said you were a little edgy on election days, so, just to show there are no hard
feelings, how about if I go down there and vote for the President? Right now.
JOSH
As a matter of fact, that would be nice.
MAN
No problem. Do you happen to know if I need to be... I don't know, pre-registered or something?
Josh bursts out the doors and yells.
JOSH
Yes!
SMASH CUT TO: MAIN TITLES.
END TEASER
* * *
ACT ONE
FADE IN: INT. THE ROOSEVELT ROOM - DAY
10:00 A.M.
LARRY
The teachers have 500 red and blue Bartlet-Hoynes banners. That, plus 600 from building trades.
SAM
No.
LARRY
I'm sorry?
SAM
No.
LARRY
Why?
SAM
The partisanship's over. We elected a President. This is for everybody. No banners tonight;
the American flag.
C.J.
Okay, but we're using the seal and I'll put Senate and House leadership up there.
SAM
No balloons, no confetti.
C.J.
Why?
SAM
It's not a party.
C.J.
It is a party.
SAM
Yeah, but we won. We don't have to pander.
TOBY
Please don't say that.
C.J.
On your birthday, don't we pander to you?
SAM
Not as much as I'd like.
TOBY
I'm not kidding.
C.J.
What are you babbling about?
TOBY
We haven't won anything yet.
C.J.
The speech is done.
TOBY
Two speeches are done.
C.J.
What's the second?
TOBY
I've got a speech if he wins, I've got a speech if he doesn't.
SAM
You wrote a concession?
TOBY
Of course I wrote a concession. You want to tempt the wrath of the whatever from high atop the thing?
SAM
No.
TOBY
Then go outside, turn around three times and spit. What the hell's the matter with you?
SAM
It's like 25 degrees outside.
TOBY
Go.
JOSH
Hello.
C.J.
[in foreign accent] Oh, Mr. Lyman. I see your picture in the magazine. Tell me, if I swallow
my ballot, does it still...?
JOSH
A little election day humor-- that's great.
SAM
He wrote a concession speech.
JOSH
Of course he wrote a concession speech. Why wouldn't he? What possible reason would he have
for not writing a concession speech?
SAM
The wrath from high atop the thing.
TOBY
He upped and said we were gonna...
JOSH
No, you got to go outside, turn around three times and curse.
TOBY
Spit.
JOSH
Spit and curse.
TOBY
Do everything. Go!
JOSH
Go!
TOBY
Go!
JOSH
Go!
TOBY
Go!
Sam gets up and leaves the room.
JOSH
These things have a half-life. You just can't...
TOBY
All right, we're meeting again, when?
ED
First round of exits at 11:00.
TOBY
11:00 unless there's a reason earlier.
C.J.
[to Toby] Can I have you two seconds?
TOBY
Yeah. What do you need?
They go out the HALLWAY.
C.J.
Hang on.
TOBY
There's trouble?
C.J.
A little bit.
TOBY
For the President?
C.J.
For you.
They end up in TOBY'S OFFICE.
C.J.
Listen, I know better then to stick my face in your personal life except, you know, for sport.
TOBY
What happened?
C.J.
Roll Call's got it from the Office of Congress's Attending Physician that Andy's pregnant.
TOBY
When did they start doing more than flu vaccinations?
C.J.
They need updated medical records.
TOBY
Roll Call doesn't need updated medical records though, do they?
C.J.
They're going to connect the dots. It's going to be bad for her and bad for you.
TOBY
You mean bad for us.
C.J.
I can handle the "us." What's her plan?
TOBY
I don't know.
C.J.
Toby...
TOBY
I dont know. We haven't talked about it.
C.J.
She's got to be proactive.
TOBY
Yeah.
C.J.
It would be nice if we could announce a wedding.
TOBY
I'm working on that. Thanks.
C.J.
You'll talk to her, hmm?
TOBY
Yeah.
C.J.
Thanks.
C.J. exits into the COMMUNICATIONS OFFICE, where she sees Sam.
C.J.
Did you...?
SAM
Yes, I turned, I cursed, I spat, it froze.
C.J.
Can't be too careful.
SAM
I think you can.
BONNIE
Sam, you got Will Bailey calling from California.
SAM
[singing] "Won't you come home, Will Bailey...? Won't you come home...?" [into phone]
Sancho, how you doing?
WILL BAILEY
I'm Sancho?
SAM
Yeah.
WILL
Okay. Can I ask you something?
SAM
Yes, grasshopper.
WILL
How much do you know about exit polls?
SAM
What's there to know? You stand 100 yards away and say "Who'd you vote for?" You can't
afford exit polls.
WILL
Yeah, I've got volunteers out there with clipboards.
SAM
And?
WILL
Something weird's going on.
SAM
What?
WILL
We're winning.
SAM
What do you mean?
WILL
We're down one in Spyglass Hill even in Emerald Bay and up three in El Toro Station.
SAM
Okay, can I give you a nickels worth of free advice?
WILL
Yeah.
SAM
It's not advice so much as I'm saying this: Democrats vote early, okay? And diehards vote early.
WILL
Okay, you want me to call in every couple of hours?
SAM
Every hour.
WILL
Okay.
Sam hangs up the phone and goes out into the COMMUNICATION BULLPEN.
SAM
Bonnie, Democrats vote early, right?
BONNIE
Yeah.
SAM
Ginger, Democrats and diehards vote eary, right?
GINGER
Yeah.
SAM
Okay.
CUT TO: INT. POLLING CHURCH - DAY
FIRST EMMANUEL EPISCOPAL CHURCH MANCHESTER, N.H.
