So you walk into my office and you're feeling kind of low You're depressed, confused, and anxious, you've got no place to go Well, I'm the one to talk to,I'm the man who understands You just take a hundred fifty bucks and pop it in my hands And hit the couch, hit the couch
So you say you hate your mommy and your dad was gone a lot You had intimate relations with your pet dog Spot Now you need some words of wisdom, need some help to find your way Just relax upon my sofa, I know just the thing to say I say, uh-huh... uh-huh... uh-huh, uh-huh, uh-huh, uh-huh Say how's that make you feel
There's a lady on my ledge and she's looking mighty fine But that chicken suit she's wearing says she's out of her mind Lady, step in through my window, watch your head, you'll want to crouch Lay your eggs upon my desk and park your beak upon my couch Hit the couch, hit the couch
Now this Chicken Lady's crazy, there's no doubt, I needn't ask it She's a few eggs short of an Easter basket So what's a man to say to a lady who's a bird I can solve all of her problems with just one little word I say, uh-huh, say it with me now I say, uh-huh, say it a little louder Now uh-huh, once again uh-huh, once again uh-huh, uh-huh, uh-huh Say how's that make you feel
Here's a man I've been his shrink for seventeen years We've shared a lot of laughter, we've shared a lot of tears But now he says he's healthy,says his therapy is through Says he's moving on, well I've got a word for you I say HEY! That's my word for him I say HEY! Listen to me Jim.
I have got a mortgage, leased a BMW I've got a wife who's like a refugee from "Taming Of The Shrew" So you may say you're healthy, no if's or and's or but's But if you think you're getting out of here, well buddy, you're nuts! Hit the couch Hit the couch Hit the couch Hit the... I'm sorry, our time is up Hit the street!