THE WEST WING
"THE RED MASS"
TELEPLAY BY: AARON SORKIN
STORY BY: ELI ATTIE
DIRECTED BY: VINCENT MISIANO
TEASER
FADE IN: INT. STACKHOUSE'S OFFICES - DAY
Stackhouse, SUSAN THOMAS, and Amy are involved in a heated debate.
SUSAN THOMAS
This is a little humiliating.
STACKHOUSE
It wasn't a discussion to have in front of the group.
SUSAN
You're right about that, and I apologize for that.
STACKHOUSE
Do you accept?
AMY
I think she was apologizing to you Senator.
SUSAN
I was.
AMY
I'd accept.
STACKHOUSE
Look-
SUSAN
I believe, in this case, on this particular point, you're the servant to two masters.
AMY
And as sexy as that possibility sounds, it's just not true, Susan.
SUSAN
Your relationship with Josh Lyman, with C.J. Cregg, with the First Lady, with the President!
STACKHOUSE
Can we return to the issue at hand? I'm going out of my mind with you two.
SUSAN
You should call for federal funding of needle exchange in the five cities with the highest
incidence of AIDS. Ritchie has given you a perfect opening.
STACKHOUSE
When?
SUSAN
Right now. At the AMA. We've got an advanced copy of the text. That's what we were arguing
about when you came in the meeting.
STACKHOUSE
What does he say?
SUSAN
"We ought to begin and end with abstinence. We ought to begin and end with personal responsibility.
I'm appalled by inner city programs that hand out clean needles to junkies and dope-doers in the
name of AIDS prevention and I will fight for a national law to end them."
STACKHOUSE
Amy?
AMY
It's baiting the hook. That's why they sent an advanced copy.
STACKHOUSE
Yeah. But didn't I get in it to talk about things like this? Why not take the bait?
AMY
The bait's not for you. It's for the President. Ritchie wants you to respond so the President has to.
SUSAN
I thought the aim was to talk about issues that aren't being discussed. Not to run pass blocking
for the President.
STACKHOUSE
I feel like Susan has a point. It's an opportunity to get into some debate about it.
If it was just me, nobody would be listening.
SUSAN
I don't know why you think the Committee to Re-elect needs us to protect them. And if
Ritchie's strategy is what you say it is, won't Josh Lyman figure that out in five minutes?
AMY
It'll take his assistant Donna five minutes. It'll take Josh half that time.
STACKHOUSE
Really?
AMY
Maybe a little longer because the Mets lost last night, and he'll need to focus.
CUT TO: INT. JOSH'S OFFICE - DAY
Josh and Donna are in his office. Josh is reading the newspaper.
JOSH
Just throw strikes. I don't understand why that can't happen. You have a three-run lead,
just throw strikes. I mean, my God!
DONNA
Honestly.
JOSH
Yes.
DONNA
You want to see the wires?
JOSH
I'll tell you something else. In a situation with a runner on first who's a threat to score
and a batter at the plate who's going to be intentionally passed, why not pitch out four times?
DONNA
Makes me nutsy.
JOSH
What are the wires?
DONNA
The latest on the stand off in Iowa, the final recommendation from the debate commission,
and Ritchie to the AMA, which just ended a few minutes ago.
JOSH
Give me the AMA.
DONNA
And you have Senior Staff.
JOSH
You know, there comes a day in every man's life, and it's a hard day, but there comes a day
when he realizes he's never going to play professional baseball.
DONNA
[hands Josh a memo] You're just having that day today?
JOSH
Yes I am. You understand, you're going to be walking a guy anyway. You're going to be throwing
four balls. Why not just...?
DONNA
Pitch out.
JOSH
Yeah, why not just, you know, to... [looks up, confused] ...catch the runner.
DONNA
What is it?
JOSH
I know how Ritchie's going to win this election.
SMASH CUT TO: MAIN TITLES.
END TEASER
* * *
ACT ONE
FADE IN: INT. THE PRESS ROOM - DAY
FRIDAY MORNING
C.J.
Red Mass, Red Mass, Red Mass, you say. Red Mass is at... You're right-- 10:00 at the Shrine
of the Immaculate Conception which is also what they called my dorm room in college. No,
but seriously, Katie.
KATIE
When do you inticipate the debate issue will be settled? And then I have a follow-up.
C.J.
The President believes the debates are good and that more the better. The President's asked for
five debates. Governor Ritchie's asked for two. The President said, "How about four?" Governor
Ritchie said, "How about two?" We're waiting for the commision to make its recommendation.
KATIE
And follow-up is what would be considered a debate win for the President?
C.J.
At this point, participating in one would be a victory.
REPORTER
I want to ask the same question.
C.J.
Which was?
REPORTER
What would be a victory in the debate?
C.J.
270 electoral votes.
REPORTER
Seriously.
C.J.
Seriously. We'll be headed to Rock Creek Park at 2:30. Thank you.
REPORTERS
C.J.! C.J.!
C.J. walks away from the podium an into the HALLWAY where she meets Sam.
C.J.
I know how Ritchie's going to win this election.
SAM
So do I. What's your way?
C.J.
Overcoming perversely low expectations. What's your way?
SAM
Getting the President to run the Stackhouse campaign.
C.J.
What happened?
SAM
I'm taking you to the meeting.
CUT TO: INT. THE OVAL OFFICE - DAY
BARTLET
Treasury scored it?
LEO
Yes.
BARTLET
OMB says it's revenue nuetral?
LEO
Yes.
BARTLET
NEC, DPC, the advisors?
LEO
Yes, sir.
BARTLET
Joint tax on the Hill?
LEO
Yes.
BARTLET
All right. All right. Let's line up validators.
LEO
Good.
CHARLIE
Sir?
BARTLET
Yeah?
Toby, Josh, Sam, and C.J. enter the Oval Office.
