Act One.
Scene One - Café Nervosa.
Frasier enters the café to find Roz at one of the front tables
surfing the net on a laptop. Frasier sits with her.
Frasier: Hello, Roz.
Roz: Hey.
Frasier: Oh, what are you up to?
Roz: Oh, they put in phone jacks so you can go on-line. I was just
talking to this guy who sounds really great. [Frasier sighs as
if the idea is absurd] What? I'm a very busy person, how else
am I going to meet people?
Frasier: It just seems so impersonal, Roz. God, what ever happened to
human contact? Engaging people, face to face, eye to eye.
Roz: [points out Martin at counter] There's your dad.
Frasier: Don't let him see me! [turns away as Martin crosses to the
table]
Roz: Hey, Marty.
Martin: Hey, Roz.
Roz: Hey.
Martin: What you been up to?
Roz: Oh, just surfing the net.
Frasier: Hi, Dad.
Martin: [ignoring his son] You know, I never got into that net stuff.
Roz: Really? You really ought to give it a try. It's a great way
to stay in touch with your friends and your family.
Martin: Family? Gosh, you know, that's nice to know that some people
still care about their family.
Frasier: Dad, please!
Martin: Well, I gotta go. I'm going night-fishing with Duke - and
Eddie, of course! I wouldn't leave Eddie, you don't turn
your back on your family!
Martin exits the café.
Roz: What is that all about?
Frasier: Oh, our Cousin Dodie's wedding was last week. Oh, excuse me,
Cousin Dodie's "weddin'!" A western theme. On the response
card it asked for our chili preference: mild or "kick ass!"
Anyway, Niles and I told her that we had a conference to
attend at the Therapist's Guild.
Roz: There is no Therapist's Guild, is there?
Frasier: No. Dad found us out.
Roz: Wait! Didn't you have a Therapist Guild conference on Alice's
last birthday?
Frasier: [changing the subject] The point is, it struck a nerve with
Dad! [then] I'm sorry, Roz, it's just that he thinks we're
ashamed of his family, it's been an issue with him for years,
and now he hasn't spoken to me for days. Thank God, I don't
have to deal with this tonight. I've already ear-marked a
fine bottle of Chateau Beychevelle.
Roz: Oh, hot date?
Frasier: No, Niles is coming over to watch "The Antiques Roadshow"
with me.
Roz: [mocking] I guess you'll be coming in late, tomorrow!
Frasier: It's our favorite show, Roz.
Roz: Party!
Frasier: All right, that's enough.
Roz: Whoo!
Roz carries on mocking Frasier as the picture FADES TO BLACK.
Scene Two - Frasier's Apartment.
The lift doors open outside Frasier's apartment. Niles and Frasier
step off of and cross to the door. They are carry wine and nibbles.
Frasier: I think the roadshow is from Harrisburg, Pennsylvania
tonight. Amish country!
Niles: Ooh, quilts!
They enter the apartment.
Frasier: I'll cork the wine, Niles, you set up the cheese cakes.
However they are startled when Martin enters from the kitchen with
some nachos and a can of beer.
Frasier/Niles: Dad!
Frasier: I thought you were going night fishing with Duke?
Martin doesn't reply as he nestles in his chair with the remote.
Frasier: Oh, for God's sakes, you can't keep this up forever, Dad.
[no response] Well, all right, fine. I hope you don't mind,
but Niles and I are planning on watching a television show.
Martin: Oh, really? Well, I'm surprised you don't have a conference
to go to!
Frasier: Dad, we said we were sorry about Dodie's wedding.
Niles: Yes, and we did send her a baby gift.
Martin: Well, Duke cancelled out on me. You can have the TV in an
hour. I just want to watch my game show.
Frasier: Oh please, not a game show?
Martin: Hey, I happen to like it, all right? People bring in all
their junk from the attics and these experts tell them what
it's worth. The brothers realize that this summary is very similar to the show
they are about to watch.
Frasier: Are you talking about "The Antiques Roadshow?"
Martin: Yeah.
Frasier: Well, that's the program Niles and I are going to watch!
Martin gives a look of disbelief, so do the brothers.
Niles: I'll just check outside and see if the world has ended.
Niles enters the kitchen to set up the cheese cakes as Frasier heads
to the couch opening the wine.
Martin: Well, if you want to watch it, no one's stopping you.
Frasier: Well, wonderful. [laughs]
Martin turns on "The Antiques Roadshow."
