THE WEST WING
“ENEMIES”
STORY BY: RICK CLEVELAND, LAWRENCE O’DONNELL JR. & PATRICK CADDELL
TELEPLAY BY: RON OSBORN & JEFF RENO
DIRECTED BY: ALAN TAYLOR
TEASER
FADE IN: INT. THE OVAL OFFICE - NIGHT
1:30 A.M.
Bartlet, sitting in a chair in the middle of his office, is talking to Josh.
Josh looks very sleepy, but Bartlet still continues to speak.
BARTLET
Yellowstone, established by an act signed by Ulysses S. Grant was the nation’s first
national park - March 1, 1872.
JOSH
[stands] It’s getting late, sir. I was wondering, are we through for the evening?
BARTLET
[smiling] Well, we’re through with work, Josh, but this part’s fun.
JOSH
What part, sir?
BARTLET
The part where I get you to sit down, and teach you a little something.
JOSH
[sits] Ah.
BARTLET
Yeah.
JOSH
You’re not tired, sir?
BARTLET
No.
JOSH
Perhaps, if you get into bed and...
BARTLET
I’m a national park buff, Josh.
JOSH
I’m sorry, sir?
BARTLET
[smiling] I said I’m a national park buff. I bet you didn’t know that about me.
JOSH
Well, I didn’t know that about you, sir, but I’m certainly not surprised.
BARTLET
Why is that?
JOSH
You’re... quite a nerd, Mr. President.
BARTLET
Really?
JOSH
Yes, sir.
BARTLET
I assume that was said with all due respect.
JOSH
Yes, sir.
BARTLET
[gets up and sits near Josh] Is it nerd-like to know that Everglades National Park
is the largest remaining subtropical wilderness in the continental United States,
AND has extensive mangrove forests?
JOSH
Just a little bit. Yes, sir.
BARTLET
There are 54 national parks in the country, Josh.
JOSH
Please tell me you haven’t been to all of them.
BARTLET
I HAVE been to all of them. I should show you my slide collection.
JOSH
Oh, would you?
BARTLET
[counting with fingers] Grand Canyon, Bryce Canyon, Badlands, Capitol Reef, Acadia,
which is so often overlooked...
JOSH
You should certainly feel free to keep talking, but I need to go home so I could be back
in my office in four hours.
BARTLET
Dry Tortugas...
JOSH
See, the thing is, I can’t leave without your permission.
BARTLET
Petrified Forests, North Cascades, Joshua Tree, Shenandoah National Park, right here
in Virginia! [bangs hand on couch] We should organize a staff field trip to Shenandoah.
What do you think? [walks to his desk and writes a note]
JOSH
Good a place as any to dump your body.
BARTLET
What was that?
JOSH
Did I say that out loud?
BARTLET
See, and I was gonna let you go home.
JOSH
But instead?
BARTLET
We’re gonna talk about Yosemite.
He sits back on his chair. Josh rests back his head on his chair.
SMASH CUT TO: MAIN TITLES.
END TEASER
* * *
ACT ONE
FADE IN: INT. HOTEL RESTAURANT - DAY
Leo is having breakfast with Mallory. They just finished drinking coffee when a waiter
approaches.
WAITER
Thank you, Mr. McGarry.
LEO
Thanks, Tony. Hang on.
The waiter puts the bill on the table and stands beside them to wait for the payment.
Leo picks up the bill and puts on his glasses.
MALLORY
Oh, let me pay for it.
LEO
Yeah, but this is my hotel.
MALLORY
Dad?
LEO
How much does a cup of coffee cost here, Tony?
TONY
Six dollars and 50 cents.
LEO
[to Mallory] You want to pay the check?
MALLORY
No.
LEO
[puts his credit card on the bill and gives it to the waiter] Thanks.
WAITER
Sure. [walks away]
MALLORY
Six dollars and 50 cents?
LEO
Yes... You haven’t told me about your mom.
MALLORY
Dad...
LEO
Tell me about her.
Congressman Matt Skinner approaches their table.
SKINNER
Leo!
LEO
Congressman Skinner!
SKINNER
Congratulations.
LEO
Thank you. You know my daughter, Mallory.
SKINNER
Of course. Hi, how are you?
MALLORY
Good to see you, Congressman.
SKINNER
Congrats again, Leo.
LEO
To all of us.
SKINNER
Right. [leaves their table]
MALLORY
The Banking Bill?
LEO
Yeah.
MALLORY
It’s gonna pass?
LEO
Yeah.
MALLORY
Congratulations.
LEO
Thank you. You haven’t told me about your mother.
MALLORY
What do you want to know?
LEO
Is she... [thinks] I don’t know. Tell me anything.
MALLORY
You could call her, and ask her how she’s doing, you know?
LEO
Yeah, or I could just ask you.
MALLORY
You could, but clearly, asking me wouldn’t do any good.
LEO
I’m beginning to get that impression. [takes something out of his jacket pocket]
MALLORY
What’s that?
LEO
Opera tickets. It’s our subscription night.
MALLORY
Mom doesn’t want them?
LEO
No.
MALLORY
Did you ask her?
LEO
Yes.
MALLORY
And while you were asking her if she wanted opera tickets you couldn’t just ask her
how she’s doing?
LEO
I had an opportunity to give you up for adoption, you know.
MALLORY
Too late.
Leo starts to pack up and get ready for work.
LEO
Why couldn’t you say congratulations?
MALLORY
On the Banking Bill?
LEO
Yes.
MALLORY
I just did.
LEO
Please, Mallory. You were... I don’t know, you were smirking...
MALLORY
Dad...
LEO
...or rolling your eyes...
MALLORY
I was doing neither.
LEO
You were doing it with your voice.
MALLORY
Father... you’ve gone round the bend.
LEO
[looks at Mallory] You want the tickets?
MALLORY
Yes. [takes the tickets]
LEO
You want to walk me back to work?
MALLORY
Sure.
Leo looks at his daughter and smiles.
CUT TO: INT. OUTER OVAL OFFICE - DAY
C.J. is talking to Mrs. Landingham.
C.J.
Till two in the morning?
MRS. LANDINGHAM
Yes.
C.J.
They were talking till two in the morning?
MRS. LANDINGHAM
I’d imagine the President was doing the lion’s share of the talking.
Behind C.J., the door to the Oval Office quickly opens as Bartlet comes out looking very happy.
BARTLET
We beat the Banking Lobby!
C.J.
It’s gonna pass?
BARTLET
We beat them.
C.J.
You’re confident?
BARTLET
Yep. It’s in the bag.
C.J.
Were you and Josh talking ‘til two in the morning about national parks?
BARTLET
Ooh, C.J., Everglades National Park is one of the biggest...
MRS. LANDINGHAM
Mr. President... [points to the phone]
BARTLET
Right. I got to take this call so I can gloat about the Banking Bill.
C.J.
Enjoy yourself, sir.
BARTLET
Be talking about this C.J. This is the story!
C.J.
Yes, sir.
BARTLET
[starts to leave] Crunch them!
C.J.
Yes, sir.
BARTLET
[stops] Oh, incidentally, the California Live Oak is the...
MRS. LANDINGHAM
Mr. President...
BARTLET
Right.
C.J.
Have a good day, sir.
BARTLET
Twelfth round knockout, C.J.! []
C.J.
Yes, sir.
Bartlet steps into the Oval Office and closes the door. Mrs. Landingham smiles at C.J.
CUT TO: INT. ROOSEVELT ROOM - DAY
Vice President Hoynes steps into the Roosevelt Room full of cabinet officers.