LEO
Toby, Josh. Merry Christmas. He says let's line up the validators.
BARTLET
And update our resumes.
LEO
Sam, that'll be you.
SAM
Yeah.
TOBY
I can do it.
LEO
Stay on debate prep.
BARTLET
What? You're doing the face.
JOSH
Needle exchange in a speech to the AMA: "We ought to begin and end with abstinence. We ought to
begin and end with personal responsibility."
TOBY
[grumpily] I'd like someone to ask Ritchie if he's aware that needle exchange cost $9,000 for
every infection stopped. Treating someone with HIV cost $200,000. I'd like someone to ask him
that. I'd like someone to ask him where the repsonsibility was in paraphernalia that made it a
crime to buy or carry a syringe, which is why addicts share infected needles in the first place.
I'd like someone to ask him that, too.
LEO
All done?
TOBY
For the moment.
JOSH
It's really only a issue if Stackhouse responds, but if he does...
SAM
Will he?
JOSH
I don't know.
LEO
Will he?
JOSH
I don't know. But if-if he does we can't come out for it. Bruno thinks we'll be putting three
states back into play.
C.J.
Ohio, Michigan...
JOSH
And Maine.
BARTLET
They've always been iffy about me in Maine. I don't know why.
JOSH
It's a mystery, sir. You can't come out against either. You'll alienate...
BARTLET
Heroin addicts?
JOSH
Liberals.
BARTLET
Whatever. Let's worry about if Stackhouse does something.
JOSH
Okay, but at that point, I'll be very worried.
BARTLET
Anything else?
TOBY, JOSH, SAM, C.J.
Thank you, Mr. President.
Toby, Josh, Sam, and C.J. exit to the OUTER OVAL OFFICE.
C.J.
Toby...
TOBY
I'd like someone to ask him about the responsibility in cutting the drug that treatment that would
eliminate needle-related HIV. Half of all people getting infected are getting infected by the needle.
I'd like someone to ask him how he thinks the personal responsibility plan's going so far.
C.J.
I'll get on that, but I want to talk to you about the debates.
Toby and C.J. continue to TOBY'S OFFICE.
TOBY
When we mention that we want five debates, say what they are. One on the economy, one on foreign
policy, with another on global threats and national security, one on the environment, and one on
strengthening family life, which would include health care, education, and retirement. I also think
there should be one on parts of speech and sentence structure, and one on fractions.
C.J.
Is there any chance I'm going to get an oppurtunity to speak in this conversation, or are you just
writing out loud?
TOBY
I didn't even know you were in the room.
C.J.
Toby, I'm absolutely terrified we're going to lose the expectations game. I can't believe how many
times I get asked what would be a win in the debates. At this point I feel like if -- and only if --
Ritchie accidentally lights his podium on fire does the President have a fighting chance.
TOBY
I disagree.
C.J.
Disagree all you want, but I'm right.
TOBY
These two men are going to be side by side on the stage, answering questions. That's the ball game.
C.J.
If the whole thing is, he can't tie his shoelaces and it turns out he can, then that is the ball game.
TOBY
And I believe he'll have to do more than tie his shoelaces.
C.J.
Not much more.
CUT TO: INT. JOSH'S BULLPEN AREA - DAY
JOSH
Hey, what are you doing tomorrow?
DONNA
I'm going bike riding, as a matter of fact, and then I'm meeting some friends for lunch, and then
I'm having my nails done.
JOSH
Guy, that sounds great. If only you were actually doing all those things.
DONNA
Yeah, yeah. What?
JOSH
Teddy Tomba.
DONNA
What about him?
JOSH
Well, he has millions of followers worldwide, has a $20-billion empire of self-help seminars...
DONNA
I know who Teddy Tomba is.
JOSH
...workbooks, board games...
DONNA
Seminars?
JOSH
Capitol Sheraton, tomorrow morning 10:00 AM. Your registration's been prepaid.
DONNA
Why?
JOSH
We're efficient.
DONNA
Why I am going?
JOSH
He's consulted for Ritchie in the last few weeks, and I would like for that to be embarrassing
for Ritchie.
DONNA
Really?
JOSH
Yes.
DONNA
That lacks a certain nobility of purpose, doesn't it?
JOSH
I don't believe it does. Write down any key slogans, or philosophies, or slogans.
DONNA
They'll probably be on a t-shirt, won't they?
JOSH
Proabably. You know what I'm looking for.
DONNA
Should I go in disguise?
JOSH
As what?
DONNA
Somebody who'd go to one of these things.
JOSH
Meet me here at the office when you're done.
Donna walks off from Josh.
CUT TO: INT. THE MURAL ROOM - DAY
Leo is shaking the hand of Israeli official BEN YOSEF in front of photographers.
BEN YOSEF
And in addition to being a good friend to Israel, Leo McGarry, of course, is the most Jewish
man most of us have ever met. For that, he gets this yarmulke which has been crumpled up in my
coat pocket since a wedding in 1962. For everything else, the Medal of David.
LEO
Thank you very much, Mr. Foreign Minister. A thousand dead relatives in Scotland just started
crying. Thanks very much. [to reporters] We're a little late for lunch.
Leo and Ben Yosef do a walk-and-talk in the HALLWAY.
BEN YOSEF
What the hell is going on, Leo? I'm reading Shareef is alive in Libya. That's you people, right?
LEO
We're thinking about starting our own tabloid.
BEN
What's happening at that house in Idaho?
LEO
Iowa.
BEN
Which one's the potatoes?
LEO
Idaho. We've had the house surrounded for 11 days. We're trying to negotiate a surrender.
BEN
How long can their supplies last?
LEO
This people live to be well supplied, Ben. It's their first love.
BEN
You got kids in there.
LEO
Yeah. I got to talk to you about something.
