ACT ONE
Scene One - Frasier's Car
Niles and Frasier are enjoying a ride in the BMW, and I use the word
"enjoy" loosely. Frasier is driving, Niles is whining in the passenger
seat with his raincoat collar turned up around his neck.
Niles: I can't believe how cold it is in here.
Frasier: Niles, the climate control is on, it's perfectly comfortable.
Niles: Oh, really? Touch your tongue to the seat belt, I dare you.
Frasier: I'm starting to regret I even asked you to this exhibit. I
wanted to invite Regan, but after the disaster I made of our
first date I just felt too ashamed to even ask.
Niles: Well, you can't avoid her forever, she's your neighbor.
Ask her again, what's the worst thing that can happen?
Frasier: She'd ask me to stop harassing her, which would mean I'd have
to spend the next six months riding in the service elevator
with Guillermo and his three-legged cat!
Niles: How is little Wobbles?
Frasier: Fine.
Niles slowly turns up the heating control.
Frasier: I see what you're doing, Niles! If you're so cold there's a
scarf in the glove compartment.
Niles: Oh, really? I thought that's where you kept the butter and
the eggs.
Frasier: Well, now it's burning up in here! I'm gonna take this coat
off.
Niles: Are you insane?
Frasier starts taking his coat off, not concentrating on the road.
Niles: At least wait until we've stopped...
They start arguing about the road.
Frasier: Take the wheel!
Niles: I'll take the wheel but... Frasier, stop. [looks into road]
Stop!
Frasier: No, it's almost off.
Niles: No, I mean brake, brake!
Frasier crashes into the next car in a minor fender bender.
The airbags deploy and squash the Crane boys.
Niles: Are you all right?
Frasier: Yes. Thank heavens your fist softened the blow of the
airbag!
FADE OUT
Scene Two - Accident & Emergency
Frasier and Niles are waiting to be called. Frasier is holding a
blood-stained tissue to his nose. A man, Phil, is sitting next to
them.
Phil: Hurt your nose?
Frasier: [looks at Niles] Yes.
Phil: That's what I figured. Right when you came in, I said, "That
guy hurt his nose." So how did you, you know...
Frasier: Excuse me.
Frasier leaves him and goes to the receptionist.
Frasier: Yes, hello, this is Dr. Frasier Crane here. I was just
wondering, I filled out my paperwork about half an hour
ago.
Receptionist: They'll call you. We're seeing people in order of
importance.
Frasier: Oh really, well, I do have my own radio show.
Receptionist: The importance of the injury!
Frasier: Yes, of course.
Niles: [to receptionist] Do you know, are there any plastic
surgeons on call?
Frasier: Oh Niles, that's not necessary.
Niles: Can't be too careful, could be broken.
Receptionist: Don't worry, the best plastic surgeons in town have
their offices here. Dr. Rab, Dr. Karnofsky and Dr.
Burke.
Niles: Karnofsky? Mel Karnofsky?
Receptionist: That's right.
Niles walks back to Frasier and explains.
Niles: Maris's plastic surgeon. Would you believe that charlatan is
still picking my pocket a year after my divorce?
Frasier: Good Lord, for what?
Niles: Oh, for Maris's botox injections. They use those botcholeanen
toxins that you put in the forehead, it deadens the muscles
and takes away the wrinkles. I gave it to her as a gift one
year for our anniversary.
Frasier: Oh, yes, probably your tenth. That's toxins, isn't it?
Niles: Anyway, Karnofsky keeps billing me for her follow-up
injections.
Frasier: Good Lord.
Phil has already crept onto the scene.
Phil: So you're divorced, huh?
Niles: Yes.
Phil: Me too, I'm Phil. [puts his hand out, Niles doesn't
reciprocate] Fourteen years together. Came home one
day and... oh hell, I probably shouldn't even talk
about it.
Niles: Okay.
The brothers walk away.
Frasier: You know, Niles, seeing as how we're here, why don't you go
and find this Karnofsky and straighten this whole thing out?
Niles: No, no, I can't leave you here injured.
Frasier: That's all right, Niles, I'll be fine.
Niles: Are you sure? I may just pay Dr. Karnofsky a visit.
Frasier: You know, it really is outrageous what these scalpel jockeys
get away with; convincing women like Maris to spend fortunes
on their exterior, when frankly what they need is to take a
good look at the woman inside.
Niles: Right. Well, she did have one chemical pill where you could
see her kidneys for a while.
