THE WEST WING
"DEBATE CAMP"
TELEPLAY BY: AARON SORKIN
STORY BY: WILLIAM SIND & MICHAEL OATES PALMER
DIRECTED BY: PARIS BARCLAY
TEASER
FADE IN: INT. DEBATE PREP ROOM - DAY
SAYBROOK INSTITUTE FOR PUBLIC POLICY
FAITH, NORTH CAROLINA 1:00 P.M.
Sam and Bartlet are up front standing behind two podiums. The rest of the staff,
Congresswoman Andy Wyatt, Joey Lucas and Kenny, are sitting in the audience listening.
BARTLET
Affirmative action and quotas are about two different things. Affirmative action is about
providing people an opportunity they might not otherwise get.
SAM
I don't know how you can talk about providing opportunity, while at the same time supporting
racial profiling.
BARTLET
What that hell is...? I don't support racial profiling.
SAM
Your nominee for Attorney General did. Can you tell us why you nominated him?
BARTLET
Why?
SAM
Yes.
BARTLET
'Cause bite me, that's why.
ALL
Whoa...
C.J.
It's a legitamate question.
BARTLET
It's been almost four years Sam, how long do you want to say "I told you so?"
JOSH
He wasn't saying "I told you so," sir. We need an answer on Rooker.
BARTLET
What wrong with "bite me?"
JOSH
I think we'd lose.
TOBY
Not in New Jersey.
Josh looks at him with a smile.
C.J.
"It's never been shown that racial profiling works, and I'm against it."
JOSH
That answer's pretty simple, isn't it?
C.J.
We can make it more complicated.
ANDY
A lot of people in... Mr. President, do you mind if I...?
JOSH
No...
BARTLET
I think she was talking to me there, Dexter. What?
ANDY
A lot of people in law enforcement believe profiling helps them do their job better.
Not everyone's against it.
BARTLET
I'm against it.
JOEY (KENNY)
And so are the voters, but I think what...
BARTLET
How you doing there Joey? Kippy?
JOSH
Kenny.
BARTLET
Okay.
JOEY (KENNY)
I think, Mr. President, that what Congresswoman Wyatt was saying is that if we can figure
out a way to make this answer about the drug war, then we can talk about successes.
BARTLET
Is that what you were saying, Andy?
ANDY
Yes, sir.
C.J.
Yeah, but Richie will bring it back to Rooker and the fact that you don't know what your
position on racial profiling...
BARTLET
I do know what my position is.
TOBY
We're losing the question. Fundamentally, it's "What was the story with Rooker?"
C.J.
We gave him our full support until it became clear that an increasingly divided Congress
was going to shoot down our nominee.
TOBY
We didn't give him our full support. We withdrew the nomination.
JOSH
Why not blow past the nomination fight and give a strong...
C.J.
Blow past the nomination fight?
JOSH
...and give a strong, unambiguous statement in support of law enforcement?
TOBY
'Cause that's not going to be the vote.
JOSH
Nobody's for stronger, fairer law enforcement.
TOBY
That's not going to be the question.
SAM
Why not just say we screwed up? (imitating Bartlet) "Mr. Rooker's a devoted crimer fighter--
we had our differences-- but on this, all Americans can agree..."
Leo enters, holding a note, and walks towards Bartlet.
BARTLET
Excuse me...
SAM
...Yes sir?
BARTLET
Were you doing me just then?
SAM
I was offering an answer...
BARTLET
You were doing me.
SAM
I may have slipped into it, yes.
BARTLET
Anybody else do a pretty good Bartlet? It's talent night here at Debate Camp, anybody want to
do a little skit?
Leo hands Bartlet the note, then whispers into his ear. Bartlet reads the note.
BARTLET
Apparently, eight Israeli Thunder fighters--these are also known as American-made Boeing F15E
Strike Eagles--have hit two terrorist bases in the north and south of Qumar. And while no Qumari
government personel or institutions were destroyed, Qumar, of course, considers an attack on its
soil to be an act of war. So we are, as always, one bad bottle of Tequila away from all-out war
in West Asia. (to Sam) Would you like to take this one or shall I?
SAM
Why don't you get this one. I'll get... the next one.
BARTLET
Okay.
LEO
We've got a secure link.
BARTLET
(leaving room) I agreed to be locked up with you people for 48 hours. How much time do I
have left?
LEO
47 hours, 41 minutes.
SMASH CUT TO: MAIN TITLES.
END TEASER
* * *
ACT ONE
FADE IN: EXT. SAYBROOK INSTITUTE - DAY
Bartlet, Leo and advisors walk outside on the camp grounds.
LEO
Hutchinson and Berryhill are hooked in along with Nancy and Fitzwallace and we're still
getting Peter from State.
BARTLET
Defense condition three for the bases in Qumar is what?
LEO
Mike
MIKE
It deploys the Independence to the Gulf. They've got 75 aircraft.
BARTLET
What's happening on the ground?
MAN
AC Recon Striker says 30,000 troops are massing at the Syrian border.
BARTLET
That was fast.
LEO
They're not there yet.
MIKE
We're getting MILSAT confirmation.
Everyone enters the barn, which has an IMPROMPTU SITUATION ROOM.
OFFICER
Ten hut.
All officers salute.
MAN 2
Mr. President, you have secretaries Hutchinson and Berryhill, Director Kato, Chairman
Fitzwallace and Dr. McNally.
BARTLET
Alright. Well, we've got ourselves a Marx Brothers' movie.
KEN HUTCHINSON
(over phone) Sir, It's Ken. On your order, we'll put CTU on high alert.
BARTLET
You have the order. Oh, Fitz.
FITZWALLACE
(over phone) Yes, sir?
BARTLET
How're you doing?
FITZWALLACE
Fine. Thank you, sir. And you?
BARTLET
Well, we've made camp in North Carolina for prep, so I've been thinking about killing myself,
but let me ask you something. Besides Qumar, Iran, Syria, Hezbullah, they've all got short
and medium-range missiles. If Israel feels threatened by them, what happens?
FITZWALLACE
They launch a pre-emptive strike.
LEO
Yeah, but before that happens, Qumar shows its teeth, right?
FITZWALLACE
Yeah.