STAFFER
Good afternoon, Mr. McGarry.
LEO
Good afternoon.
BEN
That person's very young to be working here.They stop in front of a room that has several people
lounging around tables with food on them.
LEO
That was probably an intern. Qumar is ready to announce it was Israel.
BEN
We've known this was coming.
LEO
Well, it's come. And I need to put if off at least another week.
BEN
Israel has to immediately deny the accusation.
LEO
I don't want there to be an accusation. I want it to wait another week.
BEN
And what are you asking Israel to give up in oder to get them to delay accusing us of something
we didn't do?
LEO
Ben...
BEN
I'm just saying, tell me.
LEO
You're planning to attack two Qumari training bases in retaliation...
BEN
Yes, sir.
LEO
Don't.
BEN
That's out of the question.
LEO
If you hold off, Fitzwallace can get the Qumari Defense Minister to have the Sultan hold off a week.
BEN
Leo, look at what's happening. They're getting you to pull us back by continuing this preposterous lie.
LEO
But...
BEN
We're not the ones playing skeet shoot with their cabinet.
LEO
No, no, Ben. I think we're in this one together.
BEN
Yes, I apologize for the remark.
LEO
When are you flying back?
BEN
Right after lunch.
LEO
You can fly on the Sabbath?
BEN
If I have to.
LEO
You'll take it to the Prime Minister.
BEN
Leo, you know what you're doing? You're advising the President well?
LEO
A number of people are advising the President.
BEN
I'm only asking because right now, we're losing.
LEO
Will you take it to him?
BEN
Yes.
They enter the room.
FADE OUT.
END ACT ONE
* * *
ACT TWO
FADE IN: INT. STACKHOUSE HEADQUARTERS - DAY
SATURDAY
STACKHOUSE
Yeah, a friend of mine, his son just got his pilot license's, and he lives in Phoenix, and his
big fear isn't crashing. It's getting lost in the desert. So he bought five gallons of water,
a super-powered flashlight and... I don't know, a thing that makes pancakes.
JOSH
And now he's on every survivalist's mailing list?
STACKHOUSE
That's right.
JOSH
Anyways, yes, they're well supplied, but they're not endlessly supplied. We can wait them out.
STACKHOUSE
Good.
JOSH
A guy told me I should take flying lessons cause it would relax me. I don't think it you. Do you?
STACKHOUSE
No, Josh, I think you of all people shouldn't fly things.
JOSH
Senator...
STACKHOUSE
You brought the big guns.
JOSH
Not having any guns of my own. Obviously you know John Baxley -- Congressman Baxley ... Senators
Jackson and White, Secretaries Weaver and Keaton.
STACKHOUSE
And you all probably know Susan Thomas and Amelia Gardner.
MICHAEL JACKSON
Howard, it's getting hard for BFA staff to plan strategy without knowing exactly what hour you are
going to drop out and endorse the President.
STACKHOUSE
What hour would be best for you. Michael? I'm inconviencing one of my opponents?
JACKSON
Serioulsy.
STACKHOUSE
Yes?
JACKSON
I was very happy you did not respond on needle exchange.
STACKHOUSE
I haven't responded on needle exchange.
JACKSON
And I'm saying I'm happy about that.
STACKHOUSE
No, I mean, it's not that I didn't-- It's that I haven't.
SECRETARY JASON WEAVER
Are you going to?
STACKHOUSE
I don't know.
WEAVER
Well, what's your thinking?
SUSAN THOMAS
Regarding what, Jason? This doesn't need to be tedious.
WEAVER
It was our understanding that the Senator was going to drop out and campaign for the President
sometime before the first debate.
THOMAS
Have we had the first debate?
SENATOR JACKSON
No, we haven't. And since the Sullivan ruling, things have gotten a bit murkier.
WHITE
You didn't get into this to hurt the President, Howard.
STACKHOUSE
I got in it to raise issues.
WEAVER
And I'm all for that.
STACKHOUSE
As long as I don't in anyway speak.
JOSH
Excuse me. Now that I have you all sitting down, I'll be right outside the door.
Josh exits to a waiting room across the hall and sits down.
CUT TO: INT. OUTER OVAL OFFICE - DAY
Charlie and Anthony are in the room. Charlie is working at his desk and Anthony is sitting in a
chair. A staffer walks in.
EMILY
Do you need me?
CHARLIE
Yeah. Can you make a run to the staff's secretary office. Ellen's not there, but someone should be.
Make sure you just take what needs to be signed today. They're going to try and give you a whole
stack, and right there is where you become a man, Emily.
EMILY
Should I use sex as a tactic?
CHARLIE
If you need to. Hell, even if you just want to. There's some executives orders I need to make sure
are in there. Can you copy these down?
EMILY
Yeah.
CHARLIE
[to Anthony] You want to know what I'm doing?
ANTHONY
How long is this going to take?
CHARLIE
I don't know.
ANTHONY
I'm leaving. [gets up]
CHARLIE
Okay, see ya. Emily, can you get me Ms. Toscano at Social Services.
EMILY
I'll be back in a few minutes.
Anthony sits back down.
ANTHONY
It makes you feel like something, huh? That you've got power over me?
CHARLIE
In about two minutes the Deputy Communications Director is going to come in here and tell me
that the speech he's writing for Red Mass isn't going well and could I read it for him. And you
think you're what makes me feel like something?
ANTHONY
What's Red Mass?
CHARLIE
I didn't hear you.
ANTHONY
I said what's Red Mass?
CHARLIE
The Supreme Court convenes on the first Monday in October. On the Sunday before the first Monday
there's a mass held for the members of the Court that's attended by the cabinet, Congress and
the President.
ANTHONY
What about church and state?
CHARLIE
I swear to God I can't hear you when you speak can you help me out?
ANTHONY
I said it's church and state.