Abbey Bartlet steps out of the voting booth and the crowd applauds.
REPORTER
Mrs. Bartlet, can you tell us who you voted for.
ABBEY
Nobody. I was just fixing my makeup.
REPORTER
How are you spending the rest of the day?
ABBEY
Filling out Chicago ballots; just pitching in. He's going to be flying around thanking supporters.
REPORTER
Is there any suspense at all today?
ABBEY
Well, there are about 14 competitive Senate races, about 46 House races and right here in New
Hampshire there's a 600 million dollar bond issue, plus no one's elected my husband President yet.
Bartlet steps out of the voting booth and the crowd applauds.
REPORTER
Mr. President, polls show a dog fight here in New Hampshire. How would you feel if you won the
election but lost your home state?
BARTLET
Better than if I won my home state but lost my home country. The only poll that matters closes
in 17 hours.
REPORTER
Did you vote for the bond issue?
BARTLET
Title 63, Chapter 659, Section 43 of New Hampshire election code says electioneering is prohibited
within a corridor ten feet wide and extending a distance from the entrance door of the building as
determined by the moderator where the election is being held. If anyone knows what that means...
BARTLET
Yeah, I voted for the bond issue. It's going to improve public education without a tax abatement.
CUT TO: EXT. FRONT STEPS OF CHURCH - CONTINUOUS
The reporters all call out Bartlet's name.
KATIE
Mr. President, do you have anything to say to Governor Ritchie today?
BARTLET
Well, one way or another I imagine we'll be talking tonight. I got to get back. You can hockle
Abbey for awhile. She's taking the next plane.
He kisses Abbey.
KATIE
Thank you, Mr. President.
Bartlet begins to walk toward the motorcade.
CHARLIE
These are for your signature.
BARTLET
Yeah. Listen, you think you could score me a couple of aspirin?
CHARLIE
Yes, sir. You got a headache?
BARTLET
I'm fine.
CHARLIE
Should I ask the doctor...?
BARTLET
No, it's just a headache. Just me and you today, okay. I'm fine.
CHARLIE
Yes, sir.
BARTLET
I'll sign these in the car.
CHARLIE
Yes, sir.
Bartlet gets into the limousine and closes the door. He opens the folder Charlie handed him
and pulls out a pen to sign the papers, but his hand is trembling.
BARTLET
Come on.
He closes the folder without signing the papers.
BARTLET
Okay, this can wait. Let's go.
The motorcade pulls off and Bartlet's hand is still trembling. He places his other hand on
top to stop it from shaking.
FADE OUT.
END ACT ONE
* * *
ACT TWO
FADE IN: INT. COMMUNICATIONS OFFICE - DAY
1:30 P.M.
BARTLET [D]: 597,343
RITCHIE [R]: 551,794
WILDE [D]: 16,916
WEBB [R]: 16,864
JOSH
Nothing's happening right bow. By the end of the night, 100 million votes will be cast. Polls
have been open in the East for six and a half hours. You know how many votes have been cast?
One percent. Everybody votes after work. Not me, I vote first thing. The VNS exit polls are
down in Michigan for a little while. And it's raining Oregon. This is like the ionization
blackout period.
DONNA
Pumpkin Patch, is there anything I can do to get you to go to the movies for eight hours?
JOSH
Senior staff.
DONNA
Yeah. But can you do me a favor?
JOSH
What do you need?
DONNA
This is a photocopy of my absentee ballot. I was hoping the President could sign it and I'd
have it framed.
JOSH
Yeah.
DONNA
You know the President's the first winner I've voted for.
JOSH
Is this a joke?
DONNA
It's not hard to believe that...
JOSH
No, I mean this.
DONNA
What are you talking about?
JOSH
Toby already did the thing this morning with the invalid ballots.
DONNA
My ballot's invalid?
JOSH
This isn't a joke?
DONNA
It's invalid?
JOSH
You voted for Ritchie.
DONNA
Where?
JOSH
Here.
DONNA
Oh, my God.
JOSH
Yeah, your "picking the winner" streak is probably over.
DONNA
No, no, no, no, no, no, no. It's, it's an optical scan ballot. I drew a line through the
Democratic ticket.
JOSH
Almost. That's almost what you did. What you did was draw a line through the Republican ticket.
You didn't ticket split, you voted for every Republican in Wisconsin. I would check, you may
have voted for McCarthy.
DONNA
Okay, I'm going to rectify this.
JOSH
How?
DONNA
I don't know, but my vote's going to be counted.
JOSH
It will be counted.
DONNA
I don't want it counted.
JOSH
I'm going in. You still want me to have him...?
DONNA
Give me that.
She snatches the ballot from his hands and walks off. Josh walks into the OUTER OVAL OFFICE.
JOSH
Hey, I'm going in, okay?
DEBBIE
Hey, Josh. No.
JOSH
I'm sorry?
DEBBIE
It's a Senior Staff meeting.
JOSH
I'm Senior Staff.
DEBBIE
You don't have your briefing memo.
JOSH
How do you know I don't have it?
DEBBIE
I'm sorry. Do you have it?
JOSH
No. I memorized it.
DEBBIE
Did you happen to get my email on the three new rules for the week?
JOSH
I got it. I read it. It was good stuff. It's possible the salient details escape me.
DEBBIE
Rule Number Two- you don't attend daily Senior Staff without the briefing memo. The agenda's
outlined and there are up-to-the-minute details on priority items and still half the meeting
is spent regurgitating the memo for those staff members who have difficulty holding on to
salient details.
JOSH
That's a fair point and next time I'm going to remember the memo.