LEO
Yeah. So what happens then?
FITZWALLACE
They'll want something from us in exchange for standing down.
BARTLET
Well, for the moment, they haven't stood up, but in the meantime, let's think of something
we can give them when they do.
LEO
(angrily) That's what we should do in the meantime?
BARTLET
(warning tone) Leo...
LEO
We should think of something we can *give* them?!
BARTLET
Honey, if we're going to have this fight, can we not do it in front of the Joint Chiefs?
It just scares the hell out of them.
LEO
Yes.
BARTLET
Mr. Chairman, would you put our bases in Qumar at Defense Condition 3 with the U.S. Military
at Defcon Four?
FITZWALLACE
Yes, sir.
BARTLET
Thank you.
He, Leo and other advisors sit at the table.
CUT TO: EXT. SAYBROOK INSTITUTE - DAY
Andy leaves a room to go outside. Toby follows her.
TOBY
Andy...
ANDY
Yeah?
TOBY
A couple of things. I need you to look at a couple of answers on defense readiness. I need
concrete examples of waste in Pentagon procurement. We need two more members of the IRC for
post spin. I need you to fill out this marriage license and paperwork for a joint checking
account and review this 60-second answer on Rwanda.
ANDY
Okay, okay, okay and um, under no circumstances, and sure.
TOBY
See, by my count, you said under no circumstances to the IRC post spin and sure....
ANDY
I said under no circumstances to marrying you again.
TOBY
May I ask why?
ANDY
I've had the unique experience of having done it once before.
TOBY
Yes, well...
ANDY
I have to get to the things you gave me. A person's running for President.
She walks away. Sam comes out of the building.
TOBY
Hey, that was good, Sam. Stay up in his face. Don't back off.
SAM
You want to shoot for two minutes? There's a hoop in the back.
TOBY
Yeah.
Josh comes up to them with a basketball.
JOSH
He's right. Don't back off.
SAM
Yeah. (to Toby) What's going on with you and Andy?
TOBY
Nothing.
SAM
I think you're wrong.
TOBY
I'm not.
SAM
I think you're getting back together.
TOBY
We're not.
SAM
But you want to.
TOBY
Yes.
SAM
I think... Wait. What?
TOBY
See, sometimes if I slam on the brakes, you run right past.
JOSH
Okay, fill us in on everything you've got so far between the two of you.
TOBY
(sarcastically) Yeah, that's what's going to happen right now.
He walks towards the basketball hoop. They follow.
SAM
Well, if you do that...
TOBY
Are you going to stay up in his face?
SAM
Did you hear me say I would?
TOBY
No, actually.
SAM
Well, I will. Listen, let me tell you something. What I said wasn't personal.
TOBY
Who said it was?
SAM
He did. He said, "It's been four years and when am I going to stop saying, 'I told you so?'"
And that wasn't... I was... Let's say we're new. We made mistakes. We'd just gotten to...
We weren't even in the White House when we heard Rooker. It was like January 5.
They arrive at the hoop.
TOBY
(with certainty) It was the 15th. It was January 15th.
SAM
How do you remember?
TOBY
I just do.
FADE TO: INT. BARTLET'S TEMPORARY OFFICE - FOUR YEARS AGO
Four years ago, on January 15th, Toby, Josh, and Sam are in Bartlet's temporary office.
Leo walks inside.
LEO
I think Cornell Rooker's going to be the AG. How about that?
TOBY
What do you mean?
LEO
He's on the phone with the governor right now.
SAM
We're settled on that?
LEO
Yeah, it's Cornell Rooker, if that's what he's saying on the phone. If he's saying no,
then it's going to be somebody else.
JOSH
Well analyzed.
SAM
I thought there might be more conversations about the more conservative tendancies.
LEO
Like privacy?
SAM
Yeah.
C.J.
(walks in) He's a Democrat with a record the right win can't complain about. (sits)
MARGARET
(enters) Excuse me, Josh. I'm looking for Donna.
JOSH
Donna is at the White House, as a matter of fact.
C.J.
(surprised) She's at the White House?!
JOSH
Yup.
C.J.
She knows the old tenants are still there, right?
JOSH
She's being taken out to lunch by her predecessor, a guy who's the assistant to Mac McConnell,
the assistant to the Deputy C.O.S.
C.J.
Nobody did that with me. (to Leo) Anybody do that with you?
LEO
(shakes his head) Sam...
JOSH
(interrupts) He's who the judiciary calls when they want to put a stamp on a yes. He has a
record conservatives can't complain about.
SAM
Folks, our opponent had a record conservatives can't complain about, but he lost.
ASSISTANT
(knocks on door frame) Excuse me. Mr. Ziegler?
TOBY
Yeah?
ASSISTANT
Congresswoman Wyatt is here in person without an appointment, and she's asking to see you.
TOBY
Yeah. (irritated) Congresswoman Wyatt is also Mrs. Ziegler. Just... uh, I'll be right out.
ASSISTANT
Yes, sir. (leaves)
TOBY
You think we're going to get hit from the left?
SAM
I do.
JOSH
I don't.
SAM
Look...
JOSH
He gets a honeymoon. Let's take advantage.
SAM
You're missing the point.
JOSH
What?
SAM
I think he'll be confirmed. We might even get the honeymoon from the left.
JOSH
But?
SAM
I'm not sure he's the right guy.
BARTLET
(enters) We got Rooker.
He leaves. Sam looks disappointed.
CUT TO: INT. THE WHITE HOUSE - FOUR YEARS AGO
JEFF JOHNSON
(enters lobby) Donna?
DONNA
Yeah.
JEFF
Jeff Johnson. Come on back.
DONNA
This is incredibly nice of you.
JEFF
Well, the guy before did it for me, so who knows? Maybe you'll do it for someone else in
four years.
DONNA
Eight years.
JEFF
Whatever.
They enter the BULLPEN AREA.
DONNA
Is this where I'll be working?
JEFF
Who knows? The White House reinvents itself with every administration. It's never the same.
There are some things I can tell you that won't be in the briefing. You want to hear them?
DONNA
Sure.
JEFF
Never wear your badge off campus. It's like wearing a bull's eye. Don't let your kids get
the mail out of your mailbox. You don't know what separatist just sent you a chain mail.