CHARLIE
What about it?
ANTHONY
You're not suppose to do it.
CHARLIE
Who told you that?
ANTHONY
I'm talking about the law.
CHARLIE
What law?
ANTHONY
All right, you know, you like to slap me 'cause that's you power thing, so I'll sit here and not
say nothing. [pause] The law-- seperation of church and state.
CHARLIE
Who told you that?
ANTHONY
You know exactly what I'm talking about. The government and the church are not suppose to do...
they're not suppose to be the same thing.
CHARLIE
And you think there's a law?
ANTHONY
There is.
CHARLIE
What kind of law?
ANTHONY
What the hell.
CHARLIE
City, state, federal?
ANTHONY
I don't know about those things but I know there's a law.
CHARLIE
Prove it.
Charlie hands Anthony a copy of the Constitution and walks out of the office to the HALLWAY.
SAM
Charlie. I'm eating it on Red Mass. And I don't want to show it to Toby yet. Would you mind
reading it for me and then hitting me in the head with a fairway wood?
CHARLIE
Yep.
We follow Sam as he walks to the COMMUNICATIONS OFFICE.
SAM
Janet. Or Jeanette, as I sometimes like to call you.
JANET
Sometimes I like to call you cupcake. Is that okay?
SAM
Totally.
JANET
Deductibilty for tuition.
They walk inside SAM'S OFFICE.
SAM
You've had a leadership briefing?
JANET
Yes, and I'm so happy I could dance in a musical, I swear.
SAM
That'd be a tough ticket to get.
JANET
It's wonderful, and I can only assume that it was your idea.
SAM
As a matter of fact, it was Josh and Toby, but I could see where you'd make the mistake. It does
have the flavor of me, the insouciance.
JANET
Yeah.
SAM
So guess what I've been asked to do?
JANET
Validators?
SAM
Line up validators.
JANET
And you're asking me?
SAM
You're the third ranking non-male member of the minority on Ways and Means.
JANET
Well, when you say it like that.
SAM
Listen, the economist are going to say it's good policy. College presidents are going to talk
about shrinking financial aid budgets.
JANET
Where do you want me?
SAM
Sunday mornings. I'll make you a book. Congratulations, Jeanette.
JANET
I'll do my best.
SAM
Your best is very good.
JANET
Oh, by the way, I was just called. Horton Wilde is in the hospital. He's had a heart attack.
SAM
Horton Wilde isn't the same as Thorton Wilder, is it?
JANET
I'm talking about California.
SAM
'Cause if Thornton Wilder had a heart attack, that would be remarkable news.
JANET
you don't know who Horton Wilde is.
SAM
He wrote "Skin of Our Teeth."
JANET
He's the Democrat running in the 47th. How is it possible that you don't know who he is?
SAM
Has a Democrat won the California 47th in the last hundred years?
JANET
No.
SAM
That's how.
JANET
Well, maybe if when the Democrats had the White House there was a little more attention paid...
SAM
To Orange County? What kind?
JANET
Knowing the candidate's name, say. This was his fourth one by the way.
SAM
Fourth what?
JANET
Heart attack.
SAM
The Democrats have nominated someone who's had three heart attacks?
JANET
Yes.
SAM
And you think I don't care enough about...? What kind of signal does this send to...? I have to
talk... No, this isn't going to be a part of my life.
JANET
Wow, you just did a whole thing all by yourself.
SAM
Yeah, I do that.
JANET
Thanks again for the opportunity.
SAM
I'll pass it on to Leo.
CUT TO: INT. THE SITUATION ROOM - DAY
BARTLET
Why do we think the boy is sick?
MAN 1
Mike?
MIKE CASPER
Our thermal scanner shows no movement in the last eight hours of daylight.
MAN 2
With congestive heart failure, you have to take the medication or you'll die.
CASPER
Yes. And going by the last time the prescription was filled, he's been out for six days.
MAN 1
Mr. President, we fell the only way to save this boy is to abandon our plan and take the house now.
We think we'll be succesful.
BARTLET
How do you do it?
CASPER
We put a hole in the wall with a C-4 explosive. 12 men storm the house wearing special made
googles and earplugs.
BARTLET
Why?
CASPER
'Cause they're going to throw flashbangs. A flashbang is about the size of a grenade but instead
of spraying shrapnel, it releases a deafening sound and releases a flash seven times brighter
than the sun.
BARTLET
You hear that?
LEO
I've seen them.
BARTLET
Where's the table?
MAN 2
We're... all agreed, sir.
BARTLET
All right. We should do it. Let's get the kid. Good luck, everybody. Good luck, Casper.
ALL
Thank you, Mr. President.
CASPER
Thank you, sir.
Everyone exits the room except for Leo and Bartlet.
BARTLET
What's going on?
LEO
Nothing. I was... Nothing. I was thinking about something Yosef said yesterday.
CUT TO: INT. WAITING ROOM AT STACKHOUSE'S OFFICES - DAY
Josh is sitting down reading the newspaper when Amy enters the room. She pours herself a
cup of coffee.
AMY
Hello.
JOSH
Hello. Is Susan Thomas...
AMY
Troubled?
JOSH
A pain in the ass?
AMY
What do you think of him?
JOSH
Stackhouse?
AMY
Yeah.
JOSH
I've always like Stackhouse. I'd vote for him too but he's not on the ballot in Conneticut or 22
other states. Perhaps I should vote in New York or California where he's polling at four percent.
AMY
Of likely voters.
JOSH
I'm sorry?
AMY
Those polls sample likey voters.
JOSH
Yeah.
AMY
When a third candidate get elected, it's going to be by unlikely voters.
JOSH
And why is that good? Why are we eager...Why are we encouraging a group of people who are so
howl-at-the-moon, lazy-ass stupid that they can't bring themselves to raise their hands?