DEBBIE
I'm confident you will 'cause you're going to remember it this time, too.
JOSH
You want me to go back to my office and get it?
DEBBIE
I do.
JOSH
Okay. All right. I'm going to humor the new girl.
DEBBIE
Apprecite it.
Josh walks into the HALLWAY where he meets up with Charlie who is walking to his desk.
CHARLIE
Going to get your briefing memo?
JOSH
Yes.
DEBBIE
Charlie, security just called for you. They'd like to see you out front.
CHARLIE
Security?
DEBBIE
Yeah.
CUT TO: INT. NORTHWEST LOBBY - CONTINUOUS
Charlie walks in to the lobby where he sees Anthony and his friend, a huge kid, being held
by security.
CHARLIE
What the hell? Anthony. Michelle, he's with me.
MICHELLE
Which one?
CHARLIE
The regular-size one. Who are you?
ORLANDO KETTLES
Orlando Kettles, boss. How you doing?
CHARLIE
Fine thanks. Anthony.
Charlie pulls Anthony aside.
ANTHONY
Yeah, yeah, you know; I brought him today.
CHARLIE
Yeah. First of all, they're a little prickly about security around here. You're not down
as Anthony-plus-one. You see the guns standing around now?
ANTHONY
Boy's going to Columbus. Starting right tackle for the Buckeyes- true freshman. I hand you
the ball, you can run behind him, have a cup of coffee. He's going to play on Sunday's.
CHARLIE
What are you, his agent?
ANTHONY
We don't have nothing in writing.
CHARLIE
What is he doing here, Anthony?
ANTHONY
Yeah. He got pulled over with an open can of Pabst in his hand.
CHARLIE
He was dri... [to Orlando] You were driving drunk?
ORLANDO
[earnestly] No way, boss.
ANTHONY
He passed the breathalyzer. It was the open can of Pabst. Saturday, St. Erasmus Academy that's
a big game for a senior. You want to to put a hurt on some blue blazers...
CHARLIE
Anthony.
ANTHONY
Coach is going to sit him down because of the Pabst Blue Ribbon unless...
CHARLIE
Unless what?
ANTHONY
You know, you do your thing.
CHARLIE
My thing?
ANTHONY
Write him a note.
CHARLIE
Saying what?
ANTHONY
He's a good guy, Charlie. He does his business.
CHARLIE
I'm not Officer Krupke. I have a job.
ANTHONY
Hey, could you try to think back to the days before you were Secretary of State or something?
There are good guys and there are bad guys, and when good guys stop letting you play with them,
the bad guys have a recruiting field day.
CHARLIE
When did you start talking like Mickey Spillane?
ANTHONY
I don't know. Who's Officer Cupcake?
CHARLIE
Okay, you're seeing a musical.
ANTHONY
Man, look at the size of him, Charlie. And he's not done growing yet, either. Who do you want
him playing for?
CHARLIE
What else has he got?
ANTHONY
What else?
CHARLIE
Priors.
ANTHONY
Nothing man. I swear. He stole a goat.
CHARLIE
A goat?
ANTHONY
Yeah.
CHARLIE
Why did he...? No. I don't care. You got a social security number?
ANTHONY
Yeah.
CHARLIE
Orlando, you got practice this afternoon?
ORLANDO
Oh, yeah.
CHARLIE
You're not going. It's Election Day. You're going to spend it with me.
ORLANDO
Yo, man, I done wind sprints, I'll take the swap.
CHARLIE
Follow me.
They walk to the HALLWAY.
CHARLIE [cont]
This is the White House. Frederick Douglass came here. Monday's through Friday's we wear
coats and ties. That goes for you too, Mugsy.
ANTHONY
Hey Charlie, not for nothing, but just so you know, some of your higher end places provide
a jacket for you.
CHARLIE
Right, and again you're confusing the White House with the Friar's Club. Now, these people I
work for are serious people so you're not going to embarass me.
ORLANDO
You got it, boss.
CHARLIE
All right, we're going to have to wait until the Secret Service...
Josh, reading the briefing memo, walks straight into Orlando and falls down.
ORLANDO
Whoa, sorry, man. That wasn't cool.
He helps bewildered Josh up off the ground.
JOSH
How you doing?
CHARLIE
You all right?
JOSH
Uh... He, should, uh... [clears throut] You should play football.
ORLANDO
Hey, man. I'm trying, you know? But I had an open Pabst, and that's the way that goes.
JOSH
Yeah.
CHARLIE
Let's go.
Charlie and crew walk off as we follow Josh into the OUTER OVAL OFFICE.
JOSH
Rule Number Two- Daily Senior Staff will... something the briefing memo. I have the briefing
memo, I'm going in.
DEBBIE
Yeah, no.
JOSH
No?
DEBBIE
No, 'cause have you read rule number one?
JOSH
The salients details...
DEBBIE
The meeting starts on time and if you're not there when it starts, you don't go in.
JOSH
That's insanity.
DEBBIE
Well, I'm quite mad.
JOSH
There has to be a natural fluidity to these things. It's how we work best. You can't say
that every meeting has to...
DEBBIE
I didn't. The email, which is exactly this long, by the way-- in case as a boy you had some
sort of frightening experience with Balzac and that's why you didn't read it-- says, at the
top, "This applies only to the daily Senior Staff meeting." One meeting it's going to be
important to be one time.
JOSH
Well, I think that's a random cracking of the whip.
DEBBIE
According to the last 300 daily dairies, the President is typically 70 to 90 minutes over-scheduled
by the end of the day. The median time a day ends, the over/under 10:20 p.m. As many days have ended
after that time as have ended before it. The result being the Commander in Chief of the U.S. Armed
Forces hasn't had a night's sleep in four years. That's both bad and easy to fix.