Frasier: [laughs] Off you go. Good luck, Niles.
Niles: Thank you.
Niles walks off down the corridor. Frasier looks over at Phil who is
now sat down reading the newspaper. He slowly edges to the seat next
to him, making sure he is not seen over Phil's paper. Frasier thinks
he's safe until...
Phil: [lowers paper] Not a pretty woman, my wife, but when she
danced you couldn't keep your eyes off her.
Frasier: You know, actually I'm feeling a lot better, goodbye!
Frasier gets up and runs out of the hospital. Then the nurse comes to
the front desk and calls.
Nurse: Frasier Crane? [no response] Frasier Crane, we're ready to see
you.
Phil: That's me!
Phil gets up to go with the nurse.
FADE TO:
WHAT, ME WORRY?
Scene Two - Mel Karnofsky's Office.
The office is decorated well with objets d'art. Niles is admiring
the art as a man in a lab coat enters with a large, heavy box of files.Niles: Ah, Dr. Karnofsky, I see you've decided to make time for me!
Clerk: Sorry, I'm from Records. I was told to bring over Maris
Crane's files. [places the box on the desk] That's this year.
The man then exits as a woman in a white lab coat enters from another
door.
Mel: Dr. Crane?
Niles: [turns around] Yes.
She puts down her clipboard and holds out her hand.
Mel: I'm so sorry to keep you waiting. Melinda Karnofsky.
To Niles's surprise, Mel Karnofsky is not just a woman, but a rather
attractive one - with fine pale features, curly dark hair, and an
ultra-fastidious air that he always thought was his exclusive province.
Niles: [taken aback, shakes her hand] Oh, yes, of course, Niles
Crane. About this billing issue...?
Mel puts her hand on the box, then pulls it back. It is a little bit dusty.Mel: Oh my God, this box is filthy.
She takes a wet wipe from her drawer and cleans her hands, which
seems to fascinate Niles.
Niles: Yes, the problem is I have received three invoices over the
past six months.
Mel: Yes, I'm so sorry about that. And I'm so sorry about all this
dust. Do you mind, I'll have to turn on my hepafilter?
Niles: Oh, you have a hepa... [notices and gasps] You have a Svenson!
Mel: Yes. They're great, aren't they? [turns it on]
Niles: Not to mention impossible to get in this country, I've tried.
Mel: Well, I once did a favor for Mrs. Svenson. Oh, it's a long
story.
Niles: I'm all ears.
Mel: So was she. Anyway, I've spoken to the accounting department
about your bill and it was clearly our mistake. Please accept
our apology, we'll take care of it.
Niles: I appreciate that.
Niles notices a print on the wall. It is a portrait of a woman done
in the typical Cubist fashion of Picasso.
Niles: Oh, I like that print very much.
However, Mel seems to be obsessing with her coat.
Niles: Everything all right?
Mel: I'm sorry, I just noticed a smudge on my jacket. [points to an
invisible mark]
Niles: It's barely noticeable.
Mel: You're being kind.
Mel takes her jacket off - showing him a slender waist and an alluring
pair of bare shoulders - and pops it in the bin.
Mel: I got that print at the last museum show.
Niles: Oh, I thought you looked familiar. Perhaps I've seen you
there.
Mel: Perhaps. I go to all of the openings, I'm on the museum
board.
Niles: Really? Well, congratulations. All the exhibits this year
have been...
Mel opens her wardrobe to reveal several identical white lab coats hung
in seamless order. Niles notices.
Niles: [passionately] Perfection!
Mel: Well, thank you.
Niles: I particularly like the Picasso. I'm a big fan of his Cubist
period.
Mel: Oh, striking, isn't she? Yes, I'd like to think if she came
in here I could have actually helped her. [Niles laughs] You
must think I'm terribly fussy.
Niles: [passionately] Yes.
Mel: Anyway, it was very nice meeting you.
Niles: Likewise.
Mel and Niles go to shake hands but before they do, Mel's phone beeps.
Nurse: [v.o.] Dr. Karnofsky, Mrs. Magreshack has a question for you
in room three.
Niles: Helen Magreshack?
Mel: Oh, I really can't say.
Niles: Oh. [turns away, then leans in] She's finally having it
removed?
Mel: Why did she wait?!
Niles: I don't know!
They laugh. Mel exits as the man enters again. This time he has
several file boxes stacked on a hand truck.