DONNA
I don't have kids.
JEFF
Good, because there are days when you're gonna need to get here at eight, maybe even earlier,
and not go home till six or seven. What else? The iodine tablet. Some people take 'em; some
people don't. I did, but you can ask your doctor.
DONNA
What's the iodine for?
JEFF
Uh, it protects your thyroid from the radiation.
DONNA
And why is there radiation?
JEFF
There's an XW-9 warhead in a silo 93 feet below the Eisenhower putting green. They say it's not
enough radiation to hurt you, but do you really want to take chances with something like that?
DONNA
Really? Wow. God, no.
JEFF
Listen, before I forget, I've gotten hit up for a favor. My girlfriend's a stringer for a teen
magazine. It's called 21.
DONNA
Sure.
JEFF
With all the people coming in, they want to do a story and you've been visible and with the
way you look... Any chance she could get a ten-minute phoner?
DONNA
No problem. You can give her the number.
JEFF
Great. You ready for lunch?
DONNA
Yeah.
JEFF
Where to?
DONNA
You tell me. I don't know anything.
JEFF
Okay.
CUT TO: INT. OUTSIDE THE INTERIM OFFICE - FOUR YEARS AGO
TOBY
Everything alright?
ANDY
Yeah. I couldn't get you on your phone and I was on the tenth floor. They need another sample.
TOBY
(wary) Why?
ANDY
There was blackout in Alexandria and the incubator was without power for 45 minutes.
TOBY
Can we maybe talk about this over here?
They walk away from the door to the offices.
TOBY
A blackout in Alexandria?
ANDY
It's a cab ride. Just go over. You're in. You're out. No sweat.
TOBY
No it's not no sweat. In fact, it's a bit gruesome.
ANDY
(amused) It's gruesome?
TOBY
It's... something. You get off on the 4th floor, which is clearly marked for all the other
passengers on the elevator to read that it's the fertility clinic. And you're trying to show
with your body language that it's not you and that's impossible to show with body language.
An 84-year-old Welsh nurse hands you a brown paper bag with a cup and a video and points you
toward a room, where I won't even tell you the name they have for this room.
ANDY
What's the name?
TOBY
I won't tell you.
ANDY
Why?
TOBY
It's not a good out loud word. You take the longest walk of your life back to the Welsh nurse,
who takes the cup out of the bag and says, "Very nice."
ANDY
Honey, I need you to do this now. There's a timing thing.
TOBY
Can't it possibly wait until next week...
ANDY
(overlapping him) I thought maybe today I could...
TOBY
(snaps angrily) It's January 15th, Andy. I can't have a baby today. He's getting sworn in five
days. I'm not saying never. I'm saying, can we wait five days?
ANDY
(conceding) Sure. How's it going?
TOBY
Rooker's going to be the AG.
He walks away toward the offices.
CUT TO: EXT. OUTSIDE THE DEBATE CAMP - PRESENT
KENNY
(calls out) Mr. Ziegler?
TOBY
Yeah?
KENNY
I'm sorry for shouting. Joey says she's ready.
TOBY
I'm sorry?
JOSH
Electoral math.
Josh, Sam and Toby grab their jackets and stuff and follow Kenny.
FADE OUT.
END ACT ONE
* * *
ACT TWO
FADE IN: INT. SAYBROOK INSTITUTE - DAY
An interactive map of the U.S. is on the wall.
JOSH
When do you suppose Georgia got so far out of reach? Was it 'cause we... burned it down?
SAM
I was going to say.
JOEY
Okay, let's start. (KENNY) I'm taking Ohio out of the red and putting it back in play.
Joey touches the screen, changing Ohio from red, back to gray.
TOBY
How much money is it going to take to win there?
JOEY
A lot more than we have there. We're on the air in 18 of the top 25. There's no new money
to spend on this. We're going to have to move it...
TOBY
I'm going to stop you there. Joey, I-I can't go to him with it.
JOEY (KENNY)
Let me go to him with it. Let Bruno.
C.J.
No, I'm with Toby. I don't think you understand how the President feels about his home state.
He's a New Hampshire Bartlet. It's been home for centuries. He's a Democrat elected to the
statehouse with close to 60% and the fact that the state's in play is a real embarrasment for
him. He doesn't want to campaign there because that's embarassing too, but we really can't...
JOEY (KENNY)
C.J., I'm trying to tell you it's not in play anymore.
JOSH
Joey, no kidding-- if you asked the President which he'd rather win, New Hampshire or the
election, he'd have to think before he answered. Put a pin in it; we'll come back after prep.
Thanks.
The staffers get up and walk to the prep room. Joey touches the screen changing
New Hampshire from undecided to Ritchie's.
CUT TO: INT. DEBATE PREP ROOM - CONTINUOUS
LARRY
President Bartlet, the next questions to you. Governor Ritchie contends there's a crisis in
the American family that parents aren't spending enough time with their kids.
JOSH
We're trying this again. Sorry.
LARRY
Yeah. And that your solution is essentially to have government raise children.
BARTLET
Well, that's an extraordinary and unsurprisingly dumb interpretation of what it is my
administration's trying to accomplsh.
The staffers applaud.
BARTLET
It's hard enought to rasie kids today with help from family leave, subsidized daycare, preschool--
we need more of it, not less.
SAM
The government can't raise kids, Mr. President-- parents have to.
BARTLET
I have three grown daughters, Governor. You really want to tell me how I should raise my family?
You're really comfortable with that?
JOSH
There it is.
BARTLET
You want to tell other American fathers and mothers what they're doing wrong?
SAM
Sir, I did not say...
BARTLET
I didn't think you did. So, why don't we stick to what government can do-- which is collect money
and distribute it-- and stop wasting time by sentimentalizing family.
ALL
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
LARRY
That's... not good, sir.
SAM
We just lost the vote of every stay-at-home mom and their husbands who are henpecked.
BARTLET
Who are you now?
SAM
Yes, sir.
TOBY
I like the aggressive answer. It's just right.
LARRY
We're letting Ritchie put him on the oppisite side of values. Lead with "I'm the proud father of..."
BARTLET
That wasn't the question, Larry. The question was, "What do I have against families?" and
the answer is I have nothing against them at all.