JOSH
Okay. Well, yes that's hard to argue against and I'll remember this talk the next time.
DEBBIE
I have all the confidence in the world that you will.
JOSH
Okay, well, I'm going in now, all right?
DEBBIE
Sweet of you to tell me a joke, Josh. You're the funny one, I can tell.
JOSH
All right. This is your little part of the store and I respect that. See what I did there?
Respect. No one's bigger than the game.
DEBBIE
You're an exmaple for the kids.
JOSH
Yeah.
Josh walks to the door, looking both ways before he steps out to the HALLWAY.
DONNA
I'm going out for about 20 minutes.
JOSH
Where you going?
DONNA
There's a polling place three blocks from here. I'm going to find someone who will swap votes.
JOSH
I'm sorry?
DONNA
I'm going to find a Ritchie supporter who'll vote for the President to offset my absentee ballot.
JOSH
Really?
DONNA
It's Election Day. There's nothing to do. I'm doing this.
JOSH
And you think it's going to take about 20 minutes?
DONNA
Yeah, I'll be right back. [walks off]
JOSH
You bet. Toby...
Andy walks up to them.
ANDY
He can't talk.
JOSH
Okay.
ANDY
We're late for the first sonogram.
JOSH
Ooh, big needle. 18 inches. Right in the stomach, Toby. Don't look directly at it.
ANDY
Yeah, that's amniocentesis.
JOSH
Hurts like heartbreak.
ANDY
You've had that procedure?
JOSH
Not me personally. Toby, when you get there, it's a good idea to slip the nurse something.
Tell her you're hoping for a smooth second trimester.
ANDY
You grease the nurse?
TOBY
He's kidding. Give me one second, would you? I'll catch right up.
ANDY
Hey, sports fans, this is getting exciting.
Andy exits the building.
TOBY
[to Josh] Yes. So what do you think, like 50 bucks?
JOSH
I don't know. It's your first, it's twins... I don't know. I think I'd give her $100.
TOBY
Yeah, okay.
Toby walks off and Josh spots Sam exiting the Oval Office.
JOSH
In your life you have never been on time to this meeting.
SAM
Yeah, I wasn't, actually. I was just incredibly late to the meeting right before it.
JOSH
Well, that's the trick, then.
SAM
Yeah.
BONNIE
Sam, you've got Will Bailey on the phone again if you want him.
JOSH
That name sounds familiar.
SAM
He's a guy in California. He's on the phone and I'm going to talk to him now.
JOSH
Yeah?
SAM
Yeah.
JOSH
Everything all right?
SAM
Yeah.
JOSH
California 47th. He was the guy running Horton Wilde?
SAM
Yeah.
JOSH
Yeah, they're going to lose that by 20 points.
SAM
Really?
JOSH
Yeah.
SAM
You're getting that from the exit?
JOSH
Yeah.
SAM
Great.
JOSH
Great?
SAM
No, I mean, it's a tough beat, what with dying and all.
JOSH
Yeah.
SAM
I'm going to talk to him now, okay?
JOSH
Okay.
Sam walks into the COMMUNICATIONS OFFICE.
SAM
Hey.
WILL
I think we're still up.
SAM
Josh says the exits have you down 20.
WILL
No, he means the tracking. The last one was a week ago and then the DNC left town.
SAM
He said the exits.
Josh walks inside.
JOSH
Hey, when I said "exits" before, I meant "tracking". And I'm pretty sure they did the last
one about a week ago and then left town.
SAM
Yeah, yeah, they may have called that putt a little early.
WILL
Anyway, Sam, it would be helpul if we could get added to the President's afternoon satellite.
We could really use some radio at drive time.
SAM
Yeah, but listen, Will, no kidding, drive times also when the plants get out and the real Orange
County votes and that's when you turn into a pumpkin. I'm just saying, don't get your hopes up.
WILL
No, just a good showing. Cover the spread.
SAM
All right.
Sam hangs up phone.
CUT TO: INT. HORTON WILDE'S CAMPAIGN HEADQUARTERS - DAY
ELSIE SNUFFIN
What'd he say?
WILL
Don't get you hopes up.
ELSIE
Are they?
WILL
No. Everybody on the street! But we're going to make history.
FADE OUT.
END ACT TWO
* * *
ACT THREE
FADE IN: INT. DOCTOR'S OFFICE - DAY
Andy is sitting on the examination bed whistling, while a nurse prepares for the sonogram.
TOBY
Roll Call has the pregnancy.
ANDY
What?
TOBY
Roll Call has the pregnancy. C.J. just told me.
ANDY
When?
TOBY
A little while ago.
ANDY
Why are you telling me now?
TOBY
I didn't want to ruin the day for you.
ANDY
Well, okay, but then why are you telling me now?
TOBY
I couldn't help it.
ANDY
Roll Call has it from where?
ANDY and TOBY
The Office of the Congressional...
ANDY
Thanks.
TOBY
What are you saying that to me for?
ANDY
I was... saying it to them. I was asking it...
TOBY
Just out of curiosity, how long did you think this was going to be covert? These are twins, Andy.
You think you're going to go on Meet the Press and Russerts not going to notice you're the size of
a school? Why not just come out and say "I'm expecting twins. I couldn't be happier. The father's
my ex-husband, Toby Ziegler, to whom I'll be remarried on a date to be decided upon. I'm thinking
Christmas."
ANDY
I'm not marrying you again.
TOBY
Then say the first part at least.