Presenter: [v.o.] And you have no idea what this writing desk might
be worth?
Woman: [v.o.] No, my husband bought it at a garage sale.
Frasier: That's a lovely piece. I'd say it's Sheridan.
Presenter: At auction, this would bring in more than eight thousand
dollars.
Martin: Whoa-ho-ho! Ca-ching!
Niles enters with the cheese.
Woman: What about this chair? Is it an original too?
Niles: It certainly looks it.
Martin: Ah, no, they always do this. Set 'em up on the first one
and then lower the boom on the second one.
Niles: I think that carving looks authentic.
Frasier: So does the inlay.
Martin: No, no, no!
Presenter: I'm sorry to say this chair is a reproduction, worth at
best one hundred and fifty dollars.
Woman: Oh, what a shame.
inlay: 세공
Martin smiles at the disbelieving boys.
Martin: Keep watching, boys. You'll get the hang of it.
DISSOLVE TO:
Scene Three - Frasier's Apartment – Later.
The three Crane men are getting very friendly at last. Niles is sat
on the floor with a wine glass in his hand. Frasier's sat on the
coffee table with a wine glass. Martin is in his chair with a can
of beer. "The Antiques Roadshow" is still running.
Presenter: [v.o.] But the real clue here is the veneer.
The Crane men, playing their drinking game, all shout out "veneer!" and
take a swig of their drinks.
Presenter: And now for some background information on the beautiful
city of Harrisburg.
Martin: Mute!
Frasier and Niles laugh as Martin turns the sound off. Daphne enters
with a green box.
Daphne: Evening, all. [they greet her] Wow! I don't see the three
of you watching the same show very often. What's going on?
Pavarotti jumping the Grand Canyon?
Martin: It's "The Antiques Roadshow." What you got in the box?
Daphne: Oh, it's Donny's mother's wedding gown. He wants me to wear
it at the wedding. What if I don't like it?
Frasier: Daphne, if you want to try it on, we'll be glad to have a
look.
Martin: Just go put it on.
Daphne exits with the box to her room.
Frasier: Dad, Dad, turn it up. [he does]
Sara Briggs: But the real masterwork is the unique art deco headboard.
It features a variety of veneers.
They all shout out "veneer!" and sip.
Sara Briggs: Mahogany veneer...
Once again.
Sara Briggs: Burled walnut veneer...
Yet again they swallow another swig.
Sara Briggs: And zebra wood veneer.
For the final time they take one last drink.
Sara Briggs: And now back to our...
Frasier: [recovering] Oh God... next week we gotta pick a different
word. Need another bottle of wine, Niles.
Martin: Yeah, me too, I love these educational shows.
Frasier enters the kitchen with the old bottle of wine as Niles also
brings in Martin's old beer cans. Frasier gets a new bottle as Niles
gets another beer from the fridge for his father.
Frasier: You know, I can't get over Dad. It seems this little rift
between us has been mended.
Niles: Can you believe he used the word "craftsman," and he meant the
architectural style, and not the rotary sander?
Frasier: You know, that's uncanny.
Niles: Well, you heard him.
Frasier: No, not that, you just said "rotary sander."
They go back into the living room.
Frasier: Dad, did we miss anything?
Martin: Nah, just some bozo with a credenza who doesn't know a
Biedermeier from an Oscar Meyer.
They all laugh. The theme music for the show’s end plays.
Presenter: That's it for this week. See you next time on "The Antiques
Roadshow." Next Saturday the roadshow will be here in
Seattle.
Martin: Oh!
Presenter: Viewers can bring their treasures to the convention center
for a free appraisal.
Martin: We oughta go, that'd be great.
Frasier: Well sure, Dad.
Niles: That does sound like fun.
Martin: Yeah, I'm going to go and have a little root around in
our closet. I bet I can find a nice little [correct
pronunciation] objet d'art they'd be interested in.
Martin exits to his room, leaving his sons gobsmacked again.
Niles: It's as if that panhandler I gave money to was a genie
granting all my wishes.
Daphne: Would you marry me in this?
We see that Daphne has entered. She is wearing the "wedding gown."
It consists of white go-go boots, a fluffy white veil and very little
else. In fact, just a white miniskirt connected to a tight white bra
by flimsy suspenders. Niles nearly faints.
Frasier: [whispers] How much did you give him?