Clerk: Found '98.
Niles: Actually, that's all been settled. [picks up photo on desk]
Can you tell me, is that her husband?
Clerk: No, she's divorced. That's her son.
Niles: Really? Dr. Karnofsky's so young, she must have had him when
she was a child.
Clerk: [skeptical] Okay.
The man leaves as Mel enters again. She is surprised to see Niles.
Mel: Oh, was there something else?
Niles: Er, no. [walks away then] Er, no. Well-
Mel: Yes?
Niles: Mel, er... I was wondering, I, er...
Niles strikes the box with his hands. Mel hands him a wet wipe.
Niles: Thank you. Er, I'm not really sure how to ask.
Mel: I think I know what it is.
Niles: A-ha.
Mel: And you've got no reason to be nervous.
Niles: Oh, really?
Mel: Yes. Just a few quick injections and those nasty little
wrinkles in your forehead will disappear.
Beat.
Mel: Well, that is what you were going to ask, isn't it?
Niles: [laughs] Yes.
Mel: Well, it's a very simple procedure. Although your forehead
will be numb for a while. I can fit you in at four-thirty.
Niles: Oh good, that gives me time to do something I need to do.
Mel: Excellent... [exits]
As soon as she's gone, Niles throws a barrage of slaps at his own
forehead in anger at himself.
FADE TO:
DEAD MAN WATCHING
Scene Four - Frasier's Apartment.
Martin is sat in his chair reading the paper. Frasier is sat watching
the news, holding a cold compress to his nose. The doorbell sounds.
Daphne answers the door to Niles.
Daphne: Hello, Dr. Crane.
Niles: Hello, Daphne. I was on my way home, I thought I'd see how
the patient was doing.
Frasier: Oh, I'm fine, thank you, Niles.
Niles: You have no idea how guilty I'm feeling. [to Daphne] I suppose
he told you it was my fist that struck in the inadvertent yet
powerful blow.
Frasier: So how did things go with the nefarious Dr. Karnofsky? Did
you give him a piece of your mind?
Niles: Actually he turned out to be a she, and quite a reasonable
she at that. [sits next to Frasier]
Frasier: Really? That's quite a turnabout.
Niles: Yes, well...
Daphne notices something on Niles.
Daphne: Dr. Crane, don't move.
Niles: Why?
Daphne: There's a mosquito.
Niles: Where?
Daphne: On your forehead.
Niles: Uh-oh! [pats about acting on his head] Get off, get off.
Daphne: It's already gone.
Niles: Oh.
Daphne: Oh dear, looks like it bit you.
Niles: All right... [acting] Ow!
Frasier: Niles, wrinkle your forehead for me, will you?
Niles: Why would I do that?
Frasier: Just do it. Wrinkle your forehead.
Niles attempts but fails. He stands up in protest.
Niles: I'm not your marionette!
Frasier: You got a botox injection! You've got a forehead full of
poison right now, don't you?
Niles: I do not!
Daphne: [looking at the floor] Well, that's strange. The mosquito
fell right out of the air, dead. [picks it up and bins it]
Martin: What's a botox injection?
Frasier: Oh, it's a cosmetic procedure they use to eliminate facial
wrinkles.
Martin: Oh great, my kids are having plastic surgery. That's a nice
age to get to.
Frasier: I can't believe you let Maris's witch doctor work her magic
on you.
Niles: Mel is a perfectly lovely person! In fact, I was screwing my
courage up to ask her on a date when she noticed this little
flaw and I lost my nerve.
Frasier: Yes, and most of the feeling in your face as well!
Daphne notices something on the television.
Daphne: Dr. Crane, look, your picture's on the news.
Frasier: Well, turn it up, Dad, turn it up.
We then see a close-up of the television. Over the newscaster's
shoulder is a studio portrait of Frasier, with the caption, "Frasier
Crane: 1952 - 1999."
Anchor: After checking into the hospital with what appeared to be
minor injuries from a fender-bender, radio psychiatrist
Frasier Crane died suddenly today. I'm sure it goes for
all of us here at KYLL when I say he'll be sorely missed.
[cheerful] But this rain won't be missed, will it, Flip?
The three are watching it, gobsmacked.
Frasier: Dear God!
Martin: What the hell?
Daphne: That's unbelievable!
Niles: [flat face, shocked voice] Outrageous!