ANDY
I hadn't annouced it because you don't in the first 12 weeks because... that's when most of the
things go wrong.
TOBY
These bodies of yours, I don't know how you live with them.
ANDY
You don't seem to mind.
TOBY
I like the outsides.
Andy's doctor knocks on the door and comes inside the room.
DOCTOR
Hello Andrea. Toby.
ANDY
Hi. Honey, if you're going to get grossed-out and faint, you should sit.
TOBY
She's kidding.
DOCTOR
How have you been feeling?
ANDY
I feel great.
DOCTOR
Mm-hmm. You feel like you're getting ebough calcium?
ANDY
I don't know, what does that feel like?
DOCTOR
I don't know either. It's just something we ask. We don't even care about the answer.
TOBY
You should draft a release. In fact, let that be my first act of fatherhood-- drafting your
release. Go back to my roots as we all must go. And now you're on offense and not defense.
ANDY
I'm not going to be on offense or defense.
TOBY
The things we do in our lives, many of them are not voluntary.
ANDY
You don't say. I think you performed your first act of fatherhood already.
TOBY
Yes, indeed. So let my second act be throwing you a little press conference.
ANDY
That sounds fine. I, myself, can't make it, but you have a nice time honey.
TOBY
Do I need to tell you the first rule of damage control?
ANDY
No, you don't, but the next time you refer to this pregnancy as damage control...
TOBY
Get the information out early, get it out yourself, do it on your own terms.
ANDY
That's three rules.
TOBY
Andy, look. I'm not kidding. You've got...
Toby stops talking when hears the sound of a heartbeat coming from the monitor.
TOBY
What was it?
ANDY
It was...
TOBY
Did you hear that?
ANDY
Yeah, that was...
TOBY
Shh.
They both listen to the heartbeats and look at the picture on the monitor.
TOBY
Andy, you-you can see their... heads. My kids have heads.
CUT TO: EXT. OUTSIDE THE POLLING PLACE - DAY
4:00 P.M.
BARTLET [D]: 9,438,042
RITCHIE [R]: 7,992,713
WILDE [D]: 31,465
WEBB [R] 31,117
DONNA
Let me make this arguement to you. My vote in Wisconsin is more valuable then your vote in
the District. You're getting big value.
ELDERLY MAN
How do you figure?
DONNA
The President's going to win the District, it's a forgone conclusion. But Wisconsin's actually
in play and I voted for your guy.
ELDERLY MAN
How do I know that?
DONNA
I've shown you the ballot-- look.
ELDERLY MAN
Well, that's a photocopy.
DONNA
Of course it's a photocopy. The real one's in Wisconsin.
ELDERLY MAN
Well, how do I know that?
DONNA
You don't. This is an honor thing. It's about honor and democracy.
ELDERLY MAN
Well, I'm going to go vote now, so please stop talking to me.
DONNA
Fine. You think I'm going to scam you? I've been out here two and a half hours trying to get
one vote. You think this is how I make money?
Sam walks up.
SAM
Hey, you know what? No problem shouting in public, but I think...
DONNA
Take off the Bartlet button?
SAM
Yeah. Josh told me you were still out here. I was over at the place.
He hands Donna a cup of coffee.
DONNA
Thanks.
SAM
You want to get a muffin?
SAM
Yeah, I'll walk you.
DONNA
So, what's going on?
SAM
It's raining in Oregon.
JOSH
Yeah, yeah, Josh was talking about that before. Apparently all his other problems are solved.
SAM
If you guys are going to win big, you don't want it to rain. There's less motivation anyway
'cause of the blowout and... you have no idea how fast these things can become a race.
VENDOR
What do you need?
DONNA
A banana muffin, please.
SAM
I did something last week. I went to see a guy named Will Bailey. He ran Horton Wilde's
campaign in Orange County and Wilde died a couple of weeks ago and his widow wanted to
know what Democrat was going to stand in for her husband should he win and I said...
DONNA
You're kidding.
SAM
You have to understand. This wasn't something that cost me anything. They weren't going to
annouve unless Wilde won and that was never going to happen in Orange County. It's like the
Secretary of Agriculture saying, "Sure, I'm ready to assume the Presidency should the 18 who
come before me die. Why not?"
DONNA
So, why not?
SAM
Becase it's a two-point race right now.
DONNA
This is very exciting.
SAM
No. It's not. The prospect of going back on my word to a recent widow...
DONNA
So, why go back on it?
SAM
Because the alternative is taking 90 days off to go home, lose by 20 points to a Republican
committee chair I hate and never be able to run for public office for real, which is something
I maybe wouldn't mind doing one day.
DONNA
Once 5:00 and 6:00 roll around...
SAM
That's exactly what I'm thinking.
DONNA
Except...
SAM
What?
DONNA
There's an el nino thing going on in Southern California today...
SAM
No.
DONNA
It's supposed to start raining in a few hours.
SAM
Okay. Okay, I'm going to go back to the office.
DONNA
Okay.
SAM
Why don't you give me the button.
DONNA
Yeah.
CUT TO: INT. THE WHITE HOUSE MESS - DAY
Anthony and Orlando are sitting down at the table when Charlie walks in.
CHARLIE
You're cleared. You can come upstairs.
They go out and walk to the HALLWAY in the basement.
CHARLIE
[to Orlando] There are chairs up there that are over 200 years old. Before you sit in one,
I want to see written confirmation from the Army Corp of Engineers that it can support your
girth. You stole a goat? I'm assuming this was a mascot?
ORLANDO
Yeah, that was sweet. I was just the leg man. You know, Anthony's the brains.