Niles: It's attractive, Daphne. It's a bit unorthodox.
Daphne: Yeah. That's what I think.
Daphne picks up the phone and calls Donny.
Daphne: Donny, I've just put your mum's wedding dress on. A mini-
skirt? It's obscene! You can see my... What? No, I took
the green box. [laughs] No problem, then. Bye. [hangs up]
I took the wrong dress. This is from his mother's third
marriage in 1968 in Las Vegas.
Daphne starts laughing along with Niles. Daphne bends down trying to
control her laughter. Niles peers over her and down her bra without
her noticing.
Daphne: Can you believe people used to actually dress like this?
Niles: I wish I had a picture of it for whenever I needed a laugh.
[tries to follow her to her bedroom]
Frasier: Niles!
Niles walks back sighing in fantasy.
FADE TO:
A TSAR IS BORN
Scene Four - The Antiques Roadshow.
Martin and Frasier are hanging around the set. Martin is holding a
rather ugly pewter clock consisting of a small round dial set in the
middle of a hideous bear.
Martin: This bear clock's been in the family for generations, I can't
wait to see how much it's worth. Do you think they'll put a
dollar figure on it?
Frasier: Sounds about right.
Martin: Very funny, but you know, your grandpa passed this down to me
and someday, when I'm gone, it'll be passed on to you.
Frasier: Dad, please, I don't even want to think about that day.
Martin: You know, I've got to see if I can go and get this baby
appraised.
Martin goes off to the appraisers as Niles enters.
Niles: I am so sorry, but on the way in I had the most amazing
celebrity sighting: Hans Dietrich.
Frasier: [thrilled] The loveseat expert?
Niles: The very same. He's much smaller in person than on television.
He's that big. [holds a hand up to the bottom of his neck]
Frasier: Get out!
Martin: Boys, come over here, they want to put me and the clock on TV.
Frasier: Good Lord, we can't appear on TV with that hideous thing.
Niles: Everyone we know watches this program.
Frasier: Thank God he didn't bring along that dreadful mounted
jackrabbit's head with the antelope horns.
Niles: The Jackalope! Texas's answer to the Minotaur.
Martin: So what do you think of that, boys? They said they've never
seen anything like it.
Frasier: Dad, you know, this could go either way.
Martin: Oh, I know. I'm not going to act like one of those saps I
make fun of. Doesn't matter if it's worth two dollars or
two thousand, I'm just gonna say, "That's pretty much what
I figured."
The director shouts that tape is rolling so Niles and Frasier back
off out of view from the camera. The bear clock is on a table in
front of the camera. Martin and the appraiser are standing around
the table.
Martin: [calls to boys] Guys, which one of you wants to come and
hold this?
Frasier: No, no, Dad. We wouldn't dream of it.
Niles: This is your moment.
Director: Everybody ready? Action.
Appraiser: So, Martin, what can you tell us about this pewter clock?
Martin: [playing to the camera] Well, it is a clock set in the
stomach of what appears to be a bear.
Appraiser: Actually, it's much more than that. It's Russian, made in
the mid-nineteenth century.
Martin: That's pretty much what I figured.
Appraiser: Actually, it's a stunning piece. It was made by André
Krogyn, who worked for Tsar Alexander II.
Martin: That is pretty much what I figured.
Appraiser: I don't know if you're descended from the Romanovs, Martin,
but all of Krogyn's known bear clocks were done exclusively
for the Romanov family and are now in the Hermitage Museum.
By now, Niles and Frasier, baffled by the findings, have walked into
camera view and are standing alongside Martin.
Appraiser: Martin, you may be surprised to learn that this clock at
auction would easily bring $25,000.
Martin: [excited] Ca-ching!
He laughs and claps his hands excitedly, but Frasier and Niles calm him
into acting reserved again.
Frasier: What he means is, that's pretty much what we figured.
Frasier reaches out and strokes the bear clock like a favorite
possession while he and Niles smile into the camera.
End of Act One.
Act Two.
Scene One - Frasier's Apartment.
Martin, Niles and Frasier enter the apartment with the bear clock in
hand.
Frasier: After you, Dad.
Martin: Thank you.
Frasier: So, you know, Dad? I've been thinking, we should find an
appropriate place for this clock. How about right here on
this console? [puts it on table behind sofa]
Martin: Oh, I get it! It doesn't look quite so bad to you guys now
that it's worth twenty-five grand. Oh, I could kick myself
for not bringing that Jackalope!