C.J. has gotten up and walk to the back where Josh is.
C.J.
Josh...
BARTLET
They simply aren't mentioned in the Executive Powers section.
C.J.
Larry's right, we have to put him on the right side of this. He is on the right side of this,
but we need help with the answer.
JOSH
You're asking me to do that which I don't want to do, right?
C.J.
Yes.
JOSH
Okay.
C.J.
I have a press briefing.
CUT TO: INT. PRESS ROOM - FLASHBACK
BARTLET WHITE HOUSE
TWO DAYS AFTER INAUGURATION
C.J. walks into the dark Press Room. She begins a mock press briefing with only Carol sitting
in the audience.
C.J.
Good afternoon. Today is January 22nd. Let me brief you on the President's morning schedule.
He started with... How's that?
CAROL
Good.
C.J.
Yeah?
CAROL
Yeah.
C.J.
You sure?
CAROL
Yeah.
C.J.
You don't care.
CAROL
No.
C.J.
Okay.
CAROL
I've got boxes to unload.
C.J.
I'm going to stay here and practice.
Carol gets up and leaves the room.
C.J.
No, David, the President was very clear about that. Mark, then Katie. Mark, Katie, Jessie,
Phil, Steve, Betsy, Julie, Julie, Julia, Kevin, Paul, Tom, Sondra, Suzanne... (sighs) Mike,
Danny... Elizabeth. 18th seat. 18 you can vote... "vote" sounds like "moat"... which is a
trench-- Trent.
BILL STARK
(enters) Excuse me, C.J.
C.J.
Yeah?
BILL STARK
Bill Stark. I'm with "Kingspeak." We're a magazine that reaches over 600,000 Christians
Evangelicals. I'm sorry I missed your first briefing. I heard you did well.
C.J.
I can do better.
BILL
I wanted to tell you that on December 10th, all 600,000 will be praying for you.
C.J.
Really?
BILL
That's right.
C.J.
I don't understand.
BILL
Well, once a year, we identify the 365 most influential people in media and we assign each of
them a calendar day and we pray for them.
C.J.
I really don't know what to say in response to that sort of kindness.
BILL
Well... maybe the Administration will reconsider their position on some issues?
C.J.
Like what?
BILL
Um... school prayer?
C.J.
I think the President's pretty much made up his mind.
BILL
Millions of Americans want it. There are a lot of votes there.
C.J.
Yes, but we got as many as we needed for now, so...
BILL
Just wanted to say hi.
C.J.
I'll see you around.
BILL
Oh, by the way... Just so you don't think we disagree on everthing, I think Cornell Rooker
is terrific.
C.J.
Really?
BILL
Back in the day we served on a city counsel together. First African-American man I've ever
heard make sense on racial profiling.
CUT TO: INT. THE OVAL OFFICE - FLASHBACK
MRS. LANDINGHAM
Look at this. Leonardo DaVinci. "Madonna and child with a pomegranate."
BARTLET
It's nice.
MRS. LANDINGHAM
Here's Botticelli. "Adoration of the Magi."
BARTLET
What are we doing right now?
MRS. LANDINGHAM
We're choosing pictures from the collection at the National Gallery.
BARTLET
They'll loan stuff?
MRS. LANDINGHAM
Anything you want in the National Gallery or the whole Smithsonian.
BARTLET
Really?
MRS. LANDINGHAM
Yeah.
BARTLET
I want Apollo 11.
MRS. LANDINGHAM
Well, you can't have that.
BARTLET
Then don't bother me.
MRS. LANDINGHAM
Sir...
BARTLET
I'm meeting with the leadership, I'm signing six Executive Orders I don't yet understand...
Someone knocks on the door. Leo enters.
LEO
Mr. President.
BARTLET
God, I thought that was a closet.
LEO
It's my office!
BARTLET
All right, the rooms got four doors, it's huge.
LEO
I want to run through these Executive Orders.
Bartlet notices C.J. hanging outside the Oval Office door.
BARTLET
Do you understand them?
LEO
Not quite yet.
BARTLET
C.J., what are you doing?
C.J.
I'm sorry, sir. I just wanted to see Leo.
BARTLET
[points to Leo] He's standing right there.
C.J.
Yeah.
BARTLET
Would you get your ass in here? Could everyone stop acting strange?
LEO
What's up?
C.J.
A reporter for a conservative Christian magazine introduced himself and happened to serve on
a city counsel with Rooker, which is true-- it was in Miami.
BARTLET
Yeah.
C.J.
The reporter said that he liked Rooker's position on racial profiling.
LEO
That's strange.
C.J.
No, it's not. We found the transcript. "I'm not saying it should be active policy, but there
is no question in my mind that in certain situations, racial profiling can be helpful to law..."
BARTLET
Law enforcement?
C.J.
Yeah.
BARTLET
It's our second day, how do you think it's going so far?
LEO
We'll get into it.
BARTLET
Yes.
FADE OUT.
END ACT TWO
* * *
ACT THREE
FADE IN: EXT. WASHINGTON, D.C. - DAY
Amy is riding her bike.
AMY
And down the stretch, here she comes. Here comes Gardner. She's going to take the yellow
jersey pass the picturesque farms and hillsides and Champs d'leamp and the white cliffs of
Dover. Where do the American's find this kind of spirit?
Her cell phone rings.
AMY
Her cell phone's ringing now-- probably a sponsor. Hello?
JOSH
It's Josh.
AMY
Hello.
JOSH
You're breathing very hard.
AMY
I'm riding.
JOSH
Then what are you doing?
AMY
Later?
JOSH
Yeah.
AMY
With Peter Harlow.
JOSH
How's Peter's wife?
AMY
They're separated.
JOSH
Yes, I know.
AMY
What do you need?
JOSH
How do we stand strong for the modern family in all its quirks and not seem like we're dissing
everyone born before 1962?
AMY
By doing it.
JOSH
You'll think about it?
AMY
Yeah.
JOSH
Thank you.
CUT TO: INT. NORTHWEST LOBBY - FLASHBACK
BARTLET WHITE HOUSE
FIVE DAYS AFTER INAUGURATION
Sam is in the lobby trying to figure out a map of the West Wing, when Josh walks up.