CHARLIE
Yeah, it had that international jewel thief feel to it.
ANTHONY
Hey, so what do you think we're doing for the rest of the day?
CHARLIE
You know. Video games, hanging out.
ANTHONY
Really?
CHARLIE
I'm voting at 8:30, you guys will come with me, watch me vote, and then go home.
ANTHONY
Oh, man, what good is...? I mean they're not going to let me vote. It's like my face is
pressed up against the window.
CHARLIE
That's right. And yet somehow I don't care.
ORLANDO
I'm old enough to vote.
CHARLIE
You're 18?
ORLANDO
I'm 19. They came to the school to sign up people.
CHARLIE
You're registered to vote?
ORLANDO
I think I might be, yeah.
CHARLIE
Where?
ANTHONY
He doesn't know where.
ORLANDO
I don't know where.
CHARLIE
Well, let's find out.
CUT TO: INT. THE OVAL OFFICE - DAY
Debbie is at Bartlet'S desk with a phone technician, when Bartlet comes in from the portico.
DEBBIE
Good afternoon, Mr. President.
TECHNICIAN
Good afternoon, sir.
BARTLET
Hello. Hi. What's going on?
DEBBIE
Uh, line one now is a DSS line. It means Direct Station Select. Pick it up, you get me.
BARTLET
What was wrong with the old way?
DEBBIE
[to technician] You done?
TECHNICIAN
Yes, ma'am.
DEBBIE
Thanks a lot.
The technician exits the room.
DEBBIE
I'm sorry, sir.
BARTLET
What was wrong with the old way?
DEBBIE
Oh, this is better.
BARTLET
How?
DEBBIE
You don't care, sir, it just is.
BARTLET
I hear you've got rules for meetings.
DEBBIE
Yes, some. Yes, I do, sir.
BARTLET
You don't think that's apt to create a resentment among the people who were here before with...?
It's not like the thing wasn't working with... Whatever you may assume, that wasn't a rube
sitting out there, Debbie. She ran the Oval Office for two years and a state house before that.
DEBBIE
Yes, sir. At any rate, line one gets you me.
BARTLET
What if, instead of you, I want a dial tone?
DEBBIE
Well, that's line two, but you're not going to want one.
BARTLET
Why?
DEBBIE
I'm going to place your outgoing calls.
BARTLET
You're going to place a lot of my outgoing calls...
DEBBIE
No, sir, I need to place them all.
BARTLET
I can make my own phone call. Don't be...
DEBBIE
Sir...
BARTLET
I can make my own phone calls.
DEBBIE
Yes, but soon you might not neccesarily remember that you did. When I place the call, there's
a record and that's how you'll know and then you won't be worried about it.
BARTLET
That's good. That's a good idea.
DEBBIE
Is there anything else?
BARTLET
No.
DEBBIE
Thank you, Mr. President.
She begins to walk out of the room, but turns around.
DEBBIE
You and I haven't met. In my life, I never would have thought she was a rube.
BARTLET
I'm sorry about that.
She turns to go once more.
BARTLET
Debbie... I have to ask you. Are we talking about...? Did you bring it up 'cause you...
noticed...? Is there some particular thing today you noticed?
DEBBIE
No, sir. Do you feel all right? Should I call...?
BARTLET
No, please. I was talking about something else. Line one is you?
DEBBIE
Yes, sir.
BARTLET
Thanks.
FADE OUT.
END ACT THREE
* * *
ACT FOUR
FADE IN: INT. HORTON WILDE'S CAMPAIGN HEADQUARTERS - DAY
4:00 P.M. [PST]
BARTLET [D]: 39,063,986
RITCHIE [R]: 32,365,173
WILDE [D]: 41,364
WEBB [R]: 41,374
SHARON
Will, you have Sheryl Cryman. That's the county clerks legal cousel. It's blinking.
WILL
Sheryl, it's Will Bailey. How you doing? Fine, thank you. There are scattered power outages
in the Casa Verde precinct in Santa Ana and the street lights are going on and off in the only
legitimatley Democratic precinct I've got, so if I lose by a hundred 'cause people couldn't
cross the street, who in your office would I talk to about election tampering? Thanks a lot
Sheryl. I appreciate it. [hangs up] Pull the sound trucks from Laguna Hills. There isn't enough
foot traffic.
ELSIE
Will.
WILL
Put 'em in Anaheim.
ELSIE
Will.
WILL
When the hell's it going to rain?!
ELSIE
Willy!
WILL
Don't call me that.
ELSIE
The die has been cast, big brother. You're making everyone crazy.
WILL
There's a moment after you cast the die but before it hits the table. Breathe wrong and you'll
change the way it lands. Can I get a new weather report?!
CUT TO: EXT. OUTSIDE THE POLLING PLACE - NIGHT
7:15 P.M.
BARTLET [D]: 41,182,004
RITCHIE [R]: 34,091,976
WILDE [D]: 41,382
WEBB [R]: 41,484
DONNA
There's value here. There's value. You got to appreciate the value. A Ritchie vote in Wisconsin.
BOW TIE BOY
Well, let me ask you this. Bartlet's suppose to be smart, right? He's the smart one, we're the
dumb one. He knows best. So what does it say to you when his people don't know how to fill out
a ballot? Maybe, he's a little out of touch. Is that what it says? [walks off]
DONNA
Or maybe it says that even with the President's supporters accidentally voting for the wrong
candidate you're still going to get creamed, you little fascist! This is an honor thing!
LIEUTENANT COMMANDER JACK REESE steps out of the taxi.
JACK REESE
Excuse me.
DONNA
Yes. Hi.