Martin exits to the kitchen as Niles and Frasier give a look at each
other.
Niles: What an amazing day, eh?
Frasier: It certainly was. You know, Niles, I was meaning to ask you
about something. Remember the appraiser said something about
the bear being from Russia, dad being part of the Romanov
family?
Niles: Yeah, yeah, you know, that struck my ear too.
Frasier: Yes, although I don't seriously believe there's any real
chance of that.
Niles: [half-heartedly] No, of course not.
Frasier: [dragging it out] It's a long shot.
Niles: It's possible.
Frasier: Although we do have the bear.
Niles: I know.
Martin enters back from the kitchen.
Frasier: Oh, Dad. Niles just reminded me of something I completely
forgot. When the appraiser mentioned that the bear was from
Russia...
Martin: Oh, yeah. Well, it probably got passed down through your
great-great grandmother. She was from Russia.
Frasier: A-ha, he said something about the Romanov family?
Martin: Oh, yeah, that, eh? Are you sure you want to hear about
this?
Niles: [no question] Yes, Dad.
Martin: Well, I guess you would have found out anyway after I died...
We're royalty.
Frasier and Niles are ecstatic.
Martin: But I didn't want you to grow up spoiled, so I abdicated
and took a job in Seattle on the police force. [the brothers
realize his joke] It was kinda hard giving up that royal way
of life, but I think maybe it's the swans that I miss most.
Frasier: Very funny, Dad. Point taken. Sherry, Niles? [crosses to
sherry]
Niles: Please.
Martin: I'm sorry to disappoint you. I know you'd rather be anything
else in the world except Cranes!
Frasier: Dad! Now that is just not true, we are proud to be Cranes.
It's just innocent curiosity.
Martin: Well, I gotta go call Duke. But don't get excited, he's not
a real Duke.
Martin exits to his room as Frasier brings the sherries across to
Niles.
Niles: Well, we stepped in it that time.
Frasier: Yes, what the hell is wrong with us? Asking whether we are
related to the Romanovs. We just got past this whole Crane
shame thing.
Niles: We should have known it'd just upset him.
Frasier: Yes, and for what? Trying to find some distant connection to
royalty.
Niles: Even if we can prove it, what do we have?
Frasier: Huh, a story to tell at parties.
Niles: An occasional seat at a state dinner.
Frasier: Some meaningless title. It's insane.
Niles: Ridiculous... destructive.
Frasier: Still, there is this grandmother.
Niles: I'm right behind you.
Frasier: You know, Niles, given our new pride in the Crane name,
perhaps it would behoove us to research our family tree.
Niles: Actually, in a way we'd be honoring Dad.
Frasier: Yes, of course we wouldn't need to tell him.
Niles: No.
Frasier: Just a few hours on the internet, a trip to the library,
we could sketch in the entire family tree.
Niles: And if there should happen to be a connection [breathless with
glee] to the Romanovs...
Frasier: Well, what harm is there in that?
[N.B. Famous last words.]
Frasier: It is amusing to contemplate, isn't it, Niles? You, me, Dad -
all part of an ancient noble family.
Martin then bursts out his room holding the jackalope to his forehead
and chasing Eddie into the kitchen, showing off the true noble spirit
of the Crane family.
Martin: Okay Eddie, the jackalope’s gonna get ya! The jackalope is
gonna get ya!
FADE TO:
Scene Two - Café Nervosa.
Frasier is surfing the internet and tracing his family tree at the
window seat as Roz enters wearing a red dress with a silk shawl.
Roz: Hey, Frasier. How's the research going?
Frasier: Oh, sit down, Roz. I'll bring you up to speed.
Roz: No, thank you. [sits on another table] I'm meeting someone.
Frasier: Good God! Not one of your internet dalliances?
Roz: It's just coffee, okay? Listen, this guy's totally legit, he
e-mailed me his picture. [holds it up]
Frasier: A picture? Oh, for God's sakes, Roz, what can you learn
from a picture? The man's probably a lunatic, a psychopath...
[looks at picture] Oh, he's a pretty boy.
Roz: Yeah.
Frasier: Wait... I know this photo. It's the cover of this month's
Bidwell's catalogue!
Roz: Are you sure?
Frasier: I'm positive, I ordered those socks and driving shoes!
Roz: How could someone do this?
Frasier: Well, it's probably some insecure would-be Romeo trying to
lure you into a meeting.