He starts the cabinet meeting.
HOYNES
Good morning.
CABINET OFFICERS
Good morning.
HOYNES
[walks around the table to his seat] Let’s take our seats. The President is gonna be a
couple minutes late. He wanted me to get things started. [sits] I should begin by welcoming
all of you to our third cabinet meeting, our first in six months. And I know the President
would want me to point out that this meetings are for us a unique opportunity to come
together and exchange ideas and to discuss our goals for the future. Surely, our first goal
has to be finding a way to work with Congress. We need to reach out to the House and to the...
The cabinet members swiftly stood up when they see Bartlet enter.
CABINET OFFICERS
Good morning, Mr. President.
HOYNES
Mr. President.
Bartlet looks around at his cabinet members and walks around the room.
BARTLET
This is the saddest looking cabinet I have ever... look at this. I have an agriculture
secretary who hasn’t eaten a vegetable in his life. Everybody sit down. You’re freaking
me out. Good morning, Leo.
LEO [OS]
Good morning, sir.
Bartlet walks to the woman at the end of the room.
BARTLET
Hello. Are you taking minutes?
WOMAN
Yes, sir.
BARTLET
What’s your name?
WOMAN
Mildred, sir.
BARTLET
Mildred? I’m Josiah Bartlet. I’m the President of the United States.
MILDRED
Yes, sir.
BARTLET
What did I miss?
MILDRED
The Vice President.
[reading from notes] “Let’s take our seats. The President’s gonna be a few minutes late...”
BARTLET
Uh, would you skip down, please?
MILDRED
Yes, sir. “I know the President would want me to point out that these meetings are unique
opportunities for us to...”
BARTLET
Actually, I find these meeting to be a fairly mind-numbing experience, but Leo assures
me that they are Constitutionally required, so let’s get it over with. Proceed, Mildred.
MILDRED
“Surely, our first goal should be finding a way to work with Congress...”
BARTLET
Who said that?
MILDRED
The Vice President.
HOYNES
I did, sir.
BARTLET
Our first goal should be finding a way to work with Congress?
HOYNES
Yes, sir.
BARTLET
You don’t think our first goal is should be finding a way to best serve the American People?
HOYNES
I didn’t say that Mr. President.
BARTLET
Really? Let’s have a look. [takes out his glasses and reads Mildred’s notes]
Yeah, that’s what it says right here. Would you like Mildred to read it back again?
HOYNES
No, thank you, sir.
BARTLET
Okay. Anything else?
MILDRED
No sir.
BARTLET
Good. Now let’s get to work.
CUT TO: INT. TOBY’S OFFICE - DAY
Toby and Sam are going through a bunch of papers that they have written.
TOBY
It’s good.
SAM
Yeah.
TOBY
It’s good.
SAM
Yeah.
TOBY
It’s a little flat.
SAM
I think so, too.
TOBY
My writing’s been a little flat lately.
SAM
It’s not you. It’s me.
TOBY
Well, you did the best you could.
SAM
What do you mean?
TOBY
You reached your potential here.
SAM
No, I didn’t. I can do better than this.
TOBY
I can do better than this.
SAM
Are you saying I can’t do better than this?
TOBY
I’m saying you’re fine, and I’m flat.
JOSH
[passes by and stops] What’s going on?
TOBY
We’re having difficulty locating our talent.
JOSH
Are you hearing anything about the Banking Bill?
TOBY
What do you mean?
JOSH
I don’t know. I’m hearing some stuff.
TOBY
No, we’re fine.
JOSH
You sure?
TOBY
Yeah. I’m having lunch with Crane.
JOSH
When?
TOBY
Lunchtime.
JOSH
I shouldn’t be nervous?
TOBY
No.
JOSH
Okay. [leaves]
TOBY
Alright... It couldn’t have gone far, right?
SAM
No.
TOBY
Somewhere in this building... is our talent.
SAM
[looking at Toby] Yes.
CUT TO: INT. C.J.’S OFFICE - DAY
Danny visits C.J. in her office. C.J. is working on her computer.
DANNY
C.J.
C.J.
Danny.
DANNY
How you doing?
C.J.
How is it my staff just lets you walk in here?
DANNY
They like me.
C.J.
They’re supposed to like me.
DANNY
Go figure.
C.J. walks out of his office and Danny follows her into the HALLWAY.
C.J.
What do you need?
DANNY
I heard the President roughed up Hoynes in the cabinet meeting.
C.J.
From who?
DANNY
“Whom.”
C.J.
Shut up.
DANNY
Okay.
C.J.
Where did you hear it?
DANNY
Got fifty cents?
C.J.
Yeah.
DANNY
Then you can read about it in my newspaper.
C.J. and Danny cut through the corner of the Communications Office.
DANNY
Hey, you want to have dinner with me tonight?
C.J.
No. Tell me more about this.
DANNY
Did it happen?
C.J
On the record?
DANNY
Yes.
C.J.
Absolutely not.
DANNY
Off the record?
C.J.
What else is new?
DANNY
That’s what I thought. And you won’t have dinner with me.
C.J.
No.
DANNY
I’m a very good-looking guy, C.J. I mention that because that’s something people notice
about me right away.
C.J.
Yes.
DANNY
I like seafood. I like all food.
C.J.
Danny...
DANNY
I should also mention I ‘m a lively conversationalist. I’m very good at kayaking.
I can kayak.
C.J.
I can’t, Danny.
DANNY
My point is, I can teach you.
C.J.
No, you idiot, I mean, I can’t have dinner.
DANNY
Okay.
C.J. takes one last look at Danny as he leaves.
CUT TO: INT. HALLWAY - DAY
Reporters, including Danny, surround Hoynes in the hallway.
HOYNES
So, let me tell you something. Yesterday morning about ten o’clock, these two guys,
as a joke, posted some false information on a website about this tiny start-up company,
and it’s stock started shooting up. By 2:30 in the afternoon, the hoax had been uncovered
and the stock had adjusted itself. But by the end of the day this company, which neither
you or I or the Secretary of Commerce has ever heard of, closed out as the twelfth highest
traded issue on the Nasdaq index. This just in: the Internet is not a fad.
REPORTER
Thank you, sir.
HOYNES
Hey, thank you all.
Hoynes starts to walk with his staff. Danny tries to ask him a question.
DANNY
Mr. Vice President...
HOYNES
How you doing, Danny?
DANNY
Fine, thank you sir.
HOYNES
What do you need?
DANNY
The cabinet meeting.
HOYNES
What about it?
DANNY
Anything you want to talk about?
HOYNES
Anything I want to talk about?
DANNY
Yes, sir.
HOYNES
Well, you know, now that you talk about it, I’ve been having this recurring dream about
killing you.
DANNY
Sir...
HOYNES
What do you think that means?
DANNY
I heard some things about the meeting.
HOYNES
Hey, nothing happened.
DANNY
Sir...
HOYNES
Nothing happened.
DANNY
I heard different.
HOYNES
Well, you heard wrong.
DANNY
Okay.
HOYNES
[to staff] Let’s go.
CUT TO: INT. HALLWAY - DAY
C.J. comes from behind Sam, who is walking to his office.
C.J.
Sam.
SAM
Yeah?
C.J.
You heard anything about the cabinet meeting this morning?
SAM
Like what?
C.J.
Like the President took Hoynes out for a ride?
SAM
Someone’s talking?
C.J.
Yeah.
SAM
Who?
C.J.