[N.B. Frasier뭩 birth year is given here as 1952 ?three years before
Kelsey Grammer뭩 actual birth date. Thus, at this time Grammer is
forty-four but Frasier is forty-seven.]
END OF ACT ONE
ACT TWO
Scene One - Caf?Nervosa
Frasier is talking to Roz on a front table.
Frasier: As it turns out, after I left the hospital some poor devil
used my name to jump the line and he dropped dead of a heart
attack. I must say, it does seem a bit strange having plunged
all of Seattle, albeit temporarily, into so much grief.
Roz: I know, I'll never forget where I was when I heard you had
died. I was out on the street. There was this crowd watching
a television through a department store window, and before I
knew it, we were weeping and hugging each other.
Frasier: Very amusing, Roz!
Roz: And then it began to rain, and I had this feeling that all
the angels were crying.
Frasier: [irate] Yes, all right, Roz!
Martin arrives from the back of the caf?with a copy of a newspaper.
Martin: Hey, Roz. Fras, have you seen this? [hands him the newspaper]
Frasier: Yes, as a matter of fact, I did. [to a puzzled Roz] It's my
obituary.
Roz: They printed it?
Frasier: Yes, they must have picked it up off the wire last night
before the news ran that correction.
Martin: Jimmy gave it to me at McGinty's. Boy, everybody was so nice
to me, buying me beers and everything. You know, because of
the shock I went through thinking I'd lost my son.
Frasier: Dad, what are you talking about? You didn't think I was dead!
Martin: Well, people don't have to know that. I could have been at
home alone, wondering where you were and I get this strange
uneasy feeling. So I turn on the TV and there it is on the
screen: the face of my dead son.
Frasier: But I was sitting right beside you!
Martin: Well, what kinda story is that?
Frasier: It's the truth!
Martin: Well, the truth doesn't put anything on a coaster!
Martin exits in protest.
Roz: Well, there's something for your scrapbook, huh? Your own
obituary. [begins to read it]
Frasier: Yes, well... you know, frankly, it뭩-it's a little upsetting.
Roz: [looks up] I don't think they meant to be insulting, you are
"lovably pompous."
Frasier: Not that. It's just, seeing all my life in black and white,
it just all looks a little incomplete.
Roz: What do you mean?
Frasier: Well, I was going to do so much with my life. I was going to
write a novel, run for public office, I was gonna do my own
translation of Freud...
Roz: Well, what's stopping you? You're not actually dead.
Frasier: I guess you're right. [laughs] I'm not dead, am I? [laughs]
You know, maybe that's a good way of looking at this
actually, more of a wake-up call.
A lady interrupts him who has appeared.
Lady: Dr. Crane, I was so relieved to hear that you're all right.
Frasier: Well, thank you.
Lady: I heard the news and I thought, "What a shame, why he is
such a young man."
Frasier: That's so nice of you. Thank you, thank you so much. You
know, you're right. What am I doing frittering away my day
here in this coffee house? [stands] You know, I've got
things to do. I've got fresh world to conquer. I'm going to
go out there and grab life by the scrub. Look out destiny,
here I come!
Frasier marches to the door and exits out onto the street. However, a
rumble of thunder followed by a downpour of rain sees Frasier
hurrying back in wiping the water from his coat.
Frasier: [excusing] Well, it's really coming down out there.
FADE TO:
Scene Two - Frasier's Apartment.
Frasier is working on his laptop on the dinner table wearing a tatty
old sweater and jogging pants as Daphne enters with the laundry.
There are food baskets all around the place.
Daphne: What happened to your clothes? Did you spill something on
yourself?
Frasier: No, no, no, I'm going jogging later.
Daphne: No need to be sarcastic, just give me the clothes and I'll
do another load.
Frasier: No, I'm serious, Daphne. I plan to go running just after
I finish my obituary. [off Daphne's glance] It's a self-
actualizing exercise. You write your obituary the way you'd
like it to appear - years from now, of course - and then it
helps you to focus your goals. [sits back] Here they are,
all my hopes and dreams.
Daphne: [looks at monitor] These are dreams, all right. [laughs, then
reads] "Dr. Crane came late to athletics, he became a fixture
in the Seattle marathon, the America's Cup yacht race, as well
as the Kentucky Derby." [laughs] A jockey at your size! You
better start writing an obituary for the horse.
Frasier: Very amusing, Daphne. I meant as a stable owner.
Martin enters and notices Frasier.