And then, as if in response to his description, in pops Noel.
Noel: Hello, Frasier.
Frasier: Noel.
Noel: [to Roz] What have we here? An empty seat next to yours.
May I?
Roz: No! Of all the dumbass things you've done to get me to go out
with you, e-mailing me this picture is just the most moronic!
Noel: But, Roz-!
Roz: Forget it, buddy!
The man in Roz's photo enters Nervosa and watches the scene, as Roz
backs Noel into the counter, hitting him with the picture.
Roz: I ought to take your mouse cord and wrap it around your nerdy
little neck until your eyes pop out like champagne corks!
Noel: [looks at picture] But I didn't send you this.
Roz: Yeah right, then who did?
Noel: My guess would be... [points to man] that guy.
Roz turns and gasps. The man leaves, disappointed with her.
Roz: Oh my God! Oh, Noel, I'm so sorry. [gathers her things]
Noel: How sorry?
Roz: Not that sorry.
Roz exits chasing after her date as Niles enters.
Niles: I just saw the Bidwell's guy!
Frasier: Yes. [Niles sits] Well Niles, how goes the research?
Niles: Oh, I think you're going to be very pleased. According to
this catalogue of Russian antiquities, the bear clock was
last seen in Moscow in 1879.
Frasier: Well, hold on to your fur hat, Niles. I just discovered that
our great-great grandmother emigrated from Russia... 1879!
Niles: My God, it's all coming together. I can practically picture
the scene.
Frasier: Yes.
Niles: Our great-great grandmother, smelling revolution in the
wind...
Frasier: Secretly slips away in the black Russian night...
Niles: Taking the bear clock with her to remind her of better
days.
Frasier: Yes! The ticking hands of time counting down her return, her
royal power merely hibernating. [Frasier's mobile sounds, he
answers] Yes? Yes, yes, I'll hold.
Niles: Who is it?
Frasier: It's Dr. Myshkin. He's an attaché at the Russian embassy,
also an expert on the Romanovs. [to phone] Yes, Dr. Myshkin.
This evening would be fine. About seven ó clock. Yes, I live
in the Elliot Bay Towers. I'll see you then. [hangs up] He
has some important information for us. My God, Niles, this is
it. The final link to our royal past. I'm going to issue a
press release!
Niles: Not before I shout it from the rooftops! [notices Martin
entering] Here's Dad, hide everything!
They quickly clean things off the table and shut the laptop as Martin
enters.
Martin: Hey guys, I thought I'd find you here. You know, you just
missed seeing yourselves on "The Antiques Roadshow." [They
fake noises of disappointment] And you know, the phone's been
ringing off the hook, everybody wants to buy that bear clock.
Frasier: You're not thinking of selling it, are you?
Martin: You're damn right I am! Some guy just offered me twenty-six
thousand for it. I'm gonna buy me a big, honking fishing
boat, with a Wave Pounder 450 and a fun deck. Good for
fishin', crusin', or just plain tubin'! [laughs]
Niles: Did you hear that Frasier? We can go tubin'. [Mouths to
Frasier "Do Something!"]
Frasier: You know, Dad, perhaps Niles and I could sell the clock for
you. I mean, we do know the antiques world and you know,
we could get you more than twenty-six thousand.
Martin: Oh!
Niles: I should think at least thirty thousand.
Martin: Huh. You know, maybe I will let you boys handle this.
Frasier: Wise move, Dad.
Niles: Yeah, we'd hate to see you get manipulated.
Martin leaves the cafe as Frasier and Niles exchange congratulatory
grins.
FADE TO:
MYSHKIN ACCOMPLISHED
Scene Three - Frasier's Apartment.
The doorbell sounds. Niles and Frasier answer it to Dr. Myshkin.
Myshkin: Dr. Crane.
Frasier: Dr. Myshkin, please. Come in. This is my brother, Dr. Niles
Crane.
Niles clicks his heels and bobs his head in his version of a communist
salute.
Myshkin: [spots clock] Oh, there it is.
Frasier: Please, have a look. [he does] Is it authentic?
Myshkin: Without a doubt. [Frasier gasps]
Niles: Frasier...
Frasier: I know.
Then Daphne enters from her room with the laundry.
Frasier: Daphne, you know, there is some caviar on the ice in the
kitchen. Now would be the appropriate time, if you would,
please?