I don’t know.
They walk inside the COMMUNICATIONS OFFICE. Sam and C.J. see Mallory waiting in front
of Sam’s office.
SAM
Hey.
C.J.
Hey, Mallory. [to Sam] Hey, let me know if you hear anything. [leaves]
SAM
Yeah.
MALLORY
Hi.
SAM
How you doing?
MALLORY
Pretty good. I just had breakfast with my father and I walked with him back.
SAM
Mm-hmm.
MALLORY
Can I talk to you for a second?
SAM
Sure.
Mallory walks into SAM’S OFFICE. Sam follows her.
SAM
So what’s up?
MALLORY
So.
SAM
Yes.
MALLORY
Here’s the thing.
SAM
Yes.
MALLORY
Do you by any chance like opera?
SAM
The opera?
MALLORY
Yes.
SAM
You mean to go and watch and listen to?
MALLORY
Yes, Sam.
SAM
Why do you ask?
MALLORY
Because, as it happens, I have two tickets to the Beijing Opera this evening at the
Kennedy Center. My father’s seats.
SAM
Beijing opera?
MALLORY
Yes.
SAM
[smiling] You’re asking me out on a date.
MALLORY
No.
SAM
No?
MALLORY
No, I’m asking you if you’d like to go together with me to see an internationally
renowned opera company perform a work indigenous to its culture.
SAM
Right, and in what way will it distinguish itself from a date?
MALLORY
There will be, under no circumstances, sex for you at the end of the evening.
SAM
Okay.
MALLORY
So what do you say?
SAM
Well, uh... like most people, I’m an absolute nut for Chinese opera. The Chinese being
known the world over for their soaring and romantic melodies, and what with your guarantee
that there won’t be sex, I don’t see how I could say no.
MALLORY
Good, then. I’ll come by and get you in about 7:30.
SAM
Yeah.
Mallory heads for the door.
SAM
Hey, you know what’s good about this? If you hadn’t come along with your offer of Chinese
opera and no sex, all I’d be doing later is watching Monday night football, so this works
out great for me.
MALLORY
7:30.
SAM
Yes, indeed.
Mallory leaves. Sam smiles and walks to his desk.
FADE OUT.
END ACT ONE
* * *
ACT TWO
FADE IN: INT. LEO’S OFFICE - DAY
Sam and C.J. are sitting on each of Leo’s chairs in front of his table. They are waiting
for Leo to come. Margaret comes in and takes something from Leo’s file cabinet.
MARGARET
Leo will be in in a minute.
C.J.
Thanks.
SAM
Thank you.
Silence fills the room. C.J. asks Sam a question.
C.J.
What’s your thing about?
SAM
Nothing... What’s your thing about?
C.J.
Nothing.
SAM
Okay.
LEO
[walks in] What do you need?
SAM
Oh, we’re not here together.
LEO
Somebody go first.
Sam and C.J. look at each other. C.J. decides to go first.
C.J.
Danny Concannon said that he heard that the President and Hoynes had a...
LEO
At the cabinet meeting?
C.J.
Yeah.
LEO
It’s nothing, C.J.
C.J.
Then why is Danny asking me about it?
LEO
Who talked to him?
C.J.
You think he’s gonna tell me?
SAM
It was Hoynes.
LEO
That’s what we need.
C.J.
What do you want me to do?
LEO
Deal with it.
C.J.
You’re a real details man aren’t you, Leo?
LEO
Deal with it.
C.J. stands up and leaves the office. Leo sits down, rummaging through papers, and
without looking at Sam...
LEO
What do you want?
SAM
I can come back another...
LEO
[not looking] No, come on, what?
SAM
Mallory had an extra ticket to the opera for tonight and she asked me if I’d like to go.
LEO
[still not looking] Mallory, who?
SAM
Mallory, your daughter.
LEO
[looks up swiftly and takes off his glasses] Mallory, my daughter...
SAM
Yes.
LEO
...has asked you...
SAM
Yes.
LEO
...to go to the opera using the tickets that used to belong to me and Mallory’s mother...
SAM
Yes.
LEO
...the woman who used to be my wife?
SAM
Leo, for whatever it’s worth, she’s made it very clear we won’t be doing anything
tonight you’d have a problem with.
LEO
Like what?
SAM
Why don’t we stay away from that?
LEO
Best that we do.
SAM
So...
LEO
I’m fine, Sam.
SAM
You’re fine?
LEO
I’m fine.
SAM
You sure?
LEO
Jenny and I aren’t using them. Somebody should.
SAM
Thank you, Leo.
LEO
Go back to work, Sam.
SAM
Yeah.
Leo arranges the papers in his table. He pauses for a second and thinks.
LEO
I’m fine.
CUT TO: INT. MURAL ROOM - DAY
The room is flooded with camera flashes as Hoynes talks to a number of important people.
HOYNES
Nitrogen and hydrogen, ladies and gentlemen, nitrogen and hydrogen. Now, Dick Brenner
says we send a Saturn V rocket with a liquid-hydrogen payload or we can put a man on
Mars for 25 billion dollars? That’s a steal at twice the price.
MAN
Once you’ve landed him, where are you gonna get the hydrogen to get him back?
HOYNES
Well, Mars is built made out of Nitrogen so the best thing to do is build ourselves a
gas station.
CANDY
[approaches] Sir...
HOYNES
Yeah, we’re done here. Maybe we should take an earth science course again. Thank you, all.
CANDY
Sir, C.J. Cregg asked for a minute.
HOYNES
Yeah, I could have seen that coming.
Hoynes and his staff walk out of the Mural Room into the HALLWAY. C.J. tries to talk to him.
C.J.
Mr. Vice President...
HOYNES
Yeah, whoever Danny’s been talking to, it wasn’t me, C.J.
C.J.
I’d just want to keep it from becoming a story.
HOYNES
It’s not a story.
C.J.
And I’d like to keep it that way, sir.
HOYNES
What can I do for you?
C.J.
What happened at the cabinet meeting and how did Danny find out about it?
HOYNES
[stops walking] Nothing happened at the cabinet meeting and I have no idea how Danny
found out about it. Moreover, the implication that I leaked privileged information is
stupid as it is insulting. And I’d like to remind you, that whatever regard you may
hold from me personally, you are addressing the office of the Vice President.
C.J.
Yes, sir.
HOYNES
Anything else?
C.J.
No, sir.
HOYNES
Good. [to staff] Let’s go.
C.J. stands still as Hoynes walks away with his staff.
CUT TO: INT. COMMUNICATIONS OFFICE - DAY
Toby knocks on the door of Sam’s open office.
TOBY
Let’s go.
SAM
What’s up?
TOBY
Banking Bill’s gonna pass the house, let’s prepare a statement.
SAM
Crane’s sure?
TOBY
He said it was in the bag.
Toby and Sam step inside TOBY’S OFFICE. Josh follows them.
JOSH
How’s lunch?
TOBY
It’s in the bag.
JOSH
No, Toby, it’s not.
TOBY
I just got done with Crane.
JOSH
Well, Crane’s two hours behind.
TOBY
Oh, don’t tell me.
SAM
What they attach?
JOSH
A land-use rider.
SAM
Who?
JOSH
Broderick and Eaton.
TOBY
Broderick and Eaton?
JOSH
Yep.
SAM
Don’t worry about it.
JOSH
Big Sky Federal Reserve, Sam. They want to strip mine the length and breadth of Montana.
SAM
We don’t care.
JOSH
We do care.
SAM
Not today.