Why is it important that they be brought into the process?
AMY
You should stop being mad at me.
JOSH
I'm not.
AMY
You are. You know, I lost my job because of a strategy you organized.
JOSH
You lost your job in a fashion that insured you 93 better offers.
AMY
That's sweet of you to look out for me, but I liked the job I had. And when I lost it, I didn't
pitch anything. I didn't stage a nutty. I fought you, I lost, I had a drink, I took a shower.
'Cause that's how it is in the NBA. You know what I do when I win? Two drinks! I didn't start
consulting with Stackhouse to piss you off. There are things here I believe in. I didn't come
out here to piss you off, either. I wanted to tell you that if the Senator responds on needle
exchange, the President shouldn't take the bait.
JOSH
No kidding.
AMY
All right, I'm going back in.
JOSH
He's taking the President's votes. It's as simple... He is taking the President's votes.
AMY
Listen, I'm not indifferent to the situation, but that right there, that's the crazy part of
your argument.
JOSH
Why?
AMY
They're not his votes.
Amy walks out of the room and closes the door.
FADE OUT
END ACT TWO
* * *
ACT THREE
FADE IN: INT. JOSH'S BULLPEN AREA - DAY
Donna is sitting at her desk reading a book, when Josh walks up to her.
JOSH
Hey.
DONNA
Huh? Hello.
JOSH
How was it?
DONNA
I'm sorry?
JOSH
How was it?
DONNA
[bewildered] It was...I don't know. It was... I don't... I don't think... maybe I'm not ready
to talk about it yet.
JOSH
What was...?
DONNA
It was a transforming... no, that's the wrong word. We are not "transformed," we "locate the
light switch." I own myself, Josh. You don't mind if I say that out loud at frequent intervals
with no provocation for a little while, do you?
JOSH
Why?
DONNA
Because I live my life out loud.
JOSH
You're reading the book?
DONNA
The owner's manual.
JOSH
Are you serious?
DONNA
No, you idiot! I need a shower!
JOSH
All right.
DONNA
I've got, like, radioactive stuff all over me.
JOSH
Man, and you call me a snob.
DONNA
Oh, please. It was like a meeting for the There But For the Grace of God Society.
JOSH
Anybody ask you out?
DONNA
Shut up.
JOSH
So, report to me-- what did he say?
DONNA
Why is this important?
They walk into JOSH'S OFFICE.
JOSH
What did he say?
DONNA
This is cheap.
JOSH
I'll say.
DONNA
I'm talking about this. So the guy's consulted for Ritchie. He's a buffoon, but he's harmless.
Why should it be part of the campaign?
JOSH
Because it's not harmless in an American President.
DONNA
Nothing he said was wrong or objectionable. As suppose to the man who was sitting next to me
whose name was Fern.
JOSH
Open this book to any page.
Josh hands the book to Donna who opens the book and hands it back to Josh.
JOSH
Okay, well. This is an order form to buy "Owning Yourself," follow-up to the bestseller...
DONNA
"Leasing Yourself."
JOSH
"It's good to be trapped in a corner. That's when you act."
DONNA
That happens to be true.
JOSH
It is. In my case, it's the only time that I do.
DONNA
So?
JOSH
It's Immanuel Kant! "Duty! Sublime and mighty name, that embraces nothing charming or insinuating
but requires submission." Every year a million freshman philosophy students read that sentence.
DONNA
And change their major?
JOSH
You've just got a mouth full of wiseass today, don't you?
DONNA
I located the lightswitch.
JOSH
Could you locate it again?
DONNA
So he cripped Kant. Isn't that what you're suppose to do?
JOSH
It comes from a 193-page book called "A Critique of Practical Reason." It's about metaphysica and
epistemology. Tomba's impressively boiled it down to two-thirds of one page. Give me another one.
DONNA
"Look outside the cave."
JOSH
Right. That's from an old paperback called "The Republic" by Plato. Lucky Tomba's been able to
fit on fortune cookie so it suits the attention span of the Republican nominee. Here he quotes
Robert Frost. "Good fences make good neighbors." Did he talk about that?
DONNA
Yeah.
JOSH
What did he say?
DONNA
Basically, that if you stay within your personal space, you'll end up getting along with everyone.
JOSH
You had to study modern poetry.
DONNA
Yes.
JOSH
Is that what Frost meant?
DONNA
No, he meant that boundries are what alienate us from each other.
JOSH
Why did he say "Good fences make good neighbors?"
DONNA
He was being ironic, but I still don't see...
JOSH
What does this remind you of? "I believe in hope, not fear." "I'm a leader, not a politician."
"It's time for an American leader." "America's earned a change." "I before 'E' except after 'C'!"
It's the fortune-cookie candidacy! These are important thinkers, and understanding them can be
very useful and it's not ever going to happen at a four-hour seminar. When the President's got
an embassy surrounded in Haiti, or a keyhole photograph of a heavy water reactor, or any of the
fifty life-and-death matters that walk across his desk every day, I don't know if he's thinking
about Immanuel Kant or not. I doubt it, but if he does, I am comforted at least in my certainty
that he is doing his best to reach for all of it and not just the McNuggets. Is it possible we
would be willing to require any less of the person sitting in that chair? The low road? I don't
think it is.
DONNA
All right. I'll go through the book this weekend, highlight somethings and I'll trace it back.
JOSH
Yeah, make sure you...
DONNA
I said I'd do it, Buckminster!
JOSH
A guy named Fern?
DONNA
Don't talk to me about Fern.
JOSH
You sure it wasn't Vern?
DONNA
No. I thought it was Vern but it's Fern.
JOSH
Let me know when the report gets in.
Donna walks out of Josh'S office, but looks back before she rounds the corner.