Daphne: [sarcastic] Oh, I am so sorry. Here I am, dawdling with
the laundry when it's ten minutes into caviar time!
Daphne exits to kitchen.
Myshkin: As I mentioned, I have some information which should be very
interesting to you.
Frasier: Yes, yes, please make yourself comfortable. Do tell, tell.
Myshkin: [holds up a book] This is a copy of the diary of Princess
Sonia Romanov, daughter to Tsar Alexander II. At eighteen
she fell in love with a commoner, an American. [Niles mouths
"Our grandmother" to Frasier] Their union, of course, was
forbidden, but Sonia decided to give everything up for love.
Frasier: Quel elegance.Myshkin: She enlisted the aid of a scullery maid, who smuggled money,
clothing and this bear clock out of the palace.
Niles: [thrilled] She would elope to America!
Myshkin: Yes, that was her plan, but when Sonia found her way to the
train station under the cover of night, the scullery maid
absconded with everything, including the clock.
Niles: Servants!
Frasier: There's a back aching for the lash!
The camera then cuts to Daphne who has already entered the room with
the caviar. She gets the wrong end of the stick.
Daphne: I'm moving as fast as I can! [slams caviar down and exits]
Frasier: Now, tell us. How did we get our clock back?
Niles: Yes, tell us, how did Great-Great-Grandmamma retrieve it?
Myshkin: [confused for a moment, then] Uh, Drs. Crane... your ancestor
is not the princess, your ancestor is the scullery maid.
Silence as Frasier and Niles absorb this bombshell. Then Myshkin
stands and picks up the clock.
Myshkin: Well, on behalf of the Russian people, I thank you for
retrieving this for us.
Frasier: You mean, you're just going to take it?!
Myshkin: Well, its rightful place is in the Hermitage Museum.
Niles: But this clock has been in our family for generations...
Frasier: Niles. [Frasier motions him to cover the front door, he does]
Myshkin: Dr. Crane, we could settle this in the courts, but you
wouldn't win. Do you really want this to come out in
the press?
Frasier: Well, do you really expect us just to let you walk out of here
with a precious family heirloom?!
Myshkin: Did I mention that your ancestor, before she married a Noah
Crane in 1882, worked as a prostitute in New York?
Beat.
Frasier: Enjoy your bear.
Niles steps aside letting Myshkin out. As the door is opened we find
Martin just entering.
Martin: Oh, hello.
Myshkin: Dr. Profiry Myshkin.
Martin: [shaking hands] Marty Crane. I see you've got the clock.
Myshkin: That's right. Good evening, all.
Martin: Bye.
Myshkin and the clock disappear forever.Martin: You sold it! I hope you got a good price.
Frasier: Gee, Dad, I hope you didn't buy a boat.
Martin: No, I was thinking about it and then I thought, oh hell.
We've been getting along so well... [to Frasier] And you
don't like fishing. [to Niles] And you get seasick. Why
not get something we can all enjoy, you know?
For a moment they look hopeful.
Martin: So I bought this! [holds up a picture of an RV to the boys]
Niles: [covering with mock excitement] A Winnebago!
Martin: Yeah!
Frasier: A big one!
Martin: Thirty-three footer, with air suspension and power jacks.
Thirty thousand used, but you got that much for the clock,
right?
Frasier: Of course. [Niles looks at him sharply]
Martin: Oh, that's great. We can go anywhere. You know, the first
place I want to go is Elmo, Nebraska. We got a whole mess
of cousins down there! [exits to kitchen]
The boys slump down on the couch and pick up some drinks.
Frasier: Well... we're out fifteen thousand each.
Niles: And we have to take long trips in a Winnebago.
Frasier: And we're not Romanovs. We're descended from thieves and
whores.
Pause.
Niles: You know, I remember reading that Henry James once had a
liaison with a Russian prostitute in New York.
Frasier: I'm right behind you.
They clink glasses once again.
End of Act Two.
Credits:
Niles is sipping sherry on Frasier's sofa as Daphne enters the living
room dressed once again in the revealing bridal outfit. She climbs up
on the coffee table and begins an enthusiastic rendition of the frug,
the swim, and other 60's dances. Niles beams and sips his sherry.
Suddenly Niles wakes up from a nap on the sofa, and looks around
eagerly to find Daphne, who isn't there. He drains the dregs of his
sherry from a glass on the coffee table, and settles back down to try
recapturing his enticing dream.