JACK
Did somebody steal your purse?
DONNA
Me? No.
JACK
Okay.
DONNA
I'm on a mission and I said I'd be 20 minutes and it's been six hours and it's starting
to get kind of cold.
JACK
Okay. You were shouting at no one.
DONNA
Little guy. Bow tie.
JACK
Long as you're okay.
DONNA
Wait. Hang on. Do you mind if I ask you who you're voting for?
JACK
I guess I kind of do, yeah.
DONNA
That's fair. that's perfectly fair. So let me ask you this instead. Are you voting for
Ritchie or the President?
JACK
I'm going to go inside now, okay?
DONNA
Lieutenant, I'm not a crazy person and I'm not asking you for the bomb sequence on the
USS Essex. Now, be a man and tell me who you're voting for.
JACK
Ritchie, and you demoted me a rank.
DONNA
I'm so sorry. I'm seeing your shoulders now. Lieutenant Commander.
JACK
Reese.
DONNA
Reese is a nice name. Reese what?
JACK
Lieutenant Commander Reese-- Jack Reese.
DONNA
Can I talk to you about something?
JACK
You know, this is the first election in my life where I haven't had to vote, be absentee ballot
and I was really looking forward to pulling that lever.
DONNA
Absentee ballot. I know how you feel. I'm from Wisconsin. It's my home, but here I am in
Washington on Election Day.
JACK
I've usually been on a Los Angeles lass submarine in the South China Sea.
DONNA
Don't try to trump me here. It's not a battle. We're in this together.
JACK
No, we're not.
DONNA
I voted absentee in Wisconsin, and I voted for Ritchie and I meant to vote for the President.
Now, I think you should go in there and vote the other way to make it a wash.
JACK
Yeah, okay.
DONNA
Look... Really?
JACK
Yeah, sounds about right.
DONNA
I'm Donna.
DONNA
Jack.
DONNA
Commander...
JACK
Jack's fine.
DONNA
So... why aren't you on a sub right now?
JACK
I haven't been for a little while.
DONNA
What's your billet?
JACK
Well, it used to be Regional Director for the Office of the Joint Chiefs for Southeast Asia,
but I got transferred.
DONNA
Where?
JACK
Nancy McNally's office. She's the National Security Advisor.
DONNA
You're working at the White House?
JACK
Yeah. Listen, I got to vote, okay?
DONNA
Yeah, sure. Oh, listen, I've got a photocopy of my absentee ballot if you want to verify
that I really...
JACK
No, no. It's an honor thing, right?
DONNA
Yeah.
JACK
Okay.
CUT TO: INT. COMMUNICATIONS OFFICE - NIGHT
8:35 P.M.
BARTLET [D]: 43,994,784
RITCHIE [R]: 35,475,855
WILDE [D]: 43,007
WEBB [R]: 43,210
JOSH
See, now there are late exits showing even with white male suburbans in New York and Chicago
and Philadelphia. There's huge labor turnout. We're only losing Florida by seven-- seven.
Toby, I think this is going to be bigger than we thought.
TOBY
I stare at this and I stare at this and I don't know which is the boy and which is the girl.
I suppose that problem will take care of itself. You know, if you stare at them for awhile,
well, it's pretty gross, but still...
JOSH
Okay, I'm concerned that you've turned completely into another person.
Ed comes walking by the Communications Office carring a bundle of ballons.
TOBY
Hey. I see one victory ballon before this thing is called and...!
Ed begins to run out of sight.
TOBY
Yeah, you better run! [to Josh] Huh?
JOSH
Nothing.
CUT TO: INT. POLLING PLACE - NIGHT
Charlie, Anthony, and Orlando are in line to vote.
CHARLIE
You read the stuff?
ORLANDO
Yeah.
CHARLIE
It wasn't long.
ORLANDO
Yeah.
CHARLIE
And I was impartial, right? I gave you the best of each and the worst of each.
ORLANDO
Hey, Mr. Young-- I'm not being disrespectful or nothing but I'm just trying to concentrate.
CHARLIE
Listen, this is easy. You can do it, no problem, but if you need to, you can ask for help.
You're allowed.
ORLANDO
Okay.
CHARLIE
Hey, listen-- Why does a guy who's heading off to the Big Ten care about playing St. Erasmus
Academy on Saturday? You're going to be playing Michigan and Penn State.
ORLANDO
I don't know. It's what I do on Saturdays. Hey, you know what? I know I'm not the sharpest
tool in the box or nothing but try rushing the quarterback. Know what I'm saying? You're not
going to get there. You're not going to touch him.
CHARLIE
You're up.
Orlando walks in to the voting booth.
ANTHONY
He's a good guy, you know. He knows his business. He just doesn't like looking like a fool.
CHARLIE
How long did you hang on to the goat?
ANTHONY
Three days.
CHARLIE
Three days?
ANTHONY
Yeah.
CHARLIE
What did you feed him?
ANTHONY
Cheetos.
CHARLIE
Okay.
Orlando walks out of the voting booth.
ANTHONY
Hey.
ORLANDO
Hey, Anthony. I voted.
CHARLIE
All right.
ORLANDO
I'm going again.
CHARLIE
No, no, no, no.
CUT TO: EXT. OUTSIDE WILDE'S CAMPAIGN HEADQUARTERS - NIGHT
It's dark and Will is outside standing in the parking lot when Elsie comes outside.
ELSIE
Will!
WILL
[looks at the sky] Come on.
ELSIE
Come inside and have something to eat with us. Will.
WILL
Now!
Will throws up his hands, and rain begins to pour down.
WILL
Jesus!