Martin: Hey Fras. What you do? Spill something on your clothes?
Frasier: No, I'm going jogging later.
Martin: Well, there's no need to get sarcastic about it.
Frasier: I'm serious, Dad, I'm going to have to start somewhere if I
plan to run a marathon!
Martin, however, hasn't listened and notices another food basket on the
console behind the sofa. He takes a closer look.
Martin: Ooh, we've got a new basket? Hickory Farms!
Daphne: Yes, that one came this afternoon.
Frasier: Dad, we agreed that we were going to send back all the
condolence baskets intact.
Martin: I know, I know, but, you know, if a can of pecans falls out
here and there, who's going to notice? Oh, by the way. Guess
who I ran into? That friend of yours from next door, Regan.
Frasier: Really?
Martin: Yeah. You know, she was pretty relieved to hear you weren't
dead. You know, maybe there's still something going on there.
Frasier: Oh, I don't know, Dad. I'd like to believe that, but I'm just
too much of a realist.
The doorbell sounds.
Daphne: [reads screen] Tell that the two million people a year who
visit "Frasier Land." [laughs]
Frasier: It's a website, it teaches children about psychiatry!
Martin opens the door to Niles.
Martin: Hi.
Niles: Oh, hi Dad. I can't stay, I just realized I think I left my
cell phone here last night.
Daphne: Oh, yeah, I did see it somewhere. Let me just have a look for
it...
Daphne goes to the console to search for it.
Niles: [to Frasier] Why are you wearing running clothes?
Martin: He won't tell us!
Daphne: [picks up cell phone and hands it to Niles] Here it is. It
was buried back here underneath all these baskets.
Martin: Oh, Daph! Look what you did! Rooting around in there, you
poked a hole right through this... [Martin quite obviously
punches a big hole through the cellophane on purpose] Hickory
Farms basket! We can't send it back now! [He takes it to his
chair.]
Niles: Thank you, Daphne.
Daphne exits to her room.
Frasier: Niles.
Niles: Yes?
Frasier: Is that a bandage sticking out of your shirt?
Niles: Oh, where?
Frasier: Well, right there. [points to one on the back of his neck]
Niles: Oh yes, I cut myself shaving.
Frasier: On the back of your neck? You went to see Karnofsky again,
didn't you?
Niles: Yes, I did! I was going to ask her out again, when I got all
flustered and I caught her staring at this grotesque carbuncle.
Frasier: Carbuncle? You mean that miniscule mole of yours.
Niles: Well, to you. I've always been self-conscious about it.
I've made many a hasty wine selection because I felt the
sommelier staring down at it.
Frasier: Oh, please. Just knock this off. Isn't it time you just
asked the woman out?
Niles: Frasier, I'm just waiting until the moment's right.
Frasier: Like you did with Daphne?!
And that hits Niles hard. There is a silent pause.
Frasier: Oh, Niles, I am sorry. But I'd like to see you do this while
I can still pick you out of a crowd. You know, I've got
tickets for the opera tonight. Why don't you ask her to join
you?
Niles: Oh, I don't know. [sits down]
Frasier: Come on. Take a cue from me, I'm completely reinventing
myself. You know what, [begins stretching his legs] if I can
learn a new language, write a bestseller, well then surely
you can ask this woman out. Now if you'll excuse me, I have a
marathon to train for!
Frasier gets caught on the console and falls down behind the sofa.
Niles and Martin rush to his aid.
Martin: Are you all right, Fras?
Frasier: I'm fine.
Martin: What happened?
Niles: Well, I think he tripped on one of these baskets.
Martin: Did you break anything?
Frasier: I don't think so.
Martin: Because, if you broke it, there's no point sending this one
back either.
Martin takes another basket from the floor and heads to his chair
whilst opening it. Niles tends to Frasier.
FADE TO:
Scene Three - Frasier's Apartment.
Frasier enters through the front door. He is hobbling with his new
cane. Then Martin enters with his old cane. They look at each other.
Frasier has become his father.
Frasier: Oh, dear God.
Martin: [laughs] Look at you. They gave you a sweet one. All shiny
and with no scuffs. Still has that new cane smell.
Frasier: Play your cards right, I might let you take it for a spin
around the lobby.
Martin: Well, what they say?
Frasier: Oh, just a little sprain. It's gonna take a couple of weeks.
The two sit down at the table. Frasier boots up his laptop.