CUT TO: INT. LEO'S OFFICE - DAY
Leo is sitting at his desk reading when Sam knocks on the door frame then walks inside.
LEO
Hey, Sam.
SAM
What's wrong with the other door?
LEO
I don't know. You close it and it's locking by itself. What's up?
SAM
Do you know who Horton Wilde is?
LEO
That name sounds familiar. He's running in Orange County.
SAM
Yeah. He's in the hospital. He's had a heart attack.
LEO
I'm sorry to hear that. We'll send something.
SAM
It's his fourth. In the Idaho 2nd we're running a guy who lost the race for city council. In the
Texas 22nd our candidate's an electrical engineer who paid his filing fee by dumping the cash out
of a cigar box. The Arizona 6th features a Democrat who nine weeks ago, registered as... a Democrat.
LEO
You just named three districts that are impossible for Democrats. Finding qualified sacrificial
lambs ain't easy.
SAM
When the D-Triple-C tries to raise money by saying "We're taking back the House"? It doesn't appear
as if we're giving it all we got.
MARGARET
Line one.
LEO
This is it. We're putting our resources where they'll do the most good. [picks up the phone]
This is Leo McGarry. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Yeah, can someone fax that over? Thank you.
SAM
We didn't get the five.
LEO
No.
SAM
Three?
LEO
Two.
SAM
Two?
LEO
Yeah. Margaret! Would you let Josh, Toby and C.J. know that the report came out? It's two debates
and I'm here.
MARGARET
Yeah.
SAM
They give you a reason?
LEO
They're faxing it over.
SAM
Don't we want one debate alone on new global threats? I guess, I mean, doesn't everybody want
one debate...?
LEO
I don't know. Do you read much internatinal news?
SAM
Herald Tribune. Whatever C.J. puts in front of me. Agence-France.
LEO
Then you've read that Qumar's reopened the investigation into Abdul Shareef's plane going down.
SAM
Yeah. Watch. They're going to say Israel had something to do with it.
LEO
Do you think they did?
SAM
What do I know? Shareef was a bad guy. Feels like he had money in the Bahji cell.
LEO
He did. He was also behind the plot to blow up the Golden Gate Bridge.
SAM
Bridges and tunnels. That's my nightmare. What's yours?
LEO
Well, now it's bridges and tunnels, Sam.
SAM
Then my work here is done.
LEO
It's that I don't know what winning looks like. What does it look like. Is it... I mean, is it
honestly the U.S. flag flying over Mecca? Is that what's going to straighten this out? And if
that's the case, why are we postponing that? What are we hoping is going happens in the meantime?
SAM
That somebody will think of something before we have to do the unthinkable.
LEO
You're one of the big minds of your generation. Have you thought of anything yet?
SAM
No.
LEO
Neither have I. Neither has the Preisdent of the United States-- also a pretty good mind.
SAM
The Golden Gate Bridge?
LEO
Yeah.
SAM
Leo, we didn't have anything to do with Shareef's plane going down, do we?
Leo pretends to ignore Sam by reading some papers.
SAM
Sorry. Two debates?
LEO
Yeah. The President and Bruno aren't going to take it well.
SAM
There's actually one person who's going to take it worse.
LEO
Who?
Someone knocks on the door.
TOBY [OS]
Somebody open the damn door, please?
SAM
It's locked or something. Don't try to force it. I'm going to try...
Sam gets up to open the door, when Toby comes charging through the other door.
TOBY
Two debates.
SAM
Oh, good.
LEO
Yeah.
TOBY
Did they say why?
LEO
They're faxing over their statement and having their press conference Monday.
MARGARET
Here's the fax.
Margaret hands the fax to Leo, but Toby snatches it out of her hands before Leo can get it.
MARGARET
And the President's asking for you next door.
TOBY
"Giving the inability of the two major..." Do you mind that I'm reading this?
LEO
Would it matter?
TOBY
"...the two major parties to agree upon earlier Commission proposals, the uncertainty caused by
recent Court rulings, and the shortened time period in which to schedule debates for maximum
viewing, the Commission hereby amends..." He got exactly what he wanted! For dragging his feet!
LEO
Well, that's why he did it. You can't fault him for having a winning strategy.
TOBY
I'm not faulting him; I'm faulting them.
LEO
I'll be back in a minute.
CUT TO: INT. THE OVAL OFFICE- CONTINUOUS
Mike Casper and crew are giving Bartlet a briefing on the situation in Iowa.
CASPER
That should be marked Central Daylight Time, 2:05 P.M..
BARTLET
Leo, they did it.
LEO
What?
BARTLET
Casper's boys.
LEO
Hey, really?
BARTLET
One suspect... you should tell him.
CASPER
One suspect was shot and killed, another wounded in the leg.
BARTLET
Wounded in the leg. That's it.
CASPER
Our guys...
BARTLET
Our guys are fine.
CASPER
They are fine. We seized high explosive gunpowder, galvanized steel pipes, time fuses, blasting
caps...A man walks in and hands another staffer a note.
BARTLET
And? Come on, and...
CASPER
Blueprints to the pool at KSU.
LEO
And the kid?
BARTLET
He's...
CASPER
Go ahead, sir.
BARTLET
Univerisy Hospital. Stable condition. Mike, pick yourself out a daughter. My oldest is married,
but I can have it annulled. The Pope said he'd do it, I swear to God.
CASPER
That's very friendly of you, sir. Thank you.
BARTLET
Jerry, ws that note anything I need?
JERRY
I don't know. Israeli Search and Rescue's looking for a transport that fell off the radar about
twelve hours, uh, 12 hours and 22 minutes into the flight-- about 15, um... I'm sorry, about 25
minutes before it was scheduled to land at Ben Gurion airport.
BARTLET
Where did it originate?
JERRY
It originated um... oh, God. Mr.President, I think Ben Yosef is on that plane. I think...