JOSH
You're going to this meeting?
SAM
Yeah.
JOSH
WW-160, you been able to find it?
SAM
I don't even know where I am right now.
JOSH
I'm looking on this side again.
SAM
Do you mind if I talk to you while we walk?
JOSH
Well, we may as well get used to having meetings in the corridors from now on. It may be our
only hope. I know now why they made the Oval Office a special shape.
SAM
Six new editorials-- NAACP, the Urban League, La Raza...
JOSH
NAACP doesn't want to see a black Attorney General?
SAM
No, I think they do, but they also stand for the ones who get pulled over for having too nice a car.
JOSH
Thank you.
SAM
Intergovernmental's also...
JOSH
I'm talking to intergovernmental. Does anybody know where WW-160 is?! Hi. I'm Josh Lyman. You all
work for me. Does anybody know where WW-160 is?
GINGER
I haven't seen it.
JOSH
That one hasn't seen it. She's... you know, she's keeping an eye out though.
SAM
I don't think he's going to be confirmed. I think the first thing that's going to happen to us
is we're going to lose the confirmation battle... And spend the next four years with two outs
and a full count. If we pull him out now, it's a story for a day and a half, until we announce
the next guy. If we wait a week...
JOSH
This is the guy. This is the story.
SAM
Good. 'Cause you know why? 'Cause hubris always wins in the end. The Greeks taught us that.
Josh and Sam walk into LEO'S OFFICE.
JOSH
We were looking for West Wing 160.
LEO
Yeah, I think it's in the Kremlin. Let's just meet here.
JOSH
Leo, this is a strong deserving nominee. Sam, it's not hubris. He should be Attorney General.
SAM
Yeah, but he's not going to be. So let's take it from there.
LEO
No, the President doesn't want to give it up yet.
TOBY
Let's line up people for IP, the mornings... "Cornell Rooker has an exceptional record as a
U.S. attorney... a leader in fighting employment discrimination...was college chair of...
He's tough on crime, he's fair on justice." That's the line. Say that. Do not say that. What
the hell was that? "He's tough on crime, he's fair on justice." Sings a song, has a moustache?
What is that supposed to...
C.J.
Toby's gone to the zoo.
LEO
Yeah, I think we may have killed these two guys with Inauguration.
SAM
Leo, I beseech you-- let me take a pass at some remarks the President can make withdrawing
the nomination. We're going to do it anyway, let's do it now.
JOSH
Here it is. "Take a thorough look at Cornell Rooker's record, you'll see...
TOBY
Yes.
JOSH
...he's fought for justice his entire carer. If you take a thorough look at Cornell Rooker
record, you'll see he's fought for justice his entire career."
TOBY
I don't want to be able to turn my head tomorrow without reading that quote.
JOSH
Anything else?
LEO
No.
JOSH
Thank you.
They walk out the HALLWAY, where Donna meets them.
DONNA
Hey... I don't think there is a WW-160.
JOSH
Yeah, hey. How do you do?
DONNA
What?
JOSH
Guess what I have here. It's a copy of "21 Magazine." It's for "Generation Now!"
DONNA
Is my thing in there?
JOSH
Yuh-huh.
DONNA
What?
JOSH
"In sleek Celia Yang slacks and a classic DKNY button-down, she's not afraid to bring a note of
'Let's do drinks after work' to the office."
DONNA
That's totally untrue, but I do like the sound of it.
JOSH
"But as much as we love her style, we worry about her inexperience and Bambi-esque naivete.
'There's so much to learn,' says Moss. 'I didn't even know there was a nuclear missile silo
under this place.'"
DONNA
I didn't.
JOSH
There's not!
DONNA
There is!
JOSH
Who told you that?
DONNA
Jeff, when I met him for lunch.
JOSH
Let me take a guess at something. Jeff set you up with a reporter, right?
DONNA
His girlfriend.
JOSH
You probably didn't even bring this up, right? The girlfriend led you there?
DONNA
Bambiesque?
JOSH
As does pertain to Bambi. There's a reason why we keep these missile silos way out the hell
in the middle nowhere. It's 'cause they're working with some pretty nasty materials. Also,
there's not much point in keeping nuclear secrets from China when all they have to do is take
the free tour. Did it really sound right to you, when he said it? What'd you think, we'd go
to war, and Hercules rockets come flying out of the Rose Garden?
DONNA
The Eisenhower Putting Green.
JOSH
Oh, my God!
DONNA
I'm too stupid to live.
JOSH
This is just like when I played the lead in "Li'l Abner" in eighth grade and rehearsals are
going fine. All of a sudden there's sets and lights and costumes, and everyone's tripping all
over themselves except me. You guys all walked into the building and got freaked by the lights.
I walked in and, you know, something else happened.
DONNA
Well, we can't all be you.
JOSH
You all can try a little harder to be.
DONNA
For sure I'm not taking the iodine tablets.
JOSH
I should be sitting at my desk right now. Do I have a desk yet?
DONNA
No.
JOSH
Okay. Then I'll just... walk around some more... see if I can get into a pickup meeting.
CUT TO: INT. LIGHTED PATH AT SAYBROOK INSTITUTE - PRESENT, NIGHT
SAYBROOK INSTITUTE 7:45 P.M.
Toby is walking along the path when Charlie catches up to him.
CHARLIE
Toby?
TOBY
Yeah?
CHARLIE
You going to dinner?
TOBY
Yeah.
CHARLIE
I'm a bad friend. I should've been there for you.
TOBY
Okay, but I-I don't know what you're talking about.
CHARLIE
Josh and Sam talked to me. I'm on board.
TOBY
With what?
CHARLIE
Team Toby.
TOBY
See, I lent voice to thought and that was my mistake.
CHARLIE
If you want to marry Andy, then, damn it, so do I...
TOBY
Okay.
CHARLIE
...want that, you know, to happen to you.
TOBY
I get it.
CHARLIE
Do you? Because this is about love.
TOBY
I think you have a different motivation.
CHARLIE
Laughs?
TOBY
Yes.
CHARLIE
Sure, but also as much love, really, as I think either one of us are comfortable with.
TOBY
Yes.
CHARLIE
Well, let me start here: have you asked her?