Frasier: I guess I'm going to have to rethink my life's plan a bit.
Martin: Oh, you're gonna be doing all this stuff?
Frasier: Well, of course, Dad, why wouldn't I?
Martin: Oh, I don't know. It just seems all so complicated. The
first one you tried was kind of a bust.
Frasier: Yes, well you know, I've just got to scale things back a
little bit. Set my sights on more attainable goals. For
instance, here: "Visit South America." That's in. "Discover
the lost treasure of the Incas." That's out. [deletes it]
"Take up rafting." That's in. "Retrace Lewis and Clarke's
Route." That's out. And all this perpetual motion stuff,
all this can go. [deletes it]
The doorbell sounds.
Frasier: Daphne!
Martin: Oh no, she's out for the whole evening. You're gonna have to
get it yourself.
Frasier: Oh, all right.
Frasier slowly hobbles to do so.
Martin: Let's see how that thing handles the corners. Come on, open
her up!
Frasier races to the door to find Niles and Mel dressed for an
evening out.
Niles: Hello Frasier, I'd like you to meet Dr. Mel Karnofsky.
Frasier: [to Mel] Well, I can't tell you what a pleasure this is.
Niles: I believe you have some opera tickets for us.
Frasier: Yes, I do. [fetches them]
Niles: Oh, Mel, this is my father, Martin. [Martin stands]
Martin greets Mel. Frasier hands them the tickets.
Mel: Thank you. We're very grateful for this. Niles and I happen
to be such huge fans of Puccini.
Martin: [as Eddie enters] Speaking of which, here is our own little
"Pooch-ini"!
Mel greets Eddie as he licks her. Mel seems to enjoy it and pets him.
However when she stands up the hair brush comes up as Niles wipes her
ear with a tissue. Martin and Frasier give each other a look.
Frasier: So, where are you two having dinner?
Mel: Bel Canto, we have a table on the terrace.
Frasier: Terrace? Well, I didn't know they had a terrace.
Mel: Really? Well I guess you have to know the owner. But, we
better be going. I've pre-ordered our chocolate souffl? and
they'll be ready at seven-thirty precisely.
Frasier: Well, off you go then. Just remember, Niles, nothing puts on
love handles faster than chocolate souffl?
Mel: Oh well, you know, no one takes them off faster than I do.
[laughs]
Frasier: Very funny, lovely meeting you.
Mel and Niles exits as Frasier closes the door.
Frasier: Well, she seems a bit much.
Martin: What do you mean?
Frasier: Well, picking the restaurant, dining on the terrace, you
have to know the owner. Doesn't she remind you of someone?
Martin: Yeah, you!
Frasier: I was talking about Maris.
Martin: Oh, come on, don't you think you're overreacting a little bit?
I mean, Niles sure seems happy.
Frasier: Yes, you're right, Dad. In fact, I've got a lot to accomplish
this evening. [sits on sofa] Tonight, I'm going to start on
my Russian language tapes.
Martin laughs.Frasier: What is it, Dad?
Martin: What? Nothing.
Frasier: What, don't you think I can do any of these things?
Martin: No, I think you can do anything you put your mind to, Frasier,
you always have.
Frasier: Thank you, Dad.
Martin: I just wonder about all these projects.
Frasier: Well, as I said, I am streamlining.
Martin: You know, I think what you discovered this week was that
something's missing from your life. And before you start
to fill it up with everything but the kitchen sink, I thought
you ought to just ask yourself, "what do I really want? What
is really going to make me happy... now?"
Pause.
Martin: Well, that's weird. I suddenly feel like having a beer.
Martin gets up and exits to the kitchen, joyfully waving one of the
meat logs from the Hickory Farms basket. Frasier makes a decision.
He stands up, punches a hole in one of the condolence baskets and takes
a bottle of champagne from it. He heads out into the corridor, goes
next door and knocks.
Frasier: Regan, it's me, Frasier!
END OF ACT TWO
Credits:
Frasier's Apartment - Niles is seated on the couch, leafing through
a magazine. Martin walks behind him, reaches down and taps Niles's
forehead with his finger. Niles does not react.
Martin removes a bow from one of the gift baskets, placing it in the
middle of Niles's once-again numb forehead. Niles senses something
and scratches his ear, but the bow remains. As Martin sits down Niles
glances at his watch and realizes he has to leave. He goes out the
door with the bow still firmly in place as Martin waves smugly from
his recliner.