LEO
He is.
MORRIS
Did they give coordintes?
JERRY
33-51 North, 34-47 East.
WOMAN
34-47...
JERRY
It's Lebanon, right?
MORRIS
Yeah, southern Lebanon.
JERRY
At any rate, Mr. President, the, uh, S and R's just gotten underway.
BARTLET
Okay. Somebody will keep me posted.
JERRY
Yes, sir.
CASPER
Thank you, Mr. President.
BARTLET
Mike? No kidding, thank you.
CASPER
Thank you, sir.
Casper and crew exit the Oval Office.
LEO
Ben Yosef's plane is missing. Now, how did I not see that coming?
FADE OUT.
END ACT THREE
* * *
ACT FOUR
FADE IN: INT. THE PRESIDENT'S BEDROOM - NIGHT
SUNDAY NIGHT
A football game is playing on the TV. Bartlet is lounging on the couch, while C.J. sits across
from him in a chair.
BARTLET
Yeah, call that play on first down again, Coach 'cause I'm sure they're not ready for it this time.
You know, if you ask a professional athlete what the hardest thing is to do in sports, they'll all
say "hit a baseball." But a coach once told me that the hardest thing to do in sports is to walk
into your Super Bowl locker room at half-time and change the strategy that got you there 'cause
it's no longer working.
C.J.
It's really okay that after almost every play, somebody requires medical attention?
BARTLET
It's not even the number of debates, as much as the format. 2 minute response followed by a 1
minute reply. That's not a debate. That's not a debate! It's a joint press conference.
Sam enters.
SAM
Good evening, Mr. President.
BARTLET
Nice job on the Red Mass. First rate.You don't mind if I change everything, do you?
SAM
No, sir.
BARTLET
Here... here... and I added a section here.
SAM
Ah! Cute. Let's take a look. [sits down to read]
BARTLET
It's a joint press conference. It's not neccesary for the candidates to be in the same room.
That part's just theater.
C.J.
[to Sam] We're talking about ways to possibly lower expectations.
SAM
I like what you did. I like the 80-20.
BARTLET
Be nice to be able to respond to what the other person has said, and ask them a question. And
the moderator should be empowered to press for an answer, just as a judge can of a witness,
or a member of Congress in a confirmation hearing.
SAM
Hmm.
C.J.
Sam, what do you think about me writing you an urgent memo? "I think Ritchie's a more skilled
debater than we're anticipating. He has, after all, debated three gubernatorial candidates and
won each time."
SAM
And leak the memo?
C.J.
Yeah.
SAM
I think you'll look silly.
C.J.
I'm used to that.
SAM
I don't think it'll do much.
C.J.
Me, neither.
BARTLET
Cicero wanted to restore the overthrown king of Egypt, and the Roman Senate debated all day and
into the night, every military and diplomatic consequence until they collapsed on the Senate floor.
Lentulus is trying to overthrow the Republic. Ceaser goes up against Cato-- by the way, in the very
first public debate on the death penalty. They were against each other, it was a debate and they
explored the meaning of spirituality and suffering.
SAM
And then they put Lentulus to death.
BARTLET
That's right, but my point...
C.J.
Why not?
BARTLET
Why not, what?
C.J.
Ask for a different format. We didn't get the number of debates we wanted, so why not ask for a
different format?
BARTLET
We'd never get it.
C.J.
We might.
BARTLET
The Ritchie people wold put up too much of a fight.
C.J.
They might consider it. The might consider it if we give them something else they wanted.
BARTLET
Other then this House, we don't have anything else they want.
SAM
Sure we do. Sure we do. We wanted five debates, they wanted none. We have exactly one thing
left that they want.
BARTLET
Wow. Isn't this exactly why casino's don't play with a one-deck shoe?
SAM
Yes.
Charlie enters.
CHARLIE
Mr. President...
BARTLET
Hmm...
CHARLIE
Mr. President, the car's ready.
BARTLET
He's still running that screen pass. Get Toby to sign off, and I'm in.
Bartlet and Charlie exit into the RESIDENCE HALLWAY.
BARTLET
This is going to be interesting. Do I need my speech?
CHARLIE
I've got it. You mind if I ask you something about Red Mass I'm curious about?
CUT TO: EXT. PORTICO - CONTINUOUS
Charlie and Bartlet walk out of the residence onto the portico where we pick them up in the
middle of their conversation that was started in the residence.
BARTLET
And so how isn't it a Constitutional issue? It is, but sometimes you say, "Big deal." It was
the intention not to have a national religion, not to have anyone's religious views imposed
on anyone else, and not to have the government encourage a national display of piety as a
substitute for real action. I'll be in the office a minute.
CHARLIE
Thank you.
CUT TO: INT. OUTER OVAL OFFICE - CONTINUOUS
Charlie enters from the portico.
EMILY
Hey... this was dropped at the Northwest gate for you just now.
CHARLIE
Who's it from?
EMILY
I don't know.
CHARLIE
It's from Anthony. He's the one who was here yesterday.
Charlie reads the note.
EMILY
Nice note?
CHARLIE
No, at several points he suggest that I might have an improper relationship with my mother.
EMILY
Why are you smiling?
CHARLIE
He wrote it on the back of the First Amendment.
Charlie walks out to the HALLWAY.
CHARLIE
Hey, Josh, why can't the Mets throw strikes when they've got a three- one lead?
JOSH
Yeah, let me ask you another. With a runner on first who's a threat to steal, why don't you...
Josh notices Amy sitting in The Mural Room.
CHARLIE
See you.
JOSH
Okay.
Josh enters THE MURAL ROOM.
JOSH
Hey.
AMY
Oh, hey. I didn't... Hi. My mind was wondering.
JOSH
What are you doing here?
AMY
I'm sorry?
JOSH
What are you doing here?