TOBY
Yes.
CHARLIE
And she said no?
TOBY
This is excruciating.
CUT TO: INT. TOBY'S OFFICE - FLASHBACK
ANDY
You're going to give me your white blood cells... not all of them, but as many as I want.
TOBY
Why?
ANDY
Because you love me.
TOBY
No, wha... uh... What's the matter with your white blood cells?
ANDY
Nothing. It's my immune system. It's not... recognizing that a pregnancy isn't something
it's supposed to attack. So, they draw blood from you... like a rabid dog -- clean it,
thank goodness... and give me injections of your blood cells to build up tolerance. You
know how you're always saying you wish people were more like you? Well... The guy's had
a lot of success.
TOBY
You don't have to sell me. It sounds like something we should try... But let me ask you
something, and bear in mind that I'm happy, I'm... eager to go to as many doctors as there
are... but should we talk about a stop date?
ANDY
You mean talk about adoption?
TOBY
Yeah, we can talk about adopting.
ANDY
You meant a stop date stop date.
TOBY
I meant adopting. I meant surrogacy. And yes, I love kids and I want them and I don't have
to have them. And I don't have to have them...
ANDY
I want them.
TOBY
And I'm there.
ANDY
Okay. You're getting killed on Rooker.
TOBY
No kidding.
ANDY
Hey, C.J.
C.J.
Is he in there?
ANDY
Yeah. Is anything wrong?
C.J.
No...
C.J.
There's a problem.
TOBY
I just said a stupid thing. What's the problem?
C.J.
Well, I did a one-on-one with Danny Concannon a few days ago on Rooker.
TOBY
Did you say, "If you take a thorough look at Cornell Rooker's record...?"
C.J.
Yes, as a matter of fact.
TOBY
And?
C.J.
He did.
TOBY
Oh, man.
C.J.
A DUI got fixed in law school. He doesn't want to write about the DUI as much as he wants to
write about us being the Capitol Clampettes. What was the stupid thing that you said?
TOBY
Doesn't matter. Let's fix this.
CUT TO: EXT: PATIO AT SAYBROOK INSTITUTE - PRESENT
Toby and Charlie have now arrived where they will be serving dinner. Sam, Ed, Larry, and other
staffers are up front singing a song.
SAM, ED, LARRY, and STAFFERS
"Gaudeamus igitur
Juvenes dum sumus
Post jucundum juventutem
Post molestam senectutem
Nos habebit humus
Nos habebit humus."
JOEY (KENNY)
What was that?
SAM
It's an old camp song.
JOEY (KENNY)
What's it mean?
SAM
"Let us be merry, therefore while we are young men. After the joys of youth, after the pains
of old age, the ground will have us." It's true.
JOEY (KENNY)
How can I get you onboard with me?
SAM
New Hampshire?
JOEY
Yeah.
SAM
By coming out with me.
JOEY (KENNY)
On what?
SAM
The President's got to spend a little more time in congressional districts we're not going to win.
JOEY (KENNY)
Why would he spend any time in districts...?
SAM
To build Democratic momentum in the very places we traditionally tank. We're running comically weak
candidates in these districts. The Tennessee 7th, Horton Wilde in Orange County; he's in the hospital
with his fourth heart attack. Who the hell knows when he's going to resume a campaign schedule.
JOEY (KENNY)
I can't make a pitch about putting resources in the right places and then advocate sending the
President to districts where the last Democrat won by railing against Abraham Lincoln.
SAM
That's a resonable point.
JOEY (KENNY)
Will you help me?
SAM
Yeah.
Josh walks by with a cell phone up to his ear.
CUT TO: INT. RESTAURANT - NIGHT
Amy and PETER HARLOW are having drinks on a patio outside. Amy's cell phone is ringing,
but she is ignoring it.
PETER HARLOW
I have to say you look good.
AMY
Thank you.
PETER
I don't remember you looking this good. Is something different?
AMY
I don't know, the autumnal equinox is usually good to me, but...
PETER
I think that's your cell phone that's been ringing.
AMY
Yes. Excuse me. (answers her phone) Hello?
JOSH (VO)
Hey.
AMY
Hello.
JOSH (VO)
You on your date?
AMY
Well, I wouldn't call it that.
JOSH
Listen, you probably don't want to let him know it's me on the phone. It's too intimidating.
It's like going out with Cher and Sonny calls.
AMY
How can I help you?
JOSH
Any thoughts?
AMY
Yes, Ritchie's right. There's a family crisis in America.
JOSH
So a radical feminist is saying women should stay home with the kids?
AMY
First of all, I don't think I'm a radical anything. Second of all, who said women should stay home?
And third is, it's the capitalist treadmill that encourages scheduling quality time on a Palm Pilot.
That's not how they do it in Scandinavia.
JOSH
But everybody kills themself in Scandinavia.
AMY
That's hard to deny.
JOSH
We need to defend our accomplishments on work and family, many of which you pushed for and show
that we get what working parents are going through. Can you help us?
AMY
Yes.
JOSH
I'll call back. What would be a really bad time?
AMY
Oh, really anytime.
JOSH
Outstanding.
CUT TO: INT. JOSH'S OFFICE - FLASHBACK
DONNA
Josh?
JOSH
Yeah?
DONNA
There's a Mr. Michael Gordon here to see you.
JOSH
Does he have an appointment?
DONNA
No, he's with the NSA.
JOSH
NSA? Send him in.
MICHAEL GORDON
Mr. Lyman?
JOSH
Yeah.
MICHAEL
Mr. Gordon.
JOSH
Donna says you're with the NSA.
MICHAEL
I'm not here to bug your office.
JOSH
Yeah, but you wouldn't tell me of you were, right?
MICHAEL
It's about Miss Moss, as a matter of fact.
JOSH
What's the trouble?
MICHAEL
Probably nothing, but a few days ago, a teen magazine published a short interview with her.
JOSH
Yeah, look, the old guys were playing a joke on her. I realize it's not a good idea for a White
House staffer to be saying there's a missile in the capitol.
MICHAEL
Well, the problem is, joke or not, she it a little close to him for our comfort.
JOSH
What do you mean?
MICHAEL
Obvioulsy I can't elaborate.
JOSH
"She hit a little close to home"?