ELSIE
Wow! What else can you do?
WILL
I didn't know I could do that!
CUT TO: INT. COMMUNICATIONS OFFICE - NIGHT
8:59 P.M.
JOSH
It's on. You can see it.
TOBY
I'm not spitting. I'm not turning around. Union households are beating non-unions in some
of these districts..
CAROL
C.J.?
C.J.
Yeah.
CAROL
Can you pick up three?
C.J.
[into phone] This is C.J. Thanks. [hangs up phone]
JOSH
What was that?
C.J.
You'll see in a minute. [leaves]
CAROL
9:00!
Everyone in the Communications Office cheers. We follow C.J. into the HALLWAY where she meets
up with Leo and they walk into THE OVAL OFFICE.
C.J.
Good evening, Mr. President.
BARTLET
I feel like I should be self-deprecating. I mean, it's not inauguration. I could be funny,
right? I don't thibk so. I think it's the wrong note. If I'm thanking campaign staff, maybe.
He notices C.J. fixing a drink.
BARTLET
What are you doing?
C.J.
We've got some news.
BARTLET
What?
C.J. hands Bartlet the drink.
BARTLET
What?
LEO
You're going to win New Hampshire.
C.J., Leo, and Bartlet walk out of the Oval Office into THE MURAL ROOM. The room applauds
for Bartlet.
REPORTER ON TV #1
With seven percent of the precincts reporting, CBS is ready to declare Delaware with it's
three electoral votes...
REPORTER 2
...closing only an hour ago, NBC is putting Maryland in the President's column.
REPORTER 3
No surprises there.
REPORTER 4
And with 22% of the vote tallied in Maine...
REPORTER 5
Polls are closed in west Virginia.
REPORTER 6
...with the polls closing in Massachusetts and Pennsylvania.
CUT TO: INT. BALLROOM - NIGHT
11:01 P.M.
BARTLET [D]: 53,766,221
RITCHIE [R]: 42,992,342
WILDE [D]: 53,622
WEBB [R]: 53,710
Bartlet is standing at a podium and the crowd is cheering wildly.
BARTLET
Halfway aroung the world in Bosnia and Chechnya and Rwanda, they dream of the promise we
fulfilled today of a future we chose, for ourelves, together.
CUT TO: INT. BACKSTAGE - CONTINUOUS
Sam is backstage watching reports of the election being held in California on a TV.
DONNA
Sam, what's going on?
SAM
They're not calling it.
REPORTER ON TV
...and with eight percent of the precincts reporting remains too close to call. My goodness,
If you lived to be a hundred did you think you'd ever see anything like this?
REPORTER 2
I did not.
BARTLET
Four years ago, we were joined by our highest ideals, by our best hopes, and tonight we're
joined by the same commitment to open new doors of oppurtunity and justice.
The crowd cheers. Bartlet looks at the teleprompter again, but cannot seem to read it, and
begins to improvise.
BARTLET
To ensure that the promise of the country is the birthright of all the people. We've achieved
so much together always believing, always knowing that America could be made new again and so
it was, and so it will be again. God bless you all. God bless the United States of America.
The crowd cheers wildly. The song "The Times They Are A'changing" begins to play.
Come gather round people wherever you roam
And admit that the waters around you have grown
And accept it that soon you'll be drenched to the bone...
Sam is standing by the TV still when Josh and Toby walk up to him.
JOSH
We're going to skip the parties for a while and head back to the office. There are nine House
races too close to call. Tell him about California.
TOBY
In the California 47th...
JOSH
In the 47th-- You don't tell it well. In the 47th, Horton Wilde, who's dead, is losing by 88 votes.
It was a perfect storm.
TOBY
It was.
JOSH
Low Republican turnout, 'cause the President won he Midwest. Low supporter turnout 'cause Webb
didn't have an opponent and the DNC gave up on it a week ago so the RNC left town and they never
saw the exits your guy Will Bailey was seeing.
TOBY
Plus there was an actual storm. I tell it fine.
JOSH
Anyway, we're going to be up all night with these. It's going to be fun.
SAM
We should go.
CUT TO: INT. BALLROOM - CONTINUOUS
Bartlet is shaking the crowds hands. He and Abbey walk offstage.
ABBEY
That was wonderful.
BARTLET
That was fun.
ABBEY
How you feeling?
BARTLET
I feel great.
ABBEY
You want a glass of water?
BARTLET
No, I'm fine.
ABBEY
You seem a little dry. Sure you don't want a glass of water?
BARTLET
Yeah.
ABBEY
Maybe I should get you a glass of water, just in case. You could hold it in your hand.
BARTLET
[beat] How'd you know?
ABBEY
You were off the prompter.
BARTLET
Just for a minute at the end. I couldn't see it.
ABBEY
It's all right. There are going to be more days like this. It starts now. It's going to be
harder this time.
BARTLET
Yeah, I know. We can still have tonight, though, right?
ABBEY
You got lots of nights. Smart people who love you are going to have your back.
BARTLET
All right.
Bartlet and Abbey kiss.
C.J.
Excuse me. You want to take another curtain call?
ABBEY
Sure.
Bartlet kisses C.J. on the cheek, then he and Abbey walk back out onstage to wave.
DISSOLVE TO: END TITLES.
FADE TO BLACK.
THE END
* * *
The West Wing and all its characters are a property of Aaron Sorkin, John Wells
Production, Warner Brothers Television and NBC. No copyright infringement is intended.
Episode 4.07 -- "Election Night"
Original Airdate: November 6, 2002, 9:00 PM EST
Transcript by: ck1czar
November 22, 2002