AMY
Danya Zucker had an extra ticket for the Mass, and she asked me. Are you going?
JOSH
No... No.
Josh leads Amy outside to the PORTICO.
JOSH
Can you give me any indication, what's the senator's thinking?
AMY
I really can't. He spoke to me for a while yesterday, and... again today, and I don't know what
he's thinking, but... I can tell you what I told him at the end.
JOSH
What?
AMY
I told him I thought he'd been an extraordinary public servant--thoughtful and energetic and
compassionate and courageous, and I told him I'd be voting for the President.
JOSH
Why?
AMY
First of all, I'm crazy about the President, Josh. I've been crazy about him for longer than
you've known who he was. And I'll keep poking him with a stick. That's how I show my love.
But... as a women's issue, it's a no-brainer. The next Justice can overturn Roe and... you
don't screw around with that. Hey, you want to see what I learned to do since you got me fired?
JOSH
Look...
AMY
Watch.
Amy pulls a balloon out of her pocket and blows it up.
AMY
Right away that's impressive, right? But that's just the preparaation. This is he thing.
Amy twists and folds the balloon into what many say resembles an abstract penis.
JOSH
What is it?
AMY
What do you want it to be?
DANYA [OS]
Amy?
AMY
Out here. [to Josh] I'll see you.
Amy goes back inside leaving Josh out on the portico.
CUT TO: INT. SHRINE OF THE IMMACULATE CONCEPTION - NIGHT
The choir is singing Vilvadi's "Gloria."
CHOIR
"Gloria, gloria
Gloria, gloria
In excelsis Deo
In Excelsis deo..."
SAM
I was thinking about what you asked me before, about have I been able to think of anything and
I said, "No." And you said, "Neither have I or neither has the President."
LEO
What about it?
SAM
I wouldn't speak for anybody else but you know I'm not done yet, right?
Leo looks at Sam then looks down to the yarmulke he is holding in his hand, that was given to
him by Ben Yosef. The choir is still singing Vivaldi's "Gloria." The congregation stands as the
Cardinal makes his procession down the aisle. Music ends.
CUT TO: EXT. COURTYARD OUTSIDE OF CHURCH - NIGHT
We pan down from a stainglass window to C.J. sitting on a bench outside. Toby walks from inside
to church to C.J.
C.J.
Toby...
TOBY
Nope. Stay there. I'm first looking for something to beat you with.
C.J.
Look...
TOBY
I'm going to do it with my hands.
C.J.
Let me tell you something.
TOBY
One debate?
C.J.
What's really the difference between one debate and two debates?
TOBY
What's the difference betw...? It's a whole other debate. It's a second debate! It's 100% more debate!
C.J.
Someone should ask him if he's aware taxpayers pay $9,000 this instead of $200,000 that.
And somebody should ask him what he means by, and somebody should ask him how he plans on..."
You said that, and you were right!
TOBY
What if he has a bad night? It's happened. What if he gets himself into trouble? What if Ritchie
comes after Abbey or the kids and the President goes postal? That's what I'd try to do. Stress,
hot lights... What if he has an episode?
C.J.
We lose. When you can't lower expectations, you only have one thing you can do. You have to meet them.
Toby turns around to think. He turns back around.
TOBY
Clear 24 hours from the President's schedule. We're going away.
C.J. gives him a silent thank you, then walks back into the CHURCH FOYER.
SUSAN
There she is. C.J.!
C.J.
Susan.
SUSAN
The Senator would like a quick word with the President. Is that possible?
C.J.
Well, I don't know, Susan.
SUSAN
He should.
C.J.
Okay.
C.J. walks into the sanctuary up to Bartlet who is conversing with men of the chruch. She whispers
in his ear and Bartlet follows her to the CHURCH STEPS where Senator Stackhouse is waiting.
STACKHOUSE
That was a wonder talk, Mr. President.
BARTLET
Thank you. I didn't write much of it.
STACKHOUSE
The 80-20 section.
BARTLET
That part I wrote. I added it.
STACKHOUSE
When you first started... You talk about how much politicians hunger after the 80-20 issue, I thought,
"My God, I'm about to watch a train wreck. He's going to make a political speech to the Supreme Court
while standing in the middle of a church." But of course you didn't. I should've known better. "Who
among the 80 will stand up for the 20?"
BARTLET
You did, Howard. You did all the time.
STACKHOUSE
I was telling Josh Lyman about a friend who just got his pilot's license. He told me the most
remarkable thing. He said a new pilot will fly into cloud cover. There'll be no visibility.
And they'll check their gauges, they'll look at the artificial horizon, it'll show them level,
but they won't trust it. So, they'll make an adjustment and then another and another... He said
the number of new pilots who fly out of clouds completely upside-down would knock you out.
My office will make arrangements for me to endorse you in the morning. You keep your eyes on
the horizon, Mr. President.
Stackhouse turns around and walks down the front steps. Bartlet ignoring the reporters calling
his name, watches Stackhouse as he crosses the street and disappears into the crowd.
SECRET SERVICE AGENT
Are you ready to go, sir?
BARTLET
No. C.J.?
C.J.
Yes, sir?
BARTLET
Would it be possible to move the press off the church grounds? I'm going to take questions for
a little while.
C.J.
On what?
BARTLET
Needle exchange.
C.J.
Yes, sir.
C.J. walks down the church steps up to the press.
C.J.
If you'll move off the church grounds. Just move back.
DISSOLVE TO: END TITLES.
FADE TO BLACK.
THE END
* * *
The West Wing and all its characters are a property of Aaron Sorkin, John Wells
Productions, Warner Brothers Television and NBC. No copyright infringement is intended.
Episode 4.04 -- "The Red Mass"
Original Air Date: October 9, 2002, 9:00 PM EST
Transcribed by: CK1Czar