MICHAEL
Yeah.
JOSH
You trying to tell me...?
MICHAEL
Mr. Lyman, you don't have code-word clearance. We need to stay professional.
JOSH
Yeah.
MICHAEL
How long has she been working for you?
JOSH
Listen, this... this is silly. She was just duped. It was a joke.
MICHAEL
How long has she been working for you?
JOSH
This is a giant misunderstanding.
MICHAEL
Mr. Lyman...
JOSH
I would vouch for Donna with my life. She doesn't know about missiles. She's from Wisconsin!
MICHAEL
I'm simply asking how long she's been working for you.
JOSH
No, look, I'm sorry. I'm sure your intentions are good, and this is just routine, but it could
get tricky, and I'd like to have her talk to someone.
MICHAEL
A lawyer?
JOSH
Yeah.
MICHAEL
Suit yourself, but until this is straightened out, I'm going to have to revoke her credentials.
JOSH
She's my assistant. For how long?
MICHAEL
As long as it takes.
JOSH
All right.
MICHAEL
Thank you.
Michael leaves Josh's office. Josh walks to his door and calls Donna.
JOSH
Donna...
DONNA
What was that?
JOSH
You got to go home.
DONNA
Why?
JOSH
That idiot interview you did, pooped a red flag at NSA. They're revoking your credentials
until it's straightened out.
DONNA
I don't believe it.
JOSH
I'm talking to someone in Cochran's office.
DONNA
What am I suppose to do?
JOSH
Take a few days off. Go home. Go to the beach.
DONNA
It's February 2nd.
JOSH
Well, then, I wouldn't go to the beach.
DONNA
You've got a meeting in Leo's office.
JOSH
Don't worry about this. I'm going to fix this.
CUT TO: INT. PATIO AT SAYBROOK INSTITUTE - NIGHT
The staffers have finished eating dinner and are hanging out.
C.J.
The President's not going to be available for a little bit.
JOSH
Why?
C.J.
Fitzwallace just got here.
JOSH
Any idea what's going on?
C.J. shakes her head no, then walks away.
JOSH
All right. Listen up. We still have an open question on family, we still have an open question
on Rooker, missile defense, and vouchers. We start dress rehearsals tomorrow at 3:00. Let's
split up in our groups. I really want vouchers by 10:00, missile defense by 11:00.
SAM
Anybody not doing anything at midnight-- Team Toby, my cabin.
TOBY
Good.
JOSH
Break's over.
FADE OUT.
END ACT THREE
* * *
ACT FOUR
FADE IN: INT: TEMPORARY SITUATION ROOM - NIGHT
SAYBROOK INSTITUTE, 10:15 P.M.
MILITARY AIDE
Ten-hut!
BARTLET
Thanks for coming down.
LEO
What's going on?
FITZWALLACE
The Mastico, a 200-foot Qumari cargo ship is heading east in the Mediterranean, toward Lebanon.
LEO
Is it carrying Qumari arts and crafts?
FITZWALLACE
No, it's carrying 72 tons of weapons and explosives, including a Multiple Launch Rocket System.
LEO
This fires twelve warheads with 644 M-77 munitions. It does it in 60 seconds.
FITZWALLACE
The global positioning device on the MLRS is how we found the ship. This is the message in a
bottle we've been waiting for.
BARTLET
They turn around the ship in exchange for what?
FITZWALLACE
Access to the High Altitude Area Defense program.
LEO
That's okay, 'cause that's just the most sophisticated anti-ballistic missile system in
history short of Star Wars. What else?
BARTLET
They're arming the Bahji, Leo. Two training camps of which the Israelis just attacked.
I've gotta turn around the boat-- tonight. Tomorrow we'll worry about tomorrow.
LEO
Well, we can invite the Sultan over for a mixer.
BARTLET
Look...
LEO
A nice mixer. Punch, sack races, whatnot... Why are we playing games with these people? They
refuse to catch and prosecute the Bahji. In fact, they support them in a variety of ways.
Why isn't that the end of the conversation? "We'll worry about tomorrow, tomorrow." We said
that yesterday.
BARTLET
Fitz?
FITZWALLACE
I couldn't agree with Leo more.
BARTLET
What about Nancy?
FITZWALLACE
Yeah.
BARTLET
What's available from the Sixth Fleet?
FITZWALLACE
One Forward Unit east of the Mastico-- the 26th Marine Expeditionary.
BARTLET
Stop the boat. Don't shoot it unless I tell you to.
FITZWALLACE
Yes, sir.
CUT TO: INT. LEO'S OFFICE - FLASHBACK
C.J.
This doesn't feel food, does it? It's quiet, you know. It's too quiet.
TOBY
C.J....
C.J.
Yeah.
Leo enters from the Oval Office.
LEO
The President has withdrawn Rooker's name from nomination.
SAM
Well, at least it's behind us.
LEO
Not quite. Our report card for our first two weeks in office. The President's approval has
gone from 61% during the transition-- when, I suppose, there's nothing to approve-- to 49%
once there was. 47% see him as a strong leader-- a result of bungling the Rooker nomination--
and African-American support, which basically elected him, has gone from 92 to 78. Finally,
if the election were held today, the President would be Chairman of the Economics Department
at Phillips Andover Academy. Can anyone report anything good?
C.J.
600,000 Evangelicals are praying for me... so... we have that going for us.
LEO
What the hell are yoy talking about?
C.J.
It's true-- a guy gave me this card: "365 in Media."
SAM
Who are the others?
C.J.
I don't know, let's see... "Hugh Hefner, Don Imus, Howard Stern..." all the late-night guys.
This is... one, two, three... this is the Editorial Board of The New York Times. This isn't a
good list, this is a list of people who are going to hell!
TOBY
Yes.
C.J.
They're not praying for me because they like me! It's 'cause I'm doomed to eternal damnation!
SAM
Well, if you weren't, it'd be a waste of praying.
C.J.
You're on the list too, pal.
SAM
Can I see that?
LEO
You can all leave.
JOSH
We're going to do better for you, boss.
LEO
Do better for him.
C.J.
We will.
TOBY
We will.
Josh and Sam walk out to the HALLWAY.
JOSH
Sam...
SAM
Yeah.
JOSH
Can you walk with me a second?
SAM
Yeah.
JOSH
Well, you were right, I was wrong.
SAM
More often then not, it's going to be the other way around, so...
JOSH
Thanks. Listen, I got a weird problem.
SAM
What?
JOSH
Remember Donna had lunch with Mack's assistant a few weeks ago? He told her there's a missile
silo on the grounds. She repeated it to a magazine and an NSA guy came to see me just now, and
said she struck a little close to home and they want to investigate. In the meantime, they've
revoked her credentials.
SAM
"Struck to close to home." What does that mean?
JOSH
It means somehow she... There's actually some kind of weapons system right here on the White
House... or... intelligence gathering... Wait a minute. This doesn't sound right.
Josh stops in the NORTHWEST LOBBY and thinks about what he's saying. He turns to Sam then walks
off to his BULLPEN, where he's sees Donna sitting with Michael Gordon at her desk.
JOSH
Hi.
DONNA
Hey. Just... hanging with my friend Michael. He works in the staff secretary's office. Plus,
he's got his own band. By the way, you know what your name is for the next month?
JOSH
It's going to be bambi, isn't it?
DONNA
Yeah, it's going to be Bambi-ass. But on your good days, I'm calling you Abner 'cause you
stepped into the White House and didn't flinch.
Josh shakes Michael's hands then begins to walk to his office leaving Donna wearing the smile
of victory.
JOSH
I'm making phone calls.
CUT TO: INT. SAYBROOK INSTITUTE - PRESENT, NIGHT
Josh is on his cell phone calling Amy.
AMY
Yeah?
JOSH
How you doing?
AMY
I'm freezing.
JOSH
Where are you?
AMY
I'm at my front door.
JOSH
Well, go inside.
AMY
I can't, I'll lose you.
JOSH
You'll never lose me, Amy.
AMY
[beat] Please don't say that.
JOSH
What do you have?
AMY
I don't have anything.
JOSH
I don't believe you.
Amy begins to talk as Josh runs to put the phone to C.J.'s ear so she can write down what
Amy's saying.
AMY
I don't know what you want me to say. I want women to have help from the government. I want
women to earn what men earn. I want everyone to earn enough so that everyone can make the
right choice for their family, and after that, it's none of your business who stays home and
who goes to work. You don't know more about raising a family than I do.
JOSH
That was it. We got it. We'll give it a test. I'll call you back. Probably around 1:00.
AMY
A.M.?
JOSH
Yeah.
AMY
Good.
Josh hangs up.
JOSH
Let's get that in the form of an answer.
Toby walks in with Charlie.
C.J.
We got something from Amy.
TOBY
Good.
CHARLIE
He was wondering, the Team Toby meeting. Toby doesn't need to be there, right?
TOBY
I wasn't really wondering.
JOSH
Why don't you just do your job as a man and get that nice girl pregnant.
TOBY
I did.
JOSH
Wait, what?
C.J.
What?
TOBY
Andy's pregnant.
JOSH
Toby, Andy's pregnant?
TOBY
With twins.
SAM
This is incredible.
JOSH
And they're yours?
TOBY
Yeah.
JOSH
Both of them?
TOBY
I'm going downstairs.
Toby leaves, and C.J. hits Josh for asking such a stupid question.
CHARLIE
Well, we're going to have to step this up now.
C.J.
Yeah.
SAM
Let's go.
Josh, Charlie, and C.J. leave to go the DEBATE ROOM. Sam is in the room alone when Bartlet enters.
BARTLET
Hey.
SAM
Good evening, Mr. President.
BARTLET
Did you have a good day?
SAM
Yes, sir. We haven't found the answer we like on the Rooker question yet.
BARTLET
You know what I remember he said to me? He said, "Mr. President, when I hear black footsteps
behind me, I'm scared. When I hear white footsteps, I'm not."
SAM
Well, I think we both know people who's say different. But you have to respect him for voicing
such an unpopular opinion amongst people to whom he's a leader.
BARTLET
You pay for these things for such a long time. Too long, don't you think?
SAM
I absolutely do... And I don't know why we struggle with it.
BARTLET
We made a mistake... I corrected it. I'll make more.
SAM
Yes. Humans can't rebut that. It's prevent defense and has the added merit of being true.
BARTLET
Am I going to lose New Hampshire?
SAM
Yes, sir.
BARTLET
I don't mind blowing the knucklehead stuff like Rooker... Rooker's not knucklehead, but...
if I'm making mistakes there, how do I know I'm not doing it when it comes to matters like
death and destruction?
SAM
Well, probably you don't, 'cause there's no manual. Sir, we expect the President to face the
world in his own way, for his own time. Also, luckily for all of us, you have better advisors
in that area than you do in domestic and political policy.
BARTLET
All right. When we're done tonight, we should talk about moving money to Ohio.
SAM
Yes, sir, and maybe making a stop in Orange County. You know, our candidate in the 47th
is such a dynamo that he's in the hospital with his fourth heart attack.
BARTLET
Not anymore. He's dead.
SAM
Okay.
BARTLET
Let's go.
They begin to walk down the stairs to the DEBATE AREA.
BARTLET
And stay up in my face, okay?
SAM
Yes, sir.
BARTLET
I swear to God, the winner of this debate's going to be the next President. Anybody want
to be on the losing team?
ALL
No, sir.
BARTLET
Then let's pump it up. Let's go, Claudia Jean.
C.J.
Good evening, and welcome to the Presidential debate between President Josiah Bartlet and
Governor Robert Ritchie being brought to you from the Univerisity of California, San Diego.
The format agreed to by both candidates, is as follows: A candidate will have 90-seconds to
respond, followed with a 60-second questioning by his opponent, followed by 60-second
summation. By virtue of a coin toss, Mr. President, the first qestion goes to you.
DISSOLVE TO: END TITLES.
FADE TO BLACK.
THE END
* * *
The West Wing and all its characters are a property of Aaron Sorkin, John Wells
Production, Warner Brothers Television and NBC. No copyright infringement is intended.
Episode 4.05 -- "Debate Camp"
Original Airdate: October 16, 2002, 9:00 PM EST
Transcript by: ck1czar and amytych
December 14, 2002