JOSH
Sam...
SAM
Since when are you outdoorsy?
JOSH
Please, this isn’t about the environment. It’s about retribution.
TOBY
Yeah, no kidding.
There were a few moments of silence until they realized what they should do.
SAM
We need to see the President.
JOSH
Yeah, we need to see the President.
TOBY
Broderick and Eaton?
JOSH
Yep.
CUT TO: INT. BRIEFING ROOM - DAY
C.J. is having her usual briefing. Danny is sitting with other reporters.
C.J.
I am reluctant to characterize it other than to say the President is interested in what
the practical effects of the policy would be.
REPORTER
But in all, you’d say the White House is optimistic about the chances of passage through
the House of the Banking Bill?
C.J.
Very optimistic.
REPORTER
You’re not concerned about the attachment of the land use rider?
C.J.
I’m sorry?
REPORTER
I said The White House isn’t concerned about the attachment of the land-use rider?
C.J.
[slowly] That’s being worked out, and I can go into more detail later.
REPORTER
Any chance you could go into more detail now?
C.J.
I could, but then you’d have no reason to talk to me later.
REPORTER
C.J.?
C.J.
I’ll do that later this afternoon. Thank you everybody.
C.J. walks out of the briefing room, and steps to the HALLWAY. Danny follows her.
Bonnie passes by.
C.J.
Bonnie, find Toby for me, would you?
BONNIE
Sure.
Danny surprises C.J. when he speaks from behind her.
DANNY
The land-use rider was a bit of shock for you, huh?
C.J.
Danny, do you see that this is a restricted area? There are signs posted.
DANNY
Where?
C.J.
There are usually signs posted.
They stop in front of many hardworking White House aides working hard in their bullpen.
DANNY
Hey you guys, you don’t mind me here do you?
AIDES
No.
DANNY
See.
C.J.
Danny...
The two start to walk again.
DANNY
I’m saying it looked like someone took your legs behind you. Speaking of legs.
[looks at C.J.’s legs]
C.J.
First of all, you’re wrong. Second of all, shut up. Third, I went to Hoynes about your
thing and it wasn’t him who talked to you and I believe him, and now he’s really pissed
at me, and he’s right, and fourth... shut up again.
DANNY
It wasn’t Hoynes who talked to me.
C.J.
Yes, well, I know that now.
DANNY
I enjoy movies. I enjoy music. I’m not wild about ice-skating, but, what the hell, I’ll do it.
They stop again in front of the White House aides.
C.J.
Say goodbye to Danny, everybody.
AIDES
Bye Danny.
DANNY
[to C.J.] A day’s work for a day’s pay.
C.J. walks into the bullpen, where Bonnie is on the phone.
BONNIE
Toby’s in his office.
C.J.
Thanks. [starts to walk off]
BONNIE
Should I tell him you’re coming?
C.J.
No I’d like to keep it a surprise.
BONNIE
[to phone] Never mind, Cathy.
CUT TO: INT. HALLWAY - DAY
Bartlet and Leo walk.
LEO
Big Sky Federal Reserve.
BARTLET
In Montana?
LEO
Yes, sir.
BARTLET
What happened?
They step into LEO’S OFFICE.
LEO
Eaton and Broderick got a land-use rider to the conference report.
BARTLET
Eaton and Broderick?
LEO
Yes, sir.
BARTLET
Eaton and Broderick attached a land-use rider?
They finally walk into THE OVAL OFFICE. Toby, Sam, Josh and other staffers are waiting.
LEO
You surprised Eaton and Broderick had taken an interest in strip-mining?
BARTLET
I’m surprised Eaton and Broderick had taken an interest in anything.
TOBY
It’s retaliatory, sir.
BARTLET
For what?
TOBY
The campaign.
BARTLET
What did I do to them during the campaign?
TOBY
You won, sir.
BARTLET
They want to strip-mine Big Sky?
SAM
Mr. President?
BARTLET
Yeah.
SAM
Swallow it.
Behind Sam, Josh interrupts him.
JOSH
I knew you were gonna say that.
SAM
‘Cause it’s the right thing to do.
JOSH
No, it’s not.
SAM
You mean to tell me that... [faces Josh, and begins to argue]
BARTLET
Excuse me, fellas, over here please.
SAM
Mr. President, it’s a banking reform bill. That’s the ball game. Let’s not get into an
intramural spitball contest over a couple of rocks that are inhabitable eight months of
the year, anyway.
LEO
They’re pretty good looking rocks.
JOSH
What Sam meant to say was that we can live without the environmental lobby.
SAM
I don’t believe that is what I meant to say, Josh. What I mean to say is it’ll save real
people real money.
JOSH
Tough.
BARTLET
What do you do, Josh?
JOSH
Veto it.
SAM
It’s our bill.
JOSH
Veto it anyway.
TOBY
He’s right.
LEO
Why?
TOBY
Send a signal to the banking committee that we will not be held hostage by Eaton and Broderick.
SAM
Yes, Mr. President. Tell them instead we’d much rather be held hostage by wildlife activists
‘cause that’s a position that always works well for us, and I think it’s particularly important
in the next election that we carry Montana and its three electoral votes.
JOSH
I always knew the day would come when Sam would start selling off entire states. I was just
hoping he’d start with Delaware.
BARTLET
Toby.
TOBY
Give me a few hours, sir. Let me talk to some people.
BARTLET
Leo.
LEO
Yeah.
BARTLET
I don’t like these people, Toby. I don’t want to lose.
TOBY
Yes, sir.
BARTLET
All right. What’s next?
Bartlet sits on the couch. The staffers gather round him.
CUT TO: INT. LEO’S OFFICE - DAY
Lying on his couch, Leo is reading from his clipboard. He doesn’t see Bartlet open the
door from the Oval Office.
BARTLET
Hey.
LEO
Hey.
BARTLET
No, don’t get up.
LEO
[starts to get up] No, I’m just...
BARTLET
No, it’s fine. Please.
LEO
[standing] Did you need something?
BARTLET
Nah, I just came to see what you were doing.
LEO
No appointments?
BARTLET
Nah, you know, we had most of the night blocked for that thing, and it got cancelled so...
LEO
Take the night off.
BARTLET
Nah.
LEO
You should take the night off, sir.
BARTLET
[sits] Nah. I still got 400 pages of nonsense to read.
LEO
Leave it ‘til tomorrow.
BARTLET
I don’t like rattling around in that place with no one around but the butlers.
LEO
Call Abbey, get into bed, and turn on the football game.
BARTLET
Maybe later.
LEO
Okay.
Leo sits beside Bartlet. After a short silence, Bartlet asks his best friend a question.
BARTLET
You had breakfast with Mal?
LEO
Yeah.
BARTLET
How’s she doing?
LEO
She pissed at me.
BARTLET
What did you expect?
LEO
I know.
BARTLET
You ignored her mother.
LEO
Oh, come on. I didn’t...
BARTLET
No, I’m saying that’s what it looks like to her right now.
LEO
But she sees what the job is.
BARTLET
She doesn’t see what the job is, Leo. And anyone would have to see it to believe it.
And even if they saw it, even if they believed it, what would it matter? She’s her
mother’s daughter, and you made her mother cry.
LEO
You really threw some sunshine down on that one. Thank you, sir.
BARTLET
Well, I’m right next door all night.
LEO
Me too.
BARTLET
Okay.
He looks at Leo, and heads for his office.
FADE OUT.
END ACT TWO
* * *
ACT THREE
FADE IN: INT. JOSH’S OFFICE - NIGHT
Donna stands beside Josh’s office door. Mandy stands beside her. Josh is typing something
in his computer and does not see Donna or Mandy.
DONNA
Josh.
JOSH
Yeah.
DONNA
Mandy wants to see you.
JOSH
Can you tell her I’m not in?
DONNA
No, I think the ship’s pretty much sailed on that one.
Josh swiftly looks at his door. He sees Donna and Mandy looking at him. Donna walks away
and Mandy walks in.
JOSH
How you doing?
MANDY
Let me say this... it’s a good bill.
JOSH
The Banking Bill?
MANDY
Yes.
JOSH
It is a good bill.
MANDY
What’s more, it works for us.
JOSH
Yes, it does.
MANDY
No more 24 percent card interest, more savings for the average people with a tax cut,
no unjustified holds on deposits--these are all phrases I can do something with.
JOSH
I have no argument with that, but when they attach a rider that says they can strip-mine
half a...
MANDY
You never climbed a tree in your life, Josh. You don’t give a damn about Big Sky.
JOSH
[stands] I don’t give a damn about Big Sky. I DO give a damn about hanging a sign outside
the White House that says, “Hey Republicans and Congress, feel free to slap us around
anytime you want just to show that you can.”
MANDY
You don’t like Broderick and Eaton.
JOSH
I don’t like Broderick and Eaton, but that’s not the point.
MANDY
I think it’s more the point than you think.
JOSH
How?
MANDY
When you’re competitive, when you’re combative, you juice up the President and you know it.
JOSH
Well, I’ll keep that in mind.
MANDY
No, you won’t.
JOSH
Why do you say that?
MANDY
Because you never do.
DONNA
[walks in] Josh?
JOSH
Yeah. [to Mandy] Got to go.
Josh leaves Mandy in his office. Mandy shouts when he walks away.
MANDY
I’m not done with you!
CUT TO: INT. LEO’S OFFICE - NIGHT
A White House staffer, LIZ, walks in Leo’s office and gives him a folder.
LEO
Oh, thanks, Liz.
Liz leaves as Charlie walks in from the other side.
CHARLIE
Excuse me, Mr. McGarry?
LEO
Charlie, call me “Leo” would you?
CHARLIE
I’ll try sir.
LEO
What do you need?
CHARLIE
I got a message from Nancy Becker’s office. Tomorrow’s the Deputy Transportation
Secretary’s 50th birthday. They’re having a party, and the President usually likes to
send a letter.
LEO
Yeah. Tell it to someone in the Communications Office. They’ll give it to one of the staffers.
CHARLIE
Yes, sir.
Charlie starts to leave, but Leo stops him.
LEO
Wait. Nancy Becker needs it tonight?
CHARLIE
Yes, sir.
LEO
Give it to Sam.
CUT TO: INT. HALLWAY - NIGHT
Charlie walks in the hallway looking for Sam. From the other end of the hallway, Sam
calls him.
SAM
Charlie!
CHARLIE
Sam, listen...
SAM
How do I look?
CHARLIE
You look good.
SAM
I went to the gym, rode a bike, took a shower and shave...
CHARLIE
Mr. McGarry wants you to...
SAM
...Even got my shoes shined too, you know why?
CHARLIE
Sam?
SAM
I’m going to the Beijing Opera tonight, which I imagine would be excruciating, but I’m
gonna go do it anyway.
CHARLIE
Tomorrow is the Assistant Transportation Secretary’s 50th birthday, and Leo wants you to
write a message for the President.
SAM
[stops] He wants me?
CHARLIE
Yeah.
SAM
He wants me to write a birthday message for the President?
CHARLIE
Nancy Becker needs it tonight.
SAM
Are you sure he doesn’t want someone who, you know, isn’t staggeringly overqualified
for the job?
CHARLIE
He specifically asked for you.
SAM
What time is it?
CHARLIE
[looks at watch] Ten after seven.
Sam enters the COMMUNICATION’S OFFICE. He talks to his aides, and Charlie follows him.
SAM
Um, somebody? Anybody? Um, write a two-page memo on the personal story and professional
accomplishments of the assistant transportation secretary.
[to Charlie] I got this under control.
While looking at Charlie, Sam walks in his office, but bumps himself on the wall beside
his door. He looks at the door, at Charlie, and walks in his office successfully.
CUT TO: INT. TOBY’S OFFICE - NIGHT
Toby is on his desk writing something. In front of him is Mandy, who tries to talk to him.
MANDY
Are you listening to me?
TOBY
Yes.
MANDY
What was the last thing I said?
TOBY
The last thing you said was, “Are you listening to me?”
MANDY
Toby!
TOBY
I’m not the one to talk to about the Banking Bill anymore, Mandy. I have hatred in my heart.
MANDY
Toward whom?
TOBY
You go ahead and pick them. Today, it’s Broderick and Eaton.
C.J.
[stands by Toby's door] Excuse me.
TOBY
Hey.
C.J.
What’s going on?
MANDY
Would you tell him that signing the bill, and then swallowing the bitter pill of
strip-mining would not foreclose a P.R. approach that would trumpet banking reforms
while at the same time, excoriating a special interest strip-mining a scam, which by
the way, is what I’m happy to call it. Tell him that.
C.J.
Toby...
TOBY
Hmm?
C.J.
[slowly] Mandy wants you to recommend to the President that we do it her way.
TOBY
Do you understand what she said?
C.J.
No, but she seemed pretty confident.
MANDY
I would like to talk to Josh again.
TOBY
Talk to anyone you want, but in this particular room, I need to work.
MANDY
Thank you. [leaves]
C.J.
[follows] Mandy...
MANDY
You people are willing to cut your noses off to spite your faces.
C.J.
Mandy, I wanted to ask you something.
MANDY
What?
C.J.
You know Danny Concannon pretty well, don’t you?
MANDY
Yeah.
C.J.
He’s sniffing around a story about the cabinet meeting this morning, which is not a
big deal, but I want him to back off.
MANDY
Make him a trade.
C.J.
Yeah?
MANDY
Give him a half hour with the President.
C.J.
Thanks.
MANDY
Now, will you help me with Josh and Toby?
C.J.
The President’s been messed with. He beat the banking lobby, and Broderick and Eaton
came back at the 11th hour and gave him a cheap clip in the knees. This is the kind of
thing Josh and Toby get geared up for. You’re not gonna talk them down.
MANDY
You guys are idiots. Did you know that?
C.J.
In our own defense, we actually do know that.
CUT TO: INT. THE OVAL OFFICE - NIGHT
Sam just finished writing the birthday message. Bartlet is going through it while Sam
stands watch.
BARTLET
Well, this is fine.
SAM
Excellent.
BARTLET
They had you write this?
SAM
Yes, sir.
BARTLET
You’re not a little overqualified for a birthday message?
SAM
I was happy to do it, sir.
BARTLET
Really?
SAM
Of course.
BARTLET
I appreciate it, Sam.
SAM
No problem.
BARTLET
[walks Sam to the door] Listen...
SAM
Yes, sir.
BARTLET
I mean as long as you’re on it, and you don’t mind, why don’t we take advantage of your
being on it and, you know, really do a job?
SAM
Do a job?
BARTLET
It’s his fiftieth birthday. Let’s give it the Sam Seaborn quill. What do you think?
SAM
Of course, I’d be honored to do it sir.
BARTLET
Good. Take your time. Bring me back the next draft when it’s ready. I really appreciate
it, Sam.
SAM
My pleasure, Mr. President.
SAM walks out of the door to the OUTER OVAL OFFICE. Margaret is behind a desk and notices
something.
MARGARET
Did you get your shoes signed, Sam?
SAM
Yes, I did.
Sam walks out to the HALLWAY. Behind him, Mallory, wearing a beautiful red dress and a
jacket, calls him.
MALLORY
Hey, Sam!
SAM
Hello.
MALLORY
Are you ready to go?
SAM
I’d like to say first that you look beautiful tonight, Mallory.
MALLORY
Thank you, Sam.
SAM
I mean it.
MALLORY
What would you like to say second?
SAM
Can we talk in my office for a minute?
CUT TO: INT. THE PRESS ROOM - NIGHT
Danny is typing something in the press table. C.J. comes in from behind sits on a chair
next to him. They don’t look at each other yet.
C.J.
Hello.
DANNY
[still typing] Hello.
C.J.
May I discuss your story for a moment?
DANNY
[stops typing and looks] Cabinet meeting?
C.J.
Yeah.
DANNY
Sure.
C.J.
‘Cause I really have a hard time believing that one of the cabinet officers...
DANNY
The cabinet officers weren’t the only people in the room.
C.J.
[realizes] I’m gonna fire her.
DANNY
Who?
C.J.
You know who.
DANNY
Don’t fire her.
C.J.
Why not?
DANNY
‘Cause it’s not nice.
C.J.
The President would appreciate it if you wouldn’t pursue this story, and to show his
gratitude, he can give you thirty minutes on any subject or subjects that you like.
DANNY
Well, it sounds great, but it’s not enough.
C.J.
What else?
DANNY
I’d like you to sing a song for me.
C.J.
Danny?
DANNY
A little song...
C.J.
Will you take it?
DANNY
Yes.
C.J.
Thank you. [stands]
DANNY
C.J.?
C.J.
Yeah?
DANNY
Anybody gets fired over this, I’m gonna write about why.
C.J.
Understood.
CUT TO: INT. SAM’S OFFICE - NIGHT
Sam just told Mallory why he wasn’t ready to go.
MALLORY
The Assistant Secretary of Transportation?
SAM
Yes.
MALLORY
Do you mind if I ask you a couple of questions?
SAM
Sure.
MALLORY
During the campaign, you crafted a significant portion of the President’s stump speech.
Did you not?
SAM
Yes.
MALLORY
The acceptance speech at the convention...
SAM
Yes.
MALLORY
Inaugural...
SAM
Yes.
MALLORY
State of the Union.
SAM
Yes.
MALLORY
And now the President’s asking you to write a birthday card?
SAM
Yes.
MALLORY
For the Secretary of Transportation?
SAM
Actually it’s the Assistant Secretary of Transportation.
MALLORY
Oh, the Assistant Secretary of Transportation.
SAM
Yes, one of them.
MALLORY
Sam, if you didn’t want to go with me you should have said so, and if you started to
chicken out, you should have called me.
Mallory leaves, but Sam follows her out to the COMMUNICATIONS OFFICE.
SAM
I didn’t chicken out.
MALLORY
I’m all dressed up, Sam.
SAM
My shoes are shined.
MALLORY
Shut up.
They walk outside the HALLWAY.
SAM
This is something that came up, Mallory.
MALLORY
It’s his 50th birthday. They couldn’t have seen this coming for like the last fifty years?
SAM
Fair point.
MALLORY
I’m going home.
SAM
Don’t go home. Stay here. Give me a half hour and I’ll come up with a new draft.
MALLORY
[stops and looks] A new draft?
SAM
Yes.
MALLORY
You’ve already done a draft?
SAM
Yes.
MALLORY
You need to write more than one draft for a birthday card?
SAM
A birthday message, Mallory.
MALLORY
Sam...
SAM
Half hour. We’ll get there by intermission. There’ll be plenty of death and shrieking
in the second act.
MALLORY
Go.
SAM
You look fantas...
MALLORY
Go!
Sam goes to his office and Mallory sighs.
FADE OUT.
END ACT THREE
* * *
ACT FOUR
FADE IN: EXT. THE WHITE HOUSE - NIGHT
TOBY [VO]
We’re gonna want to look at a new draft by the end of the week. That’s all.
CUT TO: INT. ROOSEVELT ROOM - NIGHT
Toby just finished up a meeting with some people. He stays in his seat in the middle of
the room writing something. Josh walks in.
JOSH
Toby?
TOBY
Yes.
JOSH
You know what I think?
TOBY
What?
JOSH
I don’t think it was Broderick and Eaton. I just... I don’t think they have the muscle.
TOBY
[not looking] Yeah.
JOSH
I think it was Crane.
TOBY
Yeah.
JOSH
Honest to God, I think it was Crane.
TOBY
Yeah.
JOSH
Your friend, Crane.
TOBY
Yeah.
JOSH
The guy who told you that it was gonna go through, no problem.
TOBY
Yeah.
JOSH
You’re not bothered by this?
TOBY
I wouldn’t say that. I’d say we’ve reached the end of the line, and I’m really not
interested in how we got there, and I’m ready to move on.
JOSH
How?
TOBY
Sam’s right.
JOSH
No.
TOBY
Let’s tell him to sign it.
JOSH
Not yet.
TOBY
Round’s over, Josh. We did fine. [packs his things and starts to leave]
JOSH
We got screwed, Toby.
TOBY
Not so bad.
JOSH
Yeah, but Crane and Broderick and Eaton?
TOBY
It was their turn.
JOSH
I’m still working on this.
TOBY
The President’s gonna need to hear something.
JOSH
I got a few hours.
TOBY
Suit yourself.
Toby leaves Josh in the Roosevelt Room.
CUT TO: INT. OUTER OVAL OFFICE - NIGHT
C.J. heads for the Oval Office. Mrs. Landingham greets her.
MRS. LANDINGHAM
Good evening, C.J.
C.J.
Good evening, Mrs. Landingham. Is he free for a moment?
MRS. LANDINGHAM
He’s catching up on some reading.
C.J.
I can come back.
MRS. LANDINGHAM
Go on in. I think he’s looking for company.
C.J.
Thanks.
C.J. opens the door to THE OVAL OFFICE. She sees Bartlet reading a stack of papers.
BARTLET
Hey, C.J.
C.J.
Good evening, Mr. President. Am I disturbing you?
BARTLET
No, sit down.
C.J.
What’s going on?
BARTLET
When are Josh and Toby gonna come up with a solution, huh?
C.J.
For the land-use rider?
BARTLET
I want the banking bill, and I don’t want to give in.
C.J.
The classic conundrum.
BARTLET
Yeah.
C.J.
Speaking of classic conundrums...
BARTLET
I don’t want to hear about Hoynes and the cabinet meeting.
C.J.
Mr. President...
BARTLET
Is Danny gonna make it a thing?
C.J.
No.
BARTLET
What did you have to give him?
C.J.
A half hour sit-down on the record.
BARTLET
[pause] Sold.
C.J.
Sir, the Vice President wasn’t the one who talked.
BARTLET
Sure he was.
C.J.
No, sir.
BARTLET
You’re wrong.
C.J.
I’m pretty sure it was the woman taking minutes.
BARTLET
Mildred?
C.J.
Yeah.
BARTLET
Let’s drop it.
C.J.
Yes, sir.
BARTLET
Anything else?
C.J.
No, sir.
BARTLET
Okay. Get out of here.
C.J.
Thank you.
CUT TO: INT. SAM’S OFFICE - NIGHT
Sam, seated in his chair, is thinking of something to write for a new draft of the
birthday message.
SAM
Okay... [sighs] Okay, here we go...
MALLORY
Would you come on!
Mallory is behind him, waiting impatiently.
SAM
What are you Ralph Kramden?
MALLORY
Sam...
SAM
Like I’m not under enough pressure?
MALLORY
It’s a birthday card.
SAM
I don’t care if it’s a cupcake recipe, Mallory. I was asked to do it by the President
of the United States!
MALLORY
What did you say?
SAM
I said I was asked to do it by the President of The United States!
MALLORY
No, you weren’t. Sam, did you, by any chance, tell my father that you and I were going
out tonight?
SAM
Yes, I did.
MALLORY
Excuse me. [leaves]
SAM
[still tries to write something] Okay, here we go. [beat] Nope!
He throws his yellow pad in his desk.
CUT TO: INT. LEO’S OFFICE - NIGHT
Leo is on his couch talking to Margaret, who is writing what Leo is saying.
LEO
Findings, which by the way, did nothing to support our positions in light of the finance
committee’s speculation need to be referred back to the O.M.B. Yours very unhappily...
MARGARET
Okay.
LEO
Copy that to Josh.
MARGARET
What’s the President gonna do about Big Sky?
LEO
When he tells me, I’ll tell you. What’s next?
Margaret puts down her pad and picks another one. Mallory walks in.
MALLORY
Excuse me, Margaret. [to Leo] Hello.
LEO
Hey, baby.
MALLORY
Don’t “hey baby” me, you addle-minded Machiavellian jerk!
MARGARET
Should I step out?
LEO
Sounds like it.
Margaret leaves. Leo stands and heads for his desk.
MALLORY
You gave him that idiot assignment on purpose!
LEO
Yes.
MALLORY
Why?
LEO
‘Cause, I felt like it.
MALLORY
Dad...
LEO
You know what, Mal? Your mom’s got a genuine beef. I widowed her the day I took over the
campaign, but I don’t think I’ve done anything to you. Working on the White House doesn’t
allow any flexibility in so far as leisure time as you’ve discovered this evening. I’m
done being blamed by you for this.
MALLORY
So you made Sam write a birthday card?
LEO
A birthday message.
MALLORY
Why?
LEO
Just my sense of humor.
From the Oval Office, Bartlet comes in and heads for the door on the other side, to call
on Margaret.
BARTLET
Hey, Mal.
MALLORY
Good evening, Mr. President.
BARTLET
Margaret! [looks at Mallory] Hey, you’re all dressed up.
MALLORY
Yes, I am.
MARGARET
[walks in] Yes, sir.
BARTLET
Yes, uh, could you bring me the chief of staff’s schedule for today, please?
MARGARET
Yes, sir. [leaves]
BARTLET
Thank you. [looks at Mallory] You look a little glum, Mallory. Did you have plans to go
out this evening with someone who had to cancel due to circumstances beyond their control
because they have made a commitment to a common and higher purpose?
MALLORY
[points at the President] You’re a coconspirator on this!
Margaret comes in with a clipboard. She gives it to Bartlet and leaves.
BARTLET
Oh, thank you Margaret. [to Mallory] These are some of the things your father did today.
[reading] He met with the director of the C.I.A., and received an intelligence briefing
regarding stores of plutonium in a country which, shall we just say is not on our Christmas
card list. He brokered a compromise among democrats for funding of something fairly trivial,
but I can’t remember quite what it was, oh yes, the U.S. Army, yes. He met with chief counsel
to discuss the news hat it’s possible I’ve broken some federal laws in the week and may have
to serve from one to three years in prison after resigning my office in disgrace.
[to Leo] How’d that go by the way?
LEO
We’re fine.
BARTLET
Cool. He received a security briefing, a Central American briefing, and wrote a position
paper, and he’s been counseling me throughout the day of a bad decision I have to make.
Oh, and by the way, this was a very light day.
MALLORY
Due respect, Mr. President... what’s your point?
BARTLET
Uh... that’s a perfectly fair question.
LEO
You know what, sir? I can take it from here.
BARTLET
Okay.
LEO
Thank you.
BARTLET
I’m right next-door.
LEO
Thank you.
BARTLET
[heads for his office, but stops] Oh, my point is... give your dad a break. He’s your father.
MALLORY
Thank you, sir.
BARTLET
Are you blowing me off?
MALLORY
Yes, sir.
BARTLET
Okay.
When the President is gone, Mallory looks at her father.
MALLORY
I’m not blaming you, Dad.
LEO
It feels like you are.
MALLORY
Let me fix that.
LEO
Okay.
MALLORY
Let’s say you and I, we take this tickets. We’ll go catch the second act?
[takes her father's jacket]
LEO
Is there a way, any other way, we can fix this?
MALLORY
Dad...
LEO
Did you hear the President tell you about my day?
MALLORY
Yes.
LEO
And now, Chinese Opera?
MALLORY
Okay, coffee and dessert.
LEO
Now you’re talking!
MALLORY
We should ask Sam.
LEO
[puts on jacket] Yes, by all means, let’s ask Sam.
MALLORY
Be nice to him.
LEO
I’ll me gone for a while, Margaret!
MARGARET [OS]
Okay.
MALLORY
Dad...
LEO
I’ll be nice! I’ll be nice. Leave me alone!
They head out.
CUT TO: INT. SAM’S OFFICE - CONTINUOUS
In his office, Sam writes something in his pad. He immediately tears it off and crumples it.
He bangs his hand three times on his desk, and throws the paper away. He tries to write again.
SAM
This is getting serious.
Mallory knocks on Sam’s door. Leo is behind her.
MALLORY
Good news.
SAM
Hello.
LEO
Hello, Sam.
MALLORY
You’re off the hook for opera. We would like you to come and join us for coffee.
Also, my father has something he’d like to say to you.
LEO
Wha, is this really necessary?
MALLORY
I believe it is.
LEO
Sam, I gave you the thing to do ‘cause I was pissed you were taking, you know,
blah, blah, blah.
MALLORY
Well said, Dad.
LEO
Anyway, I’m sorry about that.
SAM
I figured. Say, you mind if I skip the coffee? I want to nail this thing.
LEO
Forget it, Sam. Your first draft was fine.
SAM
Yeah, but I want to nail it, Leo.
MALLORY
Sam, the President was in on it. Your first draft is fine.
SAM
Yeah, but still...
MALLORY
You want to nail it.
SAM
I do.
MALLORY
You’re so exactly like him. [looks at Leo]
SAM
Well, that is the nicest thing you’ve ever said to me. Thank you.
MALLORY
[to Leo] Let’s go.
LEO
[to Sam] I’ll be back in an hour.
Leo and Mallory leave.
SAM
Alright... Here we go...
Sam smiles as he writes something in his pad again.
CUT TO: INT. THE OVAL OFFICE - NIGHT
Nancy knocks and opens the door. Bartlet is sitting in his chair with his feet on the
desk, reading something. We can see that Hoynes is waiting behind Nancy.
NANCY
Mr. President...
BARTLET
Yes?
NANCY
The Vice President, sir.
BARTLET
[beat] Yeah, okay.
Hoynes walks in. Bartlet stands up.
HOYNES
Good evening, sir.
BARTLET
How are you, John?
HOYNES
Fine sir.
BARTLET
Good. What can I do for you?
HOYNES
I thought we ought to straighten out this business from this morning before it got out
of hand.
BARTLET
C.J. already talked to Danny Concannon. I think we’re fine.
HOYNES
Actually, I mean, between us.
BARTLET
Well, that’s a different story.
HOYNES
I was not Concannon’s source. You can believe that or not, but it is true.
BARTLET
Okay.
HOYNES
Well, good night, Mr. President.
BARTLET
Good night, John.
Hoynes heads for the door.
BARTLET
John?
HOYNES
What did I ever do to you? Where, in our past, what did I do to make you treat me this way?
BARTLET
John...
HOYNES
What did I ever do to you except deliver the South?
BARTLET
Really?
HOYNES
Yes.
BARTLET
You shouldn’t have made me beg, John. I was asking you to be Vice President.
HOYNES
Due respect, Mr. President, you have just kicked my ass in a primary. I’m fifteen years
younger than you. I have my career to think of.
BARTLET
Then don’t stand there and ask the question, John. It weakened me right out of the gate.
You shouldn’t have made me beg.
A brief silence fills the room.
HOYNES
I’m glad C.J. straightened things out with Danny.
BARTLET
Yeah.
HOYNES
Good night, Mr. President.
BARTLET
Good night, John. [looks at Hoynes as he leaves]
CUT TO: INT. JOSH'S OFFICE - NIGHT
Josh rummages through the papers in his desk looking for something. Mandy is behind him.
MANDY
This bill will stop the banking lobby from getting whatever it wants, including total bank
deregulation.
Josh heads for Donna’s desk. MANDY follows him.
JOSH
Donna, who am I talking to about this?
DONNA
Madison.
JOSH
Thank you. [heads back to his office]
MANDY
You don’t think it’s worth giving up a piece of land?
JOSH
Mandy...
MANDY
I’m saying there’s a political gain to beating the banking lobby.
JOSH
There’s a political cost of letting it go with the rider attached.
MANDY
I know you want to win, Josh, but I’ve got news for you: you’ve won.
JOSH
No, we’re tied.
MANDY
And when that’s the best you can do, you depart the field and you call it a win.
JOSH
[walks to Donna’s desk] It’s not a win. Donna, will you tell Leo’s office that I’ll have
a solution for the President, very soon.
DONNA
Do you have a solution for the President?
JOSH
Does it look like I have a solution for the President?
DONNA
No.
JOSH
[walks back to his office] Then let’s assume that I don’t.
MANDY
I can put a best face on it, Josh. It’s what I do.
JOSH
You can put a best face on a turnpike collision, Mandy. I’m not moved.
Mandy slams Josh’s door and stands in Josh’s way. Josh, surprised, looks at Mandy.
MANDY
You’re fighting the wrong fights, and you’re doing it for the wrong reasons. That’s all.
Mandy opens the door and leaves. Donna walks in the office.
DONNA
What was that about?
JOSH
[sits in his chair] Nothing.
DONNA
You sure?
JOSH
Okay. Where’s the Madison stuff?
DONNA
We’re getting it.
JOSH
Donna, it’s twenty minutes. I need it faster.
DONNA
We’re working, Josh, but honestly, the computer files are pretty antiquated.
JOSH
Yeah, you’re right. [beat] Wait, what?
DONNA
I said that the computer...
JOSH
They’re antiquated.
DONNA
Yeah.
JOSH
[sing-song] They’re antiquated.
DONNA
What’s wrong with you?
JOSH
Would you have them tell the President that I’m ready to see him in his convenience?
DONNA
You sure?
JOSH
Yeah.
CUT TO: INT. SAM’S OFFICE - NIGHT
Sam is typing up the birthday message in his computer. Toby is behind him, looking at
the screen.
TOBY
Hmmm... Hmm... Hmmm...
SAM
[stops typing] You know, I got to tell you, Toby?
TOBY
Am I bothering you?
SAM
Well, I’m not feeling relaxed.
TOBY
Well, maybe you need a glass of wine.
SAM
Maybe you need to stop standing over my shoulder.
TOBY
Why don’t you let me try this?
SAM
I’m gonna nail it this time!
JOSH
[stands at the door] Guess what?
TOBY
[to Josh] Tell him to let me write this thing, will you?
JOSH
The antiquities act.
TOBY
The antiquities act?
JOSH
Yeah.
TOBY
That’s creative.
SAM
The antiquities act!
TOBY
The President is empowered to designate any federal land to be a national park.
SAM
Big Sky.
JOSH
It’s a done deal.
TOBY
Go tell him.
JOSH
You want to come?
TOBY
No, I want to stay here.
JOSH
What are you doing?
TOBY
I want to nail this.
JOSH
What is that?
TOBY
It’s a birthday card for someone.
JOSH
For who?
TOBY
I don’t know.
SAM
It’s a birthday message.
TOBY
Let me try a crack at this.
SAM
One more try!
JOSH
You two need to put your heads down on your desk you know that?
Josh leaves, and Sam continues typing.
TOBY
Right away you’re starting off bad.
CUT TO: INT. THE OVAL OFFICE - NIGHT
Bartlet is talking to Charlie, who is standing behind the couch.
BARTLET
Both black and grizzly bears inhabit Glacier Park, Charlie. And hikers are told to talk
or sing along the trail to keep them at bay.
CHARLIE
If I see a grizzly bear, I’m supposed to sing to it, sir?
BARTLET
It’s not as silly as it sounds.
CHARLIE
Well, it sounds pretty silly.
BARTLET
I suppose.
CHARLIE
Was there anything else?
BARTLET
Yes, Glacier Park was the tenth. We have 44 to go.
JOSH
45. [walks in]
CHARLIE
I quit.
JOSH
I hear ya.
BARTLET
Have a good night, Charlie.
CHARLIE
Good night, Mr. President. [gives the President’s jacket to Josh and leaves]
BARTLET
[to Josh] What have you got?
JOSH
The antiquities act. You’re gonna establish Big Sky National Park.
Bartlet laughs at the idea.
JOSH
Yeah.
BARTLET
I can do this?
JOSH
Yeah.
BARTLET
You understand it’s a bunch of rocks, right?
JOSH
I’m sure someone with your encyclopedic knowledge of the ridiculous and dork-like will
be able to find a tree or a ferret that the public has a right to visit.
BARTLET
[stands] More than a right, Josh.
JOSH
Sir.
BARTLET
It’s a treat.
JOSH
Yes, sir.
BARTLET
You would enjoy nature.
JOSH
I’ve tried nature, sir. [helps Bartlet with his jacket]
BARTLET
The antiquities act!
JOSH
Yes, sir.
BARTLET
This is simplicity itself.
JOSH
Yes, sir.
BARTLET
Good job.
JOSH
Thank you, sir.
BARTLET
Thank you.
JOSH
Good night, Mr. President.
BARTLET
Good night.
He takes his bag and heads out. A Secret Service Agent opens the door for him.
BARTLET
[to agent] Thank you. Good night.
Bartlet walks out to the PORTICO. Josh tries to run and catch up with him.
JOSH
Mr. President?
BARTLET
[looks back] Yeah?
JOSH
We talk about enemies more than we used to.
BARTLET
What?
JOSH
We talk about enemies more than we used to... I wanted to mention that.
BARTLET
Yeah.
JOSH
Good night, Mr. President.
BARTLET
Good night.
Bartlet heads for the residence. A secret service agent whispers to the wireless mike
on his wrist.
DISSOLVE TO: END TITLES.
FADE TO BLACK.
THE